Fucking wedding stresses, man

[mikizee]

Seriously, how do people do it?

The missus and I have been trying to organise our wedding for a few months now. I feel bad because I think we want two different weddings, I for one fucking hate weddings so I want it to be low key as possible. Which is fine because that's the only way we would be getting close to afford it anyway.

We just bought a house late last year and that is costing us an assload, so we pretty much have zero cash saved. The gf's mother gifted us 5 grand to go towards it, but trying to squeeze the equivalent out of my parents is impossible. My parents are divorced, my dad is tight with cash and my mother's broke, she just had to close her beauty salon.

We decided to go as cheap as possible on the wedding (without it being tacky) and spend the majority of money on the honeymoon. We went to the travel agent the other day to book our honeymoon (The Maldives). We found this resort that we fell in love with.

Our agent did some research with their wholesaler, Honeymoons Worldwise, and found an incredible package at this resort that was 5 grand cheaper than anything equivalent. She got on the phone with them while we were there and confirmed the pricing, and we agreed. Part of the reason it was so cheap is because Malaysian Airlines had a sale so the flights were cheap, but non refundable. The agent confirmed the package again with the wholesaler and we gave the go ahead and paid a deposit.

Then we get an email the next day from the agent saying Honeymoons Worldwide have overbooked the resort and are fully booked out, and the agent was trying to find us somewhere else. We had already stretched ourselves way too thin, and anything else on those islands are going to cost an assload more. We were again told that the flights were non-refundable.

Our point is we wouldn't have paid a deposit had we known that the resort wasnt confirmed, all indications showed it had been confirmed!

So now we don't know what to do, we've both booked annual leave from our jobs for the wedding in September that we can't get out of. We have paid for a holiday that doesn't exist. We are already 12 grand down on what its going to cost us. My parents aren't coming to the party finacially like the GF's mum has. Really affecting our relationship too. Don't even know why I'm telling you all this, just need to vent.

Oh, and also my girlfriend's mum's boyfriend (my girlfriend's dad died of cancer 3 years ago) has just been rushed to hospital needing a triple bypass, and because he can't work his employer has fired him (illegally, according to unfair dismissal laws, they are looking into it). They have just bought a house as well and may lose it, so we feel we should give the 5 grand they gave us back to them. So now we need 17 grand. FUCK! What to do?

tl;dr - weddings suck, we're broke, travel agent fucked us, heart surgery = no job

[Pres Zount]

Times are hard man, I feel for you. Might sound like a load of cack, but I hope you try to remember all the good things that you have, like your wife and stuff :(

Otherwise, I don't know what to do. That crap with the travel agent sounds like such a crock of shit, and they probably had it all planned out so it would end that way, just to get you to put in a deposit. You should argue that they need to find you a honeymoon holiday for exactly the same price as the one you laid down money for.

[mikizee]

Yeah cheers.

Re the honeymoon, we feel like, we wanted to go THERE, and now that we can't, we don't want to go at all.

Ech. First world problems and all that

[Randetica]

wow i wish i had your problems! well actually just some of them

[TAL]

If I had enough money, I would be in Glasgow right now for a wedding. I've known the bride since 1995. I'm a bit sad that I couldn't go.

[mikizee]

To be honest being the groom in a wedding freaks me the fuck out. Not because I dont want to get married- but just because, after the bride of course, ill be the centre of attention. I'm the kind of person who likes watching proceedings from a dark corner, incognitus. Also, I hate my photo being taken. HATE it. I'm really not made for weddings

And making a speech... fuck lets not even go there

[na§tee]

the most important advice i've heard about weddings is to get a budget and to stick to it, no matter what. because otherwise.. things can quickly spiral out of control.

i'd seriously investigate what happened with the travel agent because that doesn't sound cool. you booked a package, and now you can't have a critical part of that package. so now it's their responsibility to find you a place of equal or greater value to stay (at no more expense to you).

find out if they are a member of a trade association, and get in touch with them. in the UK when shit like this happens you can complain to the Association of Independent Tour Operators (AITO) or the Association of British Travel Agents (ABTA) and they help settle the dispute.

you are very lucky you have any money at all coming from relatives. if i got married to my boyfriend none of our parents would be able to contribute cash, and i wouldn't expect them to either. the fact that your parents can't contribute shouldn't be a problem, i'd stop worrying about that. they shouldn't be expected to pay just because your gf's parents have - they're in different situations, and are different people. only take money if people offer it, don't go asking. it puts everyone in a really awkward position. it is completely bizarre to me that grown adults ask their parents for money for a big ole party. i'd be like 'shit! i've supported you for fucking 18 years already, pay for your own fruit punch and cheese rolls! i'll take you out for a glass of champagne next weekend though...'

it might sound stressful now but if you have a list of things to do and go through them it will be more manageable. and then you'll have an awesome day. honest.

you really need to put a cap on things though, because once you get to, say, 18 or 19 grand you think "oh what's another 2 grand on top of this?!" and then you get into deep shit...

[Pres Zount]

The best man is supposed to make a speech, so that's one less thing to worry about.

EDIT: Attention lucky woman that gets stuck with me: It will be a cold day in hell that 18 or 19 grand of your chosen denomination will be spent on our glorious union.

[mikizee]

Yeah we are trying to make it as cheap as possible... The gf bought her wedding dress on ebay for like 100 bucks, we aren't having a big sit down 3 course dinner or anything, just cocktail food at a nice pub. No wedding cars, stuff like that.

I should clarify the 17 grand I mentioned includes our honeymoon. If there is one that is.

Its a shame, the agent we use is really cool, she did our holiday last year. Its unfortunate that I'm going to have to get serious with her and air our complaints

[RobMoney$]

There is no way anyone who has ever gotten married has not gone over budget.
There's soo many small things that you never think of that pop up like a week before the wedding that you can't do without.
You need to include $1000 in the budget for misc. That's the only way you'll ever stick to the budget.

Also, Pres is right. Groom doesn't make a speech, unless you want to just to thank everyone for coming or something.
Best Man, Maid of Honor, and Father of the Bride speeches are customary.

[Randetica]

my sisters wedding been expensive but they only wanted money instead of wedding gifts, they got so much money that their wedding was actually for free + some extra cash was left

[avignon]

The best wedding I've ever been to cost probably 500 bucks. It was on the brides' parents' farm. The couple were married on the lawn and the reception was under some trees. I remember huge metal pails filled with ice to keep the drinks cold. It may sound trashy to all of you but I thought it was beautiful.

[Kid Presentable]

To be honest being the groom in a wedding freaks me the fuck out. Not because I dont want to get married- but just because, after the bride of course, ill be the centre of attention. I'm the kind of person who likes watching proceedings from a dark corner, incognitus. Also, I hate my photo being taken. HATE it. I'm really not made for weddings

And making a speech... fuck lets not even go there

You'll be fine bro, trust me. And you're just going to have to find ways to enjoy it, because it'll be one of the best days of your life. To that end, it kinda needs your buy-in.

[paul jones]

the most I would spend on a wedding would be whatever taxi fare it would cost to get me the fuck out of it

[little j]

definitely check into that travel thing with the travel agent's association or whatever because thats shit if they dont book you somewhere else comparable.

weddings are pretty stressful but they dont have to be. sounds like your budget is a little out of control, so scale back! all that matters is that you and your lady are married and happy. whether or not you have a big party doesn't matter. the maldives aren't going anywhere... so get your deposit back (you may need to fight for that) and go somewhere cheaper (jamaica is amazing, btw)

but best of luck. i hope it all works out!

[Adam]

Did you use credit card for your travel booking? You should be protected in some way by them and it'll hopefully make it easier to claim back.

Weddings would stress the hell out of me too. I don't really plan to get married unless it's for some admin procedure/tax benefit or something. Every wedding that I go to with the priest saying "a union between god, you and her blah blah blah..." makes me cynical as fuck since I don't believe in that anymore and all of a sudden I'm think "SHAM".

Anyway, I know none of this anti-wedding talk helps so I'll shaddup.

Or go on the honeymoon, loaded with debt and disappear! The Maldives are very prone to flooding these days - some torn clothes on the beach, a mobile phone - no-one will ever come looking ;)

[HEIRESS]

The bbmb helped me divert a wedding crisis in the fall!
IZZUPDATE!

So after reading my tale of woe a kind bbmb member (the lovely trailerprincess) messaged me and said she would call all of the topshops in her vicinity (14 in all) to see if they had my size left in store and if so she'd pick it up and mail it to me. Nicest offer ever (made me teary, I'll admit) but alas my size was also sold out at all the outlets. We even checked on E-bay but my size was nowhere to be found.

Did she give up after this setback (because let's be honest, I myself had), HECK NO! She went even further above and beyond and remembered that a friend of hers was coming to visit soon from Dublin so she rang up the 3 topshops in dublin and low and behold ONE HAD MY SIZE!

So her friend purchased the dress, passed it onto trailerprincess in London and this week I received it in my hands! The dress fits perfect (just some minor adjustments need to be made to the bust/hem length) and I couldnt love it more.

So let us take a moment to appreciate the kindness of others, and let's acknowledge that sometimes e-friends from this board do more for us with just their kind words/advice/jokes than some of the people we think we can count on IRL.

TrailerPrincess, your kindness and help with never be forgotten (I hope the thank you gift on its way brightens your day when it arrives)

BBMB 4 LYYYYYFE (y):D

Thanks again!

We had a wedding of about 70 people and we kept the cost to around 3,000 or so (everything included). I paid for half and because my husband was a poor recently graduated student his parent's paid for the rest.

We cut corners by using barely any flowers (just a few bouquets on the head table). My bouquet was from the farmer's market that morning and purchased for only 7 bucks. My maid of honor's bouquet was created with some free flowers from a local farmer.
I hand made all the decorations with the help of my friends, I also made the boutonnieres with some ribbon and random greenery I pinched from around my parent's neighborhood.
3 artsy friends with decent cameras took 2,000+ photos and gave us a copy after the wedding.
Portions of my husband's outfit were from the thrift store even!
We had an open bar, but most people drank my father-in-laws amazing home-made red wine. He made a batch when we got engaged and then let it age for 3 years until we got hitched!
We had the dinner/dance at a local Ukrainian hall. The food was made by old babbas in the basement and because of my heritage they only charged us for the food and not the actual hall rental ($500 saving, whut whut!)
At the end of the night a bunch of people saved taxi money because a few of the hall employees gave people rides home :D
The lovely Italian women on my husband's side made a shit-ton of yummy traditional treats to be served along with the wedding cake.
I chose to DJ the wedding myself so that saved money. I set up and organized all the playlists before hand and my bro's contribution was to rent a speaker-system/party lights and then with minor time commitment we baby-sat my set list throughout the night depending on the mood of the crowd.

So yeah, you can pull off a wedding relatively cheap.

I think it turned out pretty good:
The Happy Couple (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v88/HEIRESS/2011/IMG_0877.jpg)
Hero Shot (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v88/HEIRESS/2011/wed1.jpg)
First Dance (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v88/HEIRESS/2011/IMG_1318.jpg)
After the home-made wine hit... (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v88/HEIRESS/2011/rambo2.jpg)

We took a cheap as hell honeymoon by driving down to Portland for a week and indulging in food/coffee/beer heaven there.

the end :D

[abbott]

I went to Cancun for $1600, and my wife planned 100% of the rest on a $3000 budget. Local, Typical church wedding with about 300 people. I thought that was nuts.

I should have gone to Hawaii and got marred on the beach with the money. Sent out invitations and tell everyone they are welcome to join us if they like and I would give them a date and time and place for the ceremony.

Good luck.

[thegoodmrbrodie!]

sounds like you should have consulted the board PRIOR to organising your wedding - some excellent cheapskating going down. either way, sounds like you are in a sticky situation... i'm sure that it will all be worth it in the end. good luck.

[Helvete]

Even with the money, I could never justify 20 grand on a wedding, no bloody way! Good thing the potential fiancee doesn't want a flashy wedding and has her grandmother's engagement ring to be passed down.

[M|X|Y]

best wedding i ever went to was in a hot ass chapel, bucks county pennsylvania.. no a/c...

reception was at a park... old rustic barn, 3 piece acoustic bluegrass band, finger food, beer.. way tasteful. couldnt' have cost more than a couple thousand dollars

[Randetica]

To be honest being the groom in a wedding freaks me the fuck out. Not because I dont want to get married- but just because, after the bride of course, ill be the centre of attention. I'm the kind of person who likes watching proceedings from a dark corner, incognitus. Also, I hate my photo being taken. HATE it. I'm really not made for weddings

And making a speech... fuck lets not even go there

your girl is pretty, guess it's worth the stress then haha
those named things would throw me in panic too, couldnt wait for the wedding and party being over and being back to alone time with my partner

wish you all the best

[mikizee]

Cheers people.. and Heiress, that story is awesome! Trailerprincess is a good egg.

At this point we've 99% decided to postpone the wedding til the middle of next year. More time to figure shit out and save more money. Feel kind of relieved... we were nowhere near prepared. Luckily we hadn't sent out invites or anything yet.

Still goin on a fuckin holiday in September though. We need one. If we can, we'll get these non refundable flights rerouted to Penang in Malaysia and stay there for a week. The noodles you can buy at the street markets there are INCREDIBLE

[Kid Presentable]

Sweet bro I'll PM you my address.