Asking girls out for friendship

[Nuzzolese]

Are you a female who has trouble working up the guts to ask another girl out for a friendship date? I am. I often meet other women I like right away but it's hard to get into their lives. They've got husbands, boyfriends, babies, other friends they've known since kindergarten. It's almost like being back in HS and wanting to talk to a boy you like but being worried about making a fool of yourself, being worried that he won't like you.

[Myu-to]

I have a similar problem actually. All of my friends at work are females, since almost all of my co-workers are female. The three other male teachers are in other grades so it's hard to hang out with them. Then it gets a little sticky trying explain to my wife that I would like to go out with a friend, and it's always a woman, and usually much younger.

=/

[Dorothy Wood]

I've never asked someone out for a friendship date. Sometimes people ask me out for friendship dates, and I pretty much never accept, or effectively dodge the request. I don't really know why...it's just not appealing to me because I have anxiety problems.

I will however attend a lady party (but not all of them, especially not the myriad of "frock swaps" I was invited to where all the girls bring clothes they don't want anymore and get new clothes to not want anymore) that's been purposely planned for women to meet each other and bond...but only if there's pizza involved. and even then, I usually just talk to people I already know.

I think I'm more open to talking to a stranger when they're not overtly friendly. or I'll eventually warm up to a friendly person if they keep on being friendly despite my rebuffing, because then I know they really want to get to know me. (this is generally subconscious on my part, I don't purposely "test" people).


I don't really know what it would take to become friends with someone you don't know very well...most of my friendships happened by accident. the women I'm friends with are the girlfriends of guy friends, my best friend from college and a couple of her cousins, the girls I work with (but still have never hung out with outside of work because we're scared to ask each other I think)....

however! I think you probably could convince a stranger to become your friend, you just have to ask, and keep asking if you're denied. but don't be a creep about it. It's just that people are kind of closed off to new friendships if they already have enough, or they don't really think of themselves as cool enough to warrant a friend date request from a stranger, so they brush it off.

life is hard.

[BowieCokeMirror]

fuckin retarded

[M|X|Y]

I just think its hard to have enough time for everyone/everything in your life. I often don't start/develop friendships because I know I don't have the space for it. That's kind of shitty of me - friends are important.

[Nuzzolese]

If you've had a friend for 10 years it's okay if you don't get a chance to see them or talk to them for a month becuase you've already put in the time and you know each other so when you do get together there's no awkwardness.

There are times and situations when you have the luxury of getting to know a person, and then there are the other times when you just happen to encounter a fascinating stranger and aren't lucky enough to be in school with them, at a job with them, or belonging to the same family through a recent marriage. With such limited access, there's no opportunity to put in the time. And you can't just just jump right into seeing each other every few weeks without a good reason. Why would anyone make plans to see someone they don't really know?

There are two girls I like and they're in a local band together. They went to grade school and High school together and the funny thing is that I met them at two separate weddings. Ha! Anyway, I invited them both to hang out some time and told them to tell me when their band is playing next. What else can you do?

[Echewta]

When I invite the guys over, there are all kinds of reason why I can. Play cards, watch the fights, football game, steak and scotch night, etc. What kind of reasons do girls give? Just girls night out?

[Nuzzolese]

No but you've got to know what the specific girls are into, I guess.

[Echewta]

So I could assume Knitting Night, Pillow Fight Club, Nescafe Tasters Choice Night, Erotic Shopping Channel Night, etc.?

[Freebasser]

Woah, first Nuzz and then BCM (y)

[Nuzzolese]

My cousin does all kinds of formal groups and clubs like murder mystery night, and she hosts parties where they sell jewelry. I'm not really like that though. I'm more casual.

Maybe I should start a club. I could make flyers and stick them up in women's bathrooms, hide them behind boxes of tampons at the store. They could be like "if you want to start doing this thing with me, meet me at the bus station at midnight. Wear white jeans."

[miss soul fire]

Are you a female who has trouble working up the guts to ask another girl out for a friendship date? I am. I often meet other women I like right away but it's hard to get into their lives. They've got husbands, boyfriends, babies, other friends they've known since kindergarten. It's almost like being back in HS and wanting to talk to a boy you like but being worried about making a fool of yourself, being worried that he won't like you.

I have that problem since I was a baby. It's hard. I don't have many friends, but when I try to get into another person's live it's just hard. They always have excuses, so most of the time I just go out by myself. Husbands and kids take a lot of your time, so I'd rather meeting single people.:)

[kll]

My problem is that I moved a couple of years back to the HUGE city of L.A. Most people I meet are from work and live SOOOO many miles apart that actually hanging out after work (they may have a long commute home) or going to meet up on weekends is really hard. Not to mention that it has always been really hard to find females that I want to befriend.

It is definitely harder to strike up friendships the older you get.

[Nuzzolese]

It doesn't help that what I'm actually trying to do here is fight my natural instinct to dislike people in general. The odds are stacked against me, both without and within.

[Myu-to]

I said it in another thread, but getting "older" is nothing but apathy.

Just out of curiousity, why do you want more friends?

[Nuzzolese]

I don't just want more friends, I want certain people to be my friends.

[Echewta]

Ever try meetup.com?

[Nuzzolese]

No, I've never tried a formal official meetup or groupon type thing. I actually don't want to just start a club for random strangers. I'd rather not get stuck with people I don't actually like. I find it easy enough to meet cool people, it's just insinuating myself into their lives that is the challenge.

[Echewta]

Ahh, but if you find a club/activity that sounds interesting to you, you may want to check it out and perhaps find a person or two or more that are interesting. You don't have to start a group/club. Just do a driveby and see what hits.

[venusvenus123]

I have that problem since I was a baby. It's hard. I don't have many friends, but when I try to get into another person's live it's just hard. They always have excuses, so most of the time I just go out by myself. Husbands and kids take a lot of your time, so I'd rather meeting single people.:)

well I have a husband and a kid yet I'm still gonna find time to meet up with you, because you're special!!!!!


:p

Back to Nuzzolese... I know what you mean about feeling like you meet someone you like but are not sure how to insinuate them into your life. I think it used to happen before I had a kid. Having a kid means you usually strike up conversations with other people who also have kid(s) so you automatically have something to talk about. But taking it beyond that... can be hard.

I have no useful advice to offer you, other than to say that you could maybe ask if they fancy a coffee with you first, before asking whether they want to go to the cinema.

Or ask them if they want to see such and such band with you?

[Echewta]

MSF, you are lucky. Venus is an awesome person and guide. :)

[venusvenus123]

MSF, you are lucky. Venus is an awesome person and guide. :)

aww shucks!:o

[Myu-to]

You could always start a band.

Chicks love bands.

[beastiegirrl101]

MSF, you are lucky. Venus is an awesome person and guide. :)

Agreed! What was supposed to be just brunch turned into an all night affair! Big hearts to Venus!

Nuzzo, I have the exact issue! Why is it harder for ladies to make friends as we get older? A lot of my guy friends have been besties since little league I am so envious of that! I meet a lot of girls that are new to the area so sometimes that's my leg up offering advice on what to do / see but rarely does it ever turn into anything more than that. When I have met a cool chick I usually grab her email and include her on whatever the next event going with my friends is. I did try to start a book club AND a cooking club both did not pan out. UGH.

[Echewta]

Have you ladies ever thought about reaching out to the gay guy community?

[Myu-to]

Maybe it's time to give up on getting dates(male and female), and just get a bunch of cats.

[Nuzzolese]

Agreed! What was supposed to be just brunch turned into an all night affair! Big hearts to Venus!

Nuzzo, I have the exact issue! Why is it harder for ladies to make friends as we get older? A lot of my guy friends have been besties since little league I am so envious of that! I meet a lot of girls that are new to the area so sometimes that's my leg up offering advice on what to do / see but rarely does it ever turn into anything more than that. When I have met a cool chick I usually grab her email and include her on whatever the next event going with my friends is. I did try to start a book club AND a cooking club both did not pan out. UGH.

Assuming we are around the same age, I have a feeling it gets hard and then easier again later. B/c women in 20s - 30s want to start families and careers and so get preoccupied with that, and are still emotionally fragile from the complex frienemy-ships of their younger years that they are wary of new females.

[Myu-to]

I agree with venus, I've noticed that kids bring moms together. Some of my wife's good friends are friends because their sons are friends with my son.

[Nuzzolese]

I best be gets to preggers then

[Myu-to]

Any luck on the babies yet?

Maybe you and scary lady can be friends.

[JoLovesMCA]

I have friends and friends friends who always invite me out and every time I go I am bored out of my damn mind. Problem is most of them are married and/or have kids and that’s all they sit and talk about. I would rather be at home mopping my floor. I like meeting new people though but most of them to me are really too narcissistic. It’s hard to find good friends and good conversation without being stuck listening to them whine about how bad their life is or who did or didn't call them, who cheated, who broke their heart and on and on and on.....

The good thing for me is that I have met most of my close friends on the road in my travels. I went to a movie premiere and met a cool gal. Six years later and we've been to Germany and Ireland together! We talk every week and plan yearly excursions to see a band we like or just to go for the heck of it! The key is meeting other people who are crazy enough to just jump on a plane for a festival or something. They don't have anything to hold them back like me and they love adventure. My kinda peoples!

[venusvenus123]

Agreed! What was supposed to be just brunch turned into an all night affair! Big hearts to Venus!


Awwww <3

Let's do sausages again!

[Myu-to]

Let's do sausages again!
Ummmmmm...

I'm not not really sure what that means, but it looks like it's going in my sig.

[venusvenus123]

well i'm flattered, even tho I don't have sigs turned on. Ooooh pun!

Sorry to say that the sausages remark has no sexual connotation.

The story was, I left a message on Bgirl's voicemail, saying "Let's meet outside Selfridges". Bgirl said to her cousin (I think I remember correctly!), "Sausages? What's sausages??" She having a Chicago accent and me a southern English one, I can see how Selfridges sounded like Sausages to her ear.

Anyway, we met outside Sausages (under the c[l]ock!), and then had a great day together :D

True story! :eek:

[Jane*]

Have you ladies ever thought about reaching out to the gay guy community?

i hate you. and by hate i mean like.

[fonky pizza]

bitches gloryfing murder are dusted mythomaniac bitches(n)

[Echewta]

i hate you. and by hate i mean like.

What's not to hate?

[Echewta]

A friend of mine told me about their weekend and that they went to a gayby shower. A straight couple that invites mostly their gay friends to a baby shower.

Gayby. Never heard of that.