unsolicited planning on your behalf

[nodanaonlyzuul]

seem to come with getting engaged.

I mentioned a possible engagement party hosted at our place and then people decided on an idea for an activity for the party while speaking to each other. I was not at all addressed in this process. And it's an idea that does not at all relate to our engagement at all.

Um, what?

I'm so glad we have decided to get married abroad once I finish (or am close to finishing) school. It will filter out a ton of people and that makes me happy. (y)

[Bob]

you got engaged and your friends planned a party for you? sounds like an ordeal, i'm glad i only have my problems

[nodanaonlyzuul]

No, we planned the party.

They planned an element to the party that has NOTHING to do with our engagement.

It's the idea of having a white elephant gift exchange AT the engagement party.

That does not apply to us being engaged at ALL. And they never asked us if we wanted to do that or if it was OK.

It's a tad rude.

[Kid Presentable]

Don't sour a celebration by being angry at people for being happy for you. Although it's your engagement, you are still important to people, and being a grown-up engaged person requires lots of grinning and bearing it. You'll be right. (y)

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I'm only venting. I'm over it and we are NOT having a gift exchange at our party like they brought up. I put my foot down and eventually got an apology too.

Still, I was a bit stunned that friends would even run over our engagement party like that.

I'm sure lots of things like this will happen though. I was just talking to Cosmo on AIM about it.

I'm going to be straight up with people. Especially because we will be paying for the wedding ourselves. My philosophy on if people get mad at us for anything that WE want for US is (this will even apply to my own parents if necessary):

IDGAF

[Bob]

No, we planned the party.

They planned an element to the party that has NOTHING to do with our engagement.

It's the idea of having a white elephant gift exchange AT the engagement party.

That does not apply to us being engaged at ALL. And they never asked us if we wanted to do that or if it was OK.

It's a tad rude.

can't you just tell them "oh, no thanks"?

and even if you can't for some reason, don't you think that in the scheme of things, the problem of your friends trying with (i assume) good intentions to help out with your party to celebrate your engagement to the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with but falling a little short can go in the "not a big deal" file?

i only wish i had problems like that

[nodanaonlyzuul]

When the apology came he (the person that fire started the topic) apologized because he said it was a totally separate idea that he wanted to have a party for and so he wanted to combine it with my party so he can do the thing HE wanted to do.

It wasn't in order to help out my party whatsoever.

The gift exchange isn't going to happen now anyhow because I said we're going to skip that idea "but thanks."

[nodanaonlyzuul]

p.s. I'm really just venting after the fact to get it out of my system. Shits over yo.

[NicRN77]

why is there a gift exchange at your party? is it in the upcoming weeks before the holiday?

[cosmo105]

I don't think any of you are really getting the point she was making.

[Bob]

I don't think any of you are really getting the point she was making.

that it's annoying when your friends or acquaintances try to hijack your engagement party? i'm sure it is (not that i've ever had one so i guess i technically couldn't understand), but she politely and maturely quashed it and even got an apology, now her life's good again

you've been engaged for what, like a week? shouldn't you be happy about it or something? you have the whole rest of your life to get annoyed about things, no need to get a head start on it

[Kid Presentable]

Brides-to-be!

[cosmo105]

THE BOB MUST DIE

[Documad]

Congratulations!

And what the fuck is going on with people and white elephant things? Someone just tried to force that shit into our holiday party for our support staff. It's never as funny as people think it's going to be and I've seen it lead to bad feelings at showers. :rolleyes:

[cosmo105]

hear hear! They're so goddamn lame and pointless, and it's such a drag to be forced to participate in them.

[Bob]

they're fun if you agree ahead of time to only buy cheap gag gifts. one time i went to one with the gas we pass: the story of farts (http://www.amazon.com/Gas-We-Pass-Story-Science/dp/1929132158/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1291776996&sr=8-1) and in exchange received an action figure of that indian doctor guy from season 1 of heroes, before he had any super powers at all

[nodanaonlyzuul]

It's called venting, Bob. I vent here for a few moments on the thread and then I'm over it. I'm done. I'm good.

I realize because it's a thread it stays up here longer than a few moments, but I would think that's a concept you would understand, Bob.

[RobMoney$]

Why do people insist on trying to make other peoples' weddings about themselves?

[nodanaonlyzuul]

Why do people insist on trying to make other peoples' weddings about themselves?

Yeah, they really do. This was only one thing of many that has already happened and we don't even have a set date yet! We have only been engaged a bit over a week and already there's been at least four or so things happen.

And no one will be pitching in except us so I'm not sure where all the assumptions about the wedding being located certain places or being a certain way is all coming from. People are even pressuring us to put a date on it now when my schooling details isn't set yet so, please don't rush us? Thanks. :/

Of course, I'm sure it's all coming from love (aside from the original topic), even the assumptions. But I will put it gently that I understand that they care and "thanks but no thanks."

[RobMoney$]

I know the feeling, kid.

I paid for my first wedding completely myself because I wanted complete control of it for my ex-wife and I.

Get your filthy hands off my wedding, assholes!

[Echewta]

Poor BA01. You are just going to get a bunch of white elephant gives now for your wedding gifts. :(

[HEIRESS]

THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING CRYSTAL! SO JEALOUS YOU ARE HAVING AN OUT OF COUNTRY WEDDING!!!

We have started the slightest of slight planning for our wedding next year recently and all the hassle and resistance towards our ideas (from his parents mainly) has already made me want to trash the whole wedding idea and just go elope.

I have no idea how this is all going to end up...ughhhhhhh

I don't even want to buy a dress, its giving me hives just thinking about picking out a wedding dress...ugh.

[Documad]

Heiress is getting married too? Congratulations to you too!

When did you all grow up?

[Dorothy Wood]

this is one of the many reasons I don't ever want to have a wedding. although I think my mom might have a nervous breakdown if I don't have some sort of ceremony.
I'm not engaged by the way, but she seems to think I am already...and has been waiting/expecting the news for almost a year, oof. she even got super upset when she found out my dude's gonna be out of town for 2 weeks during the holidays, so we won't be together for christmas. it's just crappy circumstances, but it's not the end of the world!

anyway, good luck. and as for white elephants, I think they're fun, as long as most people bring gifts that are nice, funny, and/or interesting.

[Belt Parkway]

can't you just tell them "oh, no thanks"?

and even if you can't for some reason, don't you think that in the scheme of things, the problem of your friends trying with (i assume) good intentions to help out with your party to celebrate your engagement to the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with but falling a little short can go in the "not a big deal" file?

i only wish i had problems like that
Dude, you don't have a white elephant gift exchange at an engagement party. :confused:

[russhie]

It happens with all events though, I guess. People have ideas, some are good, some aren't, so just take the good ones on board and say "no thanks" to the bad. It doesn't seem so tricky to me.

There's no point in getting momentarily annoyed at an idea someone had, or why they had it, ultimately it's your party and what you say will go (unless someone else is paying for it, but that's the price you pay).

I've got pretty set ideas for my eventual engagement/wedding and people are welcome to come up with as many hare-brained ideas for both as they like, but unless they're going to plan and pay for the whole thing what I say will go.

It just seems a bit intense that you've been engaged a week (I wouldn't know, this thread says so) and you're already getting cranky (or having a vent) about planning issues -doesn't seem worth stressing about.

[ms.peachy]

Don't even get me started. Shall I tell you about how THE ONE THING I let my mom get involved in in our wedding - sending out the invitations - led to her inviting a whole bunch of people to our wedding that we didn't even know, nor did she really, but were friends from her AOL chat group or whatever? I started getting back RSVP from people I'd never heard of, and who I know for sure were not on our list. And the list was really tight, because we got married on a boat which had an absolute max capacity of 80, including the wedding party. Gah! Now I'm all mad all over again. Good thing for her she's dead or I'd be calling up to yell at her about it all over again. Crazy bitch.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

It just seems a bit intense that you've been engaged a week (I wouldn't know, this thread says so) and you're already getting cranky (or having a vent) about planning issues -doesn't seem worth stressing about.

I don't know how people miss that I mentioned I was momentarily annoyed. Which means a total of maybe a minute tops, but I posted to vent within that minute.

I'm sure everyone gets annoyed about something at least one minute in their lifetime, but thanks for the advice.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

inviting a whole bunch of people to our wedding that we didn't even know, nor did she really, but were friends from her AOL chat group or whatever? I started getting back RSVP from people I'd never heard of, and who I know for sure were not on our list. And the list was really tight, because we got married on a boat which had an absolute max capacity of 80, including the wedding party.

DANG!

Bleh. I'm the kind that doesn't like to have assistance with anything really because I want to make sure it's quality and done correctly and the best guarentee is to do it myself, haha. The pre-packaged ready-to-go small wedding in Mexico just gets more and more attractive. (y)

[mikizee]

Don't even get me started. Shall I tell you about how THE ONE THING I let my mom get involved in in our wedding - sending out the invitations - led to her inviting a whole bunch of people to our wedding that we didn't even know, nor did she really, but were friends from her AOL chat group or whatever? I started getting back RSVP from people I'd never heard of, and who I know for sure were not on our list. And the list was really tight, because we got married on a boat which had an absolute max capacity of 80, including the wedding party. Gah! Now I'm all mad all over again. Good thing for her she's dead or I'd be calling up to yell at her about it all over again. Crazy bitch.

Ha wow thats pretty shitty, there's no real justification for doing that. Hope you let her have it

[hpdrifter]

Dude, it's totally okay for you to be annoyed. People have really inappropriate boundaries around weddings. Its really bad in the beginning right after you get engaged and toward the end when things really start to take shape. For me there was a decent lull in the middle where the jackasses mostly left me alone.

Also, peachy, my mom did the same thing and when I asked her to get her friends to RSVP she said "Oh, if they come, they come." Apparently my seating chart could just take a flying leap. And did I mention this was like a week before my wedding? Anyway, I ended up paying for 10 people at $100 per plate who no showed.

God willing I'll find love again but I have no desire to ever get married again. Ever.

[skra75]

I'm late to the party as always. Congrats Miss!
And good luck to you on your wedding planning. Overseas wedding is definitely the way to go, it takes the awkward out of your invite list and makes things so much smoother (and cheaper).

[nodanaonlyzuul]

Thanks hp.

I guess it's hard for people to understand who have not experienced it because you really do get bombarded(I would triple underline that if I could) by a ton people when you get engaged. It's hard not to be annoyed for at least a moment. At the same time it's not like it ruins everything, still eating at me, or that I'm letting it take away from my actual engagement. It's just like having a little fly that is buzzing around your head now and again, it's annoying but not the end of the world. I just wanted to say "the fly is annoying me" so I can move on and ignore it.

I'm late to the party as always. Congrats Miss!
And good luck to you on your wedding planning. Overseas wedding is definitely the way to go, it takes the awkward out of your invite list and makes things so much smoother (and cheaper).

Thank you!

And yes, everything about having it overseas certainly is easier, cheaper, and it will mean less people will get the invite/will attend. Just how we want it. (y) :D

[zippo]

aww, a little stress always come with planning such a big event....so i was reading this thread and theres one more getting married in a few months: me! congrats to everyone and whatsup to the rest...i think it'll be forever inevitable to come back and read everyone every once in a while...
weddings!
next it'll be everyones having kids.

[ms.peachy]

...so i was reading this thread and theres one more getting married in a few months: me!

Congrats!

next it'll be everyones having kids.

Well, then you'll all really learn something about planning being taken out of your hands.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

Yes, congrats zippo!


Well, then you'll all really learn something about planning being taken out of your hands.

haha (y)

[Turchinator]

bbmb's all growns up...

count me in the recently engaged board members crew as of this past weekend!