ok, bear with me

[hpdrifter]

So, don't judge me. I found my NYE tryst's facebook page.

I swear to god I didn't even try that hard, I just typed in his first name (which is all I had) and the city he lives in and he was the first one that came up.

I almost wish I hadn't found him, now I am faced with an impossible (21st Century) dilemma: To message or not to message.

Angel on one shoulder: You gave him your phone number and he hasn't called. Why would you message him?

Devil on the other shoulder: Message him! You know you want to. Risk it, so what if he doesn't remember who you are!

Angel: Just let it be what it was, a pleasant memory. If he doesn't respond it will be permanently diminished. Right now it's perfect!

Devil: But there could be more memories!

Angel: What could come of it anyway, he lives 4 hours from you and you have very little flexibility, single mom.

Devil: SEX!

Angel: Responsibility, level-headedness.

Devil: EXCITEMENT! HEAT!

Angel: Maybe, maybe not.

...

Sigh.

So which is it, BBMB?

I should have made this a poll.

[Bob]

going for it is much easier said than done, so i can say without hesitation that you should go for it

[Micodin]

This world is upside down.

[hpdrifter]

going for it is much easier said than done, so i can say without hesitation that you should go for it

Don't be glib with me right now Bob! I need input!

[hpdrifter]

Angel: What would you say anyway? Hi, remember me, we hooked up?

Devil: Carpe Diem! Indulge your id!

Angel: Be sensible.

Devil: Seriously, it doesn't matter. You're just getting your feet wet in dating again, why not? You are single and still relatively young, this is not the be all end all of your dating life, it's one person. If he doesn't reply so what?

Angel: Do you really want to go down this road? If you get no response you'll wonder why, you'll tell yourself maybe he didn't get it/forgot his facebook password/moved to Mars. And then what?

Devil: Time will pass and you'll forget about it and meet someone else.

[M|X|Y]

make sure your photo is on your thing so he recognizes you and send him a short message like "i wanted to say hello.... howdy" and see what happens

if he's how you said he was, he'll be happy to hear from you.

if he takes it the wrong way, the stalker police will come and take you to stalker jail(y) so who cares

[weez]

Memories fade. Turn off your head, and go with your gut.

[Bob]

i wouldn't do it, which probably means you should

[ms.peachy]

Hm. Part of me says, just stop dithering like a teenager and just send him a message already.

But, re reading your story, the thing is when you come right down to it all that happened was you picked up (or got picked up by, however you want to frame it in your narrative) a really hot guy at a bar and had some really fab sweaty sex. And that's totally awesome and good on you. But I kind of think seeking him out again now is bound to be disappointing. Not that he'd not want to hear from you, only that if you do keep in touch you are going to start finding out he has like flaws and stuff. I'm kind of leaning towards just letting the memory be what it is - because again, it's totally awesome - and now just go forth and live your life. Keep the whole event tucked away up your sleeve for times when you need a little lift and have a private little smile to yourself now and again.

Just my opinion.

[Freebasser]

But I think we'd all like to see more fab sweaty sex.




I know I would.

*rubs legs*

[Bitchamachacha]

I don't know the full story, but I'm assuming this guy and yourself had yourselves a happy little bang-a-thon. To start, you get a big Oprah "Go girl!"

Advice:

Give it another week. You don't want him to think you've been obsessing over him. It could scare him. Wait a bit longer, then send him a very casual message. Don't tell him how super everything was or you flick your minge before bed while visually replaying your moment. Just go for the throat-- but cooley- "Hey, you. We should enjoy another round soon."

You'll get his attention, and it won't be so scary-stalkerish. It's casual and hey! Sex! How could he say no?

[MC Moot]

Thread induced Swingers flashback… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0PUrNwvvBk)

[M|X|Y]

Just go for the throat-- but cooley- "Hey, you. We should enjoy another round soon."

You'll get his attention, and it won't be so scary-stalkerish. It's casual and hey! Sex! How could he say no?


you can count on him taking it there if he's into it.. you don't think a simple hello would do?

[Bitchamachacha]

you can count on him taking it there if he's into it.. you don't think a simple hello would do?

A simple, meek "Hello," is polite, but doesn't give him anything to respond to. It's saying "Hi," not asking a direct question which will require a response. Unless you are Lionel Ritchie.

They shared an intimate moment- a one-nighter, but it's still meaningful and intimate in some way. Why not cut through the chase and the awkwardness of "Hello," by just laying it out there. They showed parts, after all. It's a decent icebreaker because it can be taken seriously, or it can also be laughed at, but laughed at in a good way- total tension releaser.

[abbott]

message...

what's up?

[hpdrifter]

Thread induced Swingers flashback… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0PUrNwvvBk)

Oh god, not that part!

I had thought of Swingers and 40 Year Old Virgin.

...

Okay, here's a question. When should I call her?

You like her?

Yeah.

You definitely don't want to call her. When is the next Olympics?

[M|X|Y]

A simple, meek "Hello," is polite, but doesn't give him anything to respond to. It's saying "Hi," not asking a direct question which will require a response. Unless you are Lionel Ritchie.

They shared an intimate moment- a one-nighter, but it's still meaningful and intimate in some way. Why not cut through the chase and the awkwardness of "Hello," by just laying it out there. They showed parts, after all. It's a decent icebreaker because it can be taken seriously, or it can also be laughed at, but laughed at in a good way- total tension releaser.


hmmm, you could be right

he did seem to appreciate some sort of gentleness, romance or whatever.. i thought maybe taking a soft approach might let him take it to wherever he felt comfortable since he would technically be the one being pursued here. maybe i read it wrong

but yeah, most dudes would love for a woman to come straight up with it if that's where their head's at, like it is on tv

[hpdrifter]

hmmm, you could be right

he did seem to appreciate some sort of gentleness, romance or whatever.. i thought maybe taking a soft approach might let him take it to wherever he felt comfortable since he would technically be the one being pursued here. maybe i read it wrong

but yeah, most dudes would love for a woman to come straight up with it if that's where their head's at, like it is on tv

If I do send the note it'll be casual, hey, had a nice time with you, look me up if you're in town sort of thing.

Not just "Hi" but not meet me in bed either.

[M|X|Y]

yeah, something like that.. no harm that way.

but wouldnt you like to start a conversation or are you really just interested in him looking you up if he's in town?

[Guy Incognito]

If I do send the note it'll be casual, hey, had a nice time with you, look me up if you're in town sort of thing.

Not just "Hi" but not meet me in bed either.

steady on, i know you said you exchanged histories as well as some other things on NYE but you dont 100% know its the truth do you? Could be a possible bomb dropping on his facebook page that someone else he may have had a word with sees and causes all sorts of pandemonium for the lad. And possibly jeapordizing any future outcomes. I know my glass isnt half full here but just had to say that. Even just posting on his page may cause issues.

I wouldnt post anything and let it happen if its going to but if you want to , something like hi, whats up is enough i reckon

[hpdrifter]

Well I wouldn't post a public comment on his timeline or anything, I'd send a private message.

[Guy Incognito]

sorry yes, of course. i am a dick.

[hpdrifter]

yeah, something like that.. no harm that way.

but wouldnt you like to start a conversation or are you really just interested in him looking you up if he's in town?

Yeah, I'd like to start a conversation. I'll think of some way to invite that without putting pressure for a response.

[hpdrifter]

sorry yes, of course. i am a dick.

Haha, can you imagine?

"Hey buddy! Had a great time fucking you on New Year's Eve. Hope you're not friends with your mom on Facebook!"

[Guy Incognito]

tbh i use fb very rarely but i was reading the thread thinking "why has no-one thought to warn of using it all" and thats because they were clever people who knew what they were on about , had read the thread properly and they knew of course you could send a pm.

i only use it to keep in touch with old uni and school friends who live miles away. All my "real" friends use it but i dont friend them, i'd prefer to actually talk to them.

so in summation, am still a dick.

good luck with it all

[DandyFop]

I wouldn't send anything...sounds like it was an experience you don't want to be ruined with the reality of how shitty most guys actually turn out to be.

[Bitchamachacha]

I wouldn't send anything...sounds like it was an experience you don't want to be ruined with the reality of how shitty most guys actually turn out to be.


Annnnnnd...there's this. I agree with this, too.

[yeahwho]

I know from spending a lot of vacations in Oregon sex is always awesome there, I don't know why but some of the hottest, steamiest sex happens in Oregon State. The coast. The mountains. The high desert. It's like there's naturally occurring Viagra in the soil.

Oregon State really should promote "Hot Sex" in travel brochures. I have some stories eerily similar to your NYE post. The difference is I wasn't with an Oregonian. I may be wrong, but I think you may of just found out incredible sex is what happens in Oregon and now also think that Oregon sex requires an Oregonian to fulfill a complete climax. Anyone can turn into a "Sex God" in Oregon.

YES! text him or whatever, it's no big deal and your angel sounds kind of mean. But, if you're going to message this guy do it having full knowledge that all sex in Oregon is better than all sex in Washington State*. The bike repair guy was good by proxy.



*usual exclusions apply

[Dorothy Wood]

Message him, you only have a fantasy to lose. If it doesn't work out, no big whoop, at least then you can move on. But you know we're all rooting for you :)

[ms.peachy]

I wouldn't send anything...sounds like it was an experience you don't want to be ruined with the reality of how shitty most guys actually turn out to be.

Damn that's what I was trying to say and you did it in like 1/10 the amount of words. Your advice is like the Hemingway version of mine.

[kll]

Yep, agree with Peachy and Dandy - let it lie.

Single mom with baby seems to be too much for a long distance fling/possible relationship. IF the dude would end up being receptive to you and exploring a casual relationship - the amount of energy and emotions it takes to keep one going would just not be fair to you or the baby.

[Pres Zount]

So you already know that he is going to destroy any fantasies that you may have, and that he will inevitably turn out to be a prick of the grandest magnitude, and that you will probably find yourself stuck in a metaphorical prison of pressure and expectation (all placed there by you) in which you must create a life with this utter twat because YOU were the one that started the facebook chatting, and SOMEONE has to look after the kid because he clearly cannot be trusted with his own well-being, let alone a child's. You know this.

So your expectations are clearly not very high, and therefore there is nothing to lose!

Go for it, and get a bit of action. If you don't, from now on you will think about that amazing fantasy person and how much of an arsewound he probably was in real life (thus ruining said fantasy), rather than finding out for sure and having a chance at eternal happiness for a night or two.

[M|X|Y]

So you already know that he is going to destroy any fantasies that you may have, and that he will inevitably turn out to be a prick of the grandest magnitude, and that you will probably find yourself stuck in a metaphorical prison of pressure and expectation (all placed there by you) in which you must create a life with this utter twat because YOU were the one that started the facebook chatting, and SOMEONE has to look after the kid because he clearly cannot be trusted with his own well-being, let alone a child's. You know this.

haha

[hpdrifter]

I guess ultimately the reality is that I will most likely message him eventually.

The thing is, I think I would always wonder what might have happened. I'd rather know there was nothing than wonder if there could have been something.

Whatever happens it's been nice having this kind of energy in my life again. Goodness knows my ex-husband and I weren't connecting for a couple of years prior to the split. I haven't flirted or been flirted with for so long. I kind of want to play with it for awhile. I want to indulge.

[ms.peachy]

The thing is, I think I would always wonder what might have happened. I'd rather know there was nothing than wonder if there could have been something.


But there was something. There was a really perfect night of totally awesome sex that made you feel alive again. That's not 'nothing.'


Heroin addicts say that every hit you take after the first hit, is just you trying to chase that feeling of how awesome that first hit was. Think on that a bit.

[TAL]

I guess ultimately the reality is that I will most likely message him eventually.
I was gonna say something like this. But you already seem to know it.

[kll]

I think the issue I have with this is that you did give him your number. So, it's not like you both parted on level playing fields with no real way to find the other. I feel like it seems weird that he hasn't called or texted, yet you would be messaging due to online stalking. I don't know, just seems awkward.

[hpdrifter]

Valid point. I did kind of expect to get a text the next day. Hey, hope it's good on the mountain or something. But I didn't and haven't.

Maybe better to let it lie. Each day that passes it seems to be more obvious.

[Freebasser]

Can I just clarify that you didn't get his number? He has yours, but you don't have his? If so, that's weird.

During my single days I used to give my number to any girl I liked. Getting their number was the hard part. I thought that's how it always worked (for 99% of blokes anyway).

If he seriously didn't give you his number then it sounds like he was just up for a one night only, no holds barred, slamjammin', rootin'-tootin' motherlovin' fuckfest with a slice of cantaloupe on the side.

Best guess... either he probably made up all the bollocks about losing his g/f and being heartbroken or he isn't emotionally stable enough for a relationship at the mo.

[hpdrifter]

Can I just clarify that you didn't get his number? He has yours, but you don't have his? If so, that's weird.

During my single days I used to give my number to any girl I liked. Getting their number was the hard part. I thought that's how it always worked (for 99% of blokes anyway).

If he seriously didn't give you his number then it sounds like he was just up for a one night only, no holds barred, slamjammin', rootin'-tootin' motherlovin' fuckfest with a slice of cantaloupe on the side.

Best guess... either he probably made up all the bollocks about losing his g/f and being heartbroken or he isn't emotionally stable enough for a relationship at the mo.

Well, he asked for my number but I didn't ask for his. I didn't really want to chat in the light because I thought I probably looked a mess so I kind of hurried out the door hiding behind my hair. He asked for it and I just quickly jotted it down on an envelope and didn't ask for his.

But the thing is, I have learned in my dating life that if a guy likes you he calls. That's just the way it is. If he doesn't, then he probably isn't into it. We make up all kinds of excuses, oh maybe he's waiting for some time to pass, maybe he's shy but it's all just bullshit. If he wanted to see me again he would have contacted me. If he was too shy to call he would have texted.

It's a bummer but I guess I just have to accept that. It's just hard because it was so much fun and it's been so long and he was soooo hot and all that.

But like peachy said, it made me feel alive again and I can take that feeling with me every day. Maybe it will invite some more good energy into my life.

[Bob]

even i text girls back when i like them

i'm not hot though, maybe it's different for hot men

[Dorothy Wood]

I still think you should message him. Even if you said "I LOVE YOU AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT NIGHT AND I'M GOING TO LIVE WITH YOU NOW MY SOUL MATE XOXOXOXOXOXO" and attached a picture of you holding a knife, it wouldn't matter, because he doesn't live in your town or know anyone you know, so who gives a shit if he thinks you're lame for messaging him.

You've already set the bar pretty low, so just keep it low and let stuff roll off your back if he doesn't respond or responds negatively.

I'm just sayin', pride is overrated. I love all the advice giving that goes on here, but I ended up dating a person who had rejected me in different ways for a year and a half (most notably when I asked "you wanna make out?" and he said, "ah, I don't know"). I just thought we had a connection, it wasn't logical at all, but I just kept flirting. Finally one night after hanging out all day, I said "I think we should kiss on the lips, just once and never again". He liked it, but he still didn't ask me out. It took a mutual friend to get him to ask me out. I guess I'm telling this story because I didn't give up and I embarrassed myself and it still turned out okay. So I say do whatever you want! :)

[hpdrifter]

Well I suppose I could if I wanted to eventually. But the more time that passes the less inclined I am.

I did take one important lesson away from this experience, though. I am not a one-night stand kind of girl. If I am attracted to someone enough to sleep with them in the first place then I am always going to want to sleep with them again.

[Dorothy Wood]

Well, plus he was nice and fun to hang out with right? It's totally natural to want to keep it going.

It does suck that he hasn't contacted you, but I dunno, what if he lost your number? Any number of things could be going on here. Instead of just wondering about what those things might be, why not just find out?

I'm not telling you to humiliate yourself or anything, I'm just saying to not be afraid. Even if he's not up for connecting again, I don't see any reason why he would judge you for trying.

[hpdrifter]

Well, plus he was nice and fun to hang out with right? It's totally natural to want to keep it going.

It does suck that he hasn't contacted you, but I dunno, what if he lost your number? Any number of things could be going on here. Instead of just wondering about what those things might be, why not just find out?

I'm not telling you to humiliate yourself or anything, I'm just saying to not be afraid. Even if he's not up for connecting again, I don't see any reason why he would judge you for trying.

Yes, he was nice and fun. I liked talking with him a lot. I don't think he lost my number, it was on his coffee table. Unless the dog ate it, she was sitting right there on the couch. Hey maybe... I am joking people.

Well I'll think on it a little more. The thing is right now I am so raw. Things are kind of... heavy and I'm carrying it by myself. Endless paperwork for the divorce and the modification to my mortgage. Anyone who has tried to refinance or short sale in this market knows it is a life sucking, soul crushing experience. Always some housework that needs done when I get home, some errand that needs to be run. The bright spot in my day is the moment I pick my son up from daycare and he runs to me and I get to kiss his little cheek. I get to spend maybe an hour or so with him before he needs to go to bed.

I know I need to keep pushing forward. I know I need to sit with this stuff, let it be what it is for me right now, gain the strength from it that I have the opportunity to gain but it is so hard.

I really enjoyed having something light.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

But the thing is, I have learned in my dating life that if a guy likes you he calls. That's just the way it is. If he doesn't, then he probably isn't into it. We make up all kinds of excuses, oh maybe he's waiting for some time to pass, maybe he's shy but it's all just bullshit. If he wanted to see me again he would have contacted me. If he was too shy to call he would have texted.


Yes.

Everyone else said what I would have said in response. Enjoy the memory. If you're ok with just boinking sometime again without an expectation of more (since he hasn't called), then message him.