Two weeks later and I'm still just as sad

[Hello_Kitty]

I know this is my first post on these boards. I've been lurking on here since I heard the terrible news trying to find solace by reading what you all have to say. Thank you to you all!

I too discovered the Boys with Licensed to Ill. Still have my vinyl! :) I feel like I know every word to every song on that album. Where do you find that? An album where you love every song? Anyway, fell in love with Paul's Boutique. Then college & life happened and I kind of lost touch with them after that. Yes, I knew Sabotage and Intergalatic but never bought another album. No idea why because I still loved them. I had no idea MCA was even sick. Shows you how outta touch I was.

But when I heard the terrible news I was devastated and my mental state has only gotten worse. I didn't even know MCA so how could I be so upset? Crying all the time. I had to stop myself from thinking about him because I would start well up. Even writing this I start to get misty. I can't really talk to people about it b/c they would think I was crazy to be upset over someone I didn't even know. That's why I have found comfort in these boards.

I've been on the internet non-stop ever since that day devouring every little bit of info I could about MCA and the rest of the B-Boys. Their history, their videos, their music, everything! I listen to their music non-stop now and continuously Google about Adam to see if there is anything new. I guess I'm just saddened on what I missed out on and that I'll never get to experience seeing a show or even hearing another new song or video by them. MCA was brilliant. His voice, his vision, and what he stood for. I'm also saddened that he was so young (only 6 years older than me) and just feel so horrible for his daughter, wife, parents, family, and Adrock/Mike D who I'm sure were just like brothers to him. Continuously thinking about all of those things still makes me just as sad, maybe even more so now then when I heard the news.

They say writing your feelings down is supposed to help and that is why I'm posting them here in B-Boys cyberspace. No one has to respond to me but I just wanted to express my sadness.

[Swooziemoonshoe]

Hey Kitty, you're far from the only one to get unexpectedly overwhelmed with sadness and come here to let it out! I apologise to the regulars for turning up like this but the board was really kind to me, and as so many have said, it's a real comfort to hang out here and read the threads. Sooo much good stuff to remember. I hope you find it uplifting.
I'm going to an AIFST screening here in London tonight so that should be a good time, and I'll be thinking of all the Beastie fans around the world who are feeling, in the words of Q magazine and myself, 'absolutely gutted'.
Love to you and all.

[JoLovesMCA]

These are the kind of stories that break my heart. :( I said it before and I will say it again, you don't have to be an obsessed fan to appreciate what Adam and the boys did for the world through their music and activism. They were a constant and always there and whether you bought every album or not, there was that comfort knowing they were always there still doing their thing.

Two weeks later and I think a lot of us are still in a lot of pain so you're not alone.

I'm Jo btw. If you ever need anybody to talk to I am here. ;)

I know this is my first post on these boards. I've been lurking on here since I heard the terrible news trying to find solace by reading what you all have to say. Thank you to you all!

I too discovered the Boys with Licensed to Ill. Still have my vinyl! :) I feel like I know every word to every song on that album. Where do you find that? An album where you love every song? Anyway, fell in love with Paul's Boutique. Then college & life happened and I kind of lost touch with them after that. Yes, I knew Sabotage and Intergalatic but never bought another album. No idea why because I still loved them. I had no idea MCA was even sick. Shows you how outta touch I was.

But when I heard the terrible news I was devastated and my mental state has only gotten worse. I didn't even know MCA so how could I be so upset? Crying all the time. I had to stop myself from thinking about him because I would start well up. Even writing this I start to get misty. I can't really talk to people about it b/c they would think I was crazy to be upset over someone I didn't even know. That's why I have found comfort in these boards.

I've been on the internet non-stop ever since that day devouring every little bit of info I could about MCA and the rest of the B-Boys. Their history, their videos, their music, everything! I listen to their music non-stop now and continuously Google about Adam to see if there is anything new. I guess I'm just saddened on what I missed out on and that I'll never get to experience seeing a show or even hearing another new song or video by them. MCA was brilliant. His voice, his vision, and what he stood for. I'm also saddened that he was so young (only 6 years older than me) and just feel so horrible for his daughter, wife, parents, family, and Adrock/Mike D who I'm sure were just like brothers to him. Continuously thinking about all of those things still makes me just as sad, maybe even more so now then when I heard the news.

They say writing your feelings down is supposed to help and that is why I'm posting them here in B-Boys cyberspace. No one has to respond to me but I just wanted to express my sadness.

[sab0tage]

Welcome to the boards. It's a shame it's under such tragic circumstances but everyone here shares your sorrow and pain.

[Hello_Kitty]

Thank you everyone for being so welcoming. :) And I'm sorry to be a Debbie Downer! Here I come barging into your Boards like some johnny come lately and I'm like a wet mop. I truly am a fan even if I wasn't a very good one over these past years.

I still just can't help but cry every time I think of him (which I'm doing right now.) Why? I know it's a multitude of things that I listed previously but I've never been affected by someone so much that I didn't even know. All I want to do is listen to their music to hear him, watch their videos to see him and be amazed at this directing genius, google any news or pictures of him. I'm consumed. Maybe it's me trying to catch up on all the years I've lost. Who knows. I just feel like I've lost someone so special, the world has lost someone so special that we'll never get back.

[M.C. Guevera]

It will always suck, no matter what day, what year it is.

[CoolAsACucumber]

I may be what many hard core Beastie fans would consider a poser because it took MCA's death for me to remember how much I loved the Boys. I never owned an album and I didn't follow them much..shit, I didn't even know Adam Y. was that ill, but my god did I go ape shit every time they came on the radio. I would turn it up and sing it LOUD.

Everytime I watched a Beasties video, I was mesmerized by MCA...the way he moved, that raspy voice of his, the lyrical masterpieces he spoke out...he was my fav, even if they weren't my most favorite band.

Since May 4th, there isn't a day that goes by that I am not listening to a song, some songs I never heard before, from the Beastie Boys and I listen to MCA the hardest. I didn't realize how much his death would sadden me, but it has. I feel a loss...a hole so big in the collective cosmos that it all feels strange.

I read a quote from someone, somewhere on Facebook that said "I get the feeling that MCA had to go up there to put some order in the universe". I believe that may be true.

So, no...you're not the only one. I wasn't even a hard core fan, and his leaving us hurts to the core.

[WesleyOHSnaps!]

their are plenty of us on this board who have been here for ever (myself included) and there are newbies and newbies are welcome for sure.

I can't tell you when this saddness will go away and I'm not sure it ever will.

Every day brings on a new thought of something I will miss about Adam Yauch.

[Hello_Kitty]

It will always suck, no matter what day, what year it is. Oh god, you're right. I was hoping it would get better but not sure it will.

I may be what many hard core Beastie fans would consider a poser because it took MCA's death for me to remember how much I loved the Boys. I never owned an album and I didn't follow them much..shit, I didn't even know Adam Y. was that ill, but my god did I go ape shit every time they came on the radio. I would turn it up and sing it LOUD.

Everytime I watched a Beasties video, I was mesmerized by MCA...the way he moved, that raspy voice of his, the lyrical masterpieces he spoke out...he was my fav, even if they weren't my most favorite band.

Since May 4th, there isn't a day that goes by that I am not listening to a song, some songs I never heard before, from the Beastie Boys and I listen to MCA the hardest. I didn't realize how much his death would sadden me, but it has. I feel a loss...a hole so big in the collective cosmos that it all feels strange. This describes me exactly! :) I find myself looking only at MCA in the videos to see his expressions or listening only to him in the songs to hear his lyrics. It is a big black hole without him here.

their are plenty of us on this board who have been here for ever (myself included) and there are newbies and newbies are welcome for sure.

I can't tell you when this saddness will go away and I'm not sure it ever will.

Every day brings on a new thought of something I will miss about Adam Yauch. I guess that's why I cry everytime I think of him. A new thought pops in abt him and then I quick realize he's not here anymore. :(

thanks again everyone for being so inviting. you guys f'in rock!!! :)(y)

[M.C. Guevera]

Their fanbase is literally so large and widespread that it truly runs the gamut from those who only listened to them every once in a while whenever one of their songs showed up on iPod shuffle to those that made it a point to listen to them every hour of every day and knew what toothpaste they used.

But no matter how hardcore you are, it's a common theme I'm seeing everywhere: this celebrity death hurts.

[Hello_Kitty]

Their fanbase is literally so large and widespread that it truly runs the gamut from those who only listened to them every once in a while whenever one of their songs showed up on iPod shuffle to those that made it a point to listen to them every hour of every day and knew what toothpaste they used.

But no matter how hardcore you are, it's a common theme I'm seeing everywhere: this celebrity death hurts.

So true. And I'm finding that it seemed that no matter what social status, color, race, gender, etc everyone loved them and their music. I know I turn a few heads being a 41 year old mom of two driving her white Toyota mini-van around town BLARING the B-Boys. I'm also trying to sing along...unsuccessfully. :p

[Uru-Nitro]

Maybe it's me trying to catch up on all the years I've lost.

years lost? you should think about all the years you have in front of you. at least 50 years to listen, enjoy and appreciate the work of a genius group. (y)

most people in the world never realize what you are experiencing right now. the absolutly enjoying of every track, seeing it not just as music, but a whole art expression. trust me, you should be possitive and enjoy their multiple albums, videos, remixes, live shows, b-sides, side-projects, films...

:)

[M.C. Guevera]

So true. And I'm finding that it seemed that no matter what social status, color, race, gender, etc everyone loved them and their music. I know I turn a few heads being a 41 year old mom of two driving her white Toyota mini-van around town BLARING the B-Boys. I'm also trying to sing along...unsuccessfully. :p

You only need to watch Awesome; I Fuckin' Shot That! to see the variety of their fanbase. The usual stereotype is that every Beastie Boys fan is some white kid living in the suburbs. Yet...Black, White, Asian, Middle Eastern, and Latin...everyone loves the Beastie Boys.

[Hello_Kitty]

years lost? you should think about all the years you have in front of you. at least 50 years to listen, enjoy and appreciate the work of a genius group. (y)

most people in the world never realize what you are experiencing right now. the absolutly enjoying of every track, seeing it not just as music, but a whole art expression. trust me, you should be possitive and enjoy their multiple albums, videos, remixes, live shows, b-sides, side-projects, films...

:)
I'm just sad that we will be missing out on on his future endeavors and thinking what could have been. He should have had 50 more years too. But you are so right. I don't think people around me personally realize what true artists they were. Just from what I've been watching and listening to and reading about them makes me look at other bands/musicians in another light. How most lack any sort of talent and vision. Not that I didn't think that before but they really stick out like a sore thumb now. even bands that I thought were something just don't compare now. I'm so glad the BBoys documented everything so that we can enjoy their treasures for years to come.

You only need to watch Awesome; I Fuckin' Shot That! to see the variety of their fanbase. The usual stereotype is that every Beastie Boys fan is some white kid living in the suburbs. Yet...Black, White, Asian, Middle Eastern, and Latin...everyone loves the Beastie Boys.
I can't wait to watch it. I just watched an old interview with them talking about the video and and I was cracking up. After watching it, I felt sad again but for Mike D and Adrock. The camaraderie and the sick of sense of humor they had and understood b/w the 3 of them I bet they are missing.

[frank1271]

You only need to watch Awesome; I Fuckin' Shot That! to see the variety of their fanbase. The usual stereotype is that every Beastie Boys fan is some white kid living in the suburbs. Yet...Black, White, Asian, Middle Eastern, and Latin...everyone loves the Beastie Boys.

This couldnt have been said any better (y)

[M.C. Guevera]

People love them because they always kept it fun and silly. They never became egomaniacs, they kept their noses clean, they kept it low key. They weren't even up their own asses with their beliefs or whatever. They would do songs that pointed out that the world sucked, but they always had a sense of hope and optimism that things would get better. They didn't just tell you that things sucked and leave it at that, like even Rage Against The Machine would do.

Beastie Boys are the personification of fun and joy.

[WesleyOHSnaps!]

You only need to watch Awesome; I Fuckin' Shot That! to see the variety of their fanbase. The usual stereotype is that every Beastie Boys fan is some white kid living in the suburbs. Yet...Black, White, Asian, Middle Eastern, and Latin...everyone loves the Beastie Boys.

I'm so happy that Awesome I fuckin' shot that exist" So happy.

[M.C. Guevera]

I've seen it non-stop these past 2 weeks. The commentary is my favourite part.

[Hello_Kitty]

So where would I find Awesome; I Fuckin' Shot That!? Do I need to buy it off of Amazon or is it something that is freely available? I know there are clips but I want to watch the entire thing with the commentary too.

[M.C. Guevera]

The DVD is the way to go. So, yeah, Amazon should have it. It was widely released.

[WesleyOHSnaps!]

I've seen it non-stop these past 2 weeks. The commentary is my favourite part.

Hands down the commentary is so good.

[CoolAsACucumber]

So true. And I'm finding that it seemed that no matter what social status, color, race, gender, etc everyone loved them and their music. I know I turn a few heads being a 41 year old mom of two driving her white Toyota mini-van around town BLARING the B-Boys. I'm also trying to sing along...unsuccessfully. :p

Girl!! You sound like me. I'm a 39 yr old mom with two teen aged boys and I would blast the Beastie Boys every time they came on. For the last two weeks the men in my house have had to deal with me playing the Beastie Boys and telling them "listen to this" and "Awww, man! Did you HEAR THAT VERSE?"

Luckily for me, they like the Beasties too!

[benchillin]

Girl!! "Awww, man! Did you HEAR THAT VERSE?"

Luckily for me, they like the Beasties too!


YEA!

[Hello_Kitty]

Girl!! You sound like me. I'm a 39 yr old mom with two teen aged boys and I would blast the Beastie Boys every time they came on. For the last two weeks the men in my house have had to deal with me playing the Beastie Boys and telling them "listen to this" and "Awww, man! Did you HEAR THAT VERSE?"

Luckily for me, they like the Beasties too!

Well my son is only 17 months so he has no choice and my daughter is 7 and is really starting to enjoy them. She wants a BBoys shirt now. Of course I need to download the clean versions of their songs so that I don't have to hear her say "mommy they said a bad word" all the time. LOL!!! :)
It's funny though my son loves watching their videos. I've been watching A LOT of them the last two weeks. And as soon as he hears their music going on my laptop he immediately shuffles over (he's just started walking) and peaks his head around the laptop screen to watch their video. So cute! In fact he had his BBoys shirt on today.

It's amazing how posting today has really made me feel better. Don't get me wrong, I've still cried a few times today but sharing stories, expressing my feelings, and reading what everyone has to say has really helped with coping.

[carvelcake]

Girl!! You sound like me. I'm a 39 yr old mom with two teen aged boys and I would blast the Beastie Boys every time they came on. For the last two weeks the men in my house have had to deal with me playing the Beastie Boys and telling them "listen to this" and "Awww, man! Did you HEAR THAT VERSE?"

Luckily for me, they like the Beasties too!


I have single handedly taught my 21 month old daughter the lyrics to Paul Revere. She loves singing it. She prompts me all the time to start singing it..."Mum-Mum.....tell story!" And when she's old enough....she'll get the full catalog. I can't wait for her to hear it all.

I'm trying so hard to find the words to express why his death isn't like any other. I can't find them. This is different. It just is. I was upset when Kurt Cobain died but I didn't feel like this for 2 weeks. When Layne Stanley died, same thing, same for Shannon Hoon, Corey Haim. I was bummed for like a day and I got over it. When MJ died I was like WTF? That sucks, and moved on in 5 minutes. Can someone please help me with the words to express why it's not the same as any of them? I tried explaining it to my friend at work. The best I could come up with was "A fucking Beastie Boy is dead, do you have any idea how fucked up that is?" Not the most eloquent statement but I swear when I'm upset. I hate that this is happening.

[JDsGotSalinger]

HelloKitty I just want to say thanks for sharing -- I can totally identify with so much of what you said and I feel like I went through the same thing. Feels strange to be so sad but it's still hanging around. Feels better to know I'm not the only one though too. When I first got the news I almost immediately burst into tears, had to hold it back. That surprised me it was so immediate and right there. But thank you for helping me know -- as do so many of the awesome folks here -- that other people are feeling it too. Thanks all.

[silence7]

Don't feel bad for feeling sad. I'm a 41 year old guy and there are relatives in my life that died that I didn't cry over, girlfriends that left that I didn't cry over...

I've cried over Adam's death more than a few times already. I'm ok for a day or so, then listening to the boys in the car, one of Adam's verses will hit me, and I'm misting up at 85mph..

I've talked privately with a few other fans, and it's almost the same story as mine.

Big fan, or small fan, I'd like to think that everyone is a fan. No fan is better or more important than another. I'm just happy there are other fans around to lean on when I need to talk. I don't mean just after Adam's passing. Check Beastie Free if you want to see fans leaning on each other.. :-)

Beastie Boys volume at 11 makes things better!

[birdfloatindown]

It's really moving how many people have been touched by Yauch's death, people from all over the world. It goes to show you what a meaningful, valuable life he led, and it's an example for us all that one person really can make a difference and change lives. And when you do change a life, you might not even know it. Was Yauch aware of how loved and admired he was, and how highly people thought of him? I certainly hope so. Hopefully, he knows now.

Whenever something tragic happens, people always ask, "Why?" No one knows for certain, but my belief is that these things happen so that we don't become heartless robots. Tragedy reminds us that there's more to life than just yourself. Sadness is love. Your tears are love. And they are evidence that you have compassion and aren't completely self-absorbed and thoughtless. A good man died, and you recognize what a loss it is for the world. It speaks well of both you and of Yauch.

It's also important though, that you try to focus on what he gave to us while he was here, rather than obsess about what he could have done in the future. What's done is done and feeling horrible isn't going to bring him back. So put on Paul's Boutique or Licensed To Ill or HSCP2 or Hello Nasty or any of the hours and hours and hours of pure enjoyment and fun and beats and laughter that Yauch, Adam H. and Mike gave to us, and be grateful that we've been lucky enough to have this group in our lives for this long.

It's like the George Harrison song, "All Things Must Pass." "Sunrise doesn't last all morning, a cloudburst doesn't last all day." Death is a natural process. It's every bit as natural as birth. We all knew that eventually the day would come when there would be two Beasties. I know we didn't think it would be this soon, though. It's rough times now, but it will get better if you just try to look at the glass as half full. Turn up the music and smile.:)

[Hello_Kitty]

I'm trying so hard to find the words to express why his death isn't like any other. I can't find them. This is different. It just is. I was upset when Kurt Cobain died but I didn't feel like this for 2 weeks. When Layne Stanley died, same thing, same for Shannon Hoon, Corey Haim. I was bummed for like a day and I got over it. When MJ died I was like WTF? That sucks, and moved on in 5 minutes. Can someone please help me with the words to express why it's not the same as any of them? I tried explaining it to my friend at work. The best I could come up with was "A fucking Beastie Boy is dead, do you have any idea how fucked up that is?" Not the most eloquent statement but I swear when I'm upset. I hate that this is happening.I know what you mean. I liked MJ's music and when he died I was shocked and sad. But I didn't cry and life went on as normal. I also felt a little sad when Dick Clark died. He was pretty much part of every New Year's Eve my entire life not to mention watching AB in the 80's. But I didn't cry though. Adam's death has hit me in a totally different way. Two weeks later and I'm still just as upset as the day I heard maybe even more so. I wish there was an eloquent way I could explain why I and obviously others feel this way. I was really worried about myself. I can't (and still don't) understand why I still feel this way. But coming on here did make me feel better that I wasn't the only one.

Whenever something tragic happens, people always ask, "Why?" No one knows for certain, but my belief is that these things happen so that we don't become heartless robots. Tragedy reminds us that there's more to life than just yourself. Sadness is love. Your tears are love. And they are evidence that you have compassion and aren't completely self-absorbed and thoughtless. A good man died, and you recognize what a loss it is for the world. It speaks well of both you and of Yauch.

It's also important though, that you try to focus on what he gave to us while he was here, rather than obsess about what he could have done in the future. What's done is done and feeling horrible isn't going to bring him back. So put on Paul's Boutique or Licensed To Ill or HSCP2 or Hello Nasty or any of the hours and hours and hours of pure enjoyment and fun and beats and laughter that Yauch, Adam H. and Mike gave to us, and be grateful that we've been lucky enough to have this group in our lives for this long. Turn up the music and smile.:) Reading your post made me tear up. It was really beautiful. I do tend to look at the glass as half empty and I need to switch that thinking and be grateful that we over 25 years of BBoys artistry to be able to listen & watch. I guess I just expected them to be around another 25. I just look at shit people that contribute nothing and secretly think why do they get to live and not Adam who was talented and contributed and made a difference? I know that does absolutely no good but I can't help but secretly think it every once in a while.

As you suggested I'm going to turn it up and smile and hopefully fight through the tears.

[BangkokB]

Don't feel bad for feeling sad. I'm a 41 year old guy and there are relatives in my life that died that I didn't cry over, girlfriends that left that I didn't cry over...

Yea, I know exactly what you mean, I'm 40 and to have such strong emotions over someone that I never met makes me feel like a basket case. It actually didn't register with me til this past Thursday when I was watching a tribute video that someone put up on Youtube set to A Year & a Day. Before then I thought it ws some surreal Andy Kaufman like not really happening Twilight Zone episode that would pass. To have this tear me up more than friends that I've known that have died just doesn't make sense to me. But I would rank this as full scale up there like a death in the family synopsis.

I remember when John Lennon died and I saw on the news people in NY had gathered at some park, I believe it was, and they were lighting candles and carrying on worse than anything my young mind had seen before. I couldn't understand it then. Now, unfortunately I know.

[b-grrrlie]

It's really moving how many people have been touched by Yauch's death, people from all over the world. It goes to show you what a meaningful, valuable life he led, and it's an example for us all that one person really can make a difference and change lives. And when you do change a life, you might not even know it. Was Yauch aware of how loved and admired he was, and how highly people thought of him? I certainly hope so. Hopefully, he knows now.

Whenever something tragic happens, people always ask, "Why?" No one knows for certain, but my belief is that these things happen so that we don't become heartless robots. Tragedy reminds us that there's more to life than just yourself. Sadness is love. Your tears are love. And they are evidence that you have compassion and aren't completely self-absorbed and thoughtless. A good man died, and you recognize what a loss it is for the world. It speaks well of both you and of Yauch.

It's also important though, that you try to focus on what he gave to us while he was here, rather than obsess about what he could have done in the future. What's done is done and feeling horrible isn't going to bring him back. So put on Paul's Boutique or Licensed To Ill or HSCP2 or Hello Nasty or any of the hours and hours and hours of pure enjoyment and fun and beats and laughter that Yauch, Adam H. and Mike gave to us, and be grateful that we've been lucky enough to have this group in our lives for this long.

It's like the George Harrison song, "All Things Must Pass." "Sunrise doesn't last all morning, a cloudburst doesn't last all day." Death is a natural process. It's every bit as natural as birth. We all knew that eventually the day would come when there would be two Beasties. I know we didn't think it would be this soon, though. It's rough times now, but it will get better if you just try to look at the glass as half full. Turn up the music and smile.:)
There hasn't been a single day that I didn't cry over Yauch's passing and this made me burst into tears again. Especially today when it's been absolutely beautiful day and I've been planting flowers in the sunshine I've been thinking of all the good things he did and made us aware of.
I've been listening to Beastie Boys non stop and Beastie Boys only the last two weeks, on Spotify, on my phone, on vinyl, checking loads of videos on You Tube (guess that's why the viewings are so high now...), going through my own photos of them, all the memories from the gigs.... Also I've been wearing different BBoys T-shirts each day. A fortnight and I still have the long sleeved ones to wear...
I'm glad this board excists, no-one irl around me seems to understand at all. On Facebook there was four (outside BBMB) who understood. I haven't even told at work why I'm so down, my sisters haven't called (and they know what fanatic I am), even my best friend hasn't said a word (well, she was abroad for a while now, and head over heels in love so she's got her head up in the clouds) so it feels good to come here and share thoughts and feelings.

[CoolAsACucumber]

Like I said earlier, I was a Beasties fan, but not a hard core one, and am totally surprised of the deep level of hurt I feel for Adam Y.'s passing.

My theory on why it's hurting us so bad is because he felt like our own homeboy. He seemed personable and accessible. Shit, I even see here that he even posted on this board and I have yet to read a story out there about him when he wasn't kind and gracious. Now, I know that there are some "Adam Yauch is a douche" stories out there because honestly, we all have one (or many :) ) but in his heart, in his kind soul, Adam cared about his world and those around him. He felt like our brother, our mentor, our spiritual adviser, and it hurts that he's gone.

One of the things I always loved about the Beasties was their brotherhood and in that brotherhood they remained strong. So many bands have let ego ruin them and the Beasties never let that happen. I can imagine at one time or another, all three have had their ego moments with all the crazy love people have sent their way, but it's like they checked it at the door when it came to each other. Just three punk kids from Brooklyn, enjoying life and maintaining that brotherhood until one had to leave. Shit doesn't get more real than that!

[alexandra_]

i'm still sad too :( but i just realized that i was lucky enough to meet yauch on this day 8 years ago, 19 may 2004. if he only knew how happy that brief moment made me...

and i hate realizing that it's pretty much r.i.p. beastie boys too :( i can't even imagine how sad yauch's family and adam and mike must be that he's gone... i'm even having a hard time dealing with it, and they knew him like no one else...

r.i.p. yauch <3

[sab0tage]

It's really moving how many people have been touched by Yauch's death, people from all over the world. It goes to show you what a meaningful, valuable life he led, and it's an example for us all that one person really can make a difference and change lives. And when you do change a life, you might not even know it. Was Yauch aware of how loved and admired he was, and how highly people thought of him? I certainly hope so. Hopefully, he knows now.

Whenever something tragic happens, people always ask, "Why?" No one knows for certain, but my belief is that these things happen so that we don't become heartless robots. Tragedy reminds us that there's more to life than just yourself. Sadness is love. Your tears are love. And they are evidence that you have compassion and aren't completely self-absorbed and thoughtless. A good man died, and you recognize what a loss it is for the world. It speaks well of both you and of Yauch.

It's also important though, that you try to focus on what he gave to us while he was here, rather than obsess about what he could have done in the future. What's done is done and feeling horrible isn't going to bring him back. So put on Paul's Boutique or Licensed To Ill or HSCP2 or Hello Nasty or any of the hours and hours and hours of pure enjoyment and fun and beats and laughter that Yauch, Adam H. and Mike gave to us, and be grateful that we've been lucky enough to have this group in our lives for this long.

It's like the George Harrison song, "All Things Must Pass." "Sunrise doesn't last all morning, a cloudburst doesn't last all day." Death is a natural process. It's every bit as natural as birth. We all knew that eventually the day would come when there would be two Beasties. I know we didn't think it would be this soon, though. It's rough times now, but it will get better if you just try to look at the glass as half full. Turn up the music and smile.:)

Thanks for posting that. I'll be trying to look at my glass as half full whenever I can and remember all the good things that MCA gave us.

[JoLovesMCA]

It's really moving how many people have been touched by Yauch's death, people from all over the world. It goes to show you what a meaningful, valuable life he led, and it's an example for us all that one person really can make a difference and change lives. And when you do change a life, you might not even know it. Was Yauch aware of how loved and admired he was, and how highly people thought of him? I certainly hope so. Hopefully, he knows now.

Whenever something tragic happens, people always ask, "Why?" No one knows for certain, but my belief is that these things happen so that we don't become heartless robots. Tragedy reminds us that there's more to life than just yourself. Sadness is love. Your tears are love. And they are evidence that you have compassion and aren't completely self-absorbed and thoughtless. A good man died, and you recognize what a loss it is for the world. It speaks well of both you and of Yauch.

It's also important though, that you try to focus on what he gave to us while he was here, rather than obsess about what he could have done in the future. What's done is done and feeling horrible isn't going to bring him back. So put on Paul's Boutique or Licensed To Ill or HSCP2 or Hello Nasty or any of the hours and hours and hours of pure enjoyment and fun and beats and laughter that Yauch, Adam H. and Mike gave to us, and be grateful that we've been lucky enough to have this group in our lives for this long.

It's like the George Harrison song, "All Things Must Pass." "Sunrise doesn't last all morning, a cloudburst doesn't last all day." Death is a natural process. It's every bit as natural as birth. We all knew that eventually the day would come when there would be two Beasties. I know we didn't think it would be this soon, though. It's rough times now, but it will get better if you just try to look at the glass as half full. Turn up the music and smile.:)

If I was only as strong as you. :/ I really have been trying to look at it this way but my mind is my own worst enemy. It floods with all of these thoughts about his suffering and now when I think about Mike and Adam I think about how bad they are hurting and it just breaks me down again. I really really hope that in the future all of this will get easier.

[birdfloatindown]

If I was only as strong as you. :/ I really have been trying to look at it this way but my mind is my own worst enemy. It floods with all of these thoughts about his suffering and now when I think about Mike and Adam I think about how bad they are hurting and it just breaks me down again. I really really hope that in the future all of this will get easier.

Believe me, even though I wrote all that stuff telling everyone to remain positive, what I was really doing was telling that to myself.:)

[Space]

seeing the #MCADAY pics from NYC, jamming HSCII, and getting to see pics of Adam Horovitz in US made my day!

[M.C. Guevera]

I like to think that he didn't die, but merely ascended to a plane of existence better than this.

Just think that his lifeforce is always in the sky, looking down and watching his friends and family.

[Matchstikk]

seeing the #MCADAY pics from NYC, jamming HSCII, and getting to see pics of Adam Horovitz in US made my day!

me too

[nypb]

Hello, Kitty. Glad that you joined us, we need you now! I posted a thread in the Other Music section about music that helps me cope with loss. I suggest everyone check it out and add their favorite music that makes them feel better:

http://bbs.beastieboys.com/showthread.php?t=98174

How old are your kids? I have 2 year old twins that bring me a lot of joy these days :)

[Hello_Kitty]

Hello, Kitty. Glad that you joined us, we need you now! I posted a thread in the Other Music section about music that helps me cope with loss. I suggest everyone check it out and add their favorite music that makes them feel better:

http://bbs.beastieboys.com/showthread.php?t=98174

How old are your kids? I have 2 year old twins that bring me a lot of joy these days :)

My daughter is 7 and is really starting to get into the Boys now that I've been listening to them non-stop for the last two weeks. My son is 17 months and is starting to wiggle when I put their videos on tv. My daughter is mad that she doesn't have a Beastie shirt too. I joked that we may have our family Christmas Card with all of us decked out in our Check Your Head Beastie Boy shirts. :)

I will check out the thread.

I talked to some of my friends tonight about the boys. They got to see them on some tour they said a few years ago. They were with Sheryl Crow, Nora Jones, and some other people. They said the Boys were on fire and were awesome. They were sad about MCA but just weren't emotionally distraught like me. I can say I did do better today and only cried a few times.

[beasties#1fan]

There hasn't been a single day that I didn't cry over Yauch's passing and this made me burst into tears again.
Yeah, this sums up how i've been dealing with it over the past 2 weeks...i cant and wont move on

[paul jones]

Been playing Paul's Boutique in the car non-stop lately,my most listened to album.Always the album to lift my mood but now tinged with a sadness to know that I'll never see them grace the stage again but grateful I got to so many times since 1987.A hero I never met has gone but look what he did for so many people.I'll always be thankful for Beastie Boys in my life.They always and always will be with me until I leave this life.

I've met a lot of great people,some in person,some not, through this place and my thanks go out to them for being here and realising that not everyone on this planet is a jerk.

(y)

[JoLovesMCA]

I just obtained some new portraits of Yauch. Really made me cry again because they are with his daughter. They took some really lovely photos together that are so sweet. Can't wait to post them all!

ugh this kills ME. :( :( :(

[Hello_Kitty]

So Donna Summer and Robin Gibb died this week. I liked their music and I think I was sad for all of one minute. MCA still hurts just as bad two weeks later.

I'm watching the Beastieolgraphy and it's REALLY making me miss him. :(

[fonky pizza]

Jo!! I am so happy you changed your avatar! That's how I remember Yauch's smile and his red shirt!:)

[JoLovesMCA]

Jo!! I am so happy you changed your avatar! That's how I remember Yauch's smile and his red shirt!:)

Yes! I needed to see him smile!!!!!!!! :cool:

[Hello_Kitty]

I just obtained some new portraits of Yauch. Really made me cry again because they are with his daughter. They took some really lovely photos together that are so sweet. Can't wait to post them all!

ugh this kills ME. :( :( :(

Please post the link when you do.

[nypb]

So Donna Summer and Robin Gibb died this week. I liked their music and I think I was sad for all of one minute.

Robin Gibb too? WTF? I knew he was sick but come on! I was just listening to my Donna Summer anthology yesterday in the car (stole it from mom) and now I gotta break out the Bee Gees CDs too? crap :(

[Hello_Kitty]

Robin Gibb too? WTF? I knew he was sick but come on! I was just listening to my Donna Summer anthology yesterday in the car (stole it from mom) and now I gotta break out the Bee Gees CDs too? crap :(

Yep, Robin just died today.

[JoLovesMCA]

Please post the link when you do.

Yes I will for sure. And our Adam Yauch community posts a lot of rare stuff too. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Adam-Yauch-MCA-Fan-Page/136702663023540?ref=tn_tnmn

[Running_Beastie]

Like many on here I've been listening to the boys almost nonstop since I heard the news. I was on the bus headed to the grocery store when I got a text from a friend who I was trying to coordinate going to a baseball game with that evening. A part of me wanted to jump off the bus and run home right away to check the news. I didn't because I knew I couldn't do anything to change what had happened, and it wouldn't do me any good not picking up groceries just to read the news a little bit sooner. The funny thing was, the very next song that came on my mp3 player after I got the text was the Intergalactic Colleone Webb Remix. Intergalactic was the first song of theirs I knew. It came out when I was in 8th grade, and I was instantly hooked. It seemed so appropriate that the first song I heard after I got the news was the song that first got me into them.

I can relate to the comments of many who say this celebrity death has hit them in a way that no other ever has. Like many of you, I've had my share of misty eyed moments, and one night a week after he died I even had some really good tears flowing for a few moments. A part of me is (and probably always will be) sad that I won't get to hear new albums from them. I got to see them live once, and it was an amazing show. I am also side I won't get to do that again. But the thing is, I've spent a lot more time smiling than I have tearing up. The thoughts that kept coming to my mind have been about the countless hours of joy their music, videos, shenanigans, etc. have brought me over these years. I can truly say my life was better because of the Beastie Boys. Maybe I have taken it better because they were only in my life for 14/15 years as opposed to 25 like many people here. I don't know, and I can't speak for anyone else's feelings. I take comfort in knowing all the lives that Adam clearly touched both from what I have seen in the press and here on the boards. Adam's life may have been short, but he definitely lived a full life and then some. Shortly after his death, the old cliche "the candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long" crossed my mind. Adam's candle may have burned only half as long, but I would say it burned ten times as bright.

[PortlandBGirl]

I have visited these boards for years but never posted. I think the grief is worse now then it was two weeks ago, because the reality has set in, he is really gone, the Beasties are no more.
But I too have started to think about how blessed we are to have enjoyed their one-of-a-kind music for so many years. And that gives me some joy behind the tears.

[Matchstikk]

Adam's candle may have burned only half as long, but I would say it burned ten times as bright.

Truth.

[Space]

rip Donna Summer and Robin Gibb

[100% ILL]

The thing that keeps coming to my mind is "There will never be another new Beastie Boys album" I used to joke to my teenage son that the Beastie Boys meant that I could still be cool. It seemed the older they got the more layered and powerful their lyrics became............I was 12 when LTI came out and I'll be 39 this year..........The Beastie Boys were for me that FIRST group that I heard and said, "this is MY music" I know I wore the Licensed To Ill cassette out playing it over and over.............now that part of my youth is gone...........It just plain sucks.

Thanks for all the great albums and good times, You will be missed Adam.

[Penguinator]

Hello

My first post on here... sorry it took such a sad reason to get me to join the BBM. Anyway, like many of you, I'm hoping that by writing some of this stuff out I might relieve some the of heavy ache I've had for the last couple of weeks.

When I heard the news I was stunned, and also ashamed to face up to the fact that I hadn't played any Beasties in a long while. Mostly down to the fact that these days I listen to the radio/spotify a lot and my CDs sit unloved in a cupboard downstairs.

I dug them out and it's all I've been able to listen to.

Paul's Boutique and Ill Communication reminds me of being a nerdy indie guitar student, being introduced to these weird new sounds by the boys next door. "Euw, those stupid peurile Fight For Your Right losers? Yeah riiiight," I snooted, before being totally knocked off my perch and converted to their joyful noise.

The Beastie Boys club was fun and effortlessly cool... but most importantly, inclusive. It didn't matter if I was a nerdy asian indie girl from England... i could still be in the club.

Then I moved to London, where I was unemployed, recently single, and recently bereaved after losing my father to cancer. I was trying and failing to keep things together, while at the same time trying and struggling to make it in the too-cool-for-school world of magazine journalism.

Quite simply, the Beasties on my headphones made me smile as I trudged through the rain, consumed by sadness, grief, frustration and confusion. Not much made me smile. All the confident, older, 'cool' guys in the office loved the Beasties too, and though that satisfied some pathetic, needy part of me that wanted so desperately to 'be cool', it also annoyed me a little bit. They were bullies who couldn't stand this nerdy quiet brown kid, and I didn't want to have the same 'friends' as them, if you see what I mean...

Weird sidenote: during my stint as a work experience flunky, the magazine offices were visited by Bob Mack, who hung out and did not much for a couple of weeks. He seemed like a pleasant if slightly chaotic lunk.

The first big trip I could pay for myself was to New York, where I spent aaaages getting lost on the streets searching for the XL shop.... eventually found it, and managed to buy a keyring! Last of the big spenders. Didn't bump into the boys like I had been hoping to, but still...

Anyway, the rambling could go on, but I guess this hurts so much because in my head, the Beasties were always there to cheer me up, lean on, get me through. Oh, and MCA was my favourite of course, because that husky voice made my knees go funny.

He so obviously had a golden soul, and it hurts my heart that he's gone. I suppose I'm so deeply sad because the Beasties were a ray of light during my darkest time, and now that light has gone out.

Apologies for the ramble, thank you for indulging me. It's helped.

Love and light to MCA, his family, friends, and each and every one of you.

[sab0tage]

Hello

My first post on here... sorry it took such a sad reason to get me to join the BBM. Anyway, like many of you, I'm hoping that by writing some of this stuff out I might relieve some the of heavy ache I've had for the last couple of weeks.

When I heard the news I was stunned, and also ashamed to face up to the fact that I hadn't played any Beasties in a long while. Mostly down to the fact that these days I listen to the radio/spotify a lot and my CDs sit unloved in a cupboard downstairs.

I dug them out and it's all I've been able to listen to.

Paul's Boutique and Ill Communication reminds me of being a nerdy indie guitar student, being introduced to these weird new sounds by the boys next door. "Euw, those stupid peurile Fight For Your Right losers? Yeah riiiight," I snooted, before being totally knocked off my perch and converted to their joyful noise.

The Beastie Boys club was fun and effortlessly cool... but most importantly, inclusive. It didn't matter if I was a nerdy asian indie girl from England... i could still be in the club.

Then I moved to London, where I was unemployed, recently single, and recently bereaved after losing my father to cancer. I was trying and failing to keep things together, while at the same time trying and struggling to make it in the too-cool-for-school world of magazine journalism.

Quite simply, the Beasties on my headphones made me smile as I trudged through the rain, consumed by sadness, grief, frustration and confusion. Not much made me smile. All the confident, older, 'cool' guys in the office loved the Beasties too, and though that satisfied some pathetic, needy part of me that wanted so desperately to 'be cool', it also annoyed me a little bit. They were bullies who couldn't stand this nerdy quiet brown kid, and I didn't want to have the same 'friends' as them, if you see what I mean...

Weird sidenote: during my stint as a work experience flunky, the magazine offices were visited by Bob Mack, who hung out and did not much for a couple of weeks. He seemed like a pleasant if slightly chaotic lunk.

The first big trip I could pay for myself was to New York, where I spent aaaages getting lost on the streets searching for the XL shop.... eventually found it, and managed to buy a keyring! Last of the big spenders. Didn't bump into the boys like I had been hoping to, but still...

Anyway, the rambling could go on, but I guess this hurts so much because in my head, the Beasties were always there to cheer me up, lean on, get me through. Oh, and MCA was my favourite of course, because that husky voice made my knees go funny.

He so obviously had a golden soul, and it hurts my heart that he's gone. I suppose I'm so deeply sad because the Beasties were a ray of light during my darkest time, and now that light has gone out.

Apologies for the ramble, thank you for indulging me. It's helped.

Love and light to MCA, his family, friends, and each and every one of you.

Thanks for sharing and welcome. Hope things have turned around for you these days (with your reason for posting being the obvious exception right now).

[Swooziemoonshoe]

Hey Penguinator, I'm right with you babe, from one heavy-hearted London girl to another! I've waffled on enough in these threads about my own sadness but suffice to say the "fun in troubled times" thing certainly applies to me too. Some low points it was just the three of them and me, other times us and a whole room having fun! Were you at the Brixton gig in 2007? Hope things in general are going well for you now.

[Penguinator]

Thanks, dude. Reading back I realise it all sounds a bit like a hard luck story - nothing now could be further from the truth! It's 10 years on since those dark, dark days and I am lucky enough to have a happy, fulfilled life both personally and professionally.

I look back at those dark times and feel happy and grateful the Beasties were there to cheer me up :)

Guess I just want to say thank you to the three of them, and say hi to you guys.

Pxx

[Penguinator]

Swoozie, sadly I never saw them live - rankles with me to high heaven!

[Hello_Kitty]

Swoozie, sadly I never saw them live - rankles with me to high heaven!

I never saw them live either and I think that's the thing that really gets me the most. Sure I can see the magic they create together on film but I know there is nothing like seeing a live show. Makes me sad everyday thinking about it. Geez I'm getting misty again thinking about it. Not a good way to start off a dreary Monday morning.

[CoolAsACucumber]

I never saw them live either and I think that's the thing that really gets me the most. Sure I can see the magic they create together on film but I know there is nothing like seeing a live show. Makes me sad everyday thinking about it. Geez I'm getting misty again thinking about it. Not a good way to start off a dreary Monday morning.

I was mulling over part of why it's hitting me so hard and this is what I think it is.....

While I have always enjoyed the Beastie Boys, I was never a hard core fan...didn't attend a concert, didn't really even know much about them personally, just enjoyed their music and videos. Then MCA died and as I read story after story, honor after honor, tribute after tribute, and watched performance after performance, I realized, too late, that for 39 years I shared the planet with one of the kindest, purest, and honest souls to have ever graced us and I didn't even realize it until he was gone. How I wished that I could have had that knowledge of a shared existence while he was here.

Sorry to have gotten all philosophical on a Monday, but that's how I feel.

[Hello_Kitty]

I was mulling over part of why it's hitting me so hard and this is what I think it is.....

While I have always enjoyed the Beastie Boys, I was never a hard core fan...didn't attend a concert, didn't really even know much about them personally, just enjoyed their music and videos. Then MCA died and as I read story after story, honor after honor, tribute after tribute, and watched performance after performance, I realized, too late, that for 39 years I shared the planet with one of the kindest, purest, and honest souls to have ever graced us and I didn't even realize it until he was gone. How I wished that I could have had that knowledge of a shared existence while he was here.

Sorry to have gotten all philosophical on a Monday, but that's how I feel.
OMG that's it, for me at least! That's me to a tee! And it is so true that the more and more I read about him the more it makes mad and sad that I didn't take the time to be more involved. That it's too late! And let the tears flow again...

[CoolAsACucumber]

I didn't mean to make you cry, but I'm glad I could help you find words. At least I know I'm the only one who feels it.

[benchillin]

OMG...t I didn't take the time to be more involved. That it's too late! And let the tears flow again...


Right now, there are fans across the world donating their time, art, and money to

a project known as PWR2MCA (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pwr2mca/210870055689645?ref=ts)

[CoolAsACucumber]

Right now, there are fans across the world donating their time, art, and money to

a project known as PWR2MCA (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pwr2mca/210870055689645?ref=ts)

Planning on doing a few things for that...want to donate to the American Cancer Society or Relay for Life in his memory and maybe some to the NY Tibetan Center because I know that was important to him.

[Hello_Kitty]

Right now, there are fans across the world donating their time, art, and money to

a project known as PWR2MCA (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pwr2mca/210870055689645?ref=ts)

Three things I have none of. LOL!!! Whenever though I do get get money I plan to donate to St. Judes. I think there is nothing worse than a child with cancer. I need to get my savings going again for that and make a donation in MCA's honor.

[Hello_Kitty]

If these photos from MCA Day don't choke you up I don't know what will:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=281129065316926&set=a.281127228650443.59228.269906879772478&type=3&theater

This one though really got to me with the heartbreak in everyone's faces:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=281129098650256&set=a.281127228650443.59228.269906879772478&type=3&theater

[Randetica]

:((y)

[Hello_Kitty]

Ok, so I thought I was doing better but then I saw this thread with the links to the Rolling Stone issue with MCA. I couldn't even get through the first sentence without starting to cry.

http://bbs.beastieboys.com/showthread.php?t=98200


I guess I'm heading to the store to buy this.

[100% ILL]

I'll definitely be buying this issue of Rolling Stone.

[Billy Corbitt]

^^ too both post above...me too

[CoolAsACucumber]

There is a song by Coldplay (hey, don't judge me) called "Warning Signs" and there is a line in it that makes me think of how I didn't pay close enough attention to Adam Y. and the Beastie Boys until he was gone.....

"It came back to haunt me, and I realised
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover.

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so"

So, sorry for quoting Coldplay for anyone that is not a fan, but it's connects with me.

I miss him.

[Hello_Kitty]

Why does it still hurt so much?! :confused:

I read the Rolling Stone articles yesterday and started crying. I just watched this http://itscalledgratitude.com/ and started crying again. I've always been a sentimental/sappy person though. Cooky fact about me...I cried when Darth Vader died in Return of the Jedi. :eek::p

[CoolAsACucumber]

Why does it still hurt so much?! :confused:

I read the Rolling Stone articles yesterday and started crying. I just watched this http://itscalledgratitude.com/ and started crying again. I've always been a sentimental/sappy person though. Cooky fact about me...I cried when Darth Vader died in Return of the Jedi. :eek::p

Girl, I know what you're saying. I cried again this morning. Shit, I can't stop thinking about it.

I hope where ever Adam is that he feels the love that people have for him. That saying "the love you give comes back to you" is sure the truth in his case.

[Hello_Kitty]

Girl, I know what you're saying. I cried again this morning. Shit, I can't stop thinking about it.

I hope where ever Adam is that he's the love that people have for him. That saying "the love you give comes back to you" is sure the truth in his case.

I can't stop thinking about it either. :(

[Lucky17]

Me neither. I came to this board recently because I feel like I have nowhere else to turn. My family and friends tell me that it's time to get over it. However, my closest friends and fellow b-girls are also really struggling with this. I keep crying at random times. Something will trigger a memory, and the water works start all over again. The Rolling Stone articles made me sob at my desk at work yesterday, and then today someone sent me the link to the Gratitude video... tears all over again.

I can't seem to believe he's gone. I can't come to grips with the fact that there won't be any more shows where I can close my eyes and really LET GO and get lost in the music and the energy. I can't believe that after all the positivity that Yauch put into this world that the sucker punch of cancer would take him out. I really truly hope that he is able to somehow witness or feel the love that we're sharing with one another right now. I know for a fact that he wouldn't want any of us to sit around in wallow in sorrow. He'd want us to get off our asses and harness this energy and make a difference in the world.

If you really think about it, his passing has made us all stop and take notice and really reevaluate what the hell we're doing with our lives. It sucks that it took something like this to wake us up, but nonetheless... it happened and we have to use it to do something good.

I'm lucky enough to say I went to MCA DAY and I am so glad that I did. It was such an unexpected blessing to get to meet Ad-Rock and Kathleen. But more importantly, I felt a real bond with people I'd never met before. We shared our memories, shook our asses and cried a little bit. Together. Strangers into friends. That right there is the beauty of being a part of this band's fan family.

I hope the Yauch Park thing happens and we can all get together in August, because I have a feeling we'll all still be feeling it. I'm glad I have this place to come to as a way to help get it out and properly grieve.

Hugs to you all. Crying is totally okay and is part of the process. I know it's going to take me a long, long while to process this. xoxo

[CoolAsACucumber]

I understand your sentiment, Lucky. Yauch seemed like the guy that would go out doing something bad ass, but I guess in a way he did....he fought like a m-f'er to beat cancer, but it just was just a bit stronger.

I am having a hard time believing he's gone, but I like to think that his energy is now dispersed throughout the world doing the good he tried so hard to do.

He will live on as long as there are those of us alive to honor him and I think living life to the fullest, like it's the last day of your life, would be an awesome way to honor a man who put a whole hell of a lot of living in a short period of time.

MCA....I hope you feel all this love for you!!

[FlechaRojo]

I completely understand. I'm brand new here but not even close to brand new to the BBoys. I hate to bogart your topic, Hello Kitty, but I really appreciate having this community and your title speaks to me. I joined the message board ages and ages ago, it was before this particular layout/server (I'm not computer savvy). It's been a long and winding road to get back here and I hate that I rejoined due to such sadness, but like you all, I need an outlet right now.

I found out about Adam from a good friend on FB. I was sending off a long fax at my office and was thumbing through FB on my Iphone when I saw that she posted "Sabotage." "Yeah, rock on!!" but part of me wondered *why* she posted the video. I scrolled to the comments and that's where I learned he had passed away. I got dizzy, numb and nauseous. Completely gutted...absolutely gutted. I started getting choked up right there in front of my fax machine, oy vey. Thank god my business partners were in their rooms with clients - I didn't want to explain myself. I grabbed my papers, walked out of the office, sat in my car and wept. It triggered me huge on many levels and partly due to the fact that the following day we were laying my dear friend to rest who passed away from breast cancer. Oh god, f#ck cancer!

I could say that Adam was my John Lennon, but really I always likened him to a George Harrison. I've been a fan since Check Your Head, although I was very familiar with Licensed to Ill because my best friend's older brother would blast it on repeat for hours and hours when it came out. I spent my teen years blasting songs like "Pass the Mic" just to see if I could blow up the speakers with the leadened bass, lol. "Ill Communication" - my goodness, what a brilliant opus. It was my first CD and I must have had it on repeat for years, lol. Tons of fond memories to that CD. I adore all of the guys, but I truly connected with Adam Yauch early on. Loved hearing his deep, gravelly voice, but even more than that his spiritual, emotional and conscious transformation was deeply moving.

There's a lot more I can say, but I think a lot of people already know. We're feeling the same loss. I asked myself the next day why I felt such a loss. Intuitively, my answer came back - just because I did not know him personally does not mean he wasn't an integral part of my life. In my own soul seeking and spiritual journey that I have embarked upon over the last couple of years, I often reflect on Adam's personal journey (as well as George Harrison's). He was fearless, kind and brilliant. I believe he will have a splendid rebirth and am thankful that his suffering in this life is over.

Again, my apologies. I had to get that out. It's been three weeks in the making. :o

[Hello_Kitty]

Hey FlechaRojo! This thread and the boards are for everyone. So feel free to bogart away! :) Get those feelings out! It feels good to connect to peeps on here that are feeling the same way. Thank god there are folks on here that are feeling the same way. My friends and family just don't relate AT ALL to what I'm feeling. Hell, one friend on FB said they thought it was a AdRock that died. I'm like, WTF? :mad: You cared so little that you don't even know who died. :mad: I came really close to de-friending him.

Anyway, it's now been 3 weeks and I'm no better than I was at 1 week or 2 weeks. It seems everyday I learn something new or discover something new about him and the BBoys everyday that makes me miss him all the more. :(

Miss you Yauch!!

[FlechaRojo]

Thanks Hello_Kitty :)

I felt much better laying it out and am making peace with everything. Now it feels more like a celebration of life.

[carvelcake]

I haven't been on here all week. I needed a break. It was becoming too consuming and wanted to go at least *one* day without crying. Well today I took the day off work to get my hair cut and highlighted and also to get a pedicure. Great day of pampering right? Wrong. I decided to stop and pick up the new RS so I could read it while sitting in the pedicure chair. So there I am, getting my feet all pretty by this girl who couldnt have been more than 20, reading the Yauch article and I start sobbing. How embarrassing is that? I was half talking to her and half reading but when I got to the end when the writer says that Mike D brightened as if hearing that familiar voice one last time, my face wrinkled up and the tears started falling. That tore me up. She looked uncomfortable when she asked me if I was ok. I said yes, I just read something very sad is all. She had no clue and I knew explaining it wouldn't help. So I guess you could say 3 weeks later and still just as sad.

[B-STEEZ]

I can't deal either...I loved these guys so much that I just pictured, in my head, they would make music forever...Just to add to the haircut/salon story, I was having my haircut last week, and I asked my stylist (haircut girl) what she thought about MCA's passing...she's 24 and I'm 35...she had no idea who the beastie boys were...she said that she may have heard one of there songs before, but she wasn't sure........WTF MAN....it's not coming to this, is it?

[Hello_Kitty]

I can't deal either...I loved these guys so much that I just pictured, in my head, they would make music forever...Just to add to the haircut/salon story, I was having my haircut last week, and I asked my stylist (haircut girl) what she thought about MCA's passing...she's 24 and I'm 35...she had no idea who the beastie boys were...she said that she may have heard one of there songs before, but she wasn't sure........WTF MAN....it's not coming to this, is it?

What? Never heard of Beastie Boys? I mean I could understand someone older but not younger.

I went to the mountains this weekend to an outdoor festival. Of course I had my son (1 year old) in his new Check Your Head t-shirt. Then I saw a guy there wearing the shirt AdRock wore in the FFYR video. He said he got it with a book he ordered on the Beastie web site. Anyone know what he's talking about? Still cool though to run into someone random wearing a BBoys shirt. He was broken up too about MCA. I can also say that today is the first day that I haven't listened to them today. That's all I've listened to for the last 3 weeks. I don't know if that's good or bad.

[Swooziemoonshoe]

Hey, hope you're going OK Kittycat and all. I am finding Beastie music a comfort and joy, but when I watch the vids I keep getting the OOF in the belly. Just absolutely gutted. No more unstoppable 3 :(

[MrSmiley1]

I went to the mountains this weekend to an outdoor festival. Of course I had my son (1 year old) in his new Check Your Head t-shirt. Then I saw a guy there wearing the shirt AdRock wore in the FFYR video. He said he got it with a book he ordered on the Beastie web site. Anyone know what he's talking about?

It was with the hard cover book/bluray/dvd of HSCPT2 that was available on through the store.

Though the money won't go to the boys for this, you can find them all over etsy.com.

For example: http://www.etsy.com/listing/79578934/beastie-boys-t-shirt-stuyvesant-leader?ref=sr_gallery_22&ga_search_query=beastie+boys&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade

[cltaylor12]

Last week I was considering posting a similar titled message but thought it would be considered not okay - I'm both sad and glad to know I'm not alone.

I can only remotely fathom how those closest to MCA are doing, I'm guessing for the most part in a state of shock that will linger for quite some time.

My love to you all.

[Hello_Kitty]

Hey, hope you're going OK Kittycat and all. I am finding Beastie music a comfort and joy, but when I watch the vids I keep getting the OOF in the belly. Just absolutely gutted. No more unstoppable 3 :(
I hear ya! I'm doing better when listening to the music but when I see a video or interview I start to get choked up.
It was with the hard cover book/bluray/dvd of HSCPT2 that was available on through the store.

Though the money won't go to the boys for this, you can find them all over etsy.com.

For example: http://www.etsy.com/listing/79578934/beastie-boys-t-shirt-stuyvesant-leader?ref=sr_gallery_22&ga_search_query=beastie+boys&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade
Thanks for this! I'm going to check it out. (y)

You know another thing that gets me choked up is I was reading the Huffington Post entertainment headlines and one was titled "50 Years of the Rolling Stones." And it makes me sad that we won't see that with the Beastie Boys. They should have been able to enjoy that honor. :(

[FlechaRojo]

I missed seeing them live. Had tix to see them when my dad passed away unexpectedly. I'm thankful to have an ever dwindling list of musicians I want to see live, but this one will be the biggest regret no doubt. Better get my act together for Pearl Jam...

I'm happy to see so many live shows were taped though.

[a.k.a me]

:(

[a.k.a me]

Almost four weeks and I still don't know what to think or say, all I know is that I'm still sad about it and all I want to do is listen to the beasties and watch their videos... I was thinking about the time I got into them just the night before Adam's passing and never thought for one second this could happen, especially not the very next day; I always figured he'd recover, like Mike said “He really never considered dying from cancer an option,” “Because of that we didn’t consider that to be an option.” It's kinda hard to read all these articles/blogs about Adam, especially if it's some kind of tribute... it's weird... it just seems so unreal still.


As "silly" or crazy as it may sound(since I didn't know him personally) I really do feel like I lost not only one of my real life heroes but also a best friend.</3

[Hello_Kitty]

:(

4 weeks later and still :(

I can't bring myself to go buy the Rolling Stone issue. I know I will breakdown all over again.

[FlechaRojo]

As "silly" or crazy as it may sound(since I didn't know him personally) I really do feel like I lost not only one of my real life heroes but also a best friend.</3

Not silly at all. Just because we don't know a someone personally doesn't mean they don't play an integral part in our lives.

[Hello_Kitty]

So I bought the last copy of RS that my local Rite Aid had left. I can't bring myself to read it yet. I did look at the photos though. Excuse me but how cute was he? I need to read it though when I'm by myself so that I can freely cry.

I just want you all to know I appreciate each and everyone of you contributing to this thread. It really helps that people are in the same boat as me with the sadness. I'm just dumbstruck that I'm still at odds with my feelings over him.

[CoolAsACucumber]

So I bought the last copy of RS that my local Rite Aid had left. I can't bring myself to read it yet. I did look at the photos though. Excuse me but how cute was he? I need to read it though when I'm by myself so that I can freely cry.

I just want you all to know I appreciate each and everyone of you contributing to this thread. It really helps that people are in the same boat as me with the sadness. I'm just dumbstruck that I'm still at odds with my feelings over him.

Yeah, I made the mistake of reading it when I was sitting in my living room and had to stop because I wasn't by myself. I had to wait to finish it.

And yes...he was a cutie. He mesmerized me anytime I watched their videos and now that he's gone, I stare at his photos like a sad fan girl.

My favorite look? The buttoned up, khaki wearing, gray haired, soccer dad look he was sporting right before he got sick.

Of course, I thought he was beautiful right til the end....

[Hello_Kitty]

:(:(:(:(:(

Just read the article and all of the extreme grief is just flooding out of me. Why him? Why so early? Why? And I'm back to the denial phase in the grief process.

[CoolAsACucumber]

:(

Just read the article and all of the extreme grief is just flooding out of me. Why him? Why so early? Why? And I'm back to the denial phase in the grief process.

I'm so with you...I seem to be stuck between denial and anger.

But then I have days of bittersweet happiness because we were so lucky to have him, if even for a brief time....it will definitely take time to recover from this loss.

Just the other day I was thinking, "If I feel this bad, I can't imagine what those close to him feel!" I thought about his parents, Dechen, Tenzin, Adrock, Mike D....all of them must be feeling such a loss...:(

[Hello_Kitty]

I'm so with you...I seem to be stuck between denial and anger.

But then I have days of bittersweet happiness because we were so lucky to have him, if even for a brief time....it will definitely take time to recover from this loss.

Just the other day I was thinking, "If I feel this bad, I can't imagine what those close to him feel!" I thought about his parents, Dechen, Tenzin, Adrock, Mike D....all of them must be feeling such a loss...:(

I think that all the time! Like I'll be doing things with my daughter and then the thought of his daughter not being able to experience that anymore with her dad then makes me sad. Or going out to dinner with my mom or talking to my dad on the phone. I can't imagine what his parents must be going through with losing their only son. I could go on and on about all the times thoughts of him just pop in my head while I'm doing everyday, mundane activities and then I start to cry. And like you, If I feel this bad over someone I never met or even saw in concert I can't imagine how it is for his family, friends, and the other BBoys.

[a.k.a me]

Not silly at all. Just because we don't know a someone personally doesn't mean they don't play an integral part in our lives.

Thank you. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one who thinks and feels this way. He was-is such a fun and lovable human being it's hard not to think of him as a friend. It's the same way with Mike and Adam.

:(:(:(:(:(

Just read the article and all of the extreme grief is just flooding out of me. Why him? Why so early? Why? And I'm back to the denial phase in the grief process.


It's hard to read about Adam not being here anymore... it just doesn't seem real.

[TreasureEverywh]

Now I wasn't going to register on here because I was too embarrassed. Not only had I never registered before, I'd never been to a Beastie Boys gig, I'd never even been a fan -- just kind of aware of their music and that they'd always been around (I'm 39...). So who am I to start being all mournful about something that was never a big part of my life like it was for so many of you? But then I saw how kind you all were to Kitty, so I changed my mind. Thank you for that first of all.

So I started reading on May 4. And reading more, and more. Watching, listening. Digging out old files from the hard drive, and wondering why the Helen of Troy I hadn't been doing that all these years. I used a text about MCA in class, and was shocked about how many of my students didn't know who he was. I mentioned this to someone I haven't known for very long, but have always felt on a wavelength with, and we ended up having a night of whisky, popcorn and BB-fuelled bonding experience.

Over the past month, I have been sucked into what feels like a B Boys maelstrom of music and images and feelings, and I don't intend to get out anytime soon. Although it can be heartbreaking, even for a silly latecomer like me, the highs are f***ing awesome.

Thanks, MCA.

[Hello_Kitty]

Now I wasn't going to register on here because I was too embarrassed. Not only had I never registered before, I'd never been to a Beastie Boys gig, I'd never even been a fan -- just kind of aware of their music and that they'd always been around (I'm 39...). So who am I to start being all mournful about something that was never a big part of my life like it was for so many of you? But then I saw how kind you all were to Kitty, so I changed my mind. Thank you for that first of all.

So I started reading on May 4. And reading more, and more. Watching, listening. Digging out old files from the hard drive, and wondering why the Helen of Troy I hadn't been doing that all these years. I used a text about MCA in class, and was shocked about how many of my students didn't know who he was. I mentioned this to someone I haven't known for very long, but have always felt on a wavelength with, and we ended up having a night of whisky, popcorn and BB-fuelled bonding experience.

Over the past month, I have been sucked into what feels like a B Boys maelstrom of music and images and feelings, and I don't intend to get out anytime soon. Although it can be heartbreaking, even for a silly latecomer like me, the highs are f***ing awesome.

Thanks, MCA.

Well said! (y) And I'm enjoying every piece of video, live music performance, and song I find! Makes me slap myself upside the head about all this great stuff I was missing over the years.

[TreasureEverywh]

Thanks, Kitty.

Makes me slap myself upside the head about all this great stuff I was missing over the years.

Yup!

[Hiphopdancer]

Hello Hello Kitty,

I'm so glad I read your post! I can't believe it's been a month already, and I'm STILL sad. Your post described me exactly. I've been moping around for weeks, crying at work, Googling everything I can about Adam Yauch, buying used CDs (because I stupidly sold mine years ago when I downloaded my music to itunes), and generally feeling confused about WHY I'm so upset!

A lot of the people that posted here seem to be our age - early 40s. I wonder if part of the reason we feel so badly is because we're at that pivotal stage in our own lives when we start to assess if we've made a difference in the world. I get no satisfaction from my career, and so when I read about MCA I feel this insane urge to . . . become a musician (I bought a guitar last week) or start a charitable organization (how??). I want to freak out my oh-so conservative employer and get another tattoo (I already have a Buddhist symbol and music notes - does that magically connect me to MCA??) I'm seeking a connection! A validation!

I remember I was messed up when JFK Jr. and Princess Diana died. Those freak accidents sucked and really made me realize my own mortality. But this is different. Now we're in our 40s. Adam Yauch was in his 40s. We grew up on his music. The Beastie Boys created the soundtrack of our youth; our early adulthood. We might not have been "hardcore" fans, but we wore Converse and moshed at Lollapalooza and will never forget that "White Castle fries only come in one size."

We got married and had babies. So did he. He continued to create, to dream, and to inspire. We moved to the suburbs and fell into routines but still had the desire. Maybe we're so sad because we're thinking, He made a difference in this world. Have we?

[Hello_Kitty]

Hello Hello Kitty,

I'm so glad I read your post! I can't believe it's been a month already, and I'm STILL sad. Your post described me exactly. I've been moping around for weeks, crying at work, Googling everything I can about Adam Yauch, buying used CDs (because I stupidly sold mine years ago when I downloaded my music to itunes), and generally feeling confused about WHY I'm so upset!

A lot of the people that posted here seem to be our age - early 40s. I wonder if part of the reason we feel so badly is because we're at that pivotal stage in our own lives when we start to assess if we've made a difference in the world. I get no satisfaction from my career, and so when I read about MCA I feel this insane urge to . . . become a musician (I bought a guitar last week) or start a charitable organization (how??). I want to freak out my oh-so conservative employer and get another tattoo (I already have a Buddhist symbol and music notes - does that magically connect me to MCA??) I'm seeking a connection! A validation!

I remember I was messed up when JFK Jr. and Princess Diana died. Those freak accidents sucked and really made me realize my own mortality. But this is different. Now we're in our 40s. Adam Yauch was in his 40s. We grew up on his music. The Beastie Boys created the soundtrack of our youth; our early adulthood. We might not have been "hardcore" fans, but we wore Converse and moshed at Lollapalooza and will never forget that "White Castle fries only come in one size."

We got married and had babies. So did he. He continued to create, to dream, and to inspire. We moved to the suburbs and fell into routines but still had the desire. Maybe we're so sad because we're thinking, He made a difference in this world. Have we?
You know I ponder the same things. My work TOTALLY sucks. I hate my job.I just turned 41 and where am I in life? Just reading all these great things that he did and how their music was just fun and yet inspirational at the same time. Hell he lived more in 47 years than some people that live twice that.
Since the boys came into my life in my mid-teens maybe it is like a friend dying. I mean they've pretty much always been around and I feel sad for taking granted they always would be there. And for sure my own mortality has def come into play but that's another can of worms.
There are just so many emotions about someone I didn't even know that I'm having a hard time dealing with. And tomorrow is going to be really tough day too. But having people on here to talk too has helped for sure. It doesn't make him come back but it helps for me to express what I'm going through when no one in my personal life gets.

But I did have a Bad Brains bumper sticker on my first car in the late 80's/early 90's. Does that link me to MCA? I read all these things that he loved their music and even produced an album for them. I just liked the colors on the bumper sticker and what it said. Had no idea it was a band when I bought it. Yes, I was totally naive. I mean I do live in VA. We are not exactly the mecca of music. Hahahaha!

[Hello_Kitty]

Wish I could update the title of this thread now to "One month later and I'm still just as sad!" Miss you everyday MCA!

[JoLovesMCA]

I have my good days and I have my bad days. Today is a bad day. Plus I hate MONDAYS! I keep thinking about life before May 4th. It fucking sucks.

[TreasureEverywh]

Same here, Kitty. I cried last night just reading the stickied thread.

Still, even just looking at the last few weeks, Beastie Boys music has given me so much mental and physical energy when I though I had none left. They have made me feel positively euphoric at times, and giggly when watching their interviews.

I don't know if anybody here knows Bill Shankly, a legendary manager of Liverpool Football Club. Asked how he would like to be remembered, part of his answer was "I wanted results for the club, for the love of the game, to make the people happy." There is a statue in Liverpool bearing the inscription "Bill Shankly - he made the people happy."

And so it is here. Adam Yauch - he made the people happy; and will continue to do so for a long, long time.

Once again, gratitude.

[TreasureEverywh]

I have my good days and I have my bad days. Today is a bad day. Plus I hate MONDAYS! I keep thinking about life before May 4th. It fucking sucks.

Not that I know you or anything, but: may I offer you a virtual hug?

[CoolAsACucumber]

I woke up heavy hearted knowing that today was a month since Yauch left us.

I got in the car to go to work and our local radio station played "Hey Ladies" and for a second I chocked up and tears came to my eyes....

But then I got lost in the music..I sang my heart out, shouted "GET FUNKY!" at the top of my lungs and car danced into work. The music brought me joy. Adam Yauch brought me joy in life and in death.

I hope that wherever he is, he feels the pure joy and love that his fans have for him.

[Hello_Kitty]

I have my good days and I have my bad days. Today is a bad day. Plus I hate MONDAYS! I keep thinking about life before May 4th. It fucking sucks.

I remember that day vividly. Started out as a funny day with all the Star Wars jokes about it being May the Fourth. And then it just went down hill from there with the worst news possible. Wow, just thinking about it makes me teary. Ugh not a good day. (n)

[JoLovesMCA]

Not that I know you or anything, but: may I offer you a virtual hug?

Sure, thanks! I will take all the virtual hugs I can get.

Funny I didn't even realize today has been one month, but was just automatically sad and thinking about it first thing this morning. :/

[Tam_Tam]

Not that I know you or anything, but: may I offer you a virtual hug?

:)

[Tam_Tam]

I know it's been said a million times on this thread, but it is so comforting knowing that there are others dealing with this loss in the same way. I bought a few Rolling Stone issues because I knew I would want to frame the cover of one and then have on for a keepsake. It took me about 4 days to get around to actually reading it. I knew reading it was going to be tough, but my God.

[Hello_Kitty]

I woke up heavy hearted knowing that today was a month since Yauch left us.



I knew this day was coming all weekend and was dreading today. I lost it at work which really sucks. I've got other things going on but just thinking about MCA just puts me over the top emotionally. I did download a bunch more songs to my MP3 player and now have over 6 hours of BBoys music now. :)

[TreasureEverywh]

Urgh. Avoid "I Don't Know" on your ipod shuffle if you've just entered another phase of sadness... :(

[JoLovesMCA]

I don’t take any chances. I still haven’t listened to the boys since the 4th. Longest I have ever gone without listening to them. When I do start up again I doubt I will ever be able to put that one on. But you know I still get sad when I walk into my home. I have a huge mural of the bb’s in my living room and the FFYR book is displayed on my ottoman. And then on my mantle I have the RS magazine on a little stand. CD's, videos, magazines, everything is still within reach. That's as far as I can go right now.

[TreasureEverywh]

Probably the best place to start is is a super silly, high-energy track. Brass Monkey or summat...

[JoLovesMCA]

Probably the best place to start is is a super silly, high-energy track. Brass Monkey or summat...

(y)

Maybe.

One day.

[Hello_Kitty]

I don’t take any chances. I still haven’t listened to the boys since the 4th. Longest I have ever gone without listening to them. When I do start up again I doubt I will ever be able to put that one on. But you know I still get sad when I walk into my home. I have a huge mural of the bb’s in my living room and the FFYR book is displayed on my ottoman. And then on my mantle I have the RS magazine on a little stand. CD's, videos, magazines, everything is still within reach. That's as far as I can go right now.

Listening to their music and watching their videos, basically anything with them, has what has gotten me through. I hope one day you can bring yourself to listen to them again. Obviously you know what you are missing. ;)

[LuciferHam]

Dreamt that the Beasties were coming to NZ for a show all night last night. Fuck you dream world.

Now I'm listening to Hot Sauce. What a fucking banging album. Bit hard not get teary eyed when rapping along these days in light of the circumstances.

[Hello_Kitty]

Dreamt that the Beasties were coming to NZ for a show all night last night. Fuck you dream world.

Now I'm listening to Hot Sauce. What a fucking banging album. Bit hard not get teary eyed when rapping along these days in light of the circumstances.

5 weeks have come and gone. Will it ever get any better? :( I just saw a promo for something called the Celebrity Countdown on MSG with the Beastie Boys' Top Knicks Dunks. So I looked it up and saw a preview promo. Looks like some sports thing but it was only Adrock and Mike D. Not sure when it was taped but it just really hit me that it's only two of them now. :( No more Triple Trouble ya'll.

[Kid Presentable]

Will it ever get any better?

Yes, but only you have control over that. Think what the man himself would have wanted, and build on that.

[TreasureEverywh]

Yes, but only you have control over that. Think what the man himself would have wanted, and build on that.

Speaking of which, just last night when I was very upset about something else, I sat down and made a mind map with "What would MCA do?" at the centre of it. It really inspired me to think clearly and calmly. Felt much better afterwards.

[Hiphopdancer]

Speaking of which, just last night when I was very upset about something else, I sat down and made a mind map with "What would MCA do?" at the centre of it. It really inspired me to think clearly and calmly. Felt much better afterwards.

That's so awesome! I've been doing the same thing. I made a little joke in my head about WWJD, and changed it to WWAYD. It really does help! I never thought I would have ever reacted like this, but I really feel this whole experience has changed my life. It makes me want to be a better person. I wish everyone would think WWAYD (or WWMCAD - whichever you prefer) before they act a fool or feel lazy or whatever.

"If Others Disrespect Me Or Give Me Flack
I'll Stop And Think Before I React
Knowing That They're Going Through Insecure Stages
I'll Take The Opportunity To Exercise Patience."
-Bodhisattva Vow

[TreasureEverywh]

That's so awesome! I've been doing the same thing. I made a little joke in my head about WWJD, and changed it to WWAYD. It really does help! I never thought I would have ever reacted like this, but I really feel this whole experience has changed my life. It makes me want to be a better person. I wish everyone would think WWAYD (or WWMCAD - whichever you prefer) before they act a fool or feel lazy or whatever.

"If Others Disrespect Me Or Give Me Flack
I'll Stop And Think Before I React
Knowing That They're Going Through Insecure Stages
I'll Take The Opportunity To Exercise Patience."
-Bodhisattva Vow

Word. (y)

I'm going to keep this up. Feels like doing my bit to keep the spirit alive.

[lrf1211]

I think it still surprises me in how much it impacts me, and how the boards help so much. I have the Rolling Stone on my coffee table, and it feels like a gut punch when I look at it and am reminded he is gone. I think that a lot of us who grew up with the music can't believe we will never see Yauch or the group again.

As we get older, you realize how extraordinary it is that the three bad brothers were brothers, friends and co-workers for life, and that they inspired us. When I was 16, my parents refused to drive me to the "Licensed to I'll" show and said it was disrespectful, and then realized that the Beastie Boys grew up when I played them "Sure Shot," and Yauchs lyric in particular, years later. As life had its high points and disappointments, all would stop for an album, a tour, or a new Beastie-related experience. And those were highlights and lifetime memories. I still can't believe the only new ones will be tributes. He was too young, and it was too soon for his family and friends.

I have a "No Sleep til Brooklyn" bangle bracelet, and it has a meaning of life and sadness. But I know I saw him in Brooklyn and that is a small comfort.

Thanks to all of you!