Personal Hell

[Jane*]

I've wanted to get together with Milton Bradley and develop a new board game, "Personal Hell." I've yet to set this meeting as I have no idea how I could actually execute the concept.

I don't really believe in hell and if I did, I highly doubt it's going to be a dude in red, shackles, flames & pitch forks.

If I were sent to hell, it would be more like:

Papyrus font for everything
Phil Collins playing all his hits (on steel drums)
Pontiac Aztec would be the only mode of transportation
Milk would be the only beverage
Bananas would be the only fruit
People would chew with mouths open all the time
(and silverware biters)
My bosses armpits would be visable in every direction
People would never use blinkers

hmmm.... this is all I can think of right now. I gave blood this morning and have yet to have my coffee.

What would be in your Personal Hell (TM)?!

[cosmo105]

Man, awesome thread idea.

-Only dessert is funnel cake
-Only shoes are Skechers, especially those fitness shoes or whatever
-It's Universal Citywalk and it's all spinning really fast and rocking back and forth so you get motionsick but you can never leave
-That Santana/Rob Thomas song is playing for eternity, sometimes backwards and slowed down
-Tim Burton makes every movie
-Clear bra straps for everyone
-Every meal consists of at least 80% mushrooms
-Baby showers where you know nobody every four hours
-No water pressure in any shower
-Tootsie rolls are the only candy

Jesus, I'm trembling.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

Crystal's Personal Hell™

Welcome to Crystal's Personal Hell™! Being in Crystal's Personal Hell™ includes all of the wonderful following things!


Your stuck being an admin for the rest of your life! This job includes covering for two other full-time director level positions (read three times more salary then you make) at the same time as doing your own job!
Admin job bonus feature: several lovely anonymous passive aggressive notes demanding that more cups get purchased when the office has been out of cups for *GASP* a total of two hours! During that two hours, you happened to be in a meeting, thus you couldn't go unlock the cabinet to get more out RIGHT away because CUPS is what the priority is and what's important.
P.S. The cabinet is only locked because people will STEAL supplies if it's not locked up. AWESOME!!!!!
You are always stuck right next to an overly large person with no sense of personal hygiene anytime you try to travel or use transportation.
Lima beans are in everything.
That stupid branch looking thing that's always in mixed greens salads, that's in everything too.
All Beyonce and Marc Anthony music being played, all the time.

[Jane*]

YAY!

I forgot to mention, every website would look like this:
http://yvettesbridalformal.com/

[Echewta]

People use their blinkers, but turn them on when they are already in the turn lane.
Baseball is the only sport on TV
They only sell 1 ply gas station toilet paper rolls
Everyone says "No, just try it again" when you are presented with food you don't like.
Your favorite youtube videos are always flagged and down in your country for copyright violations
The only meat in the fridge is Carl Buddig
The only porn is 80s style, on the tv and scrambled because you don't buy the channel.
All babies look like Marc Anthony or Steve Buscemi

[Waus]

All car trips are accompanied by "ALL THE COUNTRY YOU WANT" on the radio.
You are not permitted to do anything for more than 20 minutes without a phone call.
Everyday you must call tech support to figure out why the internet isn't working.
You must pay a minimum of 3 bills a day, and each time you have to sort through all your old files to see which ones need paying.
Jogging shoes are mandatory.
Every time you need to poop, you must do it in a full auditorium with a closeup of your face on a giant screen behind you on stage.

[Jane*]

Everyone says "No, just try it again" when you are presented with food you don't like.

All babies look like Marc Anthony or Steve Buscemi


It worked with beer didn't it?

Also, young or old Marc/Steve?

[Echewta]

The beer was done on my own time. Nobody said try it again. The Czech bartender was cute, the beer for some reason looked magically delicious and everything that needed to come into place, did at that moment.

Young when the skin was soft and the bug eyes weren't hidden by wrinkles.

[paul jones]

-hearing Nikelback songs all day

[Bob]

people chew with their mouths open all the time
everyone constantly has the sniffles
all food gives you diarrhea and all the toilet paper is single-ply

[Echewta]

This is always playing in the background at all bars and clubs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKROeWxZHfg&feature=related)

[Guy Incognito]

diana ross on stage 24/7
screens playing "In the night garden" constantly
full of people with the broadest scouse accents. I dont hate scousers but the accent is too much.
dentists drill sounds piped in
onions everywhere

[roosta]

They only serve Heineken
Internet Explorer is the only browser
"I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eye Peas is played all the time
ppl use txt spk all d tym
Everything smells like chicken-stock being made.

[Yeti]

In my personal hell I would wake up every morning to a loud alarm clock and go outside to get the newspaper not knowing that it had rained overnight. My socks get soaking wet and the delivery boy threw the paper in a puddle. In my frustration I scratch my gradually balding head and walk back down the driveway and stub my toe in my wet socks. I go inside and take a shower and the hot water runs out. I cut myself shaving and suffer several paper cuts. I put on a pair of creased blue jeans and open my loud squeaky door and get in my Hummer. The radio in the HumV always plays the Alanis Morisette song Ironic. The highway is at a standstill due to an accident and one lane is closed but people keep driving down the open lane and then want to get back in the open lane filled with idling cars. I go shopping and when I am miles from the store I realize that I left without the thing I went for. I am blocked by a guy that can't parallel park who is blaring the Alanis Morisette song Ironic. Everywhere I go people are wearing sunglasses indoors and snort when they laugh. I go to the gym and I am always beside the man that grunts and profusely sweats and it drips off his incredibly hairy arms. He never wipes down the machine and I worry that I have used his machine in the past and I have a permanent case of the cooties. I have a freezer filled with frozen pizza and when I decide to change it up with a piece of toast it falls on the floor butter down. I frequent Facebook and everyone I have have friended has a song lyric as their signature. They are all speliling nasis and they love Alanis Morisette's song Ironic. I always have a pen in my shirt pocket that leaks ink. Everything is wrapped in impossible plastic wrapping and when I tear open the packaging the thing inside tears. Everyone that I know drinks the recommended amount of water and preaches how it makes them feel great not to mention how great it makes their skin look. Every time I need to go to the bathroom there is only a cardboard tube in the toilet paper holder. I always get put on hold and every time I play the lottery I am one number away. The internet is extremely slow and when I do reach a site it is filled with long rambling messages like this one.

[yeahwho]

There would be some stupid comment from me without any period and one mispeling

[Dusty Brain]

Justin Beiber is a popular recording artist.

[Dorothy Wood]

i'd be forced to ride an ugly beach cruiser bicycle with the seat too low and the handlebars loose, with almost flat tires, up hill in mud. meanwhile it's 100 degrees with high humidity and windy with gnats smacking me in the face.

the steely dan songs i hate the most would constantly be playing, and just when "dirty work" (a song of theirs i do like) starts playing, it immediately gets switched to the shrek soundtrack.

everything itches

[TurdBerglar]

i'd be forced to ride an ugly beach cruiser bicycle with the seat too low and the handlebars loose, with almost flat tires, up hill in mud. meanwhile it's 100 degrees with high humidity and windy with gnats smacking me in the face.

that sounds like fun

[Dorothy Wood]

you're nuts!

rode a shitty rented beach cruiser during my vacation and it made me want to kill myself. they're not really meant to go 20 miles though.

[jackrock]

My nose is perpetually stuffed and there's no way to clear it.
My bladder is full but my penis is missing and I can't drain it.
Everyone is making exaggerated finger licking noises.
I have a pool of yogurt but I'm only allowed a single teaspoon (and no diving in).