Wedding Advice

[DIGI]

Today seems like a good relationship advice day. I would definitely like some feedback on a matter that's been nagging me for some time.

Sooooo, the lady and I will be getting married in less than a year. I've been helpful here and there with the preparation, but we will have had an over 3 yr engagement, so the wedding plans haven't been as stressful as others.

My fiancee's parents are a bit off. God knows they've been through their share of shit (oldest son dying and house burning down in the same year), so I've tried my best to be cool. But there's one issue that I can see sparking quite the feud. Her Dad was a construction worker who had an on-site accident, fell out of the machinery he was operating and fucked his back up. Her Mom also does not work due to chronic migraines. Her Dad's condition's the more severe seeing as though he's had rods put into his back that doesn't seem to help much. My fiancee has always mentioned that her Mom's doc won't let her go back to work (Registered Nurse) until she went a certain amount of time w/out headaches (which was recently found out to be complete bullshit). During our relationship's tenure, I've seen her Dad go on ATV rides, etc. and her Mom has very rarely suffered from a headache while I've been around. They used to make quite a bit of money, but since neither work anymore, they still live WAY beyond their means and have hit my fiancee up for money 2 or 3 times in the past.

Long story short, both of them could work. They choose not to and her Mom's making a big deal about their names not being on our wedding invites. We are paying for our own wedding, aside from my parents paying for the booze and rehearsal dinner. Both in-laws will be listed as "along with their families" or whatever. I feel stupid for letting something this petty get me pissed, but I constantly think to myself "Bitch, if you wanted on the invitations so bad, you've had over 3 years to get your ass a job and save up some cash instead of sitting on your ass every day playing Facebook Solitaire!" I don't want to make a scene and make my fiancee upset, but at the same time, I feel an immense desire to put these fucks in their place.

Thoughts?

[nodanaonlyzuul]

that's a tough position to be in. I'd strongly suggest speaking with your soon-to-be-wife before saying anything to the parents about your frustrations though.

[Dorothy Wood]

if the wedding invites have already been printed, there's nothing you can do but say "sorry, but traditionally the parents names are on the invites when they have taken part in the planning and financing of the wedding".

or just be like "it's 2010, bitches! we do what we want! no rules!"

[DIGI]

Crystal-

She already knows my thoughts on the matter and shares the same feelings. She just happens to usually have a hard time standing up to them. They're very manipulative and she tends to buckle and gets depressed afterwards. I usually stay quiet, but being as how I'm actually involved this time, I feel the need to tell them to grow the fuck up and stop the bullshit sense of entitlement they've carried since I've met them that they in no way deserve.

Dorothy-

FUCK YEAH! Oh, and the invites are nowhere near being printed. We're getting married on 9/10/2011.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

In light of your response, and as long as your soon-to-be-wife won't be angry with you, I now agree with what Dorothy said!

[NicRN77]

I'm with Dorothy! There is so much bullshit that happens when people get married...like who is invited, traditions, etc. It is you and your future wife's day! Do what you want!

[DIGI]

Thanks.

At first, it seemed so stupid for me to get so bent out of shape over something so trivial, but the more I thought about it, it's better to set them straight asap to avoid years of resentment. There's so much more going on here than a difference in opinion over wedding invitations. I just want to send the message I'm not going to try to conjure up the inevitable confrontation, but if her Mom's already mentioning shit, it's going to come sooner or later. The hard part will be striking the balance of expressing my feelings without going totally batshit and alienating my girl from all of the people she loves most.

[miss soul fire]

I really hate to say that because I feel your pain. But parents are parents, they are old, some of them grouchy and sometimes even real brats, so they probably will die before us and they have done some stuff for us as..."making" ourselves, letting us live? So I would do it so they would be happy and stop nagging about this. I say "Just do it, man". Make some old people happy. Don't make war, make love. Not to them though. Stop the anger. Don't make such a big deal about that. After all, they raised your loving fiancée and they will be part of your family soon.

[RobMoney$]

1. Start hiding money
2. Elope



This is the type of petty crap that makes big weddings not worth the trouble.
My gf & I are discussing a very small 3 hour affair at a local winery. Guest list will be less than 50 people and the whole deal will cost us less than $2k.

We'd rather blow our big money on the honeymoon.
We're looking at a 7 to 10 day stay here (http://www.jademountain.com/default.html).
$1500 a night, but it'll be better memories than some crappy wedding hall, catering to a bunch of extended family's needs neither of us really care about anyway.

Seriously tho, start hiding money.
It's the only advice any groom to be really needs.

[NicRN77]

(y)(y) Rob that resort looks beautiful!

[Nivvie]

Wedding etiquette DEMANDS that the parties financially hosting the wedding are listed ONLY!

Otherwise, it's like being credited at the end of a film you didn't appear in.

I'd say don't bend, cos if you buckle too much now, you could be putting up with shite a very long time. People live forever these days, you could still be being crapped by them when they are 100. My in-laws were very hard work and my own family is no picnic, and if I hadn't toughed up the fuckers would have bled me dry by now. They'll get used to it, and your gal will be glad.

Not bitter or anything....

[Dorothy Wood]

1. Start hiding money
2. Elope



This is the type of petty crap that makes big weddings not worth the trouble.
My gf & I are discussing a very small 3 hour affair at a local winery. Guest list will be less than 50 people and the whole deal will cost us less than $2k.

We'd rather blow our big money on the honeymoon.
We're looking at a 7 to 10 day stay here (http://www.jademountain.com/default.html).
$1500 a night, but it'll be better memories than some crappy wedding hall, catering to a bunch of extended family's needs neither of us really care about anyway.

Seriously tho, start hiding money.
It's the only advice any groom to be really needs.

wait, I thought you didn't believe in marriage?

[DipDipDive]

Say what Dorothy said, or tell them your wedding isn't quite traditional and subsequently the tradition of having parents' names on the invites isn't what you want.

People who want other peoples' weddings to be about them somehow are dicks.


And yeah, I think overall, the concern isn't the invitations but how they are managing their lives and finances...That's obviously a much bigger fish to fry...Respectfully try to have as little involvement with them as possible. You're marrying your fiance, not her parents.

[Dorothy Wood]

^yeah, totally, dicks!

when a friend of mine got married years ago, an aunt and uncle of hers didn't attend the wedding because their last name was misspelled on the invitation. They were SO OFFENDED that they didn't attend their niece's wedding. Even though she explained that they divvied up the addressing duties, and her husband-to-be had made the mistake and apologized for it.

:rolleyes:

[yeahwho]

Here is one solution for your invites, you can hammer this out and run it by your future in-laws and see if they like it.

Life is not measured
by the number of breaths
we take, but by moments that
take our breath away
(insert brides parents name here)
ask you to join them
as their daughter
(Brides Name )
gives her hand in marriage
to
DIGI
Saturday, September 10, 2011
at 7:00 p.m.
Behind our garage,
By the sticker bushes

in lieu of gifts, it has been
requested cash donations
be given to the Father & Mother
of the Bride in $100.00+ denominations.
Cash Please. RSVP.

BTW, that is the coolest date, 9-10-11

Good Luck (y)

[saz]

the lady and I will be getting married in less than a year.

don't

[Kid Presentable]

Today seems like a good relationship advice day. I would definitely like some feedback on a matter that's been nagging me for some time.

Sooooo, the lady and I will be getting married in less than a year. I've been helpful here and there with the preparation, but we will have had an over 3 yr engagement, so the wedding plans haven't been as stressful as others.

My fiancee's parents are a bit off. God knows they've been through their share of shit (oldest son dying and house burning down in the same year), so I've tried my best to be cool. But there's one issue that I can see sparking quite the feud. Her Dad was a construction worker who had an on-site accident, fell out of the machinery he was operating and fucked his back up. Her Mom also does not work due to chronic migraines. Her Dad's condition's the more severe seeing as though he's had rods put into his back that doesn't seem to help much. My fiancee has always mentioned that her Mom's doc won't let her go back to work (Registered Nurse) until she went a certain amount of time w/out headaches (which was recently found out to be complete bullshit). During our relationship's tenure, I've seen her Dad go on ATV rides, etc. and her Mom has very rarely suffered from a headache while I've been around. They used to make quite a bit of money, but since neither work anymore, they still live WAY beyond their means and have hit my fiancee up for money 2 or 3 times in the past.

Long story short, both of them could work. They choose not to and her Mom's making a big deal about their names not being on our wedding invites. We are paying for our own wedding, aside from my parents paying for the booze and rehearsal dinner. Both in-laws will be listed as "along with their families" or whatever. I feel stupid for letting something this petty get me pissed, but I constantly think to myself "Bitch, if you wanted on the invitations so bad, you've had over 3 years to get your ass a job and save up some cash instead of sitting on your ass every day playing Facebook Solitaire!" I don't want to make a scene and make my fiancee upset, but at the same time, I feel an immense desire to put these fucks in their place.

Thoughts?

My in-laws had a son die, and it can be a real bastard to bounce back from. So their medical shit is possibly a cover for their grief.

I would stand my ground on this, but it's your call. Your missus has to be willing to respectfully tell her parents "No, it's our day, and this is how we're doing it", though. And if that's going to cause ructions between you two, you'll have to fold I guess. Fun times. (y)

[jabumbo]

Saturday, September 10, 2011
at 7:00 p.m.
Behind our garage,
By the sticker bushes



jagger bushes, not sticker bushes



and there best be a cookie table or i am kicking you out of this town

[Adam]

I fell out with my brother in law because I called him out on some righteous know it all bullshit I felt he was putting on us. Our family is still a mess now, I wish I hadn't said anything and put up with it.

My experience, reading the story I say 'fuck 'em' but sometimes being quiet and grit your teeth is a better option.

Good luck.

[DIGI]

MSF-God, I wish I had your tolerance. I like to think I still do in most situations.

Rob-I'm loving your advice and I'd be hard pressed to disagree with you, but the lady wants what she wants. Also, that resort looks fucking amazing!

Nivvie-Are you sure you're not related to my fiancee? We share the same sentiment.

Lara-Her Mom is now "thinking about" going back to work IN THE SPRING. WTF!?!?! You live off credit cards and what money you DO have coming in, you blow on cigarettes!

Yeahwho-Thanks! I should never come across not remembering the date. As for invites, fuck 'em. They will have had 3 years to think about getting jobs to help out. They didn't, so they have to deal with it.

Saz-Thanks!

Kid P-Your advice may be the most helpful. I'm sure they are fucked in the head. My Dad grew up in a family of 5 boys, him being the next to youngest. When he was 14, he found his younger brother killed by a drunk driver. It still hits him from time to time. In certain instances, time doesn't heal all, but fuck, you can't just sit on the fucking sidelines and watch life pass you by and expect others to pick up your slack. But ultimately, it's her call. I don't want to make too many waves about this. It's blatantly obvious to me that she's been embarassed by their behavior since we've been together and I don't have to perpetuate that....especially over something this stupid.

Pete- My cookie table's going to be tough as fuck.

Adam-We'll see, man. Which ever way I happen to go, something will need to be said at some point. Otherwise, to Nivvie's point, these fucks will bleed us dry eventually. Right now, that's fine. That's my fiancee's decision, but if this shit's still going on after we have kids, separate accounts or no, I equate that as 2 lazy assholes taking money out of my kids' mouths. If nothing's done by then, I could totally see everything getting completely fubar'd.

[M|X|Y]

I think you should do like RobMoaney and go on an expensive trip instead. Weddings are dumb(n)

[RobMoney$]

wait, I thought you didn't believe in marriage?

I didn't. That's past tense tho.
What can I say, I've been tamed.
Shit's going down June 3rd. We booked the winery this weekend.

One small hurdle...I just need to get divorced first. lol.