The last 24 hours, spiritually

[abcdefz]

Man. This has been a ride.

This'll be a long post.


Some years back I found $100 in a store. I went to the registers and no one was missing anything or reported anything missing,
so I kept it.

Weeks later I was in a music store, broke, and prayed something along the lines of, "I don't know if it matters to You or not, but
it'd be nice to have some money to be able to buy something." I felt God direct me down a certain aisle and to turn right.
There was a $20 bill.

I was disappointed, hoping for another hundred, then was immediately ashamed. I walked outside because it made me kind of sick
how greedy I am, and I found a coin on the sidewalk. Ahead was another, and another.

I followed this line of coins and it ran for over a black, giving me a couple more dollars. I felt God telling me that he was going to
take care of me, but I'd have to be grateful for whatever provision I was given and let it go at that. Whenever I see a coin,
it's a spiritual thing; I have to pick it up and thank God for it.

Okay. So I'm currently unemployed and the money is gone and I'm seriously juggling. I live in a studio apartment that costs over
a thousand a month, and I can't do it anymore. I've got to try to find a room somewhere and I'm not at peace with it.

But in the past month or so I've been finding coins all over the place. I mean a serious increase -- all these reminders.

So yesterday in Bible study before church, we were going around the table sharing, and I talked about how great the homeless
outreach was yesterday, that I was thankful to have a second job interview next Wednesday, and how I need to find a room and
cut down on expenses. I know I need to have faith that God is going to provide, but it's getting down to them wire. With today's
rent check I'm sending notice that I'm leaving at the end of the month. I have nothing lined up and have to just gamble that
something will open up at the right time and I'll be able to put my unemployment check together with some cash advance money
or something for a month's rent plus deposit.

So class is over and I'm in the church service trying really hard to worship and it just ain't working. I'm having really bad, critical
thoughts about different aspects of the service, the worship leader, sloppy PowerPoint, etc. I keep trying to focus on God and
I'm catching glimpses of this person or that. Lust, jealousy, judgment... and of course I then take that and turn it inward and
recriminate myself, too. The message is about patience and waiting on God and God's patience with us, and I'm sitting in there
just unable to stand myself. I can't imagine how God can possibly stand me -- look at my heart!

In a break between songs, I left the sanctuary to go to the bathroom just to get away for a minute. I knew I was being cowardly,
but I just couldn't stand it. But in class earlier I had talked about how we can't let our feelings override our obedience, and I knew
I needed to be back in the service, so I returned.

A couple in the row ahead of me had been in the same class with me earlier, but I've only been going to this church for a little over
a month and this was the first time I'd met them. The man turned to me and handed me a check for $100. God was being patient
with me -- about my lousy spirit in worship, about my lack of faith in his provision, about my lack of faith of his love for me, period --
and this was his work and not mine. Tears were running down my face. It was amazing.

On my way home, I realized I'd lost the check. It wasn't in my pocket. I went back to the church, made some calls -- no one had
found it. People kept reassuring me to be patient like we had learned in the service; it would all work out. Have faith. I was
humiliated. The class' teacher have me the couple's email address and I told them what had happened so they could cancel the
check. These people have known me for, what? an hour? and this is what they'll think of me. More self-recriminiation.

So this morning I woke up an prayed about all this stuff and told God I need help just trusting him. I felt directed to check my pockets
again. There was the check. I swear up and down it wasn't there yesterday; I emptied the pocket several times.

So anyway. I'm about to send off this notice with some amount of faith that things will work out. But this is where I'm at, and what
one not very good Christian's walk is at as I try to learn to love God and believe he loves me.

[roosta]

very nice story

(y)

[Rock]

So this morning I woke up an prayed about all this stuff and told God I need help just trusting him. I felt directed to check my pockets again. There was the check. I swear up and down it wasn't there yesterday; I emptied the pocket several times.

One time I was dosing at school and had another tab in my pocket that I wanted to take. I couldn't find it. Emptied my pockets and nothing. My friend told me if I went to the bathroom to smoke a cigarette with him I would find it...sure enough I found it.

Not half as good as your experience, but I felt closer to God that day, but that God was Poseidon, flying over me, winking and waving, trident in hand, all as I was walking home after a short thunderstorm, hidden in a cloud.

Thank you for sharing and letting me share.

Good luck with everything, as much as this may sound like a mocking post...it isn't. If your faith is keeping things going for you then I'm all for it! It works for me mom too. Keep your head up and I'm sure you will get through it.

[abcdefz]

Thanks for reading that very long post. I really wanted to share. It's been pretty emotional.

[yeahwho]

When I was drinking heavily (chronically, alcoholically) and lived in my 1973 Dodge Dart I would constantly walk with my head bent down looking around scouring the ground (especially under stuff like benches) hoping to find coins, cash and other perceived valuables on the ground. No vending machine coin return escaped my fingers.

Anyway this story has no spiritual side or point other than to say in the last 3 years before I quit drinking my life was a mess.

Here is one of the most memorable and finest days I had in a blur of blackouts, hangovers and general incomprehensible demoralization. One Sunday at the end of the 6 block long University District street fair I decided this was the perfect time to scour the Ave and checkout what sort of booty was lying on the streets as the vendors and crowds were leaving. Lo and behold halfway down the Ave I found a little folded up packet and opened it up. It was a full gram of cocaine!!! I wasn't too sure of the validity so I put a spec on my tongue and gums and POW! it was the real deal! I was broke and fried but in complete ecstacy due to my new find. I ran up to the Blue Moon tavern and sold half a gram for $50, drank cheap beer, ate bar hot dogs and snorted the other half of coke. The I guess I blacked out because I can't tell you what happened as the night progressed.

That particular day only sticks out because it was the best day I can remember in 3 years of hardcore drinking. Most of the other days I had some serious problems going on.

[kaiser soze]

Well you can consider yourself considerably blessed or exceptionally lucky

Either way it looks like you shouldn't lose hope or give up. You've shared your talents with us and you are quite a level headed individual so you just have to keep moving without losing yourself. I can't see why you can't succeed while scumbags prevail (well we know a tremendous amount of them do unfortunately).

And don't feel alone in your trials and tribulations, your challenges and fears of failure, many many talented intelligent and worthy individuals struggle - it almost feels destined to be that way. Embrace your talents and insight and seek out people looking for you.

I don't want to encourage you to strictly put your faith in god, but losing your faith won't help either. This is a team effort - you've been given little hints and opportunity and need to act on them.

good luck and thanks for sharing

[Baseline]

thanks for sharing abcdefz, great story
it's even more amazing for me 'cause my story, from a couple years ago, fits perfectly-to the penny.
faith is very important, and you never know where that "unwilling" change can take you, as for me,
everything fell into place. be patient :)

Believe!! in sth ;)

[abcdefz]

Man, something's going on.

So I was riding my bike downtown this morning and part of this "thank you" song to God was stuck in my head and I felt like I was
supposed to just sing it, worshipping.

So I started singing it -- it's just a two-line thing -- and after each chorus, God would show me something else that was a gift to me.
I was getting reminders of lots of stuff I'd either totally forgotten about or taken for granted.

And one of the things he showed me was the gift of friendship he gave me with one of the ministers when I moved to take the job at
the church in... '97, I think it was. We were immediate friends and just thought so much alike, shared a similar sense of humor, and
we could just talk and talk and talk. We ministered together for years until we had a falling out -- there were interpersonal conflicts
between me and one of the other ministers, and this other guy just refused to address it. My friend made the decision to dismiss me
over the situation because the other guy led worship and my friend wasn't confident that he could get a replacement as committed.

Anyway, though we still worked together in the same offices, I just stopped speaking to him unless absolutely necessary. The new
pastor came on board and knew about the rift and wound up letting him go months later, partly because of that.

Anyway, this morning I realized how much I really had loved having this guy's friendship -- I was closer to him than my brothers,
and we always had each others' backs, but I hadn't thought about him in years.

I felt like I was supposed to contact him, but I had only a vague idea of where his family had moved and what he was doing. I figured,
"Okay, God, I'll do a Google search and let you come up with something."

Very. First. Result.

So I wrote to him and he responded almost immediately. He kind of brushes it off as "there's nothing to forgive; I never had a problem
with you" which I know isn't exactly true, because he sort of got in my face about it precisely one time. But -- whatever: I did what
I was supposed to do and it feels good. (y)

[MC Moot]

let's all gather at the river...:rolleyes:

[lolkat]

i bought the 1st w.a.s.p album for 5 bucks today.