if you work in an office, FYI:

[nodanaonlyzuul]

Do not complain about not having coffee or kitchen supplies. Realize it is a privilege, not a right. There is no law saying that a business is REQUIRED to supply these things.
It's worse to complain about it when there is a coffee shop in the same building, on the outside corner of the building, and one block away. You are a lazy, cheap asshole.
Also remember there is likely an admin ordering the kitchen items, with a strict budget, and that limit is almost always out of their control. Someone above, and/or accounting, controls that budget.
When you notice someone restocking the kitchen and you want to inquire about an item, make sure to at least introduce yourself if you don't know them and/or say "hello" before asking your question. I've had someone I've never met literally say "CREAMER???!!!" to me, without even looking at me, while I was restocking the kitchen cabinet.
Don't hoard items. That means less for everyone else and that also causes the budget to disappear faster.
If you are seriously stealing something like dish soap, it's time to look in to welfare or a second job, dude. Either that or you are a ridiculously cheap asshole.
Sponges. You wring them out after you use them. Don't leave them soaking in water or whatever crap you cleaned off your dishes/cups. Rinse & wring, dude. Otherwise bacteria grows in it, causing it to smell, and it's disgusting.
The fridge has food items in it and you KNOW whether or not you brought in those items yourself. Don't eat other peoples shit without asking first, especially if they marked their name on it. If you do, you're an asshole and I hope you get your foot run over by a semi.
If you left a mess, you should clean it. End of story. There is no excuse.
Don't jack shit off of other peoples desk. It's rude. At least ask OR get your own shit from the supply closet, you know, like the people with supplies on their desk did.
Walking in to someone's cubicle space, literally inches away from them, for any reason when a conversation is not occurring is weird and awkward. Don't do it.
Walking in to someone's cubicle space, without asking or having a conversation, to pick something up that personally belongs to them, is both weird AND rude.This is just the tip of a very large obnoxious blister-ridden cock that I deal with at work every day.

Be considerate of your fellow office mates, please.
<3

[paul jones]

I want to visit your work and shit on this OCD maniac's desk then punch him a lot

[jabumbo]

my boss always takes red pens/pencils from everyone because he loses his all of the time.

in one sense its hard to complain because he is the one paying for them, but still. you'd have to hide your reds because the supply of them would run out almost immediately after they were refilled.



side note: one guy at the office used to always purchase two half sized containers of coffee instead of one larger one. i couldn't understand it because it was always put out as community use.

[MC Moot]

I'd like to add something about the 1/2 drank cups of coffee,found about the office,with the attractive skim of mold forming in them...

[Echewta]

We have two commissaries, a Starbucks, and an Employee Store and people still compain about the lack of choices, it being to expensive, etc.

Plenty of places around the lot to go to and even better, bring your own brown bag. Idiots.

[b i o n i c]

my boss always takes red pens/pencils from everyone because he loses his all of the time.

you should rub all the red pencils in poop.. or poison ivy!

[Guy Incognito]

i did nearly do some of this today at the canteen today but stopped myself.

We have to pay for hot drinks but its not much. But they'd ran out of big cups and were charging same price for a half size cup and i thought thats a bit bollocks and enquired why there were none. Their order fucked up and sent cups that were too big. And then i thought fuck it, its a cheap brew and went to watch the football

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I'd like to add something about the 1/2 drank cups of coffee,found about the office,with the attractive skim of mold forming in them...

ewwwwww. I am gagging just thinking about that.

p.s. I forgot to add about the 1st one: the complaints start when we run out thanks to a mixture of the budget/people hoarding. Even after that's explained, people still whine. Hence the "there are coffee places within steps of here, people! CHILL OUT".

Mmmm, life in the office.
:mad:

[nodanaonlyzuul]

my boss always takes red pens/pencils from everyone because he loses his all of the time.


ah, that's a tough position to be in.At least he pays for it I suppose!

For me, my cubicle is near a common area so people come by when I'm not around and just take everything...

I've had to go as far as locking pens IN my desk, and labeling everything with my name on it in hopes that they don't disappear forever. I have only been here 6 months and I've gone through 3 staplers, 3 scissors, a hole puncher, and at least 4 boxes of pens due to people "borrowing" them and never returning them.

[jabumbo]

you should rub all the red pencils in poop.. or poison ivy!


when in the office, i always stick my writing utensils behind me ear. but when i would be chatting with my boss and he asks for something to write with, i pat my pockets like i have nothing to give him and so he goes to find something.



i am just glad i haven't had to function in an office with loads of people yet. i'd probably snap if all those things were happening...

[NicRN77]

I don't work in an office, I work in a hospital. But the same sort of shit happens. People leave the BIGGEST messes and you wonder if they do that at their house too. Seriously. When you're done eating your meal in the breakroom, there's a trash can RIGHT there for you to throw your shit away. Geez.

[yeahwho]

Do as I do and at some point today use the bathroom, then walk out with approximately 5 to 7 feet of toilet paper hanging out of your ass end.

Make sure most everybody sees this and do not even smile, just go finish out the day.

I'm not sure what how it works but it just does. The rest of the day is always very peaceful and light-hearted.

[Echewta]

ah, that's a tough position to be in.At least he pays for it I suppose!

For me, my cubicle is near a common area so people come by when I'm not around and just take everything...

I've had to go as far as locking pens IN my desk, and labeling everything with my name on it in hopes that they don't disappear forever. I have only been here 6 months and I've gone through 3 staplers, 3 scissors, a hole puncher, and at least 4 boxes of pens due to people "borrowing" them and never returning them.

I recommend labiling, even bedazzling your office supplies with your name. Most people who take things would think twice with "NODANAONLYZUUL" tagged on a stapler.

[miss soul fire]

The intern smells.

Real


Bad.:(

[Freebasser]

My boss is always stealing pens, other people's brews (mid-drink nonetheless) and the comfiest chairs for himself. He always plays the fool: "oh sorry, I hadn't realised". Maybe he really is a fool - more likely just inconsiderate though.

Once he ate a turkey salad at my desk while he talked to my manager and left a fork covered in gloop on my fucking mac keyboard. I picked it up, walked to the other end of the room and placed it on his keyboard while he was out of the room. He then came back in, sat down, picked up the fork and put it to one side without even questioning why it was there, and carried on as if nothing had happened :/

[abcdefz]

It'd be great if people were more grateful and behaved accordingly.

[hpdrifter]

[LIST]
The fridge has food items in it and you KNOW whether or not you brought in those items yourself. Don't eat other peoples shit without asking first, especially if they marked their name on it.
If you left a mess, you should clean it. End of story. There is no excuse.


These are the two most common problems at my work, I've had my lunch stolen twice! It sucks because I'm busy and sometimes don't have time between meetings to go out and get something so if what I brought with me gets stolen I just go hungry. :mad:

And I have actually seen people come and dump a pile of dishes in the sink and walk away. It's mind bottling!

Also:


If you do, you're an asshole and I hope you get your foot run over by a semi.


LOL!

[Monsieur Decuts]

We had a food thief at our work and the sleuthing gone in to figuring out who it was would make an excellent extended 1 hour The Office episode. Caught the idiot...exactly who everyone thought it would be..furthering the stereotype that unshowered, dirty, geeky 50 year old software coders don't realize life exists outside of their personal space.

[yeahwho]

..furthering the stereotype that unshowered, dirty, geeky 50 year old software coders don't realize life exists outside of their personal space.

There everywhere, I work as far away from an office environment that you could imagine and that fellow you describe above is working with me too.

Except he isn't a coder, he's just acclimated himself into our occupation.

The weird sense of entitlement a minority of my co-workers feel is not normal. I decided to go ahead and call them out on it. It is the only way to find out if it goes beyond entitlement and into being actual sociopaths.

it's a good thing to find out how fucked up people your forced to be with actually are, in a discreet way. Protect yourself.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I recommend labiling, even bedazzling your office supplies with your name. Most people who take things would think twice with "NODANAONLYZUUL" tagged on a stapler.

oop, didn't realize I didn't add that. This last round of items I did tag with my name all over it. Even my pens with little flags on it saying my name.

It's worked thus far, except the pens. The pens still disappear. :mad::mad::mad:

[Bob]

oop, didn't realize I didn't add that. This last round of items I did tag with my name all over it. Even my pens with little flags on it saying my name.

It's worked thus far, except the pens. The pens still disappear. :mad::mad::mad:

it's probably a pre-emptive strike to stop you from writing your name on any more of your stuff

[Adam]

Ah man, I love working in offices - I have a 4 different ones to go to so I often leave behind a little annoying thing for the OCD people I never see who I cover but I know winds them up. Like putting the stapler in the 2nd drawer down, not the top.

I steal napkins though, they just come in too handy and I always forget to buy them. Only like a dozen a week or something but it means I have a steady supply. I do collect pens though by mistake. Often in the office by myself so I walk over to answer the phone, take a message and come back with a pen so at the end of the day I have about 20. I always then deal them back out evenly per desk.

Favourite trick done at an office is to mirror someones desk. Like if they are fairly particular about where everything is. Take a picture, and then put everything in the opposite place. Like mouse on the left, pictures of loved ones on the other side. It'll totally confuse them and they may have a break down (y)

If someone has a special chair - put it in the break room. I don't mean if they are a cripple or something but every office has that one person who has to have special everything as there is everything wrong with them so the company spends several thousands £/$'s setting these chumps up and then they go off sick on stress for 6 months cus they was asked to do some work for a change. But when they are here, put their chair in a common area and it'll be a topic of conversation for them for years and who used it?

For the non-touch-typists. Move keys around like M & N, E & R, Z & X etc. You can also unplug the mouse as it'll take them ages to figure it out and a probably a 2 hour call to IT. Or disconnect them from the web they aren't supposed to be using. And when they ask you "is your web working today" you can reply "not sure, not used it as I'm fairly busy" when actually you've been dicking about all day on it. Or if you have access, disconnect their facebook, favourite forum or whatever and put it as a malicious site.

[JBernas]

We actually had a BIG problem with someone stealing lunches. I had mine taken four times....all with my name on it(n). This person would eat leftovers in take out boxes and would eat out of people's tupperware *gross*. It went on for about three months and ironically stopped right around the time the CEO stepped down. Hasn't happened since.

[Splashleigh]

wow...your lives suck...

[checkyourprez]

We actually had a BIG problem with someone stealing lunches. I had mine taken four times....all with my name on it(n). This person would eat leftovers in take out boxes and would eat out of people's tupperware *gross*. It went on for about three months and ironically stopped right around the time the CEO stepped down. Hasn't happened since.

thats pretty hilarious. the lunchtime bandit.

[checkyourprez]

Do not complain about not having coffee or kitchen supplies. Realize it is a privilege, not a right. There is no law saying that a business is REQUIRED to supply these things.
It's worse to complain about it when there is a coffee shop in the same building, on the outside corner of the building, and one block away. You are a lazy, cheap asshole.
Also remember there is likely an admin ordering the kitchen items, with a strict budget, and that limit is almost always out of their control. Someone above, and/or accounting, controls that budget.
When you notice someone restocking the kitchen and you want to inquire about an item, make sure to at least introduce yourself if you don't know them and/or say "hello" before asking your question. I've had someone I've never met literally say "CREAMER???!!!" to me, without even looking at me, while I was restocking the kitchen cabinet.
Don't hoard items. That means less for everyone else and that also causes the budget to disappear faster.
If you are seriously stealing something like dish soap, it's time to look in to welfare or a second job, dude. Either that or you are a ridiculously cheap asshole.
Sponges. You wring them out after you use them. Don't leave them soaking in water or whatever crap you cleaned off your dishes/cups. Rinse & wring, dude. Otherwise bacteria grows in it, causing it to smell, and it's disgusting.
The fridge has food items in it and you KNOW whether or not you brought in those items yourself. Don't eat other peoples shit without asking first, especially if they marked their name on it. If you do, you're an asshole and I hope you get your foot run over by a semi.
If you left a mess, you should clean it. End of story. There is no excuse.
Don't jack shit off of other peoples desk. It's rude. At least ask OR get your own shit from the supply closet, you know, like the people with supplies on their desk did.
Walking in to someone's cubicle space, literally inches away from them, for any reason when a conversation is not occurring is weird and awkward. Don't do it.
Walking in to someone's cubicle space, without asking or having a conversation, to pick something up that personally belongs to them, is both weird AND rude.This is just the tip of a very large obnoxious blister-ridden cock that I deal with at work every day.

Be considerate of your fellow office mates, please.
<3

dana just quite down and make the men coffee.

[JBernas]

thats pretty hilarious. the lunchtime bandit.

People would leave notes on their food saying "if you take this, I will hunt you down" or "is your name Dave? Then it's NOT yours". We did call him/her the food bandit though:D

[Bob]

People would leave notes on their food saying "if you take this, I will hunt you down" or "is your name Dave? Then it's NOT yours". We did call him/her the food bandit though:D

if i ever work at a place with a lunch theft problem i'm just going to start writing stuff like "rat poop" or "bum semen" on my lunch bags to deter people

[Adam]

Its all part of the game of the office. Having a big spoon to stir up as much shit as possible is worth the missing lunches, the milk wars and the sarcastic little notes left everywhere.

You can learn others weakness and take them to the edge. Anything that relieves the boredom of a normal working day. Stealing a lunch is wrong but moving their yogurt to a different fridge is fair game imho.

Another thing I like to do is set the microwave settings to the lowest so when someone comes in and just sticks whatever in for 3 minutes, its still cold. Could get food poisoning (y) Or turn the fridge really high so it starts to freeze the milk.

[cosmo105]

Adam, you're a dick.

[jabumbo]

we had a guy who would be so loud when removing ice cubes from the tray you could hear it on the opposite side of the office. it was like he slammed the cubes into his cup or something.

every day about 11:30 and 2:00, you knew it was coming

[Adam]

Adam, you're a dick.

Yeah.

I should clarify tho. I've worked in offices for 14 years mostly. Its normally a group of you who pick on the one or two workers because he/she is the actual dick and deserves it. They type of person no-body likes and does no where near their fair share of work. I doubt any of you guys are like that. And these tricks are spread out over that time - its not like we do something every day, week or month. It really is more playful.

I have had tricks done against me but in a friendly way - anyone who doesn't get bored working in large offices is a better person than I am. And we don't get the sack (sometimes told off tho or told to calm it) because we are harder workers than anyone else.

One place I worked we used to get totally cained at lunch time and everyone knew because it would be hard not to smell the pot on us - but fuck did we manage to get a lot of work done because we really didn't give that much of a shit. We could get nearly a weeks worth of computers installed, up, running and tested before the other guy has sorted out how much sugar to have in their coffee this time. Most of this was back in the day tho when you used to work hard and play hard.

[Dorothy Wood]

I'm glad I don't work in an office, but sometimes it sounds kinda fun.

We don't do pranks here and everybody's pretty respectful of each other's stuff and we share food. But there's only 2 people here at a time, so it doesn't get complicated.

I do get angry when the small phillips head drill bit is missing. that really chaps my hide...I mean, come on! clip it into the holder thing, it's right on the drill!

[MC Moot]

The over needy office dog... (http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x265/mcmoot/lulu1.jpg)good for morale but farts alot..(n)

[jabumbo]

I do get angry when the small phillips head drill bit is missing. that really chaps my hide...I mean, come on! clip it into the holder thing, it's right on the drill!


any self respecting drill owner has a set of bits that are kept safe in a small case

[HEIRESS]

You do not fuck with people's lunches.

That shit takes time to pre-plan the night before as well as time to put together in the morning, time they will NEVER get back.

Our lunchroom got so over-run by mice this past winter that although not many picked up after themselves before (because I work with pigs) literally no one did once the mice took over, it was absolutely disgusting.
I'm talking half eaten food, mouse shit, & mouse nest tid-bits EVERYWHERE.
I didn't even like walking in there just to use the fridge for awhile for fear of getting the hantavirus.
Finally our health & safety officer busted out the bleach and cleared up the contamination.

urgle.

[Dorothy Wood]

any self respecting drill owner has a set of bits that are kept safe in a small case

yes, we have that...but we use it all the time, opening a case everytime to switch out sizes isn't efficient when we generally only use 2 sizes. there's a place on the drill to clip bits, as well as a magnetic plate on the base of the drill where you can nestle them along with screws.

im not sure how people lose them, i think because they set the bits on the table instead of clipping or magneting them down. grrr

[MC Moot]

If you smoke please wash your hands after and before you come around me...

[jabumbo]

yes, we have that...but we use it all the time, opening a case everytime to switch out sizes isn't efficient when we generally only use 2 sizes. there's a place on the drill to clip bits, as well as a magnetic plate on the base of the drill where you can nestle them along with screws.

im not sure how people lose them, i think because they set the bits on the table instead of clipping or magneting them down. grrr



i think you need to take your beef over to the "if you work in a shop, FYI:" thread