mentally ill family member

[Dorothy Wood]

My mom's sister has gone off the deep end. She's always been odd, just super hyper and annoying, but lovable. But now it's clear, something happened. She's in love with a celebrity, she wants to be a famous rapper, she updates her statuses on fb with "private messages" to said celebrity. She talks about wanting to be the mayor of the city the celebrity is from.

This has been going on for almost 3 years now, slowly getting more irrational. She left her husband and daughter last year, but had to come back because she ran out of money, long story short, she bailed on them again and is staying in a shelter. She begs my family for money, then talks shit about them on facebook when they say "you need help, we will help you, but we can't just give you money".

Anyway, I've tried to reach out, told her I'd help her get her music out independently, but she keeps telling me a major label has her stuff. We can't hospitalize her because she's an adult. She won't listen to reason. I guess I just came on here for advice...if anyone has dealt with this kind of situation before. If I should even be bothering to worry, or if it would be better if I just blocked her on facebook so I can't see her craziness? She increasingly sucks too, says a bunch of bullshit about my mom and my aunt and uncles who are all really nice people who do want to help her. She texts my mom saying really mean things. I get angry, but she's nuts, so I hold back.

ugh!

[M|X|Y]

just stay tenacious and sure. don't get offended by anything.
stay caring and dedicated.

i guess the only different thing i can say is to stay in contact with everyone in your family. i have one in my family. I have been surprised at the people who don't understant mental illness as a real thing. I had a nutty one in my family and the biggest obstacle i saw was getting everyone to have compassion and understand that this person is no longer in control and no longer to blame. i was really surprised at the people who would react to things as though they are dealing with a normal person. stay patient.

[Helvete]

Holy crap, that's pretty, erm, difficult? (carefully picking my choice of words)

I don't know how you'd deal with it, I'm particularly bad at understanding people who are going through things where they aren't thinking clearly, so to speak. Whether that be depression or some mental illness, I literally can't understand why they don't just 'snap out of it' and get a grip.

I don't think you alone can 'make her better' or anything, she's going to need professional help and I guess all you can do it true to ensure she's safe.

[Franci]

Holy crap, that's pretty, erm, difficult? (carefully picking my choice of words)

I don't know how you'd deal with it, I'm particularly bad at understanding people who are going through things where they aren't thinking clearly, so to speak. Whether that be depression or some mental illness, I literally can't understand why they don't just 'snap out of it' and get a grip.

I don't think you alone can 'make her better' or anything, she's going to need professional help and I guess all you can do it true to ensure she's safe.

If it was that easy, they wouldn't suffer from mental illness

[Pres Zount]

just stay tenacious and sure. don't get offended by anything.
stay caring and dedicated.



Only thing you can do, really.

Who does she spend her time with?

[MC Moot]

just stay tenacious and sure. don't get offended by anything.
stay caring and dedicated.
...stay patient.

Excellent advice,well said...

[MC Moot]

Hey D.W have you checked out local mental health service providers for advice/support?
Even if your relative is not in your area it often helps to seek counsel from someone in the field.

http://www.namigc.org/content/programs_services/index.asp

Or you may want to call 211 and inquire about additional outlets for assistance.

[Helvete]

If it was that easy, they wouldn't suffer from mental illness

Which is why I said I was particularly bad at that sort of thing. Now get a grip!

[Guy Incognito]

I have had quite a lot of dealings with a very close member of my family being mentally ill , am trying not to divulge too much here but its hard to provide advice if i dont. But i dont really like talking about my stuff on here but i want to help with some advice if i can. My experience sounds a bit darker than whats been mentioned here but avoiding it or blocking it out is the worst thing to do imo.

Some of the stuff that is mentioned in my experience is so out there and so far fetched that it is tempting to say snap out of it but actually its not the worst idea to talk about some of it with the person involved so that eventually you can show how out there it is, the person has to come to that conclusion themselves and the only way is to talk about it. It can be difficult and things said can make the thoughts worse or deeper. Its hard sometimes not get caught up in some of the thoughts yourself .. oh this is too hard to explain. I'm rambling.

Basically, one of the people i love most in the world has had serious bouts of psychological illness and its been very scary at times but all you can do is support, listen, be strong and not panic. Each time its happened, i have been able to deal with it better.

[WhoMoi?]

Would having an intervention be a possibility?

[Dorothy Wood]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I will respond properly when Im on a computer and not just my phone.

[Dorothy Wood]

Holy crap, that's pretty, erm, difficult? (carefully picking my choice of words)

I don't know how you'd deal with it, I'm particularly bad at understanding people who are going through things where they aren't thinking clearly, so to speak. Whether that be depression or some mental illness, I literally can't understand why they don't just 'snap out of it' and get a grip.

I don't think you alone can 'make her better' or anything, she's going to need professional help and I guess all you can do it true to ensure she's safe.

I'm not dealing with it particularly well. I have been through some harsh times in my life and all of her complaining about being so down and out is very hard to take considering she is suffering because of her own choices. Granted, her choices were shaded by something deeply wrong that chose to rear its ugly head more prominently in recent years.

It's especially terrible when she talks shit about my mom who is the nicest person in the world, who has beaten adversity several times in her life, and never asks for help from anyone.

I want to yell at her STOP IT! YOU ASSHOLE! but I haven't yet. Only have I said "please don't disparage my mother on facebook". She said "OK" in response. :/


Only thing you can do, really.

Who does she spend her time with?

She's at a shelter/safe house because her ex was trying to make her go to a therapist, so she skipped out. But she has no money, so she had nowhere to go. So, she spends her time with strangers. She's pushed away all her friends because they are "doubters".

Hey D.W have you checked out local mental health service providers for advice/support?
Even if your relative is not in your area it often helps to seek counsel from someone in the field.

http://www.namigc.org/content/programs_services/index.asp

Or you may want to call 211 and inquire about additional outlets for assistance.

I might seek counseling, but my uncles have been trying and trying to figure out what to do...but there's nothing they can really do if she won't accept help.

I have had quite a lot of dealings with a very close member of my family being mentally ill , am trying not to divulge too much here but its hard to provide advice if i dont. But i dont really like talking about my stuff on here but i want to help with some advice if i can. My experience sounds a bit darker than whats been mentioned here but avoiding it or blocking it out is the worst thing to do imo.

Some of the stuff that is mentioned in my experience is so out there and so far fetched that it is tempting to say snap out of it but actually its not the worst idea to talk about some of it with the person involved so that eventually you can show how out there it is, the person has to come to that conclusion themselves and the only way is to talk about it. It can be difficult and things said can make the thoughts worse or deeper. Its hard sometimes not get caught up in some of the thoughts yourself .. oh this is too hard to explain. I'm rambling.

Basically, one of the people i love most in the world has had serious bouts of psychological illness and its been very scary at times but all you can do is support, listen, be strong and not panic. Each time its happened, i have been able to deal with it better.

Thanks for sharing that, I'm sorry you have to deal with it on a close level. I'm glad that you are strong enough to bear it, and sensitive enough to not ignore the problem. I hope things improve for your loved one.

Would having an intervention be a possibility?

Yes, her siblings could fly in from their corners of the country, but she is free to just walk out of one. I feel like it might be the best option though, my therapist friend says that interventions are more for the people intervening. So you can say "well, I tried, I told her what I thought and gave options to wellness", even if the person doesn't take those options.


The worst part of all of this is that she's so damn mean, and so annoying, always has been. She's jealous and threatening, and loud. Very smart and funny though. All her friends, her ex, her daughter, her family all have told her that she is behaving irrationally, but then she goes on fb and is like, "everyone thinks I'm crazy, that's crazy!" It sucks, the whole things sucks! I really don't know what will happen.

[WhoMoi?]

Yes, her siblings could fly in from their corners of the country, but she is free to just walk out of one. I feel like it might be the best option though, my therapist friend says that interventions are more for the people intervening. So you can say "well, I tried, I told her what I thought and gave options to wellness", even if the person doesn't take those options.

I think that's probably a tough part of planning an intervention - knowing that the person could very well just walk out. But I'm wondering (and of course I don't know this woman and I'm not a mental health professional or anything, so it's just a wonder) if it was presented in a welcoming, "we love you" sort of way, if she would stick around and take it more seriously. Sometimes that's what needs to be heard - that all the criticisms and frustrations are coming from a place of love. People with addictions and mental health issues often just hear the negative in that type of talk and use that as an excuse to block out any help that is being offered. So in an intervention that's well-planned, with each participant having a (hopefully) uninterrupted turn to talk, reading their letters and telling the person how their behavior is affecting them, how that makes them feel, and how much they care about the person, it's presented in a clearer manner without the back-and-forth, reactive, arguing type of thing that tends to happen in just quick encounters with the person. And it doesn't always result in the person choosing to get help that day...but like you said, at least the interveners get their opportunity to know that they did what they could and said their piece, and it certainly gives the person something to think about it if they are at all able to listen/hear what is being said.

Again, I'm definitely not a professional in this area. My "qualifications" are just having a lot of recovered alcoholics in my extended family and being a huge fan of the show Intervention. :)

I really wish your family the best in all of this, however you decide to approach it.

[Guy Incognito]

I may have slightly misread this situation but are you thinking about trying to help purely by counselling or therapy? Has medication been discussed?

In my experience the medication has helped but its also had other effects, not horrific but definite changes in personality and has been a bit of a battle at times to know when best not to use it. Its hard to talk about it, but i am fairly certain medicine is going to be around for a very long time.Again, i am being vague. all i am trying to say is that if gets to that stage, then listen to all the advice and be careful. In my experience it takes a bit of time to work but talking, listening and support is still the best medicine.