Tam_Tam
06-04-2012, 09:50 AM
Well, it’s been a full month since my heart was irrevocably broken. I still find myself weeping at the drop of a hat. It’s been really difficult trying to figure out a way to process these feelings. I think I’ve finally found an outlet. Alas, there is a community full of people seemingly dealing with the same agony I am. Hopefully, getting this out will allow me to breathe again. My friend died and my heart hurts.
Now I’ve been a Beasties Boys fan for the grand majority of my life. I remember riding the bus to elementary school screaming the lyrics to Paul Revere at the top of my lungs. Their music cultivated the most adoring relationship I have ever had. Who would imagine a black inner city urban girl would become best friends with this Scandinavian blond haired, blue eyed, skate border dude? Not me. None the less, if License to Ill had never existed neither would that beloved friendship.
A week or so ago someone asked me why I had been so sad lately. Without thinking I said “My friend died.” Then I had to check myself because I don’t actually know him. A few days later, I found myself processing the thought “I need to check up on Mike and Adam to see how they are doing”. I’m not sure what stage of grief delusion is but apparently I am smack dab in the middle of it.
My heartache seems to subside somewhat listening to Beasties music or watching their videos. As you can imagine, I’ve been doing a lot of that. The result of this rediscovery is my fandom turning in to a full on love affair. I’ve had their records for decades. It’s honestly like I’m listening to them for the first time. Seriously, how sexy is Ricky’s Theme?
With all of that being said, I pray for peace for Dechen and Losel and Adam’s parents. My heart is sick for his brothers Adam and Mike. And to my fellow Beasties Heads, please know you are not alone. Thank you for taking a moment to suffer with me.
ALL my love,
Tamara
Now I’ve been a Beasties Boys fan for the grand majority of my life. I remember riding the bus to elementary school screaming the lyrics to Paul Revere at the top of my lungs. Their music cultivated the most adoring relationship I have ever had. Who would imagine a black inner city urban girl would become best friends with this Scandinavian blond haired, blue eyed, skate border dude? Not me. None the less, if License to Ill had never existed neither would that beloved friendship.
A week or so ago someone asked me why I had been so sad lately. Without thinking I said “My friend died.” Then I had to check myself because I don’t actually know him. A few days later, I found myself processing the thought “I need to check up on Mike and Adam to see how they are doing”. I’m not sure what stage of grief delusion is but apparently I am smack dab in the middle of it.
My heartache seems to subside somewhat listening to Beasties music or watching their videos. As you can imagine, I’ve been doing a lot of that. The result of this rediscovery is my fandom turning in to a full on love affair. I’ve had their records for decades. It’s honestly like I’m listening to them for the first time. Seriously, how sexy is Ricky’s Theme?
With all of that being said, I pray for peace for Dechen and Losel and Adam’s parents. My heart is sick for his brothers Adam and Mike. And to my fellow Beasties Heads, please know you are not alone. Thank you for taking a moment to suffer with me.
ALL my love,
Tamara