mysterious rudeness toward attractive coworker

[Dorothy Wood]

So, I work sometimes with upper class type people, handling their artwork in various ways. And people are often dicks, but mostly nice. And I'm usually able to calm people down when they're super douchey. Anyway, my coworker is not able to calm people down, and in fact is almost always somewhat victimized by particularly bitchy middle-aged women.

My coworker is a dude, he is exceedingly and unnaturally handsome. Like a lumberjack ken doll. He appeals to both men and women, but is interested in men. And middle-aged women are just flat out rude to him and boss him around like right from the get-go. It's so bizarre. He's suuuuper nice, and extremely helpful, and these ladies just get meaner and meaner, dismissing his ideas, second-guessing his work. What is happening?! Are they like weirdly flirting? uch, gross.

[TurdBerglar]

maybe they expect to be spoken to a certain way. the type of way handsom straight guys talk to women.

[Dorothy Wood]

It's not obvious that he's gay to most people. So I'm not sure it's about that if that's what you mean. If not, I guess I don't know what you mean

[TurdBerglar]

most guys talk to women differently. especially attractive guys. maybe he doesn't talk to them they way they'd expect an attractive straight guy would talk to them and they're put off by it.

[TurdBerglar]

or maybe they're just bitter towards his attractiveness.

[Dorothy Wood]

Wait, how do attractive guys talk to women?

[MC Moot]

^Well kinda like this,little sugar bean...

[Yeti]

I usually say things like...that dress you are wearing looks nice but it would look nicer laying on the floor next to my bed.

[TurdBerglar]

guys with a shit ton of confidence(most attractive guys) talk to females differently. that shouldn't be a surprise.

[Dorothy Wood]

I see. So maybe he's just too nice...plus he's like a big tall dude and they secretly wish they could fuck him, so they get mad at him? Because he's not giving them sexual energy?

Thats confusing though Because bitchy middle aged women love my boss and he's a sassy gay who tells them what they should do. Maybe these women watch too many design shows and want a sassy gay to boss them around. Maybe I should tell my coworker to start calling clients "gurrrl"?

[TurdBerglar]

well maybe they know the sassy one Is gay so they already don't expect him to treat them as a straight guy would. they expect the other gay guy to treat them as a straight guy would because they don't know he's gay.

[Dorothy Wood]

Well my boss doesn't work there, he works at another location, so I don't actually know that the same women would treat him differently.

Anyway, that's beside the point. I still think it's a mystery. Sometimes the women are treating this guy so bad, I think about pulling my manager card and telling them they need to leave for being abusive. I want to say, "excuse me, but do you have a reason for speaking to this man so disrespectfully?"

It's outta control, I've never seen anything like it. I've worked with other less attractive men before and it never happened to them. They were straight I guess, but honestly, nobody would guess off the bat that this kid was gay. Except maybe another gay dude.

[Bob]

or maybe they're just bitter towards his attractiveness.

that would be my first guess. like they see him and they're all "there was a time when when i was pretty enough to get the attention of a guy like this, but now i'm faded and out of the game so i'm going to treat him like dirt because who does he think he is

but i have no real basis for that, it's probably pretty sexist or something of me to assume it. lots of things are sexist lately, so odds are pretty good

[ms.peachy]

As a bitchy middle aged woman myself, I have to say, I don't get it either. My general policy is to be nice to people who are trying to help me. Maybe it's not so much a middle aged woman thing as a spoiled entitled rich lady thing? Or really, a nouveau riche thing - people who come from old money tend to be more chill about it, whereas new money people sometimes still have a need to remind everyone that they have arrived.

[Dorothy Wood]

Oh I think you're on the right path with nouveau riche! They do tend to be kind of obnoxious bad taste types. Old money folks are generally respectful, have high expectations but are never rude about it.

Anyway, maybe I should jump in when I feel my coworker is being pushed around. I really do wish I could ask people why they're so mean.

[ms.peachy]

I think one thing to be mindful of though is, are you applying the same yardstick to men as you are to women? It's that old thing of men who are insistent about what they want and how they want is are 'assertive and commanding', women who do the same are 'bitchy and demanding'. So you may have noticed the women's behavior especially, but perhaps there are men acting similarly and you're not picking up on it because culturally hey, it's ok for a man to be 'persistent,' but not ok for a woman to be 'pushy'.

I am not saying that that is what is going on, I'm not in the situation so can't possibly do so, I'm just saying you might want to listen in on future exchanges with an ear toward examining any cultural biases you might have that you don't realize. Because we all do. You might find that your original assessment was spot on and there are just all these bitchy women being awful, but you might find also that you've been given men something of a free pass. Who knows.

Have you actually discussed this with your co-worker? Just wondering how he perceives the situation.

[Dorothy Wood]

I have spoken with my coworker because I'm his boss and I care about his well-being. We usually just joke and laugh about it to diffuse the feeling of being disrespected.

It is always women who are abusive, so far. It's very noticeable and not a stereotype I've witnessed before now, I've been in this business 13 years. honestly I think men are less confrontational with him because he is 6'5" and built and has an impressive beard.

[TurdBerglar]

maybe this guy is a complete dick and miss wood seems to be smitten with him making her blind to it. IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, MISS WOOD.

[Dorothy Wood]

Haha! No way, I am not interested. I'm just trying to explain his appearance.

[Myu-to]

impressive beard.

[M|X|Y]

some women like beards, others are deathly afraid of them. you never know

[zippo]

i dont know, ever since i finished reading ericlee's last thread (let's hope not) about his recent relationship everything has started to sound like American Psycho

maybe they want to lock him up in their basement and harass him too