i have the shittiest job interview on tuesday

[Bob]

it's for a job that i actually kind of really want because it's for something that i'd be good at and pays respectably and maybe gets me out from under this law degree albatross i accidentally bought but this interview's going to be soul-draining

it's a "group interview" and it's something that the company does for everyone, regardless of what job they're applying for. they take a bunch of applicants (not necessarily all applying for the same job) and do incredibly lame corporate shit to test how well we embody the corporate values and how our personalities match what they're looking for or something. for example one of the company values is "courageous communication", so they might ask "if you were trapped in an elevator with one of your former employers and had to criticize something about how they ran the company, how would you do it?" or they'll assign teams of people to solve a problem and watch how often you speak up and offer input and feedback and other garbage

basically it's a test to make sure you're a super outgoing talkative cheery happy type and that is just not my personality at all. normally the good interview advice is "be yourself!" but here the proper advice is "be the opposite of yourself, resist every natural instinct that you have and pretend to be chirpy" and ugh goddamnit i feel sick already just thinking about it

and it's lame because i'm already working for the company in a temp capacity and i know it's a cool place to work and that i'll like the job, and i've seen what the people in the position i'm applying for do and i know that this group interview has nothing to do with my qualifications for the job in question at all but i still have to pass the stupid thing and wow these people that will never see me again with my personality if i want the job that has nothing to do with the test. it's just a stupid thing that they make every applicant do and if they can't do it they're out

so how do i pretend to be an extrovert when i've spent 26 years being an introvert? all i have to do is get over this hump once (and a bunch of other humps but this is the one that bothers me the most) and i can go back to being quiet and having more personality on facebook than i do in real life except this time with a decent job

i wish there were jobs for people who aren't people people. this one comes close but they make you pretend to be one anyway to get it

[kaiser soze]

As long as you don't mind your nose smelling like shit you should be fine (y)

[Bob]

i don't think that they would consider that very courageous communication

they're basically looking for someone who will brown nose but only to say "pardon me but your shit stinks, here are some suggestions i have so that you may improve it, let's touch base later thanks so much"

[saz]

have a few drinks before the interview to lighten up and relax, and then you'll probably be able to schmooze smoothly and play their model corporate employee game.

[Bob]

while being drunk at 9 am would certainly be courageous, i'm not sure how many points it would score.

although another one of the company values is "risk" so hey maybe

for my example of courageous communication i'd like to say "pardon me but i respectfully submit that this group interview is stupid because i will never need these skills again in the performance of my job" but that might be too much feedback

[saz]

i'm not talking about getting drunk, just a drink...or two, to calm your nerves.

[jabumbo]

i sat here reading this thread while eating peanuts


THINK OF THE NUTS, BOB

[Adam]

feel for ya dude. I've done group interviews before and they'll always be the one annoying gobby one who takes all the light but you have to pretend that you don't actually want to break her/his neck and get along for the afternoon. Either way, you have to be everything but yourself.

A small drink might do it tho. I'd be the same reclusive freak you are in that situation.

[Freebasser]

I had a couple drinks once to calm my nerves.

I had to do a 10 minute presentation in front of 150-ish people when I was at uni. 10 minutes might not seem like very long, but for someone who fumbles over his words a lot and sweats like a motherfucker when he's nervous, a couple of drinks seemed like a good idea at the time.

The only trouble is that a couple of drinks became about six and before I knew it I was running in zig zag lines to the lecture theatre because I was going to be late.

It would have been a memorable presentation, if I could actually remember any of it. Actually, I tell a lie - I remember almost falling flat on my face after tripping over the lectern as I got up on stage, and I remember sitting down in the audience when my presentation was done, and the lad in front of me asking me if I'd had anything drink. I think it was made worse by the fact that my presentation was about alcohol branding.

Anyway, the lecturers didn't seem to notice - they must've just thought I was nervous. I got a C, so it can't have been that bad.

Dutch courage, Bob - do it (y)

[Adam]

^great story!

I've done presentations, 10 minutes is a fucking long time for one. 2 minutes is really but a Q&A can cover a lot of it assuming some1 asks a question and you know what ya talking about

[Kid Presentable]

I think the point of group 'people' exercises is to be seen to encourage other people, lots of "hmmm that's a great point" and "I like that idea, very interesting". Also being able to bring forward the views of quiet people, or those who aren't contributing, that's a mark of sophisticated extroversion. Or some shit. Pretend you're a friendly journalist.

You don't have to be a beaming fucktard (completely), just be able to get people to say what they want by asking questions and being interested. Make people feel at ease, giving the appearance that your confidence makes them more confident. Nodding and smiling, not laughing really loudly, not dominating conversations but being able to express yourself clearly; that's all good shit.

I imagine the conversation-with-your-boss-in-the-elevator thing would be an exercise in asking them questions and so on to get to the point you want to make about your grievance? And offering a solution - "when you did blah blah I felt like so and so, and thought there may have been an opportunity to try such and such? It would be good because X, Y and Z"

Just some thoughts - they are really probably just looking for excuses to exclude people rather than having any one thing in mind in an ideal candidate.

[venusvenus123]

^ take his advice!

Yeah, having a drink sounds like a bad idea, especially at 9 am. They'll probably smell it on your breath, apart from anything else!

The fact that you already work for this outfit stands in your favour.

I wrote a whole paragraph and accidentally deleted it! Oh it went something like this: you know what it is you want to do there and you know that you can do it. I'm sure that if you believe you can get past this hurdle to achieve your end goal you will do it.

Imagine the room is full of people from the bbmb and that you are the star. That should do it.

[Adam]

Yes, take KPs advice

And Ctrl+Z venus should've got ya paragraph back.

[Bob]

I think the point of group 'people' exercises is to be seen to encourage other people, lots of "hmmm that's a great point" and "I like that idea, very interesting". Also being able to bring forward the views of quiet people, or those who aren't contributing, that's a mark of sophisticated extroversion. Or some shit. Pretend you're a friendly journalist.

You don't have to be a beaming fucktard (completely), just be able to get people to say what they want by asking questions and being interested. Make people feel at ease, giving the appearance that your confidence makes them more confident. Nodding and smiling, not laughing really loudly, not dominating conversations but being able to express yourself clearly; that's all good shit.

I imagine the conversation-with-your-boss-in-the-elevator thing would be an exercise in asking them questions and so on to get to the point you want to make about your grievance? And offering a solution - "when you did blah blah I felt like so and so, and thought there may have been an opportunity to try such and such? It would be good because X, Y and Z"

Just some thoughts - they are really probably just looking for excuses to exclude people rather than having any one thing in mind in an ideal candidate.

excellent advice - the thing that's making my stomach turn is that i don't really know how to do any of that. i'm gonna have to pull a dexter or something and pretend to be a normal person, i dunno if i can manage a whole hour of it

what eats me up is that this interview is just a one-time thing; i'll never see these people again (neither the applicants nor the interviewers, probably), they'll never have anything to do with my work and the things they're testing me on have nothing to do with my ability to do the job i'm applying for, yet i have to impress them with my bubbliness or i don't get the job

maybe i'll try to get the flu or something. if i'm sick i have an excuse for not being bubbly

also i will probably not be drinking. smelling like booze at 9 am seems like a bad first impression. besides, i don't get proper sociable unless i'm drunk anyway.

[Bob]

i do hope i get this job though, i think i'd be great for it. it's for a copywriter position at a travel company. the job is basically to sit in a cubicle and write and update itineraries and romantic descriptions and marketing blurbs for international trips. like "today we'll arrive in paris where our trip director will take us for an included lunch at a local restaurant. afterwards, explore the city on your own or take a optional tour to nouvelle eve where [INSERT WIKIPEDIA RESEARCH HERE]". it is not a job that requires bubbliness and personality, it is a job that requires writing skills and attention to detail, which i have in lieu of a personality

i'm just so tired of worrying about money, i just want a damn regular job

i wish you could do job interviews via e-mail. i'd tear that up

[saz]

obviously if you have a drink before something somewhat professional you cover up your breath. in university i had a major presentation to give in front of 50+ people. i downed half a bottle of white wine just before, brushed my teeth, had some gum and i easily coasted through it.

[Bob]

i'm probably still not gonna do it. i don't get charming until about 3 pints in and by then it's pretty obvious i've been drinking

also i make lots of dick jokes when i'm charming

[Bob]

i also have another job interview (for the same job) on monday. it's for the same job, but it's a one-on-one with the woman who's currently my supervisor for my temp job

the tuesday one is the one that's worrying me but the monday one will be pretty weird too now that i think about it. i mean we've seen each other every day that i've been working here but now i have to interview with her for a job. the dress code there is very casual (t-shirt and jeans are fine, basically any clothes that don't smell or have holes in them are alright) but do i wear a suit? do i have to be a phony job interviewer? how awkward will it be if she decides i'm not qualified and yet we still have to work together for the duration of the temp job?

etc etc

i hate job hunting. this is my least favorite thing in life. self-marketing goes against every part of my nature

[Documad]

For the monday interview, the difficult part might be coming up with questions to ask her because you already work there. Think of some ahead of time. I once bombed an interview because my best friend worked there and I knew all the answers to the important questions already. But when the time came where I was supposed to ask them of someone in the staged interview, I said, "Well, I asked my friend all my questions so I don't have any." The interviewer clearly hated that response and remarked that I was blowing my opportunity to ask questions and I tried to explain that my friend was already doing the same job but I knew the interview wrote me off then and there.

Can you dress nicer than normal but not in a way that's over the top distracting? Something that says "I'm taking this seriously because I really want this job."

You've got to convey that you really like the job and believe that it's a great fit for you and you would love to get to stay and that you're not taking anything for granted because you're already there. I'd come out and say that you really like it there -- that you like the job but you also like the people, they've made a really terrific environment that motivates people and how you spend so much of your time and energy on a job that it's really important to have that kind of professional but pleasant atmosphere and how great it is that the supervisors have made that happen. Do more flattery and upbeat stuff than you think is appropriate. What feels like a lot to you is probably barely noticeable to others. But if you think of things that are flattering and absolutely true, you can do it with sincerity.

[Kid Presentable]

Also talk about what you bring to the role - just in terms of the fact you've been doing it, you are enthusiastic about it, you can work with people in your immediate environment to get good outcomes and so on

[Adam]

Bob, wear a suit to all your interviews. Its all part of the vetting process. Suited up means you can go from worker>super-serious-client-dealer at the switch of a button cus you never know where the job might lead.

Having an outsider help pick your new employer from a bunch of tick boxes helps the hiring client see things thing they might not of picked up if it was all in-house. They'll feed the reports back and the client will make the choice. The group interview is not the only stage of the interview I assume, like you'll get one to one interview if you pass?

Knowing this you gotta play to your strengths. If you applied via email or have talked to the potential boss via some electronic communication, make sure it is you're A-game they are seeing. Scrape through the group part and say what you said here; like you kinda know the job already, the group phase wasn't my strength but you're working on it blah blah blah (some how try turning it into a strength because you're always improving yourself etc) and then they'll maybe discount some of it, you'll ace the rest and the job is yours.

If you don't get the job then get feedback - don't go all "you've made a mistake..." but recognise what you didn't pass on and if the opportunity presents itself say you're aware of that (and working on it like above) but you know the job doesn't require that skill which is why you feel you're suited to it. The person who gets the job might turn it down and if you're in the minds of the decision makers then you've giving yourself a 2nd chance. Or if a new job comes up they may skip all the expensive recruitment stuff and offer you something. Maybe rare but not totally out of the question.

All advice is easier said than do tho. So maybe going with the three drinks option is the best after all.

Good luck.

[Dorothy Wood]

I think for the interview with the lady you already know, you should just wear a nice long-sleeve dress shirt tucked in with a simple tie. and nice pants, maybe not exactly suit pants (unless that's all you got). definitely NOT if they're pleated though.


or a suit.

anyway, I wouldn't worry too much. I always blow interviews unless I know what I'm talking about. Seems like if you're just honest about being an introvert, you can make them see that it's an ideal trait for the job. I mean, being gregarious and chatty with everyone seems like the opposite of what they'd need a person to be like.

a friend of mine is quiet and hardworking, and she keeps getting raises and responsibilities at her office job while all the chatty friendly types get laid off one by one around her.


anyway, hopefully they would understand that extroverts should be salespeople and not copywriters. BOB IS ON THE JOB!

just keep yelling that.

[venusvenus123]

yeah go smart anyway. I think it helps with confidence too.

GOOD LUCK!!!

[p-branez]

Maybe it's also important to remember, in this mix of advice and what-to-do, is that everyone dislikes anonymous group interviews. So you only have to dislike it a little less than everyone else to really make yourself stand out.
And I think the interview is more than simply introvert v. extrovert. Even an introvert can ask a few simple questions or offer an insightful comment to make himself more memorable than the rest.