The Multi-Purpose BBMB Therapy Thread

[MCAadROCKMiKEd7]

Got stuff on your mind that you just need to get out? Were all good pals here, why not have a good thread to help each other out? Not the mention the good comic relief people will supply here.

Lets give it a whirl guys!

[Bob]

sure!

[Lex Diamonds]

No.

[Bob]

No.


you might feel better!

[Guy Incognito]

I've thought about posting some personal stuff on here a few times but:

1) it always takes too much explaining lots of stuff that strangers wouldnt be aware of, probably get a bit boring

2)i am still wary of what i post about other people i know

3)i have realised that this place is a good place to forget about all that shit and just talk total bollocks

4)it'd involve a lot long winded posts, explaining lots of stuff that strangers wouldnt be aware of and people repeating themselves and i havent got time/energy for lots of information and numbered lists etc.

5)What padster said.

[Heather_D]

I have a question/observation that is therapy worthy, I think...

So, like, this "guy" that I've known for like 15 years randomly text me las night. The last time we talked was like January. It's like he texts me when hes called things off with his gf. Anyhow, I had finally decided just to erase his number and all & just rid myself of him. And now this. I was in he middle of doing my nails & couldn't text. Should I answer him next time? ShOuld I just tell him to have a nice life? Really, he's hurt me so much & I know thE answer. I guess I just wonder why guys do this

[ms.peachy]

I guess I just wonder why guys do this

Because some chicks let them get away with it, basically. Draw your own boundaries, girl.

[Tam_Tam]

Because some chicks let them get away with it, basically. Draw your own boundaries, girl.

Pre-frickin'-cisely! You really can only do to someone what you allow them to do.

It really is a slippery slope. You already acknowledged that you know how this story ends because you've been there. But if keep yourself closed off you limit your chances of finding what you're really looking for.

Specifically for this dude, I'd be straight up honest with him. If we just wants to be friends, then that's the extent of it. Does he seem to run to you every time his little girlfriends get bored with him hoping to get his ego stroked by you? Cut that shit off.

[Heather_D]

Because some chicks let them get away with it, basically.

I was mad for, like, a millisecond that you said that. BUT I immediately realized I didn't give a full background of our "history." or even my history.

I try so hard to stop this, but when I think I'm done, he comes back. I'm not going to answer if he texts again. I don't have time for this bs & he's given me enough pain for a billion lifetimes

I know I should've stopped this a long time ago, but I've always felt bad about myself & he knew how to use that.

[MC Moot]

Hey Mike:
You know we've been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately.
You know, maybe you should get away and maybe you should talk about it, maybe you'll feel a lot better

And I'm all like:
Oh nah it's ok you know I'll figure it out, just leave me alone I'll figure it out.
You know I'm just working on it by myself.

And they go:
Well you know if you want to talk about it I'll be here you know and you'll probably feel a lot better if you talk about it. So why don't you talk about it?

And I go:
No I don't want to I'm okay, I'll figure it out myself.
But they just keep bugging me and they just keep bugging me, and it builds up inside... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDiF3POJdyU)

[ms.peachy]

Hey Mike:
You know we've been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately.
You know, maybe you should get away and maybe you should talk about it, maybe you'll feel a lot better
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDiF3POJdyU)

Ha ha, this is a bit of a running joke in our house. I'm not crazy -you're the one who's crazy. You're driving ME crazy!

[MCA4ever]

Hey Mike:
You know we've been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately.
You know, maybe you should get away and maybe you should talk about it, maybe you'll feel a lot better

And I'm all like:
Oh nah it's ok you know I'll figure it out, just leave me alone I'll figure it out.
You know I'm just working on it by myself.

And they go:
Well you know if you want to talk about it I'll be here you know and you'll probably feel a lot better if you talk about it. So why don't you talk about it?

And I go:
No I don't want to I'm okay, I'll figure it out myself.
But they just keep bugging me and they just keep bugging me, and it builds up inside... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDiF3POJdyU)

Lovely collection of straight jackets :D

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I was mad for, like, a millisecond that you said that. BUT I immediately realized I didn't give a full background of our "history." or even my history.

I try so hard to stop this, but when I think I'm done, he comes back. I'm not going to answer if he texts again. I don't have time for this bs & he's given me enough pain for a billion lifetimes

I know I should've stopped this a long time ago, but I've always felt bad about myself & he knew how to use that.

I'm saying this with a caring tone, believe me, but her statement still applies.

I realize that it's more difficult because he has manipulated you knowing that you feel bad about yourself as you said, but the fact is that you are letting him. Stop. He wants your attention when he feels like having it. Don't even answer him. Period. Cut him off. Don't say a word.

Be done.

[Heather_D]

My difference is that I was forced at the start. Yeah, I made the decision to be a part of his game & I take responsabilty for that. Having gone thru what I did as a child & then what he did to me at the start put me at such a low self esteem level that I honestly believes he would be it for me. I wasn't good enough for anyone else. That was the best I could do. I have since realized I can't live my life waiting for someone- anyone- to make me happy. It took a long time, but I'm finally there & I'm not going to let him ruin me.

[MCAadROCKMiKEd7]

Im glad to see some people took to posting here. I dont bite, so if that counts for anything id love to help with any advice at all

[Pres Zount]

Two of my female friends have (on spearate instances) slept with guys who had partners. The first was taken advantage of while drunk, and the second was told by the guy tjat he was single.

On both occasions they have blamed themselves, beat themselves up and 'understood' the guy's side of things. Both of them followed the insisting of the guy that it would be best if the partner wasn't told, and both of them have no malice toward the guy.

Why the fuck are people so stupid and weak? If I found out someone I was cheating on their partner for me, I would slap them and force them to own up.

WHY.

[Heather_D]

I'm going to be as nice as I can, but maybe the issues with your friends start when you call them/their actions stupid. How bout being supportive? And other than as a friend, where do you fit into this? Were you dating either of them when these events happened? Were you with your friend when she got drunk & taken advantage of? If no, why does this bother you? Maybe they have gone through life events that have had a negative impact on their self esteem. What if, instead of labeling them/their actions you tried to understand why they do things. As someone who was raped (also abused as a child), I can say that when I went to confide in someone, I got the response, "Don't you think you deserved it?". :eek: that totally destroyed me more than being violated. It echoed in my head & I felt it gave me an excuse to keep the bad person in my life- I wasn't good enough for anyone else.

I would say, just stop & listen to what they have to say. Maybe don't even offer advice. Hear them out. Most importantly don't judge or label them.

[Pres Zount]

I'm going to be as nice as I can, but maybe the issues with your friends start when you call them/their actions stupid. How bout being supportive? And other than as a friend, where do you fit into this? Were you dating either of them when these events happened? Were you with your friend when she got drunk & taken advantage of? If no, why does this bother you? Maybe they have gone through life events that have had a negative impact on their self esteem. What if, instead of labeling them/their actions you tried to understand why they do things. As someone who was raped (also abused as a child), I can say that when I went to confide in someone, I got the response, "Don't you think you deserved it?". :eek: that totally destroyed me more than being violated. It echoed in my head & I felt it gave me an excuse to keep the bad person in my life- I wasn't good enough for anyone else.

I would say, just stop & listen to what they have to say. Maybe don't even offer advice. Hear them out. Most importantly don't judge or label them.

You are doing a lot of assuming; as if I actually called them stupid, and didn't offer any support or even listen to them - they are my friends, after all. I purposefully did not embellish on story because a) usually people don't care, and b) I was just venting that these sort of things happen, and that people are inclined to let them happen. WHY? was more of a rhetorical question.

[b-grrrlie]

Apparently when people were saying I wasn't quite right in the head were actually right....

My workmate was discovered to have a disorder which affected her work a lot. When she told about it whe I started this season I couldn't hear what she said, and now, five months later she told she's going to some classes with people with the same disorder. Now I heard the name of it, googled it, Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome)'d it and guess what? It looks like I'm on the same boat!
I've always felt an outsider, but in a way it feels better when there's a name for it. I tried to call the open psychiatrics yesterday, but after queueing for one and half hours couldn't get through... And don't have a chance to call again until next week.

I'm socially quite disfunctional, restricted and repetitive interests and behavior, my interests are limited, but extremely concentrated (Beastie Boys, record collecting, perennial gardening), optimististic/unrealistic about time, difficulties in communicating (especially verbally), For example, a person with AS may engage in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic, while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as a need for privacy or haste to leave. This social awkwardness has been called "active but odd". This failure to react appropriately to social interaction may appear as disregard for other people's feelings, and may come across as insensitive. Me to the core....
All the things I've found out about Asperger is mainly about kids, how to recognize it in them. Fuck, I'm 52! It's about time for me to understand why I am what I am! I think it'll do me good to talk to a specialist soon...
Tomorrow is my last day at my summer work. This was my fifth season and I doubt my boss wants me there next season. We've had a couple of arguments and I can't take critisism at all, I get angry and sulk for ages and can't forgive at all, and she can't say she's sorry either. I really love it there, love my co-workers, we've built really good customer relations, they know that we know our stuff and I'm totally nerdy about my expertise. I would really love to come back to that job the next season, but I'm scared I wont. I'm too proud to beg and it feels like shit. I'm afraid I might end up an alcoholic (I'm on a good way there....), becoming a crazy cat lady (I think I'm already there....), not getting a new job, not able to pay the rent and becoming a bag lady. What a bright future! Fcuk!


Yeah I'm a little drunk right now, but this is a therapy thread....


I just wish I got hit by a truck or something....
and there isn't even a Morrissey next to me.....

[WhoMoi?]

Apparently when people were saying I wasn't quite right in the head were actually right....

My workmate was discovered to have a disorder which affected her work a lot. When she told about it whe I started this season I couldn't hear what she said, and now, five months later she told she's going to some classes with people with the same disorder. Now I heard the name of it, googled it, Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome)'d it and guess what? It looks like I'm on the same boat!
I've always felt an outsider, but in a way it feels better when there's a name for it. I tried to call the open psychiatrics yesterday, but after queueing for one and half hours couldn't get through... And don't have a chance to call again until next week.

I'm socially quite disfunctional, restricted and repetitive interests and behavior, my interests are limited, but extremely concentrated (Beastie Boys, record collecting, perennial gardening), optimististic/unrealistic about time, difficulties in communicating (especially verbally), Me to the core....
All the things I've found out about Asperger is mainly about kids, how to recognize it in them. Fuck, I'm 52! It's about time for me to understand why I am what I am! I think it'll do me good to talk to a specialist soon...
Tomorrow is my last day at my summer work. This was my fifth season and I doubt my boss wants me there next season. We've had a couple of arguments and I can't take critisism at all, I get angry and sulk for ages and can't forgive at all, and she can't say she's sorry either. I really love it there, love my co-workers, we've built really good customer relations, they know that we know our stuff and I'm totally nerdy about my expertise. I would really love to come back to that job the next season, but I'm scared I wont. I'm too proud to beg and it feels like shit. I'm afraid I might end up an alcoholic (I'm on a good way there....), becoming a crazy cat lady (I think I'm already there....), not getting a new job, not able to pay the rent and becoming a bag lady. What a bright future! Fcuk!


Yeah I'm a little drunk right now, but this is a therapy thread....


I just wish I got hit by a truck or something....
and there isn't even a Morrissey next to me.....


First of all: *hugs* - It'll be okay!

As someone who works with a lot of kids with Asperger's, I have to say that I think you verbally communicate your thoughts/feelings better than most people with Asperger's do, and seem to make inferences better too. Granted, I'm going by just your written verbal language here.

Asperger's is on the autism spectrum. If you think you meet the criteria for AS, it definitely makes sense to talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist about it. I'm not sure what evaluation tools they use with adults.

The reason you mostly see stuff pertaining to kids when you look at Asperger's resources is because it hasn't been an official diagnosis for very long. There will be increasingly more resources for adults with Asperger's as more and more diagnosed kids reach adulthood...which will be a good thing!

You'll be okay, whether you have AS or not. You've made it to 52, haven't you? :) Seriously though...whether you end up with a diagnosis of AS, something else, or nothing, by even just looking into this process and maybe seeking some insight, you may learn some strategies/develop tools to help with some of the areas you've mentioned that you have difficulty with. We all have some socially quirky elements of our personality, right? And I, for sure, have a VERY unrealistic perception of time...yikes. (I think I may have an executive functioning disorder...but I'm not even going to get started on that here.) :)

Have you heard of Temple Grandin? She's a very accomplished adult who has high-functioning autism (Asperger's is a form of high-functioning autism). There's an HBO movie of her life starring Claire Danes that is actually really, really good.

The guru for all things related to "social thinking" (the skill that people with AS often lack) is Michelle Garcia Winner. Here is a link to her page that talks about social thinking in adults: http://www.socialthinking.com/what-is-social-thinking/adults-social-thinking
Unfortunately, the books at that site pertain to teenagers and "young adults," just because as I said, Asperger's didn't become a formal diagnosis until fairly recently (1981, I think). But some of her books delve into some issues that persist into adulthood as well.

Not sure if this post is helpful or makes things more confusing, but good luck. :)

[Heather_D]

I second the hugs to you, b-grrrlie. Im sure it's like a big weight lifted off your shoulders now that you have a name for what you probably have. I had a hard time getting in to see a psychiatrist. So hard that I had to go spend a week in the hospital to be treated. Anyway, back to you.. Don't give up on finding a doctor. And it's never ever too late to become a better, healthier person. There's plenty of people here that will be here to support you. And if you ever need to vent about anything, go on and send me a private message, if you wish.

[Yetra Flam]

Completely unrelated to relationships or anything - maybe this even deserves its own thread.

I don't know if I'm really naive or stupid or something but I always thought that you're supposed to be a good person and do the right thing and not screw other people over and be honest, have integrity blah blah blah, all that stuff. And if you do the right thing, good things will come to you.

More and more I'm coming to realise that being that way doesn't seem to do you any real good. The people that are dishonest, sneaky, greedy and selfish seem to do a lot better for themselves - especially in terms of business. People tell me, "it's just business, don't take it personally" - but how can people that conduct themselves that way just ignore the way their actions affect others?
Is the only way to succeed in life to fuck other people over, to cheat? steal? lie?

I'm just really sensitive right now, I guess. I'm just fed up with dealing with bosses and employers who benefit from my hard work while I'm getting pushed around and stressed out as fuck.
This evening a client of mine who I went out of my way to help, and who was super nice to my face went behind my back and made false claims about me. (claiming I was unprofessional, late when i was not) For what reason? I have no fucking idea! I went out of my way to help this guy out. If he had a problem with me, why wouldn't he say something to me? Why would he pretend to be nice?
The client is a personal friend of my boss, so they believed everything I said and I was reprimanded for doing nothing wrong. And really, there's nothing I can even fucking do about it.
This person is a big rich successful businessman, so I assume he's made a career out of lying and screwing other people over.

People tell me to not take it personally.
Is this a cue for me to start changing the way I do things?

Maybe I'm being a baby, but fuck. Why do people have to act like this?

[WhoMoi?]

Yetra Flam:

That sucks. It does sometimes seem like the people who are just out for themselves and screw people over in the process seem to reap more rewards than those of us who try to be good people.

I guess whether you want to change the way you do things depends on whether you could live with yourself if you behaved in the same way as such backstabbers. Obviously, many people act that way, and some of them do so repeatedly...so I assume at least some of them aren't bothered by their own sense of morality (if they have one). I personally wonder how they can sleep at night.

I wish I had a better answer for you. I'm really just commiserating with you, I guess. It's too bad that people do shitty things sometimes, and I'm sorry that you had to be a victim of that. :(

I guess the reward for being a morally good person and acting in a way that's respectful to others is knowing that you did so, and that that's not always the easiest thing to do. (y)

[b-grrrlie]

Thank you WhoMoi and Heather!
I finally got through today,spoke to some nurse for ages and she said they're sending me a time for appointment, but it takes a month before I can see a doctor for diagnosis..
Also, it was my last day at work today. After lunch the boss just said passing that my papers were on the kitchen table. She never came to say goodbye, neither any of my workmates who all finished before me... Made me feel really appreciated....... not.... :(

[MC Moot]

Apparently when people were saying I wasn't quite right in the head were actually right....

My workmate was discovered to have a disorder which affected her work a lot. When she told about it whe I started this season I couldn't hear what she said, and now, five months later she told she's going to some classes with people with the same disorder. Now I heard the name of it, googled it, Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome)'d it and guess what? It looks like I'm on the same boat!
I've always felt an outsider, but in a way it feels better when there's a name for it. I tried to call the open psychiatrics yesterday, but after queueing for one and half hours couldn't get through... And don't have a chance to call again until next week.

I'm socially quite disfunctional, restricted and repetitive interests and behavior, my interests are limited, but extremely concentrated (Beastie Boys, record collecting, perennial gardening), optimististic/unrealistic about time, difficulties in communicating (especially verbally), Me to the core....
All the things I've found out about Asperger is mainly about kids, how to recognize it in them. Fuck, I'm 52! It's about time for me to understand why I am what I am! I think it'll do me good to talk to a specialist soon...
Tomorrow is my last day at my summer work. This was my fifth season and I doubt my boss wants me there next season. We've had a couple of arguments and I can't take critisism at all, I get angry and sulk for ages and can't forgive at all, and she can't say she's sorry either. I really love it there, love my co-workers, we've built really good customer relations, they know that we know our stuff and I'm totally nerdy about my expertise. I would really love to come back to that job the next season, but I'm scared I wont. I'm too proud to beg and it feels like shit. I'm afraid I might end up an alcoholic (I'm on a good way there....), becoming a crazy cat lady (I think I'm already there....), not getting a new job, not able to pay the rent and becoming a bag lady. What a bright future! Fcuk!


Yeah I'm a little drunk right now, but this is a therapy thread....


I just wish I got hit by a truck or something....
and there isn't even a Morrissey next to me.....


This makes me a little sad...you are one of my most fave posters on the board...alway's with quality posts,always’ kind,alway’s interesting ...and shit what a record collection indeed!...if it helps at all rest assured that theres a strange cat on the other side of the globe who smiles and thinks of you every time he hears a Bowie track...be well as you can,your pal,Moot...:)

[b-grrrlie]

This makes me a little sad...you are one of my most fave posters on the board...alway's with quality posts,always’ kind,alway’s interesting ...and shit what a record collection indeed!...if it helps at all rest assured that theres a strange cat on the other side of the globe who smiles and thinks of you every time he hears a Bowie track...be well as you can,your pal,Moot...:)
Thank you, Moot! That really warms my heart! In a way I'm glad I don't have to worry about if I can return to that job or not. Now I really have to start all over (again). But I'll start to worry after the weekend, now it's Popaganda festival and Thåström is on soon!

[Heather_D]

Yetra Flam,

I completely agree with what WhoMoi? Posted. I was in a bad work situation where the person put in charge didn't have a clue of how the business was run, and was pretty much just out for herself. It's a tough place to be. I loved my job- my career. But the hell she truly put me through (making up lies about what others saying things about me, not allowing me to take time off to see my dying grandmother, being one of the main reasons I spent a week in the hospital with panic attacks & anxiety) was absolutely not worth sticking around or altering my ethics. I didn't want to leave my job for the obvious reasons- I had bills to pay & needed the insurance. But, after several appointments with a therapist, I finally came to my senses & just quit. I've since found another job that's a lot less stressful a a company that values employees & shares my ethics. It pays a whole lot less, but I'd much rather be working with people that truly share my values than someone who's going to stab me in the back all the time.

And I had given up on the "what goes around..." view until I found out several months ago that she was demoted back to a minimum wage position. Perhaps not what I would've hoped for (firing her), but still good to know someone at the company in a much higher place recognized this & did something.

I know you'll do what's best for you, and I wish you the best of luck.

B-grrrlie,
I'm glad you got to speak to someone today & that you'll have an appointment with a doctor. It seems like a way off, but I'm sure it'll come quick. Best wishes!

[MCAadROCKMiKEd7]

Apparently when people were saying I wasn't quite right in the head were actually right....

My workmate was discovered to have a disorder which affected her work a lot. When she told about it whe I started this season I couldn't hear what she said, and now, five months later she told she's going to some classes with people with the same disorder. Now I heard the name of it, googled it, Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome)'d it and guess what? It looks like I'm on the same boat!
I've always felt an outsider, but in a way it feels better when there's a name for it. I tried to call the open psychiatrics yesterday, but after queueing for one and half hours couldn't get through... And don't have a chance to call again until next week.

I'm socially quite disfunctional, restricted and repetitive interests and behavior, my interests are limited, but extremely concentrated (Beastie Boys, record collecting, perennial gardening), optimististic/unrealistic about time, difficulties in communicating (especially verbally), Me to the core....
All the things I've found out about Asperger is mainly about kids, how to recognize it in them. Fuck, I'm 52! It's about time for me to understand why I am what I am! I think it'll do me good to talk to a specialist soon...
Tomorrow is my last day at my summer work. This was my fifth season and I doubt my boss wants me there next season. We've had a couple of arguments and I can't take critisism at all, I get angry and sulk for ages and can't forgive at all, and she can't say she's sorry either. I really love it there, love my co-workers, we've built really good customer relations, they know that we know our stuff and I'm totally nerdy about my expertise. I would really love to come back to that job the next season, but I'm scared I wont. I'm too proud to beg and it feels like shit. I'm afraid I might end up an alcoholic (I'm on a good way there....), becoming a crazy cat lady (I think I'm already there....), not getting a new job, not able to pay the rent and becoming a bag lady. What a bright future! Fcuk!


Yeah I'm a little drunk right now, but this is a therapy thread....


I just wish I got hit by a truck or something....
and there isn't even a Morrissey next to me.....


My 12 year old brother has Aspergers Syndrome, its tough. You will be able to cope with it though trust me, there are SO many coping mechanisms to be able to learn how to live with AS.

Im really educated on the topic, and I have long term hands on experience with somebody with Aspergers and let me tell you. He is the most caring, considerate, intelligent, compassionate, all around fantastic person.

I dont want you to beat yourself up as if its a bad thing that you discovered this, its really only a start to helping yourself. (:

[MCA4ever]

@b-grrrlie

I always enjoy reading your post. It really sucks that your co-workers and boss ARE such jerks. We are all a little different. It doesn't make you bad. And there is nothing wrong with needing or asking for help. It's a start. You have a few strange cats on this side of the globe that think your just fine :)

@yetra flam

I've adopted a "do unto you, as you do unto me" attitude the last few years and believe it not, it works. And in the few instances where it hasn't, I haven't lost any sleep over it because I get a sense of peace that at least those involved know where I stand. It's hard to learn not to be the "good guy" and always the one to jump in and lend a hand. Bosses would not be racking in all the dough from those never ending bonuses if it wasn't for the people actually doing the work! You are definitely not alone in feeling the way you do.

@WhoMoi?

You seem like a wonderful friend! I once had a (true) friend the kind that you can talk to and that listened and really tries to be supportive. Unfortunately she had moved across the country and we lost touch. I have many "friends" now but they are the type that everything you try to say, they can't wait for you to take a breath so that they can interject with stories about themselves. Not really listening to me. Last week I had a really stressful day that ended with me getting cut on a glass that I broke. Well my friend calls and heard that I was upset, told her what had happened and I had to hear a 5 minute conversation of when she cut herself on a glass and then another 20 minutes about her day. I listened quietly, never complained again. I guess that is one way not to have pity parties for yourself, have self centered friends :rolleyes:

Anyway, that is a GREAT quality you have. Your friends should consider themselves lucky :)

[ms.peachy]

I dont want you to beat yourself up as if its a bad thing that you discovered this, its really only a start to helping yourself. (:

ABSOLUTELY b-grrrlie. And never forget that there are people all over the world who think that you are awesome.

There is a book you might be interested in called Look Me in the Eye (My life with Aspergers (http://www.amazon.com/Look-Me-Eye-Life-Aspergers/dp/0307395987), by John Elder Robison. It is an autobiographical account of a fellow who was diagnosed with AS at the age of 40 and I think you might find much in it that you can not only relate to, but much about which to be hopeful.

[MCA4ever]

Two of my female friends have (on spearate instances) slept with guys who had partners. The first was taken advantage of while drunk, and the second was told by the guy tjat he was single.

On both occasions they have blamed themselves, beat themselves up and 'understood' the guy's side of things. Both of them followed the insisting of the guy that it would be best if the partner wasn't told, and both of them have no malice toward the guy.

Why the fuck are people so stupid and weak? If I found out someone I was cheating on their partner for me, I would slap them and force them to own up.

WHY.

Don't you wonder what goes through people's heads at times? Sometimes I wonder if it's just me. Is my way of thinking just f'd up. I understand your frustration because you are their friend. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but vent to someone ;)

[WhoMoi?]

@WhoMoi?

You seem like a wonderful friend! I once had a (true) friend the kind that you can talk to and that listened and really tries to be supportive. Unfortunately she had moved across the country and we lost touch. I have many "friends" now but they are the type that everything you try to say, they can't wait for you to take a breath so that they can interject with stories about themselves. Not really listening to me. Last week I had a really stressful day that ended with me getting cut on a glass that I broke. Well my friend calls and heard that I was upset, told her what had happened and I had to hear a 5 minute conversation of when she cut herself on a glass and then another 20 minutes about her day. I listened quietly, never complained again. I guess that is one way not to have pity parties for yourself, have self centered friends :rolleyes:

Anyway, that is a GREAT quality you have. Your friends should consider themselves lucky :)

Aw, thanks, MCA4ever. That was really sweet of you to say, and made my day. :)

I hear you - my best, true friends live far away from me now, too, and I really miss having great friends closer to me that I can get together with whenever I want. Just one of the many things that sucks about getting older/"growing up," I guess. :(

[MCA4ever]

Aw, thanks, MCA4ever. That was really sweet of you to say, and made my day. :)

I hear you - my best, true friends live far away from me now, too, and I really miss having great friends closer to me that I can get together with whenever I want. Just one of the many things that sucks about getting older/"growing up," I guess. :(

It's really nice to see someone take the time to really listen to others and be compassionate and understanding. I guess I just find myself surrounded by a lot of narcissistic people and it's just great to see that not everyone is like that.

Yeah- growing up isn't at all what I thought it was cracked up to be :)