grief sucks

[cosmo105]

(n)

[cosmo105]

subtext: my best friend of over a decade (known each other since kindergarten) passed away in a car accident a few weeks ago. i'm still absolutely heartbroken. it's awful.

:(

[Adam]

Such a cliche but remember the good times.

There is no fix, just time.

[Documad]

Keep talking about it. It can take a long time. One of my best friends died a few months ago. She lived a few hours away so we emailed often. There are still times where I think of something I want to tell her and it takes a beat before I realize that I can't.

[abbott]

your grief I do not know. I hope there is something good you can do that brings you good thoughts of your friend.

[Waus]

:(

[ms.peachy]

That does, indeed, suck.

[Kid Presentable]

Sucks. :(

[cosmo105]

Thanks everyone. I spoke at her funeral. It helped a lot. Hearing her mother's sobs as her ashes were placed in their final place was gut-wrenching. I'm seeing a grief counselor next week. It just hurts so much (n)

[Lyman Zerga]

thats a good idea

i cant even imagine how much it must hurt, so sorry for your loss

[Guy Incognito]

Thanks everyone. I spoke at her funeral. It helped a lot. Hearing her mother's sobs as her ashes were placed in their final place was gut-wrenching. I'm seeing a grief counselor next week. It just hurts so much (n)

I have been to grief counselling, it was over a year after my dad died.

There is a thread here about it: http://bbs.beastieboys.com/showthread.php?t=85090

When i was referred for counselling, they suggested that it be group counselling and i really wasnt up for that but i am glad i took part. It helped me see that anyone can suffer from it and that people who are much more grief stricken than myself were able to come out of it.

I am sure your counsellor is very qualified and will help you but i think speaking to other people in a similar state of mind was beneficial. And it wasnt just the issue of my dad dying that was addressed, the group talked about a fair bit of stuff really. helps you look to the future a bit more.

Sorry to hear of your loss, i knew my dad was going to go, so i cant imagine how you felt when you heard your news but it really willl get better.

I still find some days difficult and get the odd tear but mostly its remembering the good times which is a nice feeling.

[Dorothy Wood]

Don't be afraid to sob like a maniac. I'm so sorry you have to experience this, my heart goes out to you and everyone affected. *hugs*

[ericlee]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

[cosmo105]

Thanks guys. It means a lot to me.

As I think most of the old-timers here probably know, I lost my dad when I was pretty young (15) and that was of course very difficult. He and I had a difficult relationship to put it VERY mildly, so there were some huge emotional hurdles with that and it took years to overcome. I was a zombie for a long time afterward, probably a few years.

This, however, was my best friend, someone I just loved wholeheartedly and adored. We've been best friends since high school and grew up together. We went trick-or-treating together as kids. She was like a sister to me. So it's been really, really heartbreaking and I've been crying really hard pretty much every day. She was the maid of honor at my wedding. She was in law school and had amazing things ahead of her. Here's a statement from the female prisoner advocacy group where she was interning that tells just a little about how amazing she was:

http://hosted-p0.vresp.com/140904/0772b0cd96/ARCHIVE

Ugh. I know it'll get easier with time. I just wish that time was already here. :(

[kaiser soze]

hugs cosmo - losing a friend is something I have yet to experience as an adult

hope you and all your friends are hanging in there

[cosmo105]

thanks man (y)

a bunch of the old gang and i are all going to the fair in a couple of weeks to gorge ourselves on fried food and beer as she did every year, to toast to her and heal together. it'll be tough without her there but damnit, she'll never truly be gone.

grief counseling has been good so far. i'm able to go longer periods without completely devolving into tears but it still hits me like a ton of bricks every time i realize how badly i want to talk to her and how big the hole that she left is.

[venusvenus123]

so sorry Cosmo. :(

*hugs hugs hugs*

[checkyourprez]

subtext: my best friend of over a decade (known each other since kindergarten) passed away in a car accident a few weeks ago. i'm still absolutely heartbroken. it's awful.

:(

sorry to hear. it takes time. the only real advice i can give from person experience.

[mikizee]

Sorry to hear. Always a surreal and shocking moment when one minute they're there and the next they're not.

My mum died in April, 3 days after my wedding and 2 days before my birthday. I was holding her hand when she died.

At 64 years old and a non smoker, she went to the doc with a cough. She was eventually diagnosed with lung cancer and given 6-12 months to live. She died 13 weeks to the day after being diagnosed. The cancer in her lung grew from the size of a nickel to bigger than a softball in a month. She was in so much pain she never left hospital after going in for investigation in Jan.

She was so focused on going to my wedding, she held on and seemed ok right up until the day. When she arrived on her cloud chair with the nurse something was very wrong. She wasn't with it at all. All she could so was hold my hand and say, 'I love you, I love you.' Her last words she ever spoke to me. She went back to the hospice after the ceremony and immediately lost consciousness.

I haven't even begun to deal with it yet. I suspect it will take some time.

[cosmo105]

mikizee i am so incredibly sorry to hear that. oh man, if there is one thing i've learned it is that you need to let yourself grieve. give yourself time. don't just expect the passage of time to make it better. feel the grief and let it wash over you. there is no way to go through life with unresolved grief. have you thought about seeing someone for grief counseling? it's a perfectly normal and understandable and downright necessary thing, i think.

[Lyman Zerga]

wow thats intense, sorry

[checkyourprez]

Sorry to hear. Always a surreal and shocking moment when one minute they're there and the next they're not.

My mum died in April, 3 days after my wedding and 2 days before my birthday. I was holding her hand when she died.

At 64 years old and a non smoker, she went to the doc with a cough. She was eventually diagnosed with lung cancer and given 6-12 months to live. She died 13 weeks to the day after being diagnosed. The cancer in her lung grew from the size of a nickel to bigger than a softball in a month. She was in so much pain she never left hospital after going in for investigation in Jan.

She was so focused on going to my wedding, she held on and seemed ok right up until the day. When she arrived on her cloud chair with the nurse something was very wrong. She wasn't with it at all. All she could so was hold my hand and say, 'I love you, I love you.' Her last words she ever spoke to me. She went back to the hospice after the ceremony and immediately lost consciousness.

I haven't even begun to deal with it yet. I suspect it will take some time.



teared up a little. my mom passed away a year and a half ago also succumbing to cancer. she died at home i could tell when she was very close and called my aunts and uncles and grandmother over. she died soon after everyone got there, right on the couch i had sat on so many times before. its an incredibly bewildering painful experience, but i was glad she was no longer in pain. she never complained or said whoa is me once the whole time at all through any of it. one of the most humbling inspiring things i have ever and probably will ever see.

one of the saddest things for me is that i wont get to share things like getting married with her, or grandchildren and all the rest.


life grows more complex as we age. as a kid you as so carefree and don't really concern yourself with these kinds of thoughts. but it will happen to us all at one point in one form or another. its just something we all have to come to terms with and accept. death is a part of life.

[ToucanSpam]

I'm sorry to hear about your (and mikizee's) personal loss. Someone once told me that you may not ever get over it, but you get used to it. I think the grief counseling is a tremendously brave and smart decision as it will give you an outlet to get used to the pain of your loss. You seem like you've become a pretty strong person since I joined the bbmb nine years ago, and I have a lot of respect for that. I hope you can find piece of mind over time and even though it is a horrible cliche, remember the good things that person brought to your life.

[mikizee]

its an incredibly bewildering painful experience, but i was glad she was no longer in pain. she never complained or said whoa is me once the whole time at all through any of it. one of the most humbling inspiring things i have ever and probably will ever see.

one of the saddest things for me is that i wont get to share things like getting married with her, or grandchildren and all the rest.

I think you pretty much exactly summed it up right there. It is incredibly bewildering, quite surreal and absolutely brutal. You think you're going to be prepared for it as you know its gunna happen but you're not. Well I wasn't anyway. Knowing that when I have kids I can't call her up for advice. She was the best grandmother ever for my nephew and niece. She also ran a novelty cake business on the side and the birthday cakes she made for them and us were just amazing. Staggeringly amazing. She was a total saint, she was held in very high regard by everyone as she was always trying to help others and be there for other people. We were expecting about 50-80 people at her funeral, over 500 turned up.

But we were lucky we were able to say goodbye. I feel for you cosmo as you never had the chance with your best friend. I'm sorry for that.

[Yetra Flam]

Cosmo and Mikizee I'm so so sorry for your loss.
It does take some time to deal with things.
When my mother died, I noticed that people started acting really strange around me, like they were afraid of coming near me, afraid of saying anything to me. Like I was really fragile. I didn't like that at all, and didn't want people to act strange around me so I really held all of that grief inside and pretended I was totally fine and had dealt with it. I had even convinced myself that wow, I was coping with this really well.
That was a really bad mistake.
Express your feelings however you want to, don't be made to feel that there's a certain way you SHOULD be acting when you're grieving.
CYP, like your Mom, my mom never complained either. She had actually told me that she was certain she was going to go into remission and she'd be totally fine. At the same time she was telling my aunt that she knew she didn't have long left. We had great Moms that didn't want us to worry for them :)

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I commented on this elsewhere as you know, and I stand by what I said.

It fucking sucks, but hold on. Hold on to memories, hold on to your love for her, and if you fall, remember your husband is there to help hold you up.

Hugs upon hugs upon hugs. <3