i'm single again but now i think i'm in a love triangle

[Bob]

it just doesn't slow down with me these days

so that other girl dumped me. i disagree with her reasoning but tbh i'm not super sad to see her go, things were fizzling anyway. we had good times, they stopped, it's not important

i am moving on at record speed though. as i think i mentioned, i started taking improv classes a few months ago with a few friends. there's also this cute girl that's in the class with us, we've known her for probably about 16 weeks now (i only know this number because that's how many classes it's been and we have them once a week, i'm not stalking her on a calendar or anything i swear)

there's no way to write these next paragraphs without sounding like a gossipy 15 year old (i tried, it just can't be done) so i'll just do it. basically the situation is that i like her (which didn't matter at first because i was spoken for but now i'm not) and i have it on what i choose to believe is very good authority that she also likes me.

BUT, one of the friends i'm in the class with likes her too but she doesn't seem to like him, at least not as anything more than a friend (according to the above very good authority). and i've known him for a while now and he's not the smoothest mover in the world when it comes to girls, so i don't think he'd be happy with me making any moves on her or even asking him about it

plus on top of that this improv thing seems to be going places—we're all taking the next level of classes together and who knows what after that, so if i did go out with her and it did end awkwardly (as all of my relationships have so far), i'd have to see her and do improv scenes with her and that would suck. i don't even like to see my exes on facebook, much less try to do comedy with them

basically i'm just looking for reassurance here—between pissing off my friend (which i definitely don't want to do, he's a good friend and i'd hate to lose him over a girl) and the improv thing, there's no way for me pursue this without making a terrible mess of things, right?

keeping in mind that it's me we're talking about

i feel like i should probably let this one go. like just start masturbating more until the feelings go away

still...

[Bob]

i sure hope nobody from real life ever finds out about this place, i say some shit sometimes

[paul jones]

i sure hope nobody from real life ever finds out about this place, i say some shit sometimes

(y)

[venusvenus123]

I reckon it's better to regret doing something than not doing something.

Go for it. Think of the possible positives and weigh up whether it's worth risking not having them by not trying for it.

[Bob]

well

the way i see it, by doing it i risk losing a friend (even if we talk about it first, i don't think there's any way he'll be thrilled with the idea) and making the improv thing weird, which i'd hate because starting improv is turning out to be one of the better decisions i've made in my life so far and i really want to see where this goes

and for the reward of a relationship that if my track record so far has been any indication will most likely fizzle out awkwardly eventually, but maybe it won't. maybe we'll get married some day. my friend would love that i'm sure

and if i don't do anything, everything stays the same, and things aren't too bad honestly. i'm used to bottling feelings, i could handle that


it just doesn't feel worth it to me


still...

[Fern]

Bob. Keep these words of advice in the back of your head at all times....

























































Get money nigga.

[checkyourprez]

well

the way i see it, by doing it i risk losing a friend (even if we talk about it first, i don't think there's any way he'll be thrilled with the idea) and making the improv thing weird, which i'd hate because starting improv is turning out to be one of the better decisions i've made in my life so far and i really want to see where this goes

and for the reward of a relationship that if my track record so far has been any indication will most likely fizzle out awkwardly eventually, but maybe it won't. maybe we'll get married some day. my friend would love that i'm sure

and if i don't do anything, everything stays the same, and things aren't too bad honestly. i'm used to bottling feelings, i could handle that


it just doesn't feel worth it to me


still...


tell this kid to get a move on with it.

i like Heidi Klum, but im not all pissed off at Seal that he made the move before me you know what im saying.

if you dont use it, you lose it.



its not like they are dating, or have ever dated, nor has ever or currently does have feelings for this kid. shes not a slice of pizza you can call dibs on. either he goes for it, or he misses out. isn't that life? sometimes you have to take chances, if he doesn't want to thats his bad.

who knows bobert, she could be your future wife. or at least a good bone. or in the very least something that beats J'ing it.

[Guy Incognito]

yeah i think you have to let him go for it. But you could encourage him to get a move on. If he's successful then you will know that your good authority was wrong.

If not then , depends how he takes the rejection, but i think you should go for it , maybe speak to him first and let him know

[Adam]

I say go for it.

If it goes wrong, at least you tried and the only reason being friends or working or improving with exes is weird is because people think it should be weird. So IF it does go wrong then you have the conversation of "are we cool" and you'll either get back "screw you" in which she is then pretty much ruining her classes/career/hobby or "yeah we're cool" and two adults carry on living on this world that is spinning through space at 1000s of miles an hour.

And don't worry about your friend - you snooze you'll lose and I think you must know as much as the rest of us that inaction on women eventually leads to learning that action is a better course. He has to learn too.

[Kid Presentable]

Bros before hos also means after you've had your way with her, he can't be mad at you.

[cosmo105]

its not like they are dating, or have ever dated, nor has ever or currently does have feelings for this kid. shes not a slice of pizza you can call dibs on. either he goes for it, or he misses out. isn't that life? sometimes you have to take chances, if he doesn't want to thats his bad.

who knows bobert, she could be your future wife. or at least a good bone. or in the very least something that beats J'ing it.

^this. Nobody has "dibs" on someone. If it was going to happen, it would, and it's not your fault that she isn't into him.

There will be many people in your life that you will date casually and have to run into frequently. If you really value her as a good friend (but seeing as how you've known her for four months total that might not be the case) and don't want to ruin that, don't go for it. But life is short and dating is fun, so why not? Just don't be an asshole about it if it ends and it won't be awkward. Keep it light and fun.

And talk to him about it if you like - he won't be happy about it, but whatever. Again, that's life.

[RobMoney$]

This shit reminds me of Back to the Future when Michael J. Fox, Crispin Glover, and Biff were caught up in that love triangle.

[checkyourprez]

This shit reminds me of Back to the Future when Michael J. Fox, Crispin Glover, and Biff were caught up in that love triangle.

and his mom.

[Fern]

tell this kid to get a move on with it.

i like Heidi Klum, but im not all pissed off at Seal that he made the move before me you know what im saying.

if you dont use it, you lose it.



its not like they are dating, or have ever dated, nor has ever or currently does have feelings for this kid. shes not a slice of pizza you can call dibs on. either he goes for it, or he misses out. isn't that life? sometimes you have to take chances, if he doesn't want to thats his bad.

who knows bobert, she could be your future wife. or at least a good bone. or in the very least something that beats J'ing it.

wisdom (y). and if he don't like it give him a beatdown. he's in an improve class after all how tough could he be???

[Dorothy Wood]

When I got dumped 3.5 years ago, I announced to my good friend shortly after "I'm gonna make out with [mr. peanut]!" and she was like, "noooo, you can't! I like him, you jerk!"

[mr. peanut] and she had struck up an email flirtation, and they went on one date, but things weren't really working out. I maintained my crush, but kept my distance until I was sure things were totally done with them, then made some moves. My moves took about a year and a half to work, but they did and I totally tricked him into dating me for two years so far.

Anyway, my good friend is still my good friend. She'll real cool though, so I don't know how your friend will react.

I think if you feel a connection with this improv lady, you should go for it. Besides, as far as I know, improv groups are notorious for love triangles....and pain is good for comedy, so I wouldn't worry too much.

[Kid Presentable]

Plus, life is short.

[Bob]

the good part is, anyway

alright i dunno maybe i'll do it then if the internet thinks i should

[nodanaonlyzuul]

^this. Nobody has "dibs" on someone. If it was going to happen, it would, and it's not your fault that she isn't into him.


Yep.

A man I met once was really in to me but backed off from talking to me because his friend expressed interest in to me. The friend barely acted on it and I wasn't interested. Therefore, that man that originally backed off then made a move.

Now we are engaged.

Just sayin.

[weez]

get the girl, grab the money, and run.

[Bob]

Yep.

A man I met once was really in to me but backed off from talking to me because his friend expressed interest in to me. The friend barely acted on it and I wasn't interested. Therefore, that man that originally backed off then made a move.

Now we are engaged.

Just sayin.

are they still friends?

i dunno, he just seems like the jealous type. like he'd get kind of nerd ragey about it. i don't think any of you are wrong about what you're saying exactly, i just...don't think he'd take it well based on what i know of him

i'm probably not making him sound like a very good friend right now but i swear to god i do like the guy, he's just...not perfect in some regards

[Guy Incognito]

are they still friends?

i dunno, he just seems like the jealous type. like he'd get kind of nerd ragey about it. i don't think any of you are wrong about what you're saying exactly, i just...don't think he'd take it well based on what i know of him

i'm probably not making him sound like a very good friend right now but i swear to god i do like the guy, he's just...not perfect in some regards

you are putting obstacles in your way that arent necessarily there. you cant guarantee how he's going to react. what you said above is like saying one sports team wont beat another based on current form but upsets happen all the time. I know you wont like me using a sport analogy but hey

[silence7]

Guy Incognito = Voice of reason...

[Guy Incognito]

a risky manouevre would be to work a similar situation into your improv work, test his reactions. I know its comedy but i thought i would suggest. I realise that this suggestion pisses all over the voice of reason post that silence has just done and i have now reverted back to stupid inappropriate suggestions

[Kid Presentable]

Just put the moves on her. The worst you could do is fail. Fuck it's just a chick.

[Kid Presentable]

The "fuck it's just a chick" was directed at your friend, via your reading of it, by the way.

[Bob]

The "fuck it's just a chick" was directed at your friend, via your reading of it, by the way.

i'd show him this thread so he could read that, but, well

[Kid Presentable]

Nah, it's like self-talk for you to store and use when you wonder if you're going to upset him. If you find yourself using it whilst boning her, you've won.

[checkyourprez]

are they still friends?

i dunno, he just seems like the jealous type. like he'd get kind of nerd ragey about it. i don't think any of you are wrong about what you're saying exactly, i just...don't think he'd take it well based on what i know of him

i'm probably not making him sound like a very good friend right now but i swear to god i do like the guy, he's just...not perfect in some regards

he doesn't sound like that good of a friend...


i was kind of half-joking when i said she could be your wife, but look at what dana said..you really never know. and you could be giving it all up for the "based on what i know of him" friend guy!!

[Dorothy Wood]

Bob, I think you need to put yourself in a position where the girl will make a move on you.

So, you really just need to flirt with her out of view of your friend, or tell your "good authority" to tell the girl that you like her.

You don't need to ask your friend for permission, he's had weeks to do something about his crush. Just let things happen naturally, and if it's going to turn into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, just let him know gently. Frame it as if you didn't really expect things to happen, they just did.

Because, you really aren't expecting things to work out, it doesn't seem...you keep thinking of horrible scenarios.


I think Dana and I made the point that it doesn't matter what order someone liked someone, it's the people and the chemistry that determine a good match. Fuck-wise and/or relationship-wise.

Because if the girl likes you, she likes you. She's not going to be like, "oh, he was first, I better go out with him instead." this isn't an episode of Gidget.

[MCAadROCKMiKEd7]

I lost a 2 and 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend today.

[checkyourprez]

Bob, I think you need to put yourself in a position where the girl will make a move on you.

So, you really just need to flirt with her out of view of your friend, or tell your "good authority" to tell the girl that you like her.

You don't need to ask your friend for permission, he's had weeks to do something about his crush. Just let things happen naturally, and if it's going to turn into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, just let him know gently. Frame it as if you didn't really expect things to happen, they just did.

Because, you really aren't expecting things to work out, it doesn't seem...you keep thinking of horrible scenarios.


I think Dana and I made the point that it doesn't matter what order someone liked someone, it's the people and the chemistry that determine a good match. Fuck-wise and/or relationship-wise.

Because if the girl likes you, she likes you. She's not going to be like, "oh, he was first, I better go out with him instead." this isn't an episode of Gidget.


I think that is a good idea.

And I think I made the point Dorthy, then you and Dana piggy backed, in a good way. Just saying. :D

[Bob]

nuts, maybe you're all right after all

[Documad]

<3

Plus I'm so glad you're taking the classes. You clearly have loads of creative talent and you need to pursue that whether it's writing or performing or whatever. Your posts are more interesting than most of the things professional writers write.

[Bob]

i don't think i'm handling this very well

i only ever see her while hanging out with other friends, including the other one that likes her (and another one who says he doesn't, but i don't think i believe him and they're going off to costa rica for 2 weeks in december instead of going home for christmas so what the hell is that about, right?)

and i don't like it about myself but i'm a sort of jealous and neurotic type when it comes to this kind of thing so whenever we're all out together i go into a sort of competitive envy mode where i end up getting jealous at or annoyed with my friends and myself, and that's no good, because i like to have fun with my friends, not compete with them for attention. i don't think i let that show to anyone else, but inside i'm a mess and that's not great.

i miss having a girlfriend. not because i liked her especially but it just made everything simpler

plus there was the boning

[Bob]

so tonight for example

we're at a friend's house, a different friend, i don't want to get too deeply into his description because he's not terribly important to the story. he's a fantastic guy, soulful and friendly and in an extremely committed relationship so definitely not someone i need to be jealous of. i accidentally dropped a narragansett tallboy on his carpet and he was cool about it. i feel like a dick for doing it because it was a pretty nasty spill and it's kind of a new carpet, but i genuinely believe him when he says not to worry about it. he kind of reminds me of bunk from the wire, except more like that guy's character in treme, only he's white and doesn't play music unless rock band counts and of course it doesn't, but otherwise he's basically the same guy as him. antoine something?

anyway i'm on his couch, sitting next to her. it's a four person couch, i'm on the far left, she's next to me, the problem friend is next to her on the right, and the costa rica friend is on the far right. problem friend gets up to pee or something, and when he comes back, she ditches me and shifts over a full seat to the right to sit next to costa rica friend, leaving me to sit next to problem friend, and i definitely wasn't farting or being a creep, so i don't know what that was about.

i bet i'm making something out of nothing, although the last two times i said that i eventually got dumped

i'm tired of seeing the world like this and i'm tired of being jealous of my friends, i wish i was gay or something

the worst part? we were watching hackers, which i'd never seen, and it looks hilarious and i want to watch it sober some time, except now i can't do that and not have this emotion associated with it, which is terrible.

the guy who plays bunk on the wire is in hackers, that's probably why i was thinking about him




same disclaimer as the other thread—not sure what the point of any of this is, i just feel the need to complain to sympathetic people and after probably over 10 years of posting personal shit here maybe i've earned that privilege

[Dorothy Wood]

So back up, what is the nature of this costa rica trip? And are they flirtatious with each other? If so, seems they got something going on. That's an awfully long and exotic vacation for 2 friends.

But who knows?

The couch was probably awkward for her so she moved closer to her closest friend.

I mean, is this girl really cute, like universally cute?

[KingPsyz]

Bob. Keep these words of advice in the back of your head at all times....

























































Get money nigga.

jesus... I agree with Fern... well at least 2/3rds of that statement

[Bob]

well the costa rica thing isn't as sinister as it sounds, not entirely, and i'm glad you asked about it because it gives me a chance to explain it without doing any shoehorning

so my friend works at a travel company, the same company i'm currently working at as a copywriter in fact. he's been working there for 8 years and he didn't get me the job, but the guy who did get me the job got the job from him, so in a circuitous way the man is the reason i have a job right now so you can understand why i really don't want to be mad at him over a girl

anyway this travel company, it puts together tours overseas, and one of the benefits we get as employees is pretty incredible prices on these tours, and he found a way to cobble together his benefits and take the two-week costa rica tour for $250 and he's taking her with him at some fairly incredible savings as well. he's said outright that he's not interested in her romantically and that he just wants a travel partner because our company's tours are for the over fifty crowd and he wants someone his age to travel with but i dunno, i feel like she's been hitting on him pretty hardcore and i don't fully believe him when he says he's not into it. me, him, and the problem friend all met her at the same time so it's not like she's any closer to him than the rest of us

basically this is all stupid and i wish nobody'd ever mentioned that she liked me because i was well on my way to not caring about her until then

[KingPsyz]

the good part is, anyway

alright i dunno maybe i'll do it then if the internet thinks i should

I know I have said as much before, but honestly, Bob... can I call you Bob? Your internet persona says I can by inference, so I am running with this... You're honestly the funniest person I have ever had the pleasure of reading on the internets for the last ten years and I honestly hope you find yourself as the comedic auteur of the next generation.

Please keep on your course and never doubt you've made the right decision about pursuing this comedy thing.

I do hope that the wayback machine is alive and well when someone writes your life story and has some of these gems from your early career and life to use.

[Dorothy Wood]

Bob, if she accepted a trip like that, they are closer, for whatever reason. Maybe this chick is a player? I know women like that, they suck.

Only way to find out is to literally ask her out, or get a friend to ask her point blank if she likes you. Be prepared for no but hope for yes. Then ask her to coffee to plan a secret comedy side project together. then touch her shoulder.


But if you're looking just to bang, I'd go outside the friend circle

[Bob]

she's most definitely not a player. she's cute, but nerd cute. like, she probably didn't get properly cute until i would guess 5 years ago, tops. she made a comment to me about everquest. at a renaissance faire. which i found kind of hot, even though i've never played everquest, it's just kind of a thematic thing

so i dunno what her deal is, but i can't stand competing with people i've known and have been friends with for years for her affection, i'm just gonna move on to...something, i haven't figured out the second half of that plan yet, but i need somebody new to think about, god help her whoever she turns out to be

[Dorothy Wood]

It's not a competition, if you guys are a match, you're a match. There's nothing you could do better if the natural vibes aren't there.

A friend of mine is very cute, like amazingly pretty and small and stylish. Boys fall all over her, but deep down she's a huge dork. She's pretty established in the improv scene here, and I'm certain 90 percent of the dudes she's been in improv groups with have been hot for her. And I've even witnessed some passive aggression from former teammates toward her boyfriend. But she didn't get with her boyfriend because he won a competition...they just gravitated to each other and it worked out. He's short and kinda snaggly toothed, and pretty crabby sometimes. you don't have to be mr perfect to score a good girl.

[NicRN77]

Bob, just ask her out already! you will never know unless you do it already!

[Kid Presentable]

I think I have a snaggle tooth

[venusvenus123]

Bob, just ask her out already! you will never know unless you do it already!

If you don't Bob, I will for you!!!!!

[Bob]

so i'm about 99% sure that her and costa rica guy are gonna bone pretty soon

not thrilled about it but there it is

anyone know how to stop having feelings for someone? i think i just need someone else to be attracted to to get my mind off her but obviously that's never a fun hunt to go on

i guess i'm just looking for some kind of anti-boner hobby?

fuck it, i lost, i just wanna get on with my shit

[Guy Incognito]

ask her if there is a chance man, then you will know, its no good thinking about what ifs. if she has told you for deffo that she is going to have a word with the costa rica guy or just told you no then its going to be better for your head than you torturing yourself with possibilities.

[checkyourprez]

so i'm about 99% sure that her and costa rica guy are gonna bone pretty soon

not thrilled about it but there it is

anyone know how to stop having feelings for someone? i think i just need someone else to be attracted to to get my mind off her but obviously that's never a fun hunt to go on

i guess i'm just looking for some kind of anti-boner hobby?

fuck it, i lost, i just wanna get on with my shit

you snooze, you lose...the vagina.


the trick is to go find vagina to take your mind of the old vagina.

[Adam]

But if they haven't boned yet, then you've still got a chance. And even if they have, you've still got a chance. You can still ask her out even if you suspect she is seeing someone. You have plausible deniability that you didn't know she was seeing someone unless she has ever mentioned a bf or spouse.

What if she is torn between the two of you and the other guy is thinking the same. What if she decides to bang the first of the two of you who takes her out because she is stuck in this possible-love-triangle too.

To get over this you have to either ask her out or find someone else to obsess over.

But all of this is easier said than done obviously.

[Guy Incognito]

yep, she might be thinking that you arent interested as you havent said anything and the other guy is taking her to costa rica. Actions speak louder than message boards.

[DIGI]

You can't fuck with a swimmer's build, bob. Maybe he'll turn out to be a huge scumbag and screw himself out of a relationship? Or he may pull some Vandersloot shit and force everyone to move on.

[Kid Presentable]

Just hope he gets her preggers and they wind up miserable.

[Bob]

Just hope he gets her preggers and they wind up miserable.

that is the best case scenario, yeah

[checkyourprez]

Then he will dump her and you will end up having to take care of his baby and baby moms the rest of your life. Idk bout that one boberto.

[Kid Presentable]

She'd have lowered expectations after going through all that, though. That's always a good time to cash in.

[Bob]

the trick is to go find vagina to take your mind of the old vagina.

that's true, but i don't exactly have vagina falling into my lap here

[The Notorious LOL]

tl;dr

[Bob]

tl;dr

the short version is "vaginaz"

[checkyourprez]

that's true, but i don't exactly have vagina falling into my lap here

that is true, or else you would have been having sex as you typed that.

[Bob]

yeah they're definitely gonna fuck

[Bob]

yeah they've fucked

not thrilled about it but there it is

[Kid Presentable]

Sucks, man. It's not a reflection on you. Sometimes things just happen, right?

[checkyourprez]

yeah they've fucked

not thrilled about it but there it is

so what.


ive fucked a lot of chicks that other dudes have fucked. i will probably marry one someday. most people do.

[Kid Presentable]

cyp will talk you through this.

[Bob]

i think that's exactly what i need right now

[ToucanSpam]

Don't take this the wrong way, but you are overanalyzing this to the point where it must suck the fun clean out of dating/pursuing something with someone. Once you stop doing that, you'll get over this neurotic behaviour and as others have said, women will be tripping all over themselves to get with a sensible, intelligent person like yourself.

[weez]

any lessons learned, here?

this somewhat reminds me of the movie funny people, except you didn't tell Jason Schwartzman you were interested in her, which makes it appeare as a total non-issue as far as anyone in real life is concerned.

[checkyourprez]

lesson learned...dont wait on asking a girl out because the next thing you know you find out she went to Costa Rica with another guy and was giving him rusty trombones on the banana hammock.

[Kid Presentable]

Yeah if he slid the cock to her in 5 or 6 positions, he was probably always going to. One day Bob, your fucking will hurt someone. (y)

[Bob]

and you know, it's funny, at work, i was recently assigned to work on the costa rica trips, so while they're fucking on it, i get to have all the stress of sitting in a grey cubicle and working on it and thinking about it at the same time

but it's also funny, i think the...i don't want to call it heartbreak because that's too strong, but i can't think of a better word, of knowing that they're definitely fucking now is what pushed me over the edge to finally go and give the stand up thing a try, so i guess it's funny how things work

still, since everyone's all friends in the same group, i have to watch them be all lovey-dovey together when we hang out and that's weird and i don't care for it

i've never felt closer to that other friend though, the one that i originally thought i was competing with who also lost

whatever i'll get over it


but jesus, they're gonna have so many pictures from the trip, aren't they

[Kid Presentable]

and you know, it's funny, at work, i was recently assigned to work on the costa rica trips, so while they're fucking on it, i get to have all the stress of sitting in a grey cubicle and working on it and thinking about it at the same time

but it's also funny, i think the...i don't want to call it heartbreak because that's too strong, but i can't think of a better word, of knowing that they're definitely fucking now is what pushed me over the edge to finally go and give the stand up thing a try, so i guess it's funny how things work

still, since everyone's all friends in the same group, i have to watch them be all lovey-dovey together when we hang out and that's weird and i don't care for it

i've never felt closer to that other friend though, the one that i originally thought i was competing with who also lost

whatever i'll get over it


but jesus, they're gonna have so many pictures from the trip, aren't they

They will probably break up. If they don't, and they wind up getting married, you'll probably find a way to be happy for them.

[Echewta]

boning can be fun

[venusvenus123]

but jesus, they're gonna have so many pictures from the trip, aren't they

ouch, now that is gonna sting.

I would temporarily opt out of their status updates or whatever, so that you don't have all that pouring into your newsfeed.

What you said about the whole thing feeding your need to do standup, that is what heartbreak is good for: creativity. :(

[Bob]

They will probably break up. If they don't, and they wind up getting married, you'll probably find a way to be happy for them.

statistically they're probably gonna break up, yeah

i hope that by then i at least feel bad about it