Scary Lady

[Nuzzolese]

My new office mate is an ex-con lady who is really kind of scary.

She started working here in a strange way, because she wasn't trained in the type of work she was hired to do but they were so desperate for someone that they hired her. She had previously been working as a community educator in an AIDS clinic and this is a university administrative office. It's not like she can't do the work, she just isn't familiar with it. What I do isn't any harder than what she did. She just had to learn to type and learn how the office works, specific stuff.

She's always talking about her past and about how she used to fight people all the time and how she murdered her husband and went to prison. She still talks about how she has to suppress her anger. She jokes about fighting people now and how she'd handle hypothetical situations. Even though it's a joke it kind of makes me nervous like, I'd better not piss her off or she'll take off her jewelry and kick off her shoes and then take out my eyes.

She was pretty intimidating to my boss. My boss let her do whatever she wanted. Like, she gets to leave early twice a week to go to massage therapy school and I don't see where or when she ever makes up the time. She misses at least one day a week calling in sick.

Then my boss quit, currently I have no boss, but before she left she held this little meeting with me and the scary lady and said she wanted me to mentor the scary lady and give her assignments and train her more. uhhh....hehe. What if I piss her off? She'll murder me!

Anyway, she's a really bad worker. She comes in late, she doesn't do much while she's here but socialize with another lady who works here- usually bitching about her family or some guy she's datin- take long breaks, and talk or text on the phone. She's really kind of unprofessional the way she talks - cursing a lot on the phone.

At the end of her day each day, her kids always come up to the office to pick her up. I've never understood why they don't just pull up outside and call her or why she doesn't just go down to meet them since it's the same time each day. The kids are kind of scary-looking at first but they're nice and friendly. The only thing is it's a bit distracting when they come up because they all hang out in there with her a talk to her for a while.

After my boss quit I tried to ask the department head for some help - told him that the scary lady talked and socialized too much and it was annoying to me. He didn't really care. I was afraid to tell on her because if she got in trouble she'd know it was me who said something and then she'd murder me! She said she doesn't want to go back to jail but that she's not afraid of it.

[SP1200]

Post a picture of this lady.

[Nuzzolese]

I don't have any pictures of her. She's tall, she's an inverted triangle body type. She's african-american with medium-light skin. She doesn't seem to wear makeup. She changes her hair from time to time. She has large eyes. She said that she used to be a model when she was younger but I have trouble believing it because she doesn't have very striking bone structure or anything. I'd estimate that she's probably considered overweight by medical professionals at this time in her life. She has a gap in her two lower front teeth.

[Nuzzolese]

she murdered her husband!!!

[Myu-to]

Prolly just saying all that stuff so people will be afraid to do anything to her for not doing her job.

She doesn't have a husband anymore because she's crazy, and built like a triangle.

[SP1200]

she murdered her husband!!!

Sometimes murder is justifiable. Ask her why she did it so I can better gauge if it was neccessary.

[M|X|Y]

I worked with a guy who murdered someone in what turned out to be self defense, but murdered - yeah. I didnt know that about this guy for a long while. I was a kid, maybe 19 and he was in his mid 30's I think. I was sort of his boss at the time at this shitty telemarketing place and he invited me over for a bbq one time. Hangin out over beers he told me about his past but he seemed to be genuinely remorseful about it, not like SCARY LADY. He had done time and was trying to rebuild his life and actually making pretty good money selling shit on the phone. I really quite liked the guy actually.

You're in a shitty situation there with that... what can you really do but go with it? Maybe try and win her respect somehow? How do you win a psychopath's respect other than making them think you're a bigger psychopath? Or that you are related to one? That's tough.

Till you figure it out, I would keep things as detached, sterile and minimal as possible.

[Nuzzolese]

An inverted triangle. That's an important part of her scariness, because she has big broad shoulders and big arms.

She told me why she murdered her husband. She said it was in self defense. She stabbed him.

She has very interesting stories, whether or not they're all true I don't know.

For example, her ex died in the earthquake in Haiti. They never found his body, just his cell phone.

She has somewhere around 7 children. Two of them are identical twin daughters but she only keeps a photo on her desk of one of them. I guess because they look alike, she only needs the one? IDK but the story of their conception is interesting because her husband at the time had an identical twin brother and they played a trick on her where they fooled her into sleeping with the brother.

[M|X|Y]

Don't listen to any more stories.

[Nuzzolese]

Maybe that's why she's so scary. She doesn't ever seem remorseful emotionally. She just laughs about it or sounds jaded about the sad things. She says she's a changed person now and not so violent, because she realizes it just gets her in trouble and sent to prison.

She has trouble with authority figures though and tends to take things too personally. Like one time when our boss signed her up for a learning seminar without asking her permission first. Scary lady got all pissed off and told our boss "you don't do that!" and I was thinking, this is your JOB and your BOSS signed you up for something work-related on work time. Your boss doesn't need your permission, it's your boss's job to tell you what to do AT WORK. jeeze louise! (scary lady was upset because she had planned to leave early for school that day)

[Echewta]

Two of them are identical twin daughters but she only keeps a photo on her desk of one of them. I guess because they look alike, she only needs the one?
Thats pretty awesome. A practical woman she is.

[Nuzzolese]

Don't listen to any more stories.

But they're so unreal and crazy! I started asking her more questions when things sounded unbelievable, trying to catch her up in more lies but I think it started to piss her off. I don't think she likes me anymore and she talks about me when she's taking those long breaks with some other ladies. I've avoided talking to anyone about her though. Except you guys!!

[Nuzzolese]

Thats pretty awesome. A practical woman she is.

I thought that was pretty LOLZ, myself.

[Myu-to]

This thread is an instant classic.

I think you should get into a crazy story contest with her. Anything she says top it with a story that is bigger and has more horrific events in it. Then get a dreamy, distant look in your eyes, and smile like that sure was fun.

[Myu-to]

Also, is there a geometric shapes you could start to resemble?

[SP1200]

She sounds like a screw up and screw ups can't hold jobs. She will be out of your hair within the year but you'll just have to put up with her until she gets fired or walks out.

[fonky pizza]

Thats pretty awesome. A practical woman she is.

LOL!:D megacagate spaziali!

[gbsuey]

Maybe if you are totally, almost ott honest with her things may be easier. Like tell her you are a little intimidated by her as you've never met a murderer...all be it in self defence....and some of the stories flying around are pretty off the wall and that you find some of her working practices uncomfortable. She may not give a fuck but she may appreciate the honesty. Or just make up some stories that you used to be in a hardcore vigilante ass kicking gang! I'm sure someone could photoshop you into some suitable pictures. Or develop a tourettes style tic when she's around and she'll maybe just stay away.

[Echewta]

If you tell her you are intimadated by her, your work will be like prison. You'll become her bitch and you'll have to go run errands for her, etc. "Go give these copies to my boss and make sure to get two packs of smokes back." I say stay away as much as you can and keep an eye on her letter opener. Should could get shank flashbacks.

And whatever you do, don't ever yell out "Attica!"

[Myu-to]

^DO NOT SAY THAT YOU ARE INTIMIDATED BY HER!!!

This is terrible advice. I work with many people like her, and this is not the way. Seriously, show no reaction to her stories.

Sorry gbusey, I know your heart was in the right place, but this is a bad idea.

[Nuzzolese]

I gave her one filing job to do and she flew around singing to herself while filing, like it was the most fun she'd had in years. I wasn't sure whether she was really enjoying it - and if so what that could mean about a possible work-time drug abuse - or if she was overcompensating with happiness to hide her secret annoyance at being given an assignment by me.

I haven't asked for her to do anything since. I could really use her help with some things but honestly I don't want to help her keep her job or worse - get promoted to my level; which is what my old boss was apparently trying to do for her. (this I got really angry about and it's a long story. My old boss was a liar and she screwed me out of a well-deserved promotion for a year until I finally went over her head and demanded it for myself from the dean and I got it. Then I found out she was apparently trying to help this lazy unprofessional scary lady to get to where I had to struggle to be just because she was intimidated by her or something!) Scary lady wants to be a massage therapist, she doesn't want to do this work. We all know this, she's said this to us quite unambiguously.

[Nuzzolese]

I plug in my headphones and ignore her as much as possible. I have been operating under the impression that I need to show strength to people like her.


I don't want to be somebody's bitch!

[Echewta]

I have to admit that I have "get a massage by a convicted felon" on my bucket list.

[Nuzzolese]

She has some pretty gross massage stories!

I've never had one of those real massages where you take your clothes off and lie down. I've only had a sample massage at a health fair where I sat in a chair and remained fully clothed. It only lasted about 5 minutes.

[Myu-to]

I plug in my headphones and ignore her as much as possible. I have been operating under the impression that I need to show strength to people like her.
Damn skippy! This is the correct way to act, like it doesn't bother you. That you've seen worse things, and know crazier people than her.


I don't want to be somebody's bitch!
Agreed, so at lunch time if she asks you to toss her salad, just say no.

[Myu-to]

I have to admit that I have "get a massage by a convicted felon" on my bucket list.
I have had one. He had strong hands, used a lot of lotion, tried to play with my butt too much.

[Nuzzolese]

how do you know when playing with one's butt has become "too much"?

[Myu-to]

When a "working out some of the tension" turns into "swiping the credit card".

[Echewta]

You are really missing out if you havent had the full body massage. Will change your life bro, seriously.

[Nuzzolese]

It's a relief to talk about her to someone. I'm actually starting to feel a little guilty for being so judgemental. So, she murdered her husband. He may or may not have been the one to trick her into conceiving twins with his brother. He probably pissed her off a lot, like her recent boyfriend. She's loved and lossed in life. She's always been nice to me, she tells me she likes my hair and my clothes and my style.

[Myu-to]

She's just going to scalp you, and wear your hair.

[Nuzzolese]

aww skitt! I better chop it now. At least pixies are so in right now!

[Nuzzolese]

Would you ever date someone who had murdered his or her spouse?

[Myu-to]

Did she ask you out, or just a random thought?

As for me, possibly. I mean, I'm sure they wouldn't offer up that info on a first date, and after enough time, maybe I would feel like they are ok.

However, I wouldn't check that off as one of my criteria though on match.com or anything.

How and when would you tell someone that you are dating that you killed someone?

[Nuzzolese]

I was just thinking about the guys she's dating now. I wonder if they know. I wonder if they know about that when they get her angry and she's telling them off on the phone at work.

I would offer that information on the first date, but maybe it depends on how long ago it happened. I think I would want to get it out there right away.

[SP1200]

Do you have a camera on your phone? You really need to post a pic. I dare you.

[Freebasser]

Didn't Norcen use to live with a convicted murderer?

I'd ask his opinion on what to do. If he's still alive that is.

[jackrock]

What happened to the creepy guy? The one who figured listening to music in public was like walking around with a photo album.

Maybe that was her husband!!

[Myu-to]

^ Good one. You sure work with an usually high number of crazy people.

Or, you are just really observant.

[gbsuey]

^DO NOT SAY THAT YOU ARE INTIMIDATED BY HER!!!

This is terrible advice. I work with many people like her, and this is not the way. Seriously, show no reaction to her stories.

Sorry gbusey, I know your heart was in the right place, but this is a bad idea.

I'm sure i've mentioned before that this is the reason i cringe when i decide to post in this kind of way...i'm really quite bad at it! Also, i'm never 100% sure how serious i am about what i write...i don't think anyone would actually take any of my super shit advice though so it's cool. Nuzz, i hope it all goes ok, i'm sure she won't kill you.

[Echewta]

Is it really murder if you kill someone in self defense? Isn't that "self defense" or possibly manslaughter? If she is running around saying she murdered her husband, thats pretty crazy.

I wouldn't date someone who was a convicted murder. But then again, I don't date people who smoke.

[Myu-to]

Not all murderers smoke.

Wait, Nuzz, does she smoke?

[Dorothy Wood]

I think you're probably a little extra intimidated by her because she's black, to put it bluntly. And she can probably tell that, and maybe that makes her kind of defensive. she also probably acts like that because everyone just lets her do it, and it's just a terrible cycle where people avoid really getting to know her, or even stop trying to communicate with her, so she's just gotten more and more obnoxious over time.


I say you start talking about your problems, if she is a mother, she'll probably try to help you. and then she'll like you over time, and you'll bond, even if her advice is terrible. And you'll develop a quiet affection for her that will gloss over any outburst she might continue to have, and work life will be tolerable once more.


Unless she's actually just an asshole, then just try to get her fired or use it as incentive to go somewhere else with your career.

(y)

[Yetra Flam]

The other week at work I received death threats from a pair of crazy Puerto Rican lesbians. (both of which had that same inverted triangle body shape) Basically they were customers of mine who blew a small situation way out of proportion and I guess the only way they know how to deal with conflict in situations is with threats of violence.
At the time i considered getting a restraining order, or even buying some pepper spray, (they know where i work, etc) but my coworkers have told me that they're not going to do anything. Everyone else (except me, obviously) seems to believe the theory that anyone that talks that much, is very very unlikely to ever act. Additionally, if you ever are going to be attacked or harmed in some way by someone, you're not going to see or hear it coming.

[fonky pizza]

Don't listen to any more stories.

I will, thanks.

[Nuzzolese]

Dorothy that's some good advice about the opening up. I did that at first when she first started here. I talked more openly about myself. But then when she exchanged her own stories they were so far from anything I could relate to, so dramatic and tragic and violent and at times defied what I thought was normal life. I got alienated.

She doesn't give advice as much as she just says what she would do if it had happened to her. Usually it involves a kerfuffle.

[Dorothy Wood]

well, I dunno then. I became friends with a guy at my last job that I didn't like at first because he was too abrasive. but then I ended up liking working with him because of the stories about his crazy life. like that time he slit somebody's throat on the train and jumped off at the next stop, because the guy was threatening him. Or the time he totaled his jaguar, or the time he made $20,000 in two weeks selling drugs.

[Nuzzolese]

As to the suggestion that I'm extra intimidated by her because she's black; I think that might give her attitude more credibility but she does have the inverted triangle thing. My old boss was black, my new boss is black.

I will say one thing about this and it might make me sound prejudiced but it comes from experience. Black women will help each other out and support one another regardless of having nothing in common besides race. I have seen an unfairness in how my black boss treated scary lady compared to how she treated the white women who worked twice as hard as scary lady. There's a black doctor here who openly expresses her desire to help out minorities at work and she was trying to really be a role model for my boss and for scary lady. She has been so nicey-nice to scary lady and asked her more about herself personally than I have ever seen her do for white women I work with.

At first I thought people were just intimidated by scary lady, like my boss letting her do whatever she wanted and get away with breaking the rules, making exceptions for her. But my boss may have been favoring her because she wants to see more women of color working in the office.

My new boss was friends with my old boss and I hope she's more fair. I hope she won't be intimated by scary lady, I hope she won't favor her unfairly just in the name of supporting fellow minorities.

Sure, there have been years of unfair allowances made for white people while hard-working minorities got the shaft. Does that mean I have to pay for the imbalance? Does that mean a lazy minority gets the benefit of the overcompensation? How is that any better than someone coasting along because their father owns the company or some such thing?

[fonky pizza]

I once had to meet a guy, he took an anti-anxiety pill just before, his eyes didn't look all right.

[fonky pizza]

Muhuhuhuhuhuhu:eek:

[Dorothy Wood]

As to the suggestion that I'm extra intimidated by her because she's black; I think that might give her attitude more credibility but she does have the inverted triangle thing. My old boss was black, my new boss is black.

I will say one thing about this and it might make me sound prejudiced but it comes from experience. Black women will help each other out and support one another regardless of having nothing in common besides race. I have seen an unfairness in how my black boss treated scary lady compared to how she treated the white women who worked twice as hard as scary lady. There's a black doctor here who openly expresses her desire to help out minorities at work and she was trying to really be a role model for my boss and for scary lady. She has been so nicey-nice to scary lady and asked her more about herself personally than I have ever seen her do for white women I work with.

At first I thought people were just intimidated by scary lady, like my boss letting her do whatever she wanted and get away with breaking the rules, making exceptions for her. But my boss may have been favoring her because she wants to see more women of color working in the office.

My new boss was friends with my old boss and I hope she's more fair. I hope she won't be intimated by scary lady, I hope she won't favor her unfairly just in the name of supporting fellow minorities.

Sure, there have been years of unfair allowances made for white people while hard-working minorities got the shaft. Does that mean I have to pay for the imbalance? Does that mean a lazy minority gets the benefit of the overcompensation? How is that any better than someone coasting along because their father owns the company or some such thing?

the whole situation sucks. in my experience, some black women just assume you hate them if you're white. it's not fair, and it does make white women a little fearful of black women because there is definitely anger there. people are just more comfortable with people they can automatically identify with. and we white people don't actually know what it's like to be black in america...we just don't.

I dunno, my friend worked with a lot of black women and she eventually got to be friends with some ladies, but it was a struggle because even they'll admit they put up barriers just because she's white.

I suppose you could just do your job as well as you can, and not cover for scary lady at all. continue to be completely honest and objective if you are asked to review her performance. and then just wait I guess...sometimes these things are just beyond control if you're not the one in charge. hmph.

[Nuzzolese]

I feel bad about saying what I said, the over-generalization that all black women will blindly support one another and try to help each other even if someone else is more deserving and is a different color. It was a sweeping generalization based on justa few people who did this, or SEEMED to be doing this.

[Dorothy Wood]

I feel bad about saying what I said, the over-generalization that all black women will blindly support one another and try to help each other even if someone else is more deserving and is a different color. It was a sweeping generalization based on justa few people who did this, or SEEMED to be doing this.

I read your opinion as specific to your situation, I don't think it sounded like you were going on an anti-black lady rant or anything.

[Nuzzolese]

Thank you! I don't want you to think I'm racist just because I hate black people.

Only j/k'ing, people! I'm so j/k-ing that I'm JK Rowling.

[Myu-to]

Nuzz = Ross Perot