sex etc

[Bob]

do you think that at some point in your life, if you're bad at sex, you're going to stay bad at it?

i'm guessing that the way most people get good at sex is that they have lots of it, presumably a lot of awkward terrible sex as teenagers and then at some point they sort of figure out what goes where and at what angle and for how long and then they get good at it and laugh at how bad they were at it as awkward teenagers

but suppose hypothetically some jerk kind of skips that awkward teenager phase and doesn't get good at sex, but still wants to have relationships with women who did go through that awkward teenager phase and expect satisfying adult sex however that jerk isn't able to deliver because his genitalia are rebellious and inexperienced even though the jerk has a pretty solid mental concept of what they're supposed to do based on various videos and verbal descriptions

i mean the woman isn't unreasonable in saying "he's a nice guy i guess but the sex isn't great, i think i'll dump him" and her friends aren't unreasonable in saying "YOUR RIGHT GIRLFRIEND LOL" because at her age and with her assets, particularly her articulate and reasonable friends, a woman like that deserves a great relationship, especially for her sex parts

and we're all agreed that the jerk is clearly a jerk, but what is he meant to do? get incrementally better by tricking fat chicks into having terrible sex with him i suppose but that seems like it would take a while and be mostly unpleasant for all parties involved. are there other options?


i'm asking for a friend

[TurdBerglar]

it's not as complicated as you think it is

[Bob]

my understanding is that it's sort of in, out, cum immediately?

my friend's understanding i mean, i'm great at sex

[TurdBerglar]

then take a breather and go again?

[Bob]

who has time for that

[TurdBerglar]

anyone who lasts 15 seconds?

[Bob]

this thread's not off to a great start

[TurdBerglar]

bob you think too much

[Bob]

you mean my friend thinks too much

i think i mentioned it but i'm great at sex. boning and such

[TurdBerglar]

yeah his name is bob too

[Bob]

yeah i just wanted to make it clear that i'm a different bob, i'm the one that's great at boning

[TurdBerglar]

well then slap bob and tell him he over thinks things

[Bob]

i'll tell him to let his boner do the thinkin from now on

[TurdBerglar]

exactly

[Adam]

In my limited experience, sex is better with a partner you want to be with more, it feels right and no matter how long it lasts, who cums first etc, its just good sex.

Sometimes sex can be bad and its frustrating, and I've had relationships end mutually because of that. Nearly all one night stands are like this in my opinion and would rather jerk off when all is said and done.

If your friend is premature, then its probably more medical and although embarrassing can probably be fixed - be it doctor, thicker condoms, or fucking less attractive girls. Tell your friend to do some research.

I'm no expert tho. I do think we all have some hang ups about sex, its only natural. A problem I do think we have is all this macho bullshit from porn and general media "how you should act if you're a real man". From what I see imported over here, the problem is even worse in America where its all about being as blokey as possible. If blokey is a word used by americans but I can't think of one better.

[ericlee]

*rolls up sleeves* *cracks knuckles* *twists out kinks in neck*

Bob. I was absolutely horrible at sex when I first started. It was always in me but I just never knew how to adapt to it. I used to see certain ladies that would catch my eye and I'd quiver. Come to find out, I heard through the grapevine that they like me too but I never did anything about it. I was a shy bastard but I had a rep for being "sexy" and I am no way trying to beef myself up but I would walk down the halls of school, passing by girls and I would hear them whisper to each other, "That's Eric S...." and they'd giggle. So, great, I'm sexy and all but I cockblock my own self because I was a shy bastard. I didn't know what to do with pussy if it were spread out like a flower in front of me.

One tramp, she was actually very hot but she had a bad rep, straight up came up to me and asked if she could go out with me. I was all "durrr hurrr, umm, yeah?" We went out for 3 months. She tried everything with me but I was just so timid. She was dry humping me, man. I was just so shy and she dumped me because I didn't give out.

Then, a certain other girl came to me and she didn't have a bad rep but she was known as having torpedo tits. She was so cute in many ways but she had such an impressive rack and she asked me out and without a doubt in my head, I said hell yeah. She was 2 years older than me, I was 17 and she was 19. Well, we meet up at a huge party and the next thing I knew, my best friend comes to me and says "She's upstairs waiting for you, get yer ass up there now" I had an insta-erection but I was coaching myself. "Fuck, really? Fuck, I don't know what to do, FUUUUUuuuuu" so I just went with it and meet her upstairs. She was already naked. She tore my pants off and I just froze, literally. We kissed, she pulled me down to her and we kissed more and she said "put it in" and I tried but it just didn't go where I wanted it to go so she guided me. Like a few seconds after, I was done. I laid on top of her and she said, "are you serious?" Well, we were pretty much done after that.

Shortly after that, a real cute redhead that I always had eyes for came to me and asked me if we could go out. Of course, she had a rep for sleeping around but she was so hot so I said, sure. We ended up in her friend's house and her parent weren't there and she guided me to the bedroom. I actually lasted 5 minutes. We kept on meeting like that and I eventually lasted 20 minutes but her gripe was that I was too slow and she dumped me. Too slow meaning my motions were like old people fucking slow.

After that, a very fine girl asked me out. Bad rep for sure and I was all for it. We went to a party at a friend's house and everyone that was there decided to go on a pizza run, everyone besides us. She looks at me, rubs my crotch and next thing I knew, we were in the parent's bedroom that owned the house. We were at it for 40 minutes and then everyone that went for a pizza run came back and was knocking on the door saying that their parents should be back any minute now. We all went upstairs and everyone played a dare game on us. They asked me if I would do her in front of everyone in the room and me being still timid said hell no, we will go to the other room to be by ourselves. I was called a pussy by me peers. She then unzipped my pants and went down. I then rolled her over and just started going at it. The lights were off but you could still see what was going on by the light from the moon. I then lasted for an hour and 40 minutes. It was probably one of my greatest moments.

After that, I have been with too many ladies to even recap. I don't even remember. I have basically turned myself into a slut. One thing that I was known for after all of that is that I gave great...urmm erm... oral pleasure and once that door opened, I had girls that I didn't even know calling me.

I have had sex in many countries with many different ladies, different nationalities and I never had any complaints.

You do get better at it. Just dust the cobwebs off and try it, bro.

Now, I'm old and married and couldn't be any more satisfied.

[Audio.]

Really? First time just lasted seconds?

[Ghouls_Night]

Maybe your friend should stop wanking it so much. Thus making him to sensitive down on thee-o-unit.

[MC Moot]

Don’t sweat the technique (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Y1Emb7Jyks)...all things with time...repetition means everything (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrSmoyThdkY)...it's only dirty if you're doing it right...etc,etc...

[NicRN77]

I agree with Adam...sex with someone you want to be with is always better.

[ToucanSpam]

I don't think it matters how good you are at the "sex" part of sex. If you're good at everything before that, it doesn't really matter so much.

[Helvete]

You can always get better, but it helps if you were alright to start off with. Oh yeah, having a large penis is also pretty helpful.

[Adam]

Maybe your friend should stop wanking it so much. Thus making him to sensitive down on thee-o-unit.

I think the opposite is true. I masturbate more than anyone and I kinda have trouble getting off if its not, she is on top, blow or hand job.

[NicRN77]

I don't think it matters how good you are at the "sex" part of sex. If you're good at everything before that, it doesn't really matter so much.

kinda true....but if you're a jackhammer the deal's off.

[Ghouls_Night]

I think the opposite is true. I masturbate more than anyone and I kinda have trouble getting off if its not, she is on top, blow or hand job.


I guess it could go either way. But if someone is using fancy lotions or making himself super lubey just for the sake of busting a quick nickel nut. Then the first time that said unit enters something moist- KAAAABOOOMMM. Play times over.

( I can't believe I just typed that).

[Guy Incognito]

millions of people play golf every weekend getting their balls in holes eventually after a lot of messing about and mistakes and they still love doing it.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I don't know if it's useful to share this, but:

About a year in to our relationship and living together, I happened to be scouring our crap for something while my boyfriend was out of town. I texted him about where it could be (some camera charger thingy) and he said probably in his stuff. So I was scouring through his stuff trying to find it when I ran in to an open pack of condoms that were meant to numb the guy out more so he could last longer. He always used a condom up until a month at that point because I was then on birth control.

When I approached him about it, he was horrified and embarrassed. He said he came so fast the first time with me that he didn't want me to be disappointed with the sex and feared that if that happened, I'd stop dating him. So he kept purchasing those types of condoms so he could get better at it.

He's really great at working me up before hand by just kissing on me, touching me, and oral. Then practicing using those condoms he had apparently really helped. I'd say they are probably worth a shot. (y)

[Bob]

is there a shame-free place to buy those

[nodanaonlyzuul]

he ordered them online.

[DandyFop]

whiskey dick

[pshabi]

Lick it before you stick it. It amazes me how many people don't know / refuse to do this.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I'm trying to get info on where he bought them and which brand exactly they were, but it's like pulling teeth right now.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

this one (http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=77265&catid=21300&fromsrch=durex+performax)

[Dorothy Wood]

it's important to be honest with a lady about your "issues" up front. if you squirt too early, don't end everything abruptly...continue touching and kissing and fingering her gently. ask her what you can do (besides penis penatration) to get her off...or if she'd like to touch herself while you watch. this might lead to another boner for you and another chance at intercourse. at the very least, she'll think you're considerate.

seriously though, it takes practice, mental fortitude. my dude and i didn't have great sex right off the bat, it took practice and communication and about 6 months actually. but now it's so awesome sometimes i think my head will explode from sheer pleasure. woo! *fans self*

[Bob]

it's important to be honest with a lady about your "issues" up front. if you squirt too early, don't end everything abruptly...continue touching and kissing and fingering her gently. ask her what you can do (besides penis penatration) to get her off...or if she'd like to touch herself while you watch. this might lead to another boner for you and another chance at intercourse. at the very least, she'll think you're considerate.

sounds romantic

[Kid Presentable]

Sex can be a lot about synchronicity; it's not so much the act as the person you're doing it with.

Now some people can go and have mad casual sex and the opposite is true; that it's about the act and they, as you have said, have gotten better by doing it more regardless of wih whom. But I think for some folks it is just about getting better at doing it with the person you're with.

That's a fun thing to figure out, and I'd like to think a sensible woman is aware of that also.

Practical solutions: Numbing frangers, drinking with the girl (in moderation) before-hand, making sure you don't secretly loathe her. I dunno. If you bust quick just say it's because she turns you on, or some shit. I mean it's true. Oral is a good one, but I never liked playing that card too soon since it's my strong suit.

[Dorothy Wood]

sounds romantic

well it can be!

all most girls want in the bedroom is to feel beautiful, get close, and get off.

other than that, if a chick just wants to get fucked with no strings attached, she probably will move on if your moves aren't smooth. that's just life. in the long run, you'll be better off with someone who cares about more than your dick.

when i was single, i slept with a friend a few times who was excellent in bed. he could go 3 or 4 rounds (about 15 min each round) even after a night of drinking and everything was technically very good...but i never had an orgasm.

there was just something missing.

so yeah, i guess my point is, it's not always just about the mechanics.

[jabumbo]

a sensible woman.

lol

[Lex Diamonds]

Don't listen to these chumps Bob, this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nx6A6VqByeE) is all you need to know.

[Splashleigh]

i'm a little confused...is this about lasting very long or generally being good in bed??
for your friend, obviously.
none of the above really matters ie size, duration etc.
just pay attention to each other. many men don't appear to realise this. you can tell if you're making someone feel good or not and if you're not stop it and do something else. and that, my friend, is the key to good sex.

[Bob]

Don't listen to these chumps Bob, this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nx6A6VqByeE) is all you need to know.

i'm not sure i want to take sex advice from someone who died of AIDS

[NicRN77]

i'm not sure i want to take sex advice from someone who died of AIDS

hahaha...good one!

[Adam]

i'm not sure my friend would want to take sex advice from someone who died of AIDS

.

[venusvenus123]

i'm a little confused...is this about lasting very long or generally being good in bed??
for your friend, obviously.
none of the above really matters ie size, duration etc.
just pay attention to each other. many men don't appear to realise this. you can tell if you're making someone feel good or not and if you're not stop it and do something else. and that, my friend, is the key to good sex.

I agree. This is all you need to know.

[Planetary]

is there a shame-free place to buy those

fuck no

[Planetary]

unless they're XXL

[Lex Diamonds]

i'm not sure i want to take sex advice from someone who died of AIDS
I knew this would be your reaction, so typically pessimistic of you Bob.

Maybe you should try getting AIDS yourself, then you can say what is and isn't good avice.

[Bob]

.

of course. it's really kind of a shame how insecure my friend is, i wish he could be awesome like me. let's just say i've never had a complaint about my performance

[Myu-to]

I agree with Adam...sex with someone you want to be with is always better.
You know we're really talking about bob here, right? He can't exactly afford to be picky.

Bob, you need to start trolling the old folks home looking for women in comas.

[Lex Diamonds]

Shut up cmute, no one likes you.

[Echewta]

Try a bubble bath

[Yeti]

I agree with Adam...sex with someone you want to be with is always better.

It is called emotion in motion.

When you are inexperienced in sports you practice. To gain knowledge you study. Hey, there are many things worse than being bad at sex. Even when you are bad the final outcome is pleasing.

[Splashleigh]

pfft yeah if you're a man -_-

[Guy Incognito]

Even when you are bad the final outcome is pleasing.

did you say this to wind the women up or what?

[Yeti]

I was not saying to roll over and go to sleep. I guess it came out wrong. Oh, well, I should have known better than entering a sex thread with no nude photos.

[Bob]

i did ask for nude photos yeah

[Lyman Zerga]

wait? is bob having sex before me?

guess that means i win the virgin bbmb battle...


after bob had sex i totally have to make up for all those dried out light years!



have fun bobby baby darling

[Lyman Zerga]

Lick it before you stick it.

amen.

[checkyourprez]

amen.

you need to know what it feels like before you can 'amen' somethign.

[Dorothy Wood]

ooh, burn!

[milleson]

ooh, burn!

If it burns, you should probably get that looked at.

[Bob]

If it burns, you should probably get that looked at.

and you certainly shouldn't let anyone lick it

i may not know a lot but

[TurdBerglar]

i'll look at it

[TurdBerglar]

oh fuck you bob

[Bob]

no thank you

i'm flattered but i don't know where you've been

[kaiser soze]

bob

I prayed for you and your dick

[venusvenus123]

Even when you are bad the final outcome is pleasing.

For you, yes.

What did you mean, if it came out wrong?

[Kid Presentable]

Wrong for who, dear?

[venusvenus123]

For everyone! :p

[Lyman Zerga]

you need to know what it feels like before you can 'amen' somethign.

im pretty sure i know how pussy feels like, i already got it before i was born

[checkyourprez]

im pretty sure i know how pussy feels like, i already got it before i was born

Noo, u need to know how it feels to get it licked to say something like that ya dinkis.

[Freebasser]

Maybe she's had a couple of ribs removed?

[Caribou]

What is this 'sex' thing you all keep talking about? :confused:

[Adam]

^^I'll show you!

You keep saying you want to be in the UK more right?

[Lyman Zerga]

Noo, u need to know how it feels to get it licked to say something like that ya dinkis.

(tmi) pussies been making me mad horny since i was 11, i think when i get a real one i couldnt help but tongue it and im sure me and her would love it


also im glad that atleast heterosexual men love to eat pussy
i would dump any guy who wouldnt do it, doesnt matter how hot he is


no girl should accept a closet fag in her bed.



p.s. no pressure, bob :P