Getting laid with some regularity is nice.

[ScarySquirrel]

However, it's a bit frustrating not knowing exactly where you stand in the relationship department. See... she broke up with her boyfriend back in August and we started hanging out as strictly friends at first.

But things happened one night and now it's a whole different ballgame. I've pursued the idea of a real relationship, but not with any success so far. She admits there is a good possibility for it down the line... but we're not having it yet apparently.

Part of it may have to do with the fact that we're co-workers. A further part of the problem may have to do with the fact that her ex recent just got hired in our workplace in the department next to ours. She also states she just doesn't want a relationship right now but is interested in one in the future... she needs time to just be single and decide what she wants.

Yet... she's over at my house every night for at least a visit and stays over night at least 3 times a week. I have no idea what the fuck to make of this mess of a situation so I turn to the wise-asses of the BBMB. Am I wasting my time here trying to pursue a relationship? Is she filling me full of bullshit to keep the nice treatment? Or does this thing have potential? The girls of the BBMB, I'm particularly interested in your take on this... let me have it, suckers...

[Tone Capone]

I think that since she already told you that she wants to be single for awhile, you should just let it ride the way it is. The last thing you want to do is start pressuring her. You'll be without a relationship AND without regular sex. It's entirely possible that she does want a relationship, just not with you. OR she is waiting to see what happens with the work situation. Again, she told you that she didn't want a relationship right now, as long as you two are getting it on, I think you should ride that until the wheels fall off :-p

[Helvete]

I agree with Señor Tone, keep on at it, and if something more happens, it happens. Don't get too attached and cry about things if she wants to see someone else though.

[gbsuey]

Okaay....i can say with a lot of certainty, if she's just come out of a relationship and is saying that she doesn't yet want a new one that you have to try really hard not to get too attached. And i totally know so well that it's never that easy...emotions always fuck things up. but if you don't think you can handle keeping it light and easy then don't let yourself get hurt. good luck and just enjoy the regular sex!

[NicRN77]

If it is a relationship you want, you may be waiting a long time...and never get it. So, if that's what you want I would say move on. But if you really need the sex and can live without the relationship, keep doing what you're doing.

I've been having a friends with benefits relationship with my ex boyfriend. I guess I displayed some behaviors he thought meant I wanted a relationship so now he's "done." I'm a bit pissed about the whole thing...as I don't want a relationship (with him) and really don't know what I did. I personally think he's screwing another girl now. Oh well.

good luck!

[ScarySquirrel]

I have a few other details that, I think, make this a stronger case for the relationship thing- but don't really wanna take the time to type all that out. So, I guess I'll keep the people coming who all think I need to just stick with getting laid and forget about relationships.

But, I guess I'll give some more details and see if that changes anything. The amount of time this girl and I spend together is ridiculous... mutual days off we're always together the entirety, at work we're always together, when we're not actually together she's texting me non-stop. We also go on weekly non-double dates (for lack of a better term) with a married couple I know. This past week or two we've been doing dinner together every night... usually followed by a movie with cuddling/hand holding.

Maybe I'm grasping at straws, but I think there are a lot of signs that are pointing much towards relationship as opposed to just fuck buddy. I dunno if any of that changes anything for anyone... but there's more shit too and just wanted to throw it out there since I think my original post was slightly sparse in detail....

But, thanks so far for the advice and opinions. I do appreciate it. Keep 'em coming, y'all.

[gbsuey]

hey sneaky squirrel-sounds more like you in a relationship already! just be wary...people are stupidly unpredictable:(

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I think that since she already told you that she wants to be single for awhile, you should just let it ride the way it is. The last thing you want to do is start pressuring her. You'll be without a relationship AND without regular sex. It's entirely possible that she does want a relationship, just not with you. OR she is waiting to see what happens with the work situation. Again, she told you that she didn't want a relationship right now, as long as you two are getting it on, I think you should ride that until the wheels fall off :-p

This.

It can go either way, honestly.

Sometimes some time truly is necessary. In my personal experience I've had both things happen:

My fiance had to wait about 3 months before I finally was ready to make it official (because I just had gotten out of something I thought was getting serious right before him). The best thing was that he never pressured me on it. He asked once and then one more time a bit later, but that was it. When I'd explain why I'm not ready yet, he'd nod, said he understood, and we'd move on. Eventually I wanted to make it official and so we did and now we are getting married. :p

I've also been with a man for a few months without wanting to make it official, again, because I needed time. Ultimately I decided that I shouldn't be with anyone at that point in my life. It was true because my life was kind of a mess then. I had to focus on what I needed to do for myself, financially and mentally, before being in a relationship.

Best of luck, dude.

[jabumbo]

can i add a question to ask what you ladies do to deem whatever the situation is a real relationship?


in college,i was in sort of a similar situation with a girl where we were together all of the time, but according to her we were never a "real couple". so what in the world did i not do for her to think of it that way?

[Echewta]

in college,i was in sort of a similar situation with a girl where we were together all of the time, but according to her we were never a "real couple". so what in the world did i not do for her to think of it that way?

Been there done that. Hung out all the time but when I brought it up "I don't want to be girlfriend/boyfriend." When I started dating someone and spending time with the new person, suddenly she did.

Chicks...

[ScarySquirrel]

I'm typing this from my phone as I'm sitting outside her empty house, waiting for the FedEx guy to deliver a package that MUST be signed for. Which brings me to another question...

I'm basically acting boyfriend without the official title in all honesty. So, should I stop doing all the nice shit and go back to what it was like when we were genuinely just friends? I'm thinking probably not but I don't want to get taken advantage of either.

Fuck. This shit seems way more complicated than it should be. Now where the fuck is this FedEx guy?

[gbsuey]

Jabumbo... i would say when your actions would properly affect the other person you could consider yourself in a relationship.

s squirrel...how much have you brought up the subject of where you two are actually at? i mean would it piss her off if you were to ask her again sometime soon? sounds to me like you need to know at least a bit what the future's holding

[ScarySquirrel]

Yeah, in order to prevent applying too much pressure, one of those talks is not in the cards any time soon. I've had a couple talks with her on the subject, but have been trying to tread very lightly... Moments of drunkenness can make that go out the window real fast though. She doesn't act/seem weirded out or awkward about it though, so I really don't know if I'm being too pressure-y or just acting within my bounds.

And this damn FedEx dude still isn't here. What the fuck.

[The Notorious LOL]

I once spent a lot of time evaulating the status of a relationship that was undefined rather than just enjoying it for what it was, which was basically like yours. Eventually it fizzled and it was sad as the end of any relationship is, but it ran its course. Enjoy it, and make the most of it and cross that bridge as it comes if it does.

[Echewta]

And don't wait for the FedEx guy. Thats crazytown.

[cosmo105]

My "I just broke up with my boyfriend and don't want a relationship, and want to be single, but still let's hang out all the time" experience was a bad one. I started hooking up with a close friend as a rebound, not expecting anything of it. We ended up spending a lot of time together, but I didn't really think anything of it and kept seeing other people too. I kept the guy around because I had been attracted to him for a long while, and he was fun enough, but apparently he was pretty much in love with me and had been wanting to date me for years. I had no idea at the time, until he started getting clingy. At one point I gave in and said, okay, we can be official, and then things just got to be too much. I realized I really was not interested in dating him at all, and sadly just liked having someone around...and yet still be able to see other people if I wanted, and kick him out when I felt like it. It was pretty awful of me :( I realized I was being a jerk, and that I didn't want to drag it out any further, put an end to it, and he basically went insane on me.

Obviously your situation is different, but I'm just saying, if I had really wanted to pursue a real relationship with the guy I would have. I wasn't ready for it, and was never truly interested. It was just too easy to soak up the attention and affection, especially when reeling from a sad breakup when I was used to having a partner.

Crystal's story shows the opposite side - but I dunno, it sounds like you guys are pretty deeply involved, moreso than she and her dude were at the time, and pretty much have a relationship. You're waiting for her mail to arrive? That's a relationship, although maybe not strictly defined (and maybe not exclusive, either). It's up to you if you're comfortable with it where it is, and are fine with either letting it ride or waiting and seeing what happens.

[Kid Presentable]

First of all SS, I think you should marvel at the fact that Tone Capone posted something that wasn't centred around his life in Germany. It really is one of those Christmas miracle-type things.

I mean, all the guy usually does is post threads intermittently about how he hasn't posted in a while, or that he is in Germany, or that it's snowing, or any combination of these things. Sometimes something miltaristic squeaks out into the underpants of his discourse, too.

It's a wonder that you manged to extrapolate a response from him that did none of these things. I was convinced he was a bot, but now I'm totally re-evaluating things. It's always good to be surprised, I must say. (y)

I have given that fact more thought than you should give this chick situation.

[ScarySquirrel]

I gotta say the response from TNLOL is more of a surprise to me. I was fully expecting a sarcastic, possibly degrading or insulting response and got something genuine instead. Hmmm...

Thanks for all the input, guys. I guess I'll see where things go...

[Dorothy Wood]

if she wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend, she wouldn't say she doesn't want a relationship.

I had a fake boyfriend for about a year and a half, we didn't go on dates or hang out before 1 am ever, but we also were friends and didn't always have sex. when I started to suspect he liked me as more than a makeout buddy, I abandoned ship.

I acted like a dick, and this chick is acting like one too.

I say don't be a bitch, if it's strictly a fuck buddy situation then she doesn't have a right to treat you like a boyfriend.

[The Notorious LOL]

I gotta say the response from TNLOL is more of a surprise to me. I was fully expecting a sarcastic, possibly degrading or insulting response and got something genuine instead. Hmmm...


It gets old eventually. Its almost embarassing reading some of my old posts...luckily I dont spend a lot of time regretting things, especially not internets posts.

[sjp]

Why would you want to make it complicated and go relationship, keep it simple and keep banging her.

[cosmo105]

I acted like a dick, and this chick is acting like one too.

I say don't be a bitch, if it's strictly a fuck buddy situation then she doesn't have a right to treat you like a boyfriend.

Boom. Wisdom.

[ScarySquirrel]

I've just been asked about moving in together once my lease is up...

Um, WTF... Maybe?

[Bob]

I've just been asked about moving in together once my lease is up...

Um, WTF... Maybe?

i don't know a lot about women but that sounds like a complicated idea

[Helvete]

i don't know a lot about women but that sounds like a complicated idea
Haha, yeah.

Well, Adam, I can tell that you like this girl, and you would like to actually be in a proper relationship with her, but you need to watch yourself when it comes to having feelings for her. Her asking you to move in certainly confuses things, because it's not really the sort of thing you say to someone you don't want to be with. But she could be one of these fickle girls who would move in with you but then fuck you about down the line.

How long until your lease runs out? See how it goes until then, try not to get too attached and what happens happens.

Trouble I have found with having a laid back attitude to girls and not letting myself get too attached is that when they start saying they love me and shit, I don't love them back and it ends soon after. So yeah, there is being too detached which can be a problem also. I haven't got the right balance yet.

[Echewta]

If you move in with her, you can always wait for the FedEx packages.

Not a good idea brother. If she changes her mind and starts fooling around with other people when you live together, then you get to be bummed out and watch when she goes out, who she brings over, why did he use your cereal bowl, etc.

You need to be in a relationship for some time before moving in.

[Bob]

why did he use your cereal bowl, etc.


that would be awful!

[Freebasser]

God, yeah. Imagine the questions running around your head:

"Which cereal did he use?"
"How much milk did he use?"
"Was his cereal tastier than mine?"

Cruel :(

[miss soul fire]

I'm sorry to inform you, but when a person says he/she's not interested in a relationship at the moment, it's an excuse to not to get in a relationship with you. I hope you find the right person soon though.:)And you are a man, so, enjoy the free sex. I guess. Ew, men.:D

[miss soul fire]

I've just been asked about moving in together once my lease is up...

Um, WTF... Maybe?

Just say NO.

Next thing you know, you'll be washing her gross underwear.:p

[kaiser soze]

I've just been asked about moving in together once my lease is up...

Um, WTF... Maybe?

loosely translated - "Will you please pay my bills for me."

IT's A TRAP! (http://www.likecool.com/Gear/Pic/Its%20a%20Trap/Its-a-Trap-1.jpg)

[Helvete]

Woo, 2nd date with an awesome girl tomorrow, I'm so excited.

[ToucanSpam]

SS, I feel like you're getting somewhat used as a stand-in boyfriend. My pessimist instincts say "walk away now before you're too attached," but I honestly say that only based on what you've told us in this thread and my current frame of mind when it comes to relationships. I'd really hate to read a follow up that says "Well guys turns out I was just one of a couple of fuck buddies" and so on. I guess what it really comes down to is whether you are willing to deal with the prospect of her deciding it's a no-go with you; is she worth potentially being stomped on?

I hope this works out in the best possible way for you, whatever that may be. Were I in your shoes, I'd be exercising a lot of caution in order to not be too attached.

[Echewta]

I dont think she is letting him post here anymore.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I've just been asked about moving in together once my lease is up...

Um, WTF... Maybe?

NO.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

You aren't even in a relationship with her yet. Considering your past posts I would still stick by my original comments on the matter.

But now? Seeing this? She wants to live with you but not yet be in a relationship with you because she "needs time"?

My bullshit detector is going off.

[M|X|Y]

ya blind, man... BLIND!

[ScarySquirrel]

I've got quite some time before my current lease is up at the place I'm at now, so the moving in thing won't happen for a while if it even does.

As for the relationship thing, well, we're still in the same spot we were when I last posted in here. I'm trying not to get too attached, but... it's kinda hard. Today I'm meeting her step-mom (which is more important to her than her own mom) and we're all going out to dinner. I still basically have no idea WTF to make of all this.

But I do still like getting laid. So I'm rolling with it.

[Lemmy's Liver]

I'm sitting outside her empty house, waiting for the FedEx guy to deliver a package that MUST be signed for.
(y)

Out of context, I can count ~3 things wrong in that.

Be safe, Squirrel. I am not here, so I can't even comment... but I once again agree with TNLOL. He is your man of wisdom, for real.