i've never felt as low as i do right now

[Bob]

tonight i apparently reached the end of all the match questions that okcupid has to offer

jesus christ

this is rock bottom, i'm barely even kidding

granted i've been on the site for years and i skipped most of them but still

jesus christ

[Yetra Flam]

I didnt even realise that there was an end, holy shit. Do you ever give explanations to any of your answers?

[Bob]

well, what i like to do is skip questions until i reach ones that i can think of funny answers to, then i answer them publicly in the hopes that hot girls will see them and message me

and it's worked better than it has any right to, i think that's even how my last girlfriend saw me

but now i just don't know what to do

[checkyourprez]

well, what i like to do is skip questions until i reach ones that i can think of funny answers to, then i answer them publicly in the hopes that hot girls will see them and message me

and it's worked better than it has any right to, i think that's even how my last girlfriend saw me

but now i just don't know what to do

george castanza in 'the opposite'...

"My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents." To his surprise, she is impressed and agrees to date him.

[abbott]

tonight i apparently reached the end of all the match questions that okcupid has to offer

jesus christ

this is rock bottom, i'm barely even kidding

granted i've been on the site for years and i skipped most of them but still

jesus christ

make some money ... glad your kidding

[HOTWIFE]

really work on truely being content with being single. the second that happens, you'll find someone. trust me it's always the way.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

really work on truely being content with being single. the second that happens, you'll find someone. trust me it's always the way.

Yes.

[Helvete]

I can't stay single long enough!

[NicRN77]

I loathe okcupid. It is really getting on my nerves!

[camo]

I never bothered with any of those questions on okcupid.

But to be honest one look at my matches and I mustered up the same response for them.

Okcupid is full of 'quirky weirdos' who don't like pictures of my wang.

[Bob]

I never bothered with any of those questions on okcupid.

But to be honest one look at my matches and I mustered up the same response for them.

Okcupid is full of 'quirky weirdos' who don't like pictures of my wang.

answering the questions is what makes the site's algorithm think you and other users would get along, so if you never answered any your matches were probably picked pretty randomly

mine are all laid back chilled out girls who like to laugh and have fun and are just as comfortable going out as they are staying in. i should message them if i want to

also a surprising amount of zombie makeup

one time i got a message from a, in her words, "proud t-girl". i never wrote back

[abbott]

one time i got a message from a, in her words, "proud t-girl". i never wrote back

thats what im talking about

[Bob]

really work on truely being content with being single. the second that happens, you'll find someone. trust me it's always the way.

if you're actively working on trying to be content about something though, does it ever actually happen? i feel like you can't really force yourself to stop thinking about something because you can't think about not thinking about something without thinking about it

[Kid Presentable]

Maybe you're cracking too many jokes.

[Bob]

sure, that's why i ran out of questions

[HOTWIFE]

if you're actively working on trying to be content about something though, does it ever actually happen? i feel like you can't really force yourself to stop thinking about something because you can't think about not thinking about something without thinking about it

You're missing me here. You don't have to avoid thinking about it. Just try to love who you are alone. do something different you've always wanted to. spend more time with family and friends. take a class. Rediscover yourself! Embrace being alone. I know it sounds cheezy but always works for me, just when I start really loving being single, the hawks start circling. I'm not saying you don't like yourself or are dependent on a relationship either, just letting you know my experience:)

[cosmo105]

totally true. you draw the higher-quality people to you when you're a high-quality person yourself.

[Helvete]

thats what im talking about
Exactly, don't knock it until you try...

[NicRN77]

one time i got a message from a, in her words, "proud t-girl". i never wrote back


I had no idea what that meant...had to Google. Damn.

[Lex Diamonds]

"Oh no! The internet's not trying to find me a girlfriend any more, my life is over :("

[checkyourprez]

try another dating site.


problem solved.

[KingPsyz]

think of it this way, more material for your comedy...

I gave her self-deprecating comedy... Bitches love self-deprecating comedy

[Bob]

"Oh no! The internet's not trying to find me a girlfriend any more, my life is over :("

right?

[mikizee]

I find sitting down and eating a sandwich usually solves most of my problems. For a while.

[Kid Presentable]

I find sitting down and eating a sandwich usually solves most of my problems. For a while.

I just ate two sandwiches and I feel excellent.

[Bob]

i'm literally going to a party devoted to sandwiches and beer tomorrow

it's called sandwich day

by all rights i ought to feel great

[Kid Presentable]

You never know, you might find a way to not enjoy it.

[jabumbo]

How do yopu truly enjoy a sandwich when it's not made by a woman in your kitchen?

[Lex Diamonds]

i'm literally going to a party devoted to sandwiches and beer tomorrow

it's called sandwich day

by all rights i ought to feel great
This I'm kinda jealous of... But I got laid last night so swings and roundabouts I suppose.

For real though women aren't as important as you seem to think, sandwiches and beer are much better and there's always jerking off.

[p-branez]

dude - bob, I didn't read much of this thread, but doesn't the Beastie Boys Message Board qualify as an online dating site?

I feel like every time I visit someone new is married. There are some women who post regular photos in Sure Shots.

[DandyFop]

I'm very sick of this "as soon as you're happy being alone, then the right person will find you".

It's bullshit. Just because that happens it doesn't mean people automatically start coming out of the woodwork. It doesn't mean that at all. It's just another bullshit line given to single people to make them feel okay.

I believe in being okay on your own, completely. I do. I have felt happy for a while about it, but now I'm truly sick of it. So I guess with that logic above, I'll never find anyone! Woohoo.

[Helvete]

True, but it's the whole 'not being desperate' thing which I think those people are alluding towards.

[Kid Presentable]

Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. Plus, I kinda think Bob complains a lot, and maybe that's bleeding over into his interactions with people. I hope it's not the case, because he's good people.

That's not to say I haven't done my fair share of complaining in the past. But ultimately only you can control the way you think about shit.

[NicRN77]

I'm very sick of this "as soon as you're happy being alone, then the right person will find you".

It's bullshit. Just because that happens it doesn't mean people automatically start coming out of the woodwork. It doesn't mean that at all. It's just another bullshit line given to single people to make them feel okay.

I believe in being okay on your own, completely. I do. I have felt happy for a while about it, but now I'm truly sick of it. So I guess with that logic above, I'll never find anyone! Woohoo.

(y) I agree

[HOTWIFE]

wanting something so bad and feeling negative about the whole situation pushes the thing you want away from you. its the 'law of attraction', if you will. its nothing new.

[Kid Presentable]

I'm very sick of this "as soon as you're happy being alone, then the right person will find you".

It's bullshit. Just because that happens it doesn't mean people automatically start coming out of the woodwork. It doesn't mean that at all. It's just another bullshit line given to single people to make them feel okay.

I believe in being okay on your own, completely. I do. I have felt happy for a while about it, but now I'm truly sick of it. So I guess with that logic above, I'll never find anyone! Woohoo.

You get to do what you love (i.e the comedy thing) while many just stew away in crappy relationships with fuckwits. I think lots of people would swap places with you for that alone. Regardless of whether it's your job or not, having the gumption to get out and do it is something you should be happy about. Don't look for holes in your life elsewhere; there are parts of it that are very awesome.

[DandyFop]

Yeah but there's something to be said about doing the thing you love and having someone to share it with. I love my life but it's a very lonely existence much of the time.

ANYWAY BOB GLAD YOU'RE DOING STANDUP NOW!! It will fill the hole for a little while at least.

lol.

[checkyourprez]

Yeah but there's something to be said about doing the thing you love and having someone to share it with. I love my life but it's a very lonely existence much of the time.

ANYWAY BOB GLAD YOU'RE DOING STANDUP NOW!! It will fill the hole for a little while at least.

lol.

bob you could prob find some dudes on that dating site your on to fill that hole for a little while.

[Bob]

that's a weird thing to say, i'm there to meet women!

[Bob]

OH, now i get it

[checkyourprez]

that's a weird thing to say, i'm there to meet women!

OH, now i get it


.:rolleyes:. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ytCEuuW2_A)

[Yetra Flam]

bob, i wanna check out your profile, whats your username?
i'll rate you highly, promise!

[Dorothy Wood]

I think the key to the "being happy alone" thing is letting go of fear and anxiety. So you're more yourself when you do run into someone you find attractive.

I don't know, there aren't any concrete answers. I have friends who are very awesome and have a lot of trouble with dating. Part of it is high standards though, there are plenty of idiots to date, but finding a cute one that doesn't make you hurl is tricky sometimes.

And to you youngsters, I don't think I fully understood what a relationship was until I was over 30. And my mom didn't meet her best husband until she was in her 50's.

It's nice to find someone special, but they're still gonna end up farting all the time after about 6 months.

[Lex Diamonds]

So zorra & Bob are gonna bang?

[Yetra Flam]

I would be a very lucky girl

[mikizee]

;););)

[Bob]

I would be a very lucky girl

wanna drop your life and move to boston? it could work!

[abbott]

i never sleep alone because Bob is a magnet

[Dorothy Wood]

you should start a blog and write funny stuff, and also have it be a dating contest for women to win a date with you. then you just sit back and collect.

[Kid Presentable]

you should start a blog and write funny stuff, and also have it be a dating contest for women to win a date with you. then you just sit back and collect.

If I may be so bold - and it's really just to remove any confusion as DW didn't use the quote function - this advice is directed at Bob, not abbott.

[Bob]

ok yeah, i thought she was talking to abbott and i was like whaaaaat

also someone gave me the video of me doing standup and i watched it and i'm super critical about it but i'm also drunk as shit and feeling a little attention whorish so if you guys peer pressure me into it before i go to bed i might post it on youtube if i can figure out how

[yeahwho]

Hey remember that time the NYTimes quoted Notorious lol?

People checkout this site from some very different perspectives.

Or, of course you can stay obscure and hidden. That would be funny. In a tragic sort of way.

bob, do not become the obscure tragic comic... become the well kown tragic comic yeah, thats the ticket!!!!

[venusvenus123]

ok yeah, i thought she was talking to abbott and i was like whaaaaat

also someone gave me the video of me doing standup and i watched it and i'm super critical about it but i'm also drunk as shit and feeling a little attention whorish so if you guys peer pressure me into it before i go to bed i might post it on youtube if i can figure out how

Please do it.

I didn't know anything about the NYTimes quoting Notorious/MOA. When, what, how?

[Guy Incognito]

ok yeah, i thought she was talking to abbott and i was like whaaaaat

also someone gave me the video of me doing standup and i watched it and i'm super critical about it but i'm also drunk as shit and feeling a little attention whorish so if you guys peer pressure me into it before i go to bed i might post it on youtube if i can figure out how

i appreciate your reservations but i think you should post it, its a chance to get feedback robert.

[Documad]

Please do it.

I didn't know anything about the NYTimes quoting Notorious/MOA. When, what, how?

I'd forgotten about that. Here's the thread about it. (http://bbs.beastieboys.com/showthread.php?t=76202&highlight=times)

[checkyourprez]

bob, just to clarify, when you say "i've never felt as low as i do right now", you are not talking about your balls sagging right?

[DandyFop]

I wouldn't post my first time but heyyy that's your call.

And just so you know, right now, my dumb nerdy dude friends who spent years not being able to get laid or go out with girls - now that they have been doing standup a few years, they are CRUSHING IT. It's almost kind of gross. But yeah...you're not gonna have to worry about ladeez if you pursue standup, trust me.

[Bob]

I wouldn't post my first time but heyyy that's your call.

And just so you know, right now, my dumb nerdy dude friends who spent years not being able to get laid or go out with girls - now that they have been doing standup a few years, they are CRUSHING IT. It's almost kind of gross. But yeah...you're not gonna have to worry about ladeez if you pursue standup, trust me.

yeah i'm sober now and i'm not gonna post it

it's too bad you guys weren't posting on the internet at 3 am on a saturday, you coulda talked me into it, but now you missed your window

[checkyourprez]

I have a sneaking suspicion that the opportunity will present itself again.

[Bob]

i don't know what would give you that idea

it's actually kind of funny though, going back to the getting laid thing, i think i did get hit on after the show. some girl was like "hey, you were good, it's too bad you're not really a mormon (it was a halloween show and i was dressed as a mormon which was convenient because i actually have a joke about that costume)" and i just kind of went "ha?" and stopped talking

she was very drunk and not pretty but i think it still counts

[yeahwho]

In order to keep the ego from exploding I think you should post the video and lip sync up jokes that kill, perhaps do a few jokes in auto-tune.

[Kid Presentable]

very drunk and not pretty

The world is yours. (y)

[checkyourprez]

she was very drunk and not pretty but i think it still counts

shoulda banged her bro. your in show biz now.

[Bob]

I wouldn't post my first time but heyyy that's your call.

And just so you know, right now, my dumb nerdy dude friends who spent years not being able to get laid or go out with girls - now that they have been doing standup a few years, they are CRUSHING IT. It's almost kind of gross. But yeah...you're not gonna have to worry about ladeez if you pursue standup, trust me.

so i swear i'm not just doing this to get laid or anything, but i'm wondering when this happens exactly. and i'm not asking that because i'm desperate and want it to happen, it's a purely curious question on account of the fact that in my limited experience so far, i cannot possibly fathom any of the guys i've seen at any of the shows i've been at getting laid from their sets

i mean i've only been doing it once a week for about 2 months now, but it seems like right now the crowd at all the open mics i've been to (and to be fair they've all only been open mics on weeknights in bars) is mostly just comedians, which is like 80% dudes. and the few women that are there tend to have jokes about how they're crazy and on antidepressants. and there's this one woman who keeps telling "jokes" about how she had a miscarriage

maybe you just have to get past the open mic phase. or maybe i'm just going to shitty open mics

but once i get to the point where there are normal women in the audience, i bet i could totally crush it. i'm usually one of the few people at these things that doesn't just tell jokes about jerking off all the time and how much i hate women for not liking me.

i've decided that refusing to tell jokes about hating women is going to be my schtick

[Dorothy Wood]

I would definitely try multiple open mics. I don't think the getting laid part happens until you get more established though.

I am in the comedy world, but kind of on the outside so I don't have any solid advice. The best comics I know are truly weird, single, kind of ugly, and have a hard time with relationships but still end up getting laid every now and then.

These are established dudes and ladies though.

I feel like more traditional "band camp" style hooking up and dating goes on with the improv crowd.

You'll get to spin the bottle soon, patience is key.

[checkyourprez]

so i swear i'm not just doing this to get laid or anything, but i'm wondering when this happens exactly. and i'm not asking that because i'm desperate and want it to happen, it's a purely curious question on account of the fact that in my limited experience so far, i cannot possibly fathom any of the guys i've seen at any of the shows i've been at getting laid from their sets

i mean i've only been doing it once a week for about 2 months now, but it seems like right now the crowd at all the open mics i've been to (and to be fair they've all only been open mics on weeknights in bars) is mostly just comedians, which is like 80% dudes. and the few women that are there tend to have jokes about how they're crazy and on antidepressants. and there's this one woman who keeps telling "jokes" about how she had a miscarriage

maybe you just have to get past the open mic phase. or maybe i'm just going to shitty open mics

but once i get to the point where there are normal women in the audience, i bet i could totally crush it. i'm usually one of the few people at these things that doesn't just tell jokes about jerking off all the time and how much i hate women for not liking me.

i've decided that refusing to tell jokes about hating women is going to be my schtick


sounds promising.




i would think the banging would start more so when you get gigs where you are getting paid. in money or possibly drinks or something or the sort. like if you're the first warm up guy for 5 comedians and the 5th happens to be Tom Green or something.

open mics sound (and im pretty certain it is) like practice for newer comedians (or comedians in general idk much about "the biz"). you get somewhat of an audience and can work on your delivery and see what works and what sucks. but like you said its mostly all comedians with some family and friends mixed in.

for the most part everyone there is for themselves or the person they know. so i would think when your doing a show where everyone is there to see you, at least in some respect...the fact remains that they need to sit through you to get to Tom Green. but thats when they could find you funny and start to check for you, or possibly even want to bang you. chicks and dudes.

[abcdefz]

You're one of the good guys, Bob. please be encouraged.

[Bob]

i did a set tonight all by myself without telling my friends to come, and people, total strangers, laughed a little at some of my jokes, laughed a little more at some of my other jokes, and even laughed a LOT at a few of my jokes. i was expecting them to laugh a lot at more of my jokes, and not a lot at some of the ones they did laugh a lot at, but that's the way this goes it seems. i stuck to my time and the host seemed to like that

then afterwards a girl touched my arm and said "that was really good!" but i was too busy working off the post-set shakes to do anything about it. she was cute though. then she did a set herself and it wasn't that good and she didn't look at me and i didn't say anything

then i drank some more beers and took the bus home by myself

moving up!

[Bob]

i posted this here instead of the one where i say i'm gonna do stand up because this is the thread where we talk about how stand up will get me laid eventually and secretly that's what i want to talk about

how many of you do stand up again? i also want to talk about that a little. like how today was the first night where i did my whole set without looking at anything i wrote down once. it was my 9th time or so, and i only did 2 minutes, but i was still pretty proud of it because most of my jokes are pretty short and i have a hard time remembering them all because i get nervous and forget things

or about how so many people at these things forget to tell jokes, because they think they're going to be the next louis ck or marc maron, and all they have to do is talk about how sad and gross and lonely they are and people will laugh, who gives a shit about punchlines. i love louis ck but i also kind of hate him for inspiring some of the people he's inspired

i've only done 9 of these so far but already i'm beginning to forget that standup is funny

[Documad]

I really wish I could see you do your act.

[NicRN77]

awesome, Bob! good to hear you're getting comfortable. I thought you were funny when I saw your act a couple months back...and it's not just because I know you!!

[Lex Diamonds]

^ Sounds like it's just because she knows you.

[Bob]

some day when someone films me and i'm happy with it i'll post it

or when i'm drunk and on the internet enough

[checkyourprez]

some day when someone films me and i'm happy with it i'll post it

or when i'm drunk and on the internet enough

sooo next week. nice. (leaning towards option two with that comment)

[DandyFop]

i've only done 9 of these so far but already i'm beginning to forget that standup is funny

hahaha welcome to hell... I love comedy to my core and hate it so much at the same time cause you have to sit through so much bad comedy

[Bob]

yeah, they can feel a bit long

it's especially rough as a new guy, because people tell their bad jokes while staring at you because you're one of the few people that hasn't heard them all a billion times before. i feel bad for the odd genuine audience member that wanders in by mistake, comics just zero in on them.

still, it's kind of encouraging. the audience at these things (ie, only comedians waiting for their turn) is pretty professional about reacting to jokes, for lack of a better term. they laugh at jokes that are funny, don't laugh at jokes that aren't, and don't heckle, so it's encouraging when i tell jokes that actually get laughs from them. i would put myself in at least the top 50% already, and i'm usually pretty hard on myself

once i actually figure out my style there will be no stopping me

[yeahwho]

I enjoy bad advice. If a comic recommends ill mannered behavior and has seriously thought nothing of the possible consequences of bad advice, I usually drive home happy.

The same reason I hang around this board, I've received some genuinely horrible advice here. Hopefully i have given out more bad advice than i've taken. I don't want to be accused of being a taker and not a giver.

My advice is you put some badly timed jokes on this board.

[yeahwho]

Just read this article in the nytimes about the guy who books comedy acts for Letterman, may you meet him very soon.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/12/arts/television/eddie-brill-and-the-comics-on-david-lettermans-show.html?ref=arts

[yeahwho]

Just read this article in the nytimes about the guy who books comedy acts for Letterman, you will NOT meet him very soon.

http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/17/late-show-replaces-its-longtime-comedy-booker/?scp=1&sq=Eddie%20Brill&st=cse

[Bob]

compliment of the day: "that bloody stool joke? loved it! loved it! what's your name again?"

movin up!

[kaiser soze]

dude, you're the shit

cyber?