my childhood best friend turned into a homophobe bigot

[Dorothy Wood]

I lost touch with her about 5 years ago, but I then found her on facebook a few months ago. She was always churchy, married a pastor (I was in the wedding), yadda yadda.

well, now she's very clearly insane. she thinks that gay people are going to bring the end of the world. she just posted an open letter she co-authored with her husband about leaving the church because their denomination has allowed homosexuals and transgender people to become ordained ministers.

they're denouncing their religion because it's progressing.

anyway, I'm like shaking after reading the letter. It's the typical fundamentalist bullshit.

My question is this: how do I tell her I think she's an asshole? but phrase it or use information that will make her listen to me and not just delete me?


I kind of want to just show up at her house and steal her children. :(

[TurdBerglar]

i've never met a female homophobe.


there can't be that many. well atleast in the northeast...

[hardnox71]

My question is this: how do I tell her I think she's an asshole? but phrase it or use information that will make her listen to me and not just delete me?

That's a pretty damn good question. She sounds as if she will brand anyone a sinful heathen who tells her anything that is not in accordance with her rigid beliefs.

Good luck.

[silence7]

Just like you can't turn gay people straight, I really doubt there's anything you can do to change her.

But If you just want to get your point across to her, I would probably calmly state your own beliefs, and let her know that you are disappointed in the turn that she's taken in her life. No blame, no "You're Wrong" just stating how you feel, and the disappointment you now feel towards her current position against people who aren't like her.

Then delete her before she does it to you. ;)

[Dorothy Wood]

alright, I was going to do some more research, but I basically called her out on being blasphemous by assigning her own meaning to the lord's words. then I said something about praying for her to focus on making humanity better instead of tearing it down.

I was going to copy paste what I said, but I'm paranoid that she'll google it.

before I got a chance to comment, a couple of her girlfriends were all "we support you!" etc., so they'll get to read my comment too.

oh dear.

I'm bowing out now though. and probably going to delete.

*sigh* I wonder if this is because we used to call her a lesbian in elementary school? maybe she is a lesbian? and that's why she's so dang mad?

good grief.

[ms.peachy]

Just like you can't turn gay people straight, I really doubt there's anything you can do to change her.

But If you just want to get your point across to her, I would probably calmly state your own beliefs, and let her know that you are disappointed in the turn that she's taken in her life. No blame, no "You're Wrong" just stating how you feel, and the disappointment you now feel towards her current position against people who aren't like her.

Then delete her before she does it to you. ;)

Yeah, this is pretty much it.

Something simple like "I have always thought that Jesus's teaching were intended to be a means to bring ones self closer to ALL people, not to be used as an excuse to separate ones self from humanity. I am sorry to learn your interpretation is leading you in the opposite direction."

And then go on about your business.

I had a similar situation years ago, after I left to go away to college one of my best friends stayed in Smalltownsville and started hanging around with a bunch of nazi skinheads. I was like, whoa, wtf? at some of the stuff that started coming out of her mouth. (It was the 80's, we didn't have email and stuff back then, just stone tools and tin cans with a bit of string.) Clearly, we were moving apart and the friendship lapsed. Then two years ago or so we found each other on FB and reconnected. She's got 5 kids, still lives in the same town but is a whole lot more relaxed and happier, and not full of crazy talk. I think she was just moving through a really angry time in her life in her late teens (her fucked up family made my fucked up family seem almost halfway normal). Your friend though, I don't know, this might be a more permanent kind of wackiness.

[Dorothy Wood]

Yeah, this is pretty much it.

Something simple like "I have always thought that Jesus's teaching were intended to be a means to bring ones self closer to ALL people, not to be used as an excuse to separate ones self from humanity. I am sorry to learn your interpretation is leading you in the opposite direction."

And then go on about your business.

I had a similar situation years ago, after I left to go away to college one of my best friends stayed in Smalltownsville and started hanging around with a bunch of nazi skinheads. I was like, whoa, wtf? at some of the stuff that started coming out of her mouth. (It was the 80's, we didn't have email and stuff back then, just stone tools and tin cans with a bit of string.) Clearly, we were moving apart and the friendship lapsed. Then two years ago or so we found each other on FB and reconnected. She's got 5 kids, still lives in the same town but is a whole lot more relaxed and happier, and not full of crazy talk. I think she was just moving through a really angry time in her life in her late teens (her fucked up family made my fucked up family seem almost halfway normal). Your friend though, I don't know, this might be a more permanent kind of wackiness.


yeah, it might be permanent. although, perhaps a kick in the butt by someone she grew up with will plant a teeny tiny seed. I looked at the women who supported her statement, and they were both life long residents of the same small town.

at this point, I don't care if I burned a bridge. I started to get scared of her years ago when she started signing her emails, "in Christ's love".

I wish I could shake her, I almost started writing about how my bosses are gay and have been dedicated partners for longer than she's even known her husband, and that they have been the most moral and honest employers I have ever worked for. But, I figured she would've shut down at that, thinking they got their evil hands on me, and sprinkled magic fairy dust on me to make me forget they were satan incarnate.

[Turchinator]

what is her soon to be former denomination? Methodists allow openly gay ministers and it is for the most part socially acceptable.

the elementary school lesbian thing really has me wondering too.

[Dorothy Wood]

Presbyterian

I'm currently being destroyed by her lunatic friends in the comments. Good thing they don't know that I LOVE being vilified!

[Turchinator]

aim at their infertility and inability to start families

[ms.peachy]

It's good to know that God's love is conditional, ay?

[jackrock]

She probably feels the same way about you.

How likely is it that she could convince you to start hating gays, etc?
It works both ways.


*sigh* I wonder if this is because we used to call her a lesbian in elementary school? maybe she is a lesbian? and that's why she's so dang mad?


heh heh probably.

[cosmo105]

this happened with a junior high/high school friend of mine a while back. we were really good buddies for most of school.

she posted a picture of a "palin/nugent '12" bumper sticker and i made a joke about it (something like she said "in my dreams" and i said "and my nightmares" or something, don't remember), then she went BATSHIT crazy insane on a post i made about some stupid bullshit palin pulled. and all my friends cracked up at her.

she was a total wild child in high school - dating a 25-year-old when we were 15, doing all sorts of drugs, dating other girls, running away from home, multiple suicide attempts and all the other reactionary teenage BS...and years later, she married this MUCH older, huge guy that she calls "daddy" (seriously) and they have a bunch of kids. and are rednecks. and are super christian. she's basically swung entirely in the opposite direction, and i had no idea until she hit me up on facebook years later. aaanyway:

i really hardly said anything to her about it - in fact, early on i tried to shut the thread down but she kept going back and forth with my (hilarious) friends and made it very clear that she was completely insane. at this point i said fuck it, and made one or two cutting remarks about her on stuff she posted on another friend's page (all this facebook talk is making me barf too, i know) and she blocked me and deleted me entirely. other friend told me it seriously, deeply affected her and she called him up sobbing. oh my god. i know i should have just let it die - and i had TRIED to - but my god, if you could have seen the shit she was writing...

she's since written to me asking for forgiveness for overreacting and all, but i have NO desire whatsoever to be in any sort of contact with that crazy fucking moron. it saddens me that she's indoctrinating her kids with all this insanely conservative, homophobic, hyperchristian bullshit and sugarcoating it with good old-fashioned american values. ugh. there are THREE minds being warped by that this instant. anyway, my point is that peachy and silence7 are right - there's no way you're ever changing her mind. you're probably just another heathen to her.


*note: not that christianity is inherently evil or anything, just, you know, religious zealots are assholes regardless of which religion it is, just clarifying

[cosmo105]

i'd also like to add that i'm pretty sure she has at LEAST one Twilight tattoo

[silence7]

And this, my Friends, is why I do not, and will not have a Facebook, or Google+ account that requires my real name so that people from my past can find me. If I want you to find me, I'll find you first.

Most people from my past are there for a reason, there was no future with them.

i'd also like to add that i'm pretty sure she has at LEAST one Twilight tattoo
Oh Gawd......

[venusvenus123]

Dorothy, you should post this on her page:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKI-tD0L18A

[abbott]

worse than being gay is judging someone.

I am sure her church would want her to give love. Even Jesus made friends with the prostitute. Judging gay people might just be the ultimate sin in God's eye, I think you should take the approach that your worried about her becoming to judgmental and possibly tarnishing her image with The Heavenly Father.

She should be happy she has a chance to lead by example and possibly lead someone to salvation. Words and open letters are all bullshit and hate is a terrible example to express to the world.

But ... I am the worst guy to get any advice from

[Kid Presentable]

This thread has two parts.

My childhood best friend grew up to be a pretty normal person. Homophobics say alright

[MC Moot]

Judge not lest you be judged... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnIIpTGmEuo )

[hardnox71]

Most people from my past are there for a reason, there was no future with them.

If I want you to find me, I'll find you first.

Very nicely put. I like that. (y)

[JoLovesMCA]

Well first thing she needs to realize is that faith and religion are two different things. She can still have a relationship with God, Buddha or whoever without the church. It’s all man made anyway. I unfortunately have a relative who is a similar and thankfully my aunt divorced him. I would just cut her off. Tell her what’s on your mind and then sign out. It doesn’t matter what happens anyway because she doesn’t sound like a friend worth saving or reasoning with. She’ll eventually come across somebody who will be much harsher than you. I have no tolerance for people like that.

[DIGI]

I have a college friend that was a total laid back hippie, but had his shit together. He pretty much got his Masters in the same amount of time it took me to get my Bachelors. He couldn't find a job after school and had some pretty serious student loan debt, so he enlisted in the Army. 6 years and a tour in Iraq later, this dude is the most homophobic racist I know. It's like the government breeds that shit. We've had a few spats on fb over his GOP bullshit and would probably continue to do so if I still tried to give a shit about his thoughts.

ALSO-I work with a few staunch Republicans. I love how these assholes think. On one hand, they hate "ObamaCare" because........well, fuck the poor, pretty much (See valvano), but then they act all concerned about the unemployment rate. Not because they actually give a shit, but because it's just another way to be able to talk shit on the President.

[Myu-to]

I'm currently being destroyed by her lunatic friends in the comments. Good thing they don't know that I LOVE being vilified!
You better hope they don't find out that you like to be Vanillafied! (http://www.tinygif.com/data/media/19/vanilla_ice.gif)

[venusvenus123]

You better hope they don't find out that you like to be Vanillafied! (http://www.tinygif.com/data/media/19/vanilla_ice.gif)
:D
almost as funny as my nonono cat. (er, see above)

[JoLovesMCA]

You better hope they don't find out that you like to be Vanillafied! (http://www.tinygif.com/data/media/19/vanilla_ice.gif)

OMG lol.

[weez]

at 20:23, "Jennifer Wright Knust,an assistant professor of religion at Boston University (also an ordained American Baptist pastor), this woman talks about homosexuality with bible references (pretty much she says there's nothing in the bible very definitive against gay marriage)".

i mean, the bible was "written" by "a bunch of people" at "all different time periods", so there's no way it's going to agree with itself through different passages.

arguing with her will just get her defensive, and won't get your point across. eventually she'll relax, and see the error in her ways, or she won't. there's not too much you can do about it, unless you spend lots of time, and lots of psychological techniques, and who has time for that?



that whole episode is worth a listen, even if you're not religious. i don't believe in the judeo-christian or muslim god, but the golden rule is a pretty good source to live by, so i'll go with that, and the rest will sort itself out.



---------
my bad, here's the link:http://www.cbc.ca/tapestry/episode/2011/02/20/sex-and-soul/

[Documad]

This isn't helpful but I need to vent. This happened more than 15 years ago and I still think about it.

I had an old work friend who I used to meet for lunch a few times a year. Then one time I met her for lunch and she started talking to our server and the two of them started saying racist things to each other, at first it was veiled about bad people moving into the neighborhood but then it became clear the people were bad because of their race. And it led to generalizations about those people ruining neighborhoods. I was so shocked because I never saw any sign of this before, she was a bit older than me, and we didn't have the kind of relationship where I was used to telling her the utter truth. So I didn't interrupt them. It was like I was having an out of body experience or something. I know I made weird faces, which she might have interpreted as me being upset that she was encouraging the server to keep talking to us. I don't know. After the server walked away, I finally said something lame where I told her that I didn't like the turn the conversation took and there was a bad vibe at the table while we finished our lunch but I didn't say what I should have said which was "god damn, where did that racist bullshit come from?" And instead of telling her off, I just became too busy to ever have lunch with her again. I never saw her again but I'd hear that she asked other people about me.

I've always regretted that I didn't tell her that I wasn't going to see her again and I didn't tell her why. I doubt it would have accomplished anything, except I wouldn't have felt like a wet noodle.

I became confrontational about dumb shit people say after that. Maybe because of how I felt carrying around the guilt.

[Dorothy Wood]

I feel good about speaking up. It was an infuriating few days there...she never responded, but plenty of her friends had creepy culty things to say. And the whole thing made me really sad.

I refrained from getting into a bitch fight, so hopefully I put at least a tiny ding in their arguments. I really really wanted to yell at them "you're a bunch of clueless rubes who've only ever lived under your father's or husband's roof! and you think you're the authority on what's wrong with humanity?"

I bet my friend (and I used that term lightly) and her husband really got a kick out of the letter they wrote, especially when they threaten the whole denomination with the retribution of god because...the elders in the church government came together and deliberated and voted and decided to allow homosexuals and transgendered people to become ministers. Actual theologians decided that sexuality shouldn't be factored into how people express their spirituality. And they're all like, "oh hell no! gay is a choice and everyone's going to hell", signed - a bunch of sheltered ignorant people.

They're all perverts as far as I'm concerned. and they're still saying things like "the whole world is battling AIDS, how is it loving to allowing people to live in the homosexual lifestyle?", and talking about "what's next?! beastiality?! pederasty?!"

Yeah, because all the gays I know have AIDS and they fuck ponies (that's a twofer).

[MC Moot]

I love this... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e5hRLbCaCs)

[ToucanSpam]

I don't think you should say anything else to her and just let someone else be "that person" who lashes out against her beliefs. Obviously she doesn't believe in equality or progress with social equity, so what would be the point of even discussing it with her? Fundimentalists are a waste of time and they don't deserve the attention they get. Eventually, extreme people like that will go extinct.

[Kid Presentable]

She has given up on free will, and living well will be the best revenge.

[KingPsyz]

I lost touch with her about 5 years ago, but I then found her on facebook a few months ago. She was always churchy, married a pastor (I was in the wedding), yadda yadda.

well, now she's very clearly insane. she thinks that gay people are going to bring the end of the world. she just posted an open letter she co-authored with her husband about leaving the church because their denomination has allowed homosexuals and transgender people to become ordained ministers.

they're denouncing their religion because it's progressing.

anyway, I'm like shaking after reading the letter. It's the typical fundamentalist bullshit.

My question is this: how do I tell her I think she's an asshole? but phrase it or use information that will make her listen to me and not just delete me?


I kind of want to just show up at her house and steal her children. :(

Maybe ask why she feels so strongly about this?

If she pulls the leviticus card, post the ENTIRETY of it and ask if she holds to the other tennents set forth so strongly...

http://etext.virginia.edu/toc/modeng/public/KjvLevi.html

Something tells me she's breaking 99% of the rest.

Maybe she had a gay family member she's ashamed of.

Either way, don't worry about saving her, if she just deletes you she's not ready anyway.