Gotta vent somewhere...

[ScarySquirrel]

I realize I'm being a whiny, over-analytical douche but I gotta vent somehow. The following message contains stuff about my girlfriend and me being a clueless dolt. You've been warned and probably had your interest piqued at the same time.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months now. We've lived together for the past 4 or so. Lately, within the past week or so, things seem to be a bit off with her and I can't wrap my head around it.

Where she used to text me nonstop and instantly, it's fallen off. I can text and wait hours for an answer or just have it go completely ignored. At night sometimes when she used to be a complete cuddle freak, she now has taken to saying, "Good night" and turning the other way. Just on normal day to day conversations it seems like she can be really irritated when I ask her how work was or something, but when I ask what's wrong the answer is, of course, "Nothing."

It's getting really hard not to have bad thoughts and think that this is headed towards the shitter. It's really starting to affect my mood too. But, analyzing my own behavior, I can't see anything that has changed that would cause a reaction like this. I'd like to just say that the "honeymoon stage" is over and this is just a phase... but it seems pretty abrasive for just being the end of the honeymoon stage.

She has mentioned that she wishes she got out more with her friends instead of just hanging out with me all the time, and I completely understand that, but I don't know why it would turn into this kind of backlash. I could go on and on about this, and I feel like I have already, but I don't wanna transcribe every minute detail of our relationship. Of course, if anyone needs a specific question answered for better insight, I'd be happy to oblige... maybe.

But really, I just had to write it down and get it out there. You guys are my victims. Sorry 'bout that. I'm still trying to figure this out though... so your thoughts are appreciated.

[Echewta]

"Nothing" isn't fair dude. If something is bothering her, she needs to tell you whats up because its natural for the sig other to feel its them. May not be anything you did but you are feeling guilty.

You need to sit her down, go through all of the changes you notice and tell her she needs to tell you whats up. If she doesn't, you may want to think about dating someone who may have more of their act together and is willing to communicate like adults/lovers should.

Best

[saz]

let her know that if she wants to go out more with her friends, that it's cool and you completely understand. convey that to her and just keep being yourself, and perhaps talk to her about it. i think that's all you can really do. and perhaps surprise her with a romantic dinner or something.

[Kid Presentable]

Get out before it gets worse.

[miss soul fire]

Love yourself first. Do the same thing she's doing to you. She's way too sure of your love. Do that for a while (maybe 2 weeks) and let's see what happens. If it doesn't work, tell her you got tired of her attitude and simply break up with her. Good luck, Adam.

[Lex Diamonds]

Sounds like you're being a whiny, over-analytical douche.

Or:
Get out before it gets worse.

[Kid Presentable]

I think msf is proposing game-playing, which will in fact make it worse.

[miss soul fire]

I think msf is proposing game-playing, which will in fact make it worse.

Sometimes life's a game. Either you play it and play well or you can be 100% honest all the time and make a fool of yourself every damn time. It's good to be honest most of the time, but you can't be addicted to it. When I play a videgame I don't do it all the time. Sometimes you just gotta play the game!:p

[cosmo105]

Playing with other people isn't cool, though, and neither is what this gal is doing to you, SS. Love shouldn't be one-sided and uncommunicative. Something is up with her, big time. If you try to sit down and sort it out with her and she ain't doing it, then move on, because nobody deserves to put up with that shit.

[Kid Presentable]

Sometimes life's a game. Either you play it and play well or you can be 100% honest all the time and make a fool of yourself every damn time. It's good to be honest most of the time, but you can't be addicted to it. When I play a videgame I don't do it all the time. Sometimes you just gotta play the game!:p

Sometimes you just gotta act like an adult.

[cosmo105]

Seriously, if someone was "playing games" with me I'd just peace the fuck out. If we're talking casual dating that's one thing - there are all sorts of bullshit rules. But in a real relationship that shit is unacceptable and not worth a moment of your time.

[miss soul fire]

Sometimes you just gotta act like an adult.

I've tried being an adult my whole life and it never worked! An adult can play games. "Look how mature I am I keep asking her what's wrong and she made sweet asshole, like we say here. It's nothing. Nothing." Well, if he acted like an adult and she didn't act like one, then he should mees up with her head. Sorry, I've been stupid my whole time and believed people and let them talk to me whenever they wanted and it doesn't always work, so sometimes you just gotta play the game!

[miss soul fire]

Sometimes you just gotta act like an adult.

Sometimes it's not all the time, then, there you go! The other times when being an adult didn't work out, then play the damn game.

Sometimes we just need reaction. This girl is already sure of his love and he keeps asking her what's the problem and she just doesn't wanna say it. Since he can't force her, play her game to see her reaction or just broke up with her.

[cosmo105]

It's not about what you have to do to "win" or whatever. It's about that person being an asshole! The right person doesn't make you play games.

[miss soul fire]

It's not about what you have to do to "win" or whatever. It's about that person being an asshole! The right person doesn't make you play games.

Well, and that's what's she's doing to him. He tried to talk to her, she chose not to, so dump her!

[Adam]

When you say "past week or so". Is it a week or so or more than a week or so.

If we're talking a month or so then something is up but a week or so - in my experience and that can totally be within a reasonable time frame for someone to have the grumps (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzDK70zO-Eo) on.

Good luck.

[ScarySquirrel]

A week or so meaning about a week. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less.

I think I've figured it out though, and it's one thing that I can relate to, and understand. I didn't need her to tell me either, I just had to pay more attention.

My girlfriend has some issues with body image, like a lot of women. I'm not trying to disrespect her, but it is a safe bet to say that she is a little bit bigger than average. Her step-mom's family always gives her a really difficult time about this and she is flying out to Seattle next month for a wedding where they will all be. She's really feeling insecure, she knows she's going to face this undeserved ridicule, and it's starting to bother her. She's been dieting and working out but not always with the consistency that is key to making it really work... and I've tried helping her (since I've done it myself, but need to get back on doing it right), but she wants to do it on her own- which I also respect.

In high-school she was really fit. Swim team, medal winner, state champion, all that jazz. She had a bad car accident shortly after graduating and her ability to exercise/move like she used to was taken away from her for a long time resulting in a weight gain that she never really recovered from. Being overweight, or even feeling like you're fat, is not really something that's easy to talk about... and I know that more than anyone I can think of. She's got this weighing on her mind (pun not intended) and that's making her shut down a bit, it's also making her feel unattractive which means no hugs, kisses, or anything more for me... which I can deal with and try to work with her on.

But, judging from her actions as of late (working out before and after work, eating less, making a good attempt to eat healthier when she sits down for dinner, skipping dessert, etc.) and her talking about the upcoming wedding and seeing her step-mom's family, I think I'm pretty right on.

I dunno if that makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me. Of course, keep the feedback coming if you have any... I'm still not 100% on this one. And for those of you who have responded, thanks, it's good to know y'all have my back.

[Adam]

Sounds like you've figured it out. You'll know her better than we do, we all have our issues that over take our rational selves.

[Bob]

A week or so meaning about a week. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less.

I think I've figured it out though, and it's one thing that I can relate to, and understand. I didn't need her to tell me either, I just had to pay more attention.

My girlfriend has some issues with body image, like a lot of women. I'm not trying to disrespect her, but it is a safe bet to say that she is a little bit bigger than average. Her step-mom's family always gives her a really difficult time about this and she is flying out to Seattle next month for a wedding where they will all be. She's really feeling insecure, she knows she's going to face this undeserved ridicule, and it's starting to bother her. She's been dieting and working out but not always with the consistency that is key to making it really work... and I've tried helping her (since I've done it myself, but need to get back on doing it right), but she wants to do it on her own- which I also respect.

In high-school she was really fit. Swim team, medal winner, state champion, all that jazz. She had a bad car accident shortly after graduating and her ability to exercise/move like she used to was taken away from her for a long time resulting in a weight gain that she never really recovered from. Being overweight, or even feeling like you're fat, is not really something that's easy to talk about... and I know that more than anyone I can think of. She's got this weighing on her mind (pun not intended) and that's making her shut down a bit, it's also making her feel unattractive which means no hugs, kisses, or anything more for me... which I can deal with and try to work with her on.

But, judging from her actions as of late (working out before and after work, eating less, making a good attempt to eat healthier when she sits down for dinner, skipping dessert, etc.) and her talking about the upcoming wedding and seeing her step-mom's family, I think I'm pretty right on.

I dunno if that makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me. Of course, keep the feedback coming if you have any... I'm still not 100% on this one. And for those of you who have responded, thanks, it's good to know y'all have my back.

i'm glad you figured that out before you started taking everyone's advice to dump her

[kaiser soze]

If anyone understands the drive to make a difference in one's life - that would be you SS.

[Planetary]

Gee, SS. You're so great :D(y);)(!):confused:

[Dorothy Wood]

seems like she could be crabby because she's hungry and tired...all that extra working out and lowering calories all at once is super draining.

could be PMS too...but don't you dare ask her about it. seriously. NEVER ASK IF IT'S PMS. ha.


It's nice that you've kinda maybe figured out what the problem is, but you should really work towards being able to talk about things without it being a mystery you need to solve. It's the key to harmony, for reals.

[BowieCokeMirror]

cum in her and hope to knock her up. that way you have her trapped. HIGH 5!

[like2_drink]

9 months is usually right around the time significant others usually tell each other if they've killed someone/ if they'll kill again..just a heads up.

From past experience, having a gf want to go out w her girls more, having the roll over goodnight, and losing the instantanious texting craze, she did get quiet, and we did break up; after nearly 3 years bro. Somethings just aren't meant to be - not saying u two aren't, but you're not (sorry, had to say it after saying I wasn't saying it, disregard the last few words - or don't, its up to you, afterall).

[Adam]

Too much over analysing here.

People have moods that last from one minute to several years. Depending on the length and the intensity of the mood depends if help or a talk or some sort of intervention is needed. Sounds all kinda minor to me but doing something different might help.

[M|X|Y]

I think an important lesson to learn is that people don't change too much when it comes to stuff like this. If you can deal with the mysteries and such, more power to you. But if you think that some day this will resolve itself and things will be great from there on out, it won't happen. There will always be a new mystery to solve. Maybe you can learn to not have stuff like that bother you or maybe you can meet someone who isnt that way. Everyone's different so who knows. Good Luck.

[Nuzzolese]

This has been going on for only about a week and you got that worried? Be more patient. Sometimes it takes several days for a person to be able to know why they are feeling so "off" and until they know what's bothering them it's hard to explain it to someone else. Haven't you ever just felt anxious or depressed and you couldn't really say why? If you tried to explain it to someone they'd just hear little things that don't seem to logically add up to a good reason? Is she on birth control pills?

Sometimes I feel like I'm at the mercy of my scheduled hormonal changes. When I start a new pack of pills each month I feel amazing. I feel fun and smart and have all this energy and my mood is good and I sleep well. But by the end of the pack, when the hormone levels have dropped twice (or is it raised? I can't remember how they work I just know they kill God's intended babies and that's all I care about) I start to feel worse, my mood drops, my energy drops, I feel ugly and stupid. I just have to remind myself that it's my hormones.

[gbsuey]

Jeezuz, that's how i feel without the pills, just the normal highs and lows of natural hormone levels! I really cannot offer any advice on this, sorry, just to wish you that it all works out for you. I have to say, after living in a relationship full of awkwardness and uncertainty this is the exact reason i just never want to do it again but it's a crap outlook i know and hopefully you're much stronger at these things than i'll ever be.