relationship issues

[Dorothy Wood]

do you have any?

sometimes my boyfriend walks on eggshells around me as to not upset me, it's annoying. especially because i rarely get upset. and when i get upset, it's not like im ever so mad im gonna dump him or anything.

it's like im a sitcom wife or something.

[Adam]

Does he ever say "one of these days Dorothy, BAM! Straight to the moon". Cus that is a sure sign he wants to be as astronaut.

So are you offering advice to those that have?

I have 99 problems but only 4 of them are relationship related. I'm basically pursuing 4 girls atm and I dunno what direction to take. Dating them all is hard work (having sex with none of them so far) and keeping up what I've said to who etc. At a more lonely period I rejoined a dating site other week and 2 are from there and two are real life.

I also have a awesome new gaming PC being built and coming soon which I hope any relationship I do end up with won't eat into my gaming time - but I fear it will.

[Dorothy Wood]

nah, this isn't an advice thread, more of a rant thread...but advice in various forms will be welcomed.

and nah to the "moon" bit, he never yells. he only sometimes fake smothers me with a pillow.

I don't know, we're fine. I just think there's sometimes a disconnect between us because we come from different social "classes"/backgrounds. and he's had less tragedy and strife than me, so I tend not to sweat small stuff as much as he does. but other than that, we get along famously and I totally love his guts.

[Dorothy Wood]

also, 4 girls? geez!

do you go on dates with all of them, or are you just in the talking stages?

[Adam]

I've been on dates with them all yes - just so happened that two previous crushes wanted to hang out after I joined that site. I said yes to them all.

I've been dry for months and from previous experience of ignoring one for another and the one I ignored turns out to be the better option but I've missed my chance I'm keeping them all atm. But I can't keep it up. I think the one I like the most is the one that won't be the easiest overall (in the sense of everything)

[milleson]

I'd be delighted to hear what you lot have to say about introducing my new romantic interest to my children. Their dad and I have been separated since February, but I have inadvertently found myself in a relationship already.

Thus far, I have only made a few efforts to introduce them to the new guy, and only as "mom's friend", nothing more. The first time they met was at a Memorial Day bbq at our house. I figured having lots of people around, including other kids, would be a good way to start things out.

I'm considering taking all of us to a museum next week. I figure an outing on neutral territory is the next logical step.

Anyone been on either side of a situation like this before?

[Echewta]

I also have a awesome new gaming PC being built and coming soon which I hope any relationship I do end up with won't eat into my gaming time - but I fear it will.

Dude. Really? There is nothing more awesome than playing the game which is woman and scoring points.

[Adam]

Dude, I suck at that game. I don't like to use cheats so if I can't play it I give in but sometimes I go back.

Plus you can't shoot zombies in the face in that game.

[milleson]

Also, my new man is awesome because he got me started playing Team Fortress 2 and Portal.

Zombie killing games are still lacking on the mac, though.

[Adam]

Portal is awesome

[jabumbo]

Dude. Really? There is nothing more awesome than playing the game which is woman and scoring points.


yeah man! (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/09/AR2010060905925.html)

[cosmo105]

Not so much a "relationship" issue as a "life" issue, but I'm facing a real dilemma of sorts as to where I want my future to go.

Right now I have a great job, great apartment, great friends, great life. My boyfriend is amazing and awesome and we're in it for the long haul. I just finished my BS in December and am really lucky to have already found a job that's giving me a lot of great experience, and am pretty much in the perfect place right now.

Buuuuut...

I need my MS. At some point, my knowledge base is going to run out (I'm already struggling at some points in this position) and I can only go so far with the schooling I've gotten. It's not totally, completely essential, but it is a really really good idea for me to go on. Unfortunately, the best option is many hours north of here, in a lame area that's nowhere near as populated or fun as where we are now. It'll be a big huge change, uprooting our whole lifestyle. My boyfriend would probably go there too and get his master's at the same time, but it's a little bit more difficult for him since he's been out of school a lot longer and doesn't even know in which area he wants to focus. His job right now is very lucrative and he's making a great amount of money, but it's just not what he wants to do with his life and it probably won't last more than another year or so.

So the big decision here is, do we pack up and move to a boring place we probably won't like much and put our lives on hold for a couple years for something that will be good in the long run (and getting deeper into student loan debt)? Or do we stay here doing what we like and having fun and saving up for the future? We'll be 29 and 30 by the time we're done with our degrees, which isn't necessarily old, but I sort of wanted to be ready to settle down and do the family thing by then. It'll be a big strain on the relationship too, I'm sure. Not that I don't think we can handle that - we're just so happy now, so why would we want to change things?

I think we're leaning toward going - we don't want to live here forever - but I'm not looking forward to it. :(

[MC Moot]

I got her car caught in the mechanical gate to my friends underground parking Monday night…it crushed up quite nicely…she’s in Edmonton til Friday and I haven’t told her yet…so this is likely to be what one may call an issue…anyone have a spare VW Jetta grill kicking around?

:o

[Adam]

Tell her cat/dog/baby/mother is dead then the car won't be as bigger blow when you say "just kidding" and then tell her the truth.

[Adam]

To cosmo:

I would say - stay where you are having fun, life changes so much within a year or two and solid plans you have one month can change the next for better or worse for a variety of reasons. Doing something you don't feel comfortable with right now can put strain on family, friends and relationships and if that is what is making your life good atm, then why tempt fucking it up?

[Echewta]

I disagree. Now is the time, without children, home payments, etc. to do all of the moving around and studying you can. Get it out of the way and done. Once you buy a home and/or have a child, getting your Masters is going to be much more difficult. I ain't babysitting, dig?

[Rock]

I disagree. Now is the time, without children, home payments, etc. to do all of the moving around and studying you can. Get it out of the way and done. Once you buy a home and/or have a child, getting your Masters is going to be much more difficult. I ain't babysitting, dig?

what he said.

[Helvete]

Yeah, I do. My girlfriend says she loves me but I don't love her. That's a problem.

[cosmo105]

what he said.

Yeah, I think that's what we'll do. Change can be scary but it's necessary and will be good for us in the long run. It's only 2 years. That's nothin'.

[MC Moot]

I have another issue specifically related to summer...she throws off an incredible amount of heat when she sleeps...it's like she's irradiated...very nice during fall and winter but uncomfortable as hell until October...and she's a close sleeper...alway's wanting to be entwined...she is a furnace... a beautiful,lovely smelling,soft and curvy furnace...my kingdom for some a/c,know what I mean?

[Dorothy Wood]

Yeah, I do. My girlfriend says she loves me but I don't love her. That's a problem.

break up with her

[sjp]

the lady is chexting.

[ms.peachy]

I have another issue specifically related to summer...she throws off an incredible amount of heat when she sleeps...it's like she's irradiated...very nice during fall and winter but uncomfortable as hell until October...and she's a close sleeper...alway's wanting to be entwined...she is a furnace... a beautiful,lovely smelling,soft and curvy furnace...my kingdom for some a/c,know what I mean?

LOL, I think this would be one of mr.p's complaints about me. When I was pregnant, he said it was like sleeping next to lava.

[Documad]

I need my MS. At some point, my knowledge base is going to run out (I'm already struggling at some points in this position) and I can only go so far with the schooling I've gotten. It's not totally, completely essential, but it is a really really good idea for me to go on. Unfortunately, the best option is many hours north of here, in a lame area that's nowhere near as populated or fun as where we are now.
I don't suppose there's an option where you go to night school while employed, or any potential for a job to pay up some of the costs of the MS? I suppose there's a reason why there's a particular school that's the right one for what you want to do.

On one hand, I don't like it when young adults speed through to get advanced degrees without life experience. But you're not one of those people. You've been doing other things, not just going to school. Plenty of people go back to school in their 30s and I went to grad school with some of them, but it can get tougher to go back if you take a really long break. Of course, if you're making good money and can stockpile some of it for school, it might make sense to wait. But if you're not able to do that, it seems like you might as well get going on the masters.

[checkyourprez]

Does he ever say "one of these days Dorothy, BAM! Straight to the moon". Cus that is a sure sign he wants to be as astronaut.

So are you offering advice to those that have?

I have 99 problems but only 4 of them are relationship related. I'm basically pursuing 4 girls atm and I dunno what direction to take. Dating them all is hard work (having sex with none of them so far) and keeping up what I've said to who etc. At a more lonely period I rejoined a dating site other week and 2 are from there and two are real life.

I also have a awesome new gaming PC being built and coming soon which I hope any relationship I do end up with won't eat into my gaming time - but I fear it will.

ass to mouth? niiiice.

[miss soul fire]

Yeah, I do. My girlfriend says she loves me but I don't love her. That's a problem.

Haha. I know what you mean. Don't try to fool yourself. Dump her. You both will be happy. If you don't love her now, you won't lover her later. Trust me. It took me 3 years to realize that.:D

[Dorothy Wood]

Haha. I know what you mean. Don't try to fool yourself. Dump her. You both will be happy. If you don't love her now, you won't lover her later. Trust me. It took me 3 years to realize that.:D

I agree.

it's not worth being in a relationship with someone if you don't love them or vice versa. no matter how good the sex is.

[Helvete]

It's not like I don't like her, we get on great and I do enjoy being with her but I think that makes it harder. Because of that it's like, why should be break up if we don't have a proper reason to. We've only been together since January and I'm not the best with my feelings and this whole 'love' business. I made a mistake with it all last year with an ex so I've kinda shut myself down a bit when it comes to that.

And of course I don't want to hurt her so that makes it harder, but we're not unhappy together so it doesn't seem like a huge problem right now.

[checkyourprez]

It's not like I don't like her, we get on great and I do enjoy being with her but I think that makes it harder. Because of that it's like, why should be break up if we don't have a proper reason to. We've only been together since January and I'm not the best with my feelings and this whole 'love' business. I made a mistake with it all last year with an ex so I've kinda shut myself down a bit when it comes to that.

And of course I don't want to hurt her so that makes it harder, but we're not unhappy together so it doesn't seem like a huge problem right now.

im kinda in the eggzact situation. i like her, shes cool, we get along fine, shes a great girlfriend, she wants the bone all the time, but i know she likes me a looot. and i like her too, shes a super nice person and i dont want to hurt her. but shes kinda brought up love indirectly and i think shes waiting for me to say it first, and i just dont feel it so im not going to lie or something. so idk where that leaves me..

[Adam]

For both of you: you and your partners need to define what love is. For some its tolerating each others company more often than not, for others its not being able to stand being apart. I have a feeling you all have different meanings of love.

[Dorothy Wood]

you guys can do whatever you want, and maybe it does take a little more time to figure out if you're "in love" or whatever...but I think if you don't feel it at least a little from the start, it won't just grow out of nowhere. but I'm no expert...just know that lopsided love seems to breed trouble.

plus, it's not like saying "i love you" means you need to get married or anything.

I gauge whether or not i love someone by thinking about how I'd feel if they died. if I'd be devastated, that means I love the person. kinda subjective i guess, but it works for me.

[miss soul fire]

It's not like I don't like her, we get on great and I do enjoy being with her but I think that makes it harder. Because of that it's like, why should be break up if we don't have a proper reason to. We've only been together since January and I'm not the best with my feelings and this whole 'love' business. I made a mistake with it all last year with an ex so I've kinda shut myself down a bit when it comes to that.

And of course I don't want to hurt her so that makes it harder, but we're not unhappy together so it doesn't seem like a huge problem right now.

Well, you do whatever you feel better doing. All I'm saying is that when a person loves someone he or she doesn't have excuses like that to know he's/she's in love. You just know. There's no doubt.

I mean, I think it's bad for her and you. It seems, the person gets comfortable with the other one. At first, I didn't want to lose the guy I was with because he was honest, nice, treated me well and blah, blah, blah, but it was like he was my brother or something. No sparks at all. And since we were planning to get married, I didn't really saw myself, for the rest of my life, having to kiss and do the rest with someone I didn't even felt real love or any attraction whatsoever. I guess it's different for everyone. I just didn't feel right. I don't wanna get comfortable. I want a real love or nothing.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

Yeah, I think that's what we'll do. Change can be scary but it's necessary and will be good for us in the long run. It's only 2 years. That's nothin'.

I agree with them, and if it's where I'm thinking you mean, I can always hassle you guys to drive down for a weekend for a mini-vacation. You got a place to stay and all.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

p.s. to add to the thread, the only real issue is that sometimes I doubt my worth and I get a little nervous about losing his interest. I know it's silly to think that way. I work hard at ignoring that little stupid voice in my head, but it's gotten to me once or twice and I'll get stand offish.

He's not a push over about it nor is he a total defensive person to the point that he will say something anger-filled. He's definitely calls me out on it, but he is still being supportive and loving at the same time.

He pretty much rules.

He also just had to get his appendix taken out yesterday and that sucked. :( But I am only at work for a few hours so I can take care of fires and I go right back to taking care of him.

[Helvete]

Truth is, I don't really know what love is and if I have or ever will feel it.

[cosmo105]

If someone loves you and you don't love him/her, end it. Simple. Saying "I love you" shouldn't be a big huge ordeal. If you do, say it. If you don't, then don't drag them along.

[skra75]

you've been together for like what a year now?
It's kinda normal actually. No worries. Once you guys settle in a little more it will be a little different. He'll have waves of assyness, we all do, you just have to deal. hmmpph.

[paul jones]

I have no relationship issues as I have no relationship because I'm too nice I think so bitches can either get with me or fuck off to the clubs and take lots of pictures of themselves with their girlfriends and post them on facebook everyday(y)

[Adam]

So I have a date tonight but the place we are meeting is a bitch for me to get to by public transport, so: Do I take the motorbike, use the car club (ie a couple hours rental of a car) both of which means are can't really drink, use the bus which was my original plan but I didn't realise how much of a ball ache it would be as there is no direct route or tell her to meet somewhere better for me which'll be harder for her as it's about half way between where we each live.

[Echewta]

I loved you all. Now get out of my board.

[Lyman Zerga]

some black hot dude starred at me today, it wasnt a 'deal you drugs' look
it had more of a 'i would nail you' look (y)

thats how i want my relationships to be

[Adam]

Not all black people deal drugs y'know.

Some are weapons dealers.

[Lyman Zerga]

Not all black people deal drugs y'know.

Some are weapons dealers.

yes, those damn spear weapon dealers

[Helvete]

Okay, I done it, it's over.