Bringing up children is turning me into James Brown

[Guy Incognito]

I have a 3 yr old son and a 5 yr old daughter. They are a bit of a handful. All kinds of play fighting, jumping on couches, not listening etc.

So, i had one kid running on all of the sofas, another one whose attention i couldnt get, found myself saying the following words one after the other:

"Hey"
"Get Down"
"Hey",
"I am going to count to three"
"Hey"
"HEy"
"Get down off there"
"C'mon get down"
"hey"
"1-2-3"

It was then i realised i should just get a few james brown samples on my phone and then i could save my vocal chords.

[ProfJIM]

lol

[Guy Incognito]

your'e a new dad right?

babies is the easy bit.

Fully mobile, communicative noise machines x 2, all day everyday. Sorta makes me wish for the nighttime feeds and 2 hours of crying.

I love my kids btw. Its just a bit of a mission sometimes.

[Kid Presentable]

hahaha (y)

[ms.peachy]

Yeah when they're talking it's a whole new landscape. And they keep doing it, and coming up with crazier stuff.

A moth or so ago mr.p was working late and having dinner at the office and I didn't feel like cooking, so I took Miss M out to a local American style hamburger joint. I ordered a beer and when the waiter delivered it, she says (like REALLY loud) "Are you drinking that beer because you're an alcoholic?"

Thankfully most of the other patrons were local Chinese folks and it went right past them, but seriously? Seriously? why does she even know that word?

[Angela63]

I have a 3 yr old son and a 5 yr old daughter. They are a bit of a handful. All kinds of play fighting, jumping on couches, not listening etc.

So, i had one kid running on all of the sofas, another one whose attention i couldnt get, found myself saying the following words one after the other:

"Hey"
"Get Down"
"Hey",
"I am going to count to three"
"Hey"
"HEy"
"Get down off there"
"C'mon get down"
"hey"
"1-2-3"

It was then i realised i should just get a few james brown samples on my phone and then i could save my vocal chords.

This cracked me up! :D

[Bitchamachacha]

Hahahaha! I've done the James Brown, too. Now that my kid's a tween, it's more like a terrible comedy.

Me: "Hey!"
Him: "Your butt's made of hey."
Me: "Well if my butt's made of hey, your butt's made of hey because you're my son."
Him: "Are you saying my butt is horse food?"
Me: "No! Just stop what you're doing."
Him: "Geeeeez! Chill! I was just kidding!" Long pause "Neeeeeyyyyyyyy!"

[abbott]

Hey, what is that your sticking in my hair? Dont do that.

hey .. don't put your pop cycle stick in my hair!

hey .. don't put your pop cycle stick in my hair!

SMACK

Cry

What did I say?

"I don't know"

Well then, learn to listen better.

[Guy Incognito]

i have no idea how far your tongue is from your cheek at this point.

[gbsuey]

I am currently almost living at the skatepark. And my eldest son told me to Piss Off when i was harassing him to get out of bed.

It gets harder GuyI!!! But it's bloody great :)

[Yeti]

When I read the title of the thread I thought maybe you got liquored up, beat your wife and got into a high speed police chase.

[Guy Incognito]

yeah i was going to make a comment about taking angel dust when they had gone to bed but wasnt actually sure that james brown did that.

[MC Moot]

Papa don’t take no mess... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDh5QbPoDdo)

[HEIRESS]

ehehehehee.

Someone here will probably steal this bit to use in their stand-up, cause it's gold!

Someone told my dad the other day that he should retire soon.
He replied that it wouldn't be good for his health if he retired.
They asked why?
And he said because he would starve to death!

[Guy Incognito]

ehehehehee.

Someone here will probably steal this bit to use in their stand-up, cause it's gold!



Thanks, that would be awesome if someone did. That would be a brilliant thing.

Personally, i would like to manufacture something like this with james brown sounds and revolutionize parenting for ever.
http://compare.ebay.co.uk/like/120492212572?var=lv&ltyp=AllFixedPriceItemTypes&var=sbar&cbt=y

[ms.peachy]

Posting this here because I didn't want to start a whole new thread for it, although it's only vaguely related:

Yesterday my kid comes wandering down the hall with her arms out in front of her, eyes open wide saying loudly in a flat voice "I AM A LESBIAN! RUN AWAY! LOOK OUT! I AM A LESBIAN! I WILL GET YOU!"

Turns out, of course, she actually meant 'zombie'. I am not really sure how she got those two mixed up.

[Pres Zount]

^ haha.

A friend of mine told me a horrid secret that she's been keeping inside for the past few days... she got angry at her four year old and bit her on the arm. I just burst out laughing at her. Sorry, not really related. Maybe zombie related.

[Guy Incognito]

might as well use this thread to say that i have just had a mental battle with myself as we had to use a bit of parenting skills whilst my four year old repeatedly told me to "stick it up my bum machine". Got a hole in my lip trying not to laugh.

[Freebasser]

"Bum Machine" is a great name for a band.

[MC Moot]

^Or the welfare system...

[M|X|Y]

I have a 3 yr old son and a 5 yr old daughter. They are a bit of a handful. All kinds of play fighting, jumping on couches, not listening etc.

So, i had one kid running on all of the sofas, another one whose attention i couldnt get, found myself saying the following words one after the other:

"Hey"
"Get Down"
"Hey",
"I am going to count to three"
"Hey"
"HEy"
"Get down off there"
"C'mon get down"
"hey"
"1-2-3"

It was then i realised i should just get a few james brown samples on my phone and then i could save my vocal chords.




haha certified bbmb gold(y)

[Guy Incognito]

^ thanks



so didnt realise the bum machine incident ties with in orginal topic of thread, maybe something like:

"I feel like a, like a bum machine man"
"Pooin it ya know"
"Can i wipe it off"
"YEah"
"1-2-3-4"
and so on...

[ms.peachy]

Mr.peachy often says that he wishes that when he was like 13 or 14 and spent a lot of time wishing that he could see a girl naked, that he'd been much more specific about that request.

[Guy Incognito]

So got the boy a superman costume for his 5th birthday.

And i decided to start rambling on and referencing that bit in kill bill where he explains that superman is different to all other superheroes because clark kent is his alter ego and every other super hero is the other way round. And my eldest said: "no , he's different because he wears undies on the outside"

[ericg]

hahaaah... get down, hoooah!?!

[bigblu89]

The running joke every parent tells is that they can't wait for their kids to walk and talk, and once they do, all they want them to do is sit still and shut up.

[TurdBerglar]

bringing up kids would turn be into chris brown


little kids are fucking assholes

[Guy Incognito]

so, at bathtime with the kids there is usually music supplied by the dodgy cd player (situated outside of the bathroom for the health and safety fans).
We have had various stuff recently from Queen thru to crap kids pop and yesterday i decided to listen something else and had following conversation with the boy:

Me: What do you fancy listening to, some hip hop, some bangin' house, something chill?
Boy: Banging house
Me: Cool

So i took an old techno collection upstairs and popped it on and we jumped in bath. Three tracks in and the boy (5 years old) comes out with this pearl of wisdom.

"Dad, if you listen really closely you can hear two houses banging together."

[abbott]

my 5 year old stopped sucking her thumb

my 10 year old is growing hair in other places!?#@!

Seems I haven't had any pop cycle sticks in my hair lately.

By end of summer it will be 6 and 11.

I just shot a 79 yesterday from the tips, so my best score to date. I credit my kids for wanting to practice putting with me. Did James Brown play golf?

[Dorothy Wood]

so, at bathtime with the kids there is usually music supplied by the dodgy cd player (situated outside of the bathroom for the health and safety fans).
We have had various stuff recently from Queen thru to crap kids pop and yesterday i decided to listen something else and had following conversation with the boy:

Me: What do you fancy listening to, some hip hop, some bangin' house, something chill?
Boy: Banging house
Me: Cool

So i took an old techno collection upstairs and popped it on and we jumped in bath. Three tracks in and the boy (5 years old) comes out with this pearl of wisdom.

"Dad, if you listen really closely you can hear two houses banging together."

That's awesome

[Lex Diamonds]

Every time I read the title of this thread I think it's going to be about domestic violence.

[Lex Diamonds]

Turns out, of course, she actually meant 'zombie'. I am not really sure how she got those two mixed up.
She must have been watching Ellen.