Ways you are a lousy adult.

[Waus]

I felt like I was picking on my cousin in some other thread, so full confession.

I'm a lousy adult sometimes because:

I would rather play Borderlands 2 (that I was gifted on steam) than work on a client project.

I occasionally just ignore my budget entirely and eat a dinner out I can't afford.

I let bills stack up unopened when I know I can't pay them instead of actually paying attention to what they are.

I almost never plan things, and even though I'm not really content to just stay at home I'll let myself become sedentary.

My exercise routine has more to do with what I feel like doing than what might actually be good for me - for all I know I'm setting myself up for joint failure in 5-10 years.

My diet consists of things that "sound healthy I guess" more often than actually researched or planned meals.


Whew.

[Dorothy Wood]

My apartment looks like a cartoon. I don't have a car. I hate cooking. I'm bad at saving money. I have no motivation because I still dont know what I want to be when I grow up.

I'm starting to just be okay with all of this though.

And pay your bills on time, man. I used to slack big time on that, but being on top of them the past 3 or so years has made life less stressful.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I almost never put my laundry away immediately. Sometimes it takes me up to a week.

I almost never unpack and put stuff away after a trip. It often takes me up to a week.

If my husband is out of town, I won't leave the house and I end up eating what's left in the house that I don't have to cook. Like Luna Bars and chips. The furthest I move is from the bed to the couch, then back to the bed eventually. I'm really glad he doesn't go out of town toomuch.

Sometimes I'd rather stay in and play video games than be social. When I am out, I often think about the games I could be playing.

[Rodie]

I don't like sports and I don't drink.

[Bob]

i frequently go for months without cleaning my room

[Yetra Flam]

I cant afford my own apartment and still have roommates.
My room is a mess, like really bad. I try to clean it, but can never maintain it.
I have a hard time managing my finances, I dont keep track of anything.
I dont have a car, or even a licence.
I eat candy all the time. And a lot of junk food all the time, actually.
I dont have a full time job, I have part time gigs, and do other stuff on the side and I guess its kinda working out.
Ill cook once in a while, and when I do its some real simple shit.
I do more "preparation" than cooking.
I always spill food on myself.

[Helvete]

Because I've got a kid on the way and I hate babies.

[Kid Presentable]

Checking the boards at work.
Being divorced.
Liking debt.
Drank.
Smoke.

[Waus]

And pay your bills on time, man. I used to slack big time on that, but being on top of them the past 3 or so years has made life less stressful.

See, I auto-pay most of the important ones. I just have a few that are snailmail - and when I get them and know my bank account is taking a dump I just tell them to wait.

[Waus]

I think I'd feel like a more responsible adult if I just cooked a nice dinner more often and did the dishes from that meal immediately.

I'd say that would add about 20% responsibility-feeling.

[Waus]

If my husband is out of town, I won't leave the house and I end up eating what's left in the house that I don't have to cook. Like Luna Bars and chips. The furthest I move is from the bed to the couch, then back to the bed eventually. I'm really glad he doesn't go out of town toomuch.


Yeah. When the wife is out I pretty much fall apart discipline-wise. Stay up till 4am, sleep till noon, get nothing done. All that sudden single-feeling gets out of hand.

[Bob]

See, I auto-pay most of the important ones. I just have a few that are snailmail - and when I get them and know my bank account is taking a dump I just tell them to wait.

i'd autopay, except my student loan bills are so fucking high that i can never guarantee that i'll actually have enough money in my account at any given time to pay them.

if i do it manually, i can make sure my payments coincide with my paychecks so that i can pay my bills, keep my checking account safe, and contribute to savings all at once, but if my loan bills start disappearing from my account without my explicit permission i can't keep all the balls in the air

i'll be living with roommates for the next 25 years probably :(. i make a halfway decent salary and i don't live beyond my means, but i won't make nearly enough to live alone until my loan payments stop (which will be in about 25 years). even if i get a raise, all it means is that my loan payments will go up, since i'm on an income-based repayment (which, if i didn't have, would cause me to go into default and live with my mom until i'm 60 probably so thank god for that and let's hope the republicans never find out about it)

[rirv]

Terrible with money.
Terrible with deadlines.
Terrible with bills.
Terrible at strong interpersonal relationships because I'm far too insular.
Bad at keeping in touch with people.
Poor at keeping my flat clean - by clean I mean vaguely presentable to anyone at all. Seriously, a dog would complain about living here.
Poor at forward planning.
Drink too much because it's something to do.

Great at dreaming... but a goal without a plan is just a dream.

[Waus]

i'd autopay, except my student loan bills are so fucking high that i can never guarantee that i'll actually have enough money in my account at any given time to pay them.


Ugh - tell me about it. I pay my landlord with money orders sometimes when I'm not sure if it'll bounce if I just write a check.

I guess I'm not in that special kind of poverty where a person has to get food stamps and stuff, though - so I've got that going for me. I actually asked my accountant if I could cash some of the unemployment I paid into for years.

[Waus]

I dont have a car, or even a licence.

Don't you have to have one for like, I dunno, getting into bars and stuff? Do you have a state issued ID? Can you buy drinks with a passport or a work Visa?

[Waus]

Because I've got a kid on the way and I hate babies.

Maybe it'll be different when it's yours?

I don't know - I find 98% of dogs just annoying if not downright awful, but I love our dog. Well, I still find ours a little annoying, but I love it anyways.

[Yetra Flam]

Don't you have to have one for like, I dunno, getting into bars and stuff? Do you have a state issued ID? Can you buy drinks with a passport or a work Visa?

I have a learners permit. And I have a non drivers ID too, actually, from when I first came here.

[ms.peachy]

I am mostly good at being a grown up. And I enjoy it. It does bug me a little bit that I am not financially independent - because I made a choice to put my own professional aspirations on the back burner so that my husband could take this job on the other side of the globe and all. My work options here are very limited (I do work, but I can't legally earn more than what amounts to about $1000usd per month.) So being a dependent spouse rankles a bit, but in exchange I do get to have a pretty interesting life, so I continue to try and be at peace with that.

[Dorothy Wood]

See, I auto-pay most of the important ones. I just have a few that are snailmail - and when I get them and know my bank account is taking a dump I just tell them to wait.

I hear ya, I recently had to pay my Internet bill over the phone when I was on vacation because I forgot to update my billing info and they sent me a letter and all but I was all, a letter? Eh, I'll look at it later. :o

[Waus]

I've read about 10 pages of hundreds of books that I then refer to, hoping that my reference is actually born out by a full reading.

I make no effort to hang out with people I genuinely like and would enjoy spending more time with just because I don't want to deal with logistics.

[Lyman Zerga]

i run this shit like a boss

[Helvete]

Maybe it'll be different when it's yours?

I don't know - I find 98% of dogs just annoying if not downright awful, but I love our dog. Well, I still find ours a little annoying, but I love it anyways.
Doubt it. Wasn't planned, birth control failed and I've since broken up with my girlfriend. I'm completely not ready for this and didn't want a kid now, if at all.

[MC Moot]

Although having maintained a devoted nonviolent life for many, many years I occasionally feel a strong desire to knock a man down during a confrontation or due to unacceptable behavior or actions…this passes relatively quickly and usually leaves me with a feeling of shame and failure…

[abbott]

Anger, beer, golf, weed, fishing, making boomerangs, bbmb...

Although the beers have been few and far between.

[TurdBerglar]

making boomerangs? you have to show us!

[nodanaonlyzuul]

Doubt it. Wasn't planned, birth control failed and I've since broken up with my girlfriend. I'm completely not ready for this and didn't want a kid now, if at all.

That's rough. Sorry to hear.

If you do end up with a kid, just remember that it's innocent.

The child is going to look up to you and look to you for their confidence. I'm not sure what your own relationship is like with your parents, but know that your involvement and treatment of this child will impact them to their very core. It's a lot of pressure, but I can't think of how to describe it any other way. I don't ever plan on having children, but if somehow it happened (despite me really not wanting it to) I think that's how I'd try to look at it. Think about all the hurt and pain in this world that we all experience as people, then realize that you as their Father is a chance to give support and love to another human being.

[ms.peachy]

Doubt it. Wasn't planned, birth control failed and I've since broken up with my girlfriend. I'm completely not ready for this and didn't want a kid now, if at all.

This would be a perfect time for you to have an epiphany.

[Guy Incognito]

Doubt it. Wasn't planned, birth control failed and I've since broken up with my girlfriend. I'm completely not ready for this and didn't want a kid now, if at all.

i dont think anyone (despite how much preparation or desire) is ever truly ready for it. Only advice i have for all that is to come your way is Dont panic.



I am shit at filling in forms, official stuff, banks etc. hate it. for some reason, simple questions or wordings just get me confused.

Crap with cars

Lack ambition/drive.

[Guy Incognito]

also, i have to admit that i thought the thread title was a spelling mistake by its creator and that he was telling himself off for something.

[russhie]

Doubt it. Wasn't planned, birth control failed and I've since broken up with my girlfriend. I'm completely not ready for this and didn't want a kid now, if at all.

That's difficult. I have zero sympathy for people who have unprotected sex and are all "woe is me!" when they fall pregnant. But if birth control is used...it seems unfair that the choice is ultimately made by the woman if it fails.

The idea of having a baby freaks me out and I don't think I'll ever have children but at least I get to made that decision. Couldn't imagine how awful it must feel to be forced into parenthood.

[Helvete]

I'm a decent guy, I'm going to do the decent thing. I'm meeting up with my ex this afternoon to talk about things and going with her to the hospital tomorrow for the scan. I do feel it was a bit unfair only telling me this last week when she's 12 weeks gone, but what's done is done and I can only do my best.

I've always been one to walk away from problems and disconnect my feelings and emotions, but I haven't got that option now, so time for me to face things for once!

Thanks for your comments.

[Guy Incognito]

It cant have been an easy thing to tell you.
going to the scan can be quite emotional regardless of the situation, i imagine you will need to hold her hand.
hope it all goes ok.

[checkyourprez]

saving money. i like spending it instead. but you only yolo once is the way i look at it. so fuck it. ill never get old anyways.

[Dorothy Wood]

I'm kinda glad we're all bad with money. I should go ahead and buy that couch I want, I can probs get approved for a new credit card, right? $$$


Helvete...I'm sorry about your baby, but you know it's gonna be a thing in your life forever, or it won't be. I haven't talked to my dad in like 13 years. He didn't really raise me, only really fucked me up when he was in my life, it's better when he's not around and I know other peoples who either had a father die young or leave and they're fine. You're nicer than that though, so it'll probably all be fine. You should know though, that the mother is going to be feeling and experiencing something that is profound and infinitely more difficult than anything you're feeling, so don't be too hard on her. (that said, 12 weeks?! the fuck?! that is terrifying.)

[Helvete]

I didn't mean to hijack this thread, but you're all offering some good advice so I'm going to keep replying.

I spoke to my ex yesterday, she did say at one point that she almost wished that'd she'd never told me and could do it all by herself. She even said if I wanted to walk away, I could, but I don't think I can. It's not that I doubt her abilities as a parent, far from it, she raised her nephews after her brother died since she was 15, but morally on my part, I can't walk away.

It's a really big thing for her though, probably more than I realise, she's pretty young, but she has some medical problems where she may not be able to have children in future, and if she didn't have this one, she may never be able. She also said that there's nothing she wouldn't give up for her child. She had the chance of some medical scholarship next year, now she won't be able to do that. I think it's crazy that she still would have it, but obviously this for her is on a whole level I can't understand.

The baby's chances still aren't 100%, there are still some medical issues, the hospital today isn't just a scan but to check up on her condition, I just need to be there for her no matter what.

[Waus]

I didn't mean to hijack this thread, but you're all offering some good advice so I'm going to keep replying.


I just wanted to say good on you for being responsible, making the difficult decisions. (y)

[Guy Incognito]

The baby's chances still aren't 100%, there are still some medical issues, the hospital today isn't just a scan but to check up on her condition, I just need to be there for her no matter what.


Going for scans and check ups can be daunting as they have to talk about and inform and warn about all kinds of issues.
I am fairly sure no one gets told that their babies chances are 100%, just remember that the staff are always being cautious for the health of everyone involved. try not to get too worried. They really are doing the best for you. Try and remember that they do this all the time for lots of pregnant people.

And yes that is all you can do. BE there, listen and keep calm.

more power to you for doing this helvete.

[hpdrifter]

Doubt it. Wasn't planned, birth control failed and I've since broken up with my girlfriend. I'm completely not ready for this and didn't want a kid now, if at all.

Oh this breaks my heart. I've been through a crisis pregnancy. I had a baby with someone I was in the middle of a divorce with. I love my sweet, perfect baby boy but that is a situation I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I hope the best for you both. Please put that sweet innocent baby's needs first. It is so delicate and helpless. It didn't ask for this.

[Helvete]

Soooo, my ex lost the baby last weekend. She'd been having complications and having to deal with some health issues, (she needs surgery soon) so things weren't going well. I don't really know how I feel about it, I'd started to prepare for the fact I was going to have a child (a boy, her scan the other week actually found out she was 16 weeks gone), she'd even started to show a small bump. But now it's all over.

She was completely broken up about it, thinking she is a failure, and this may have been the only chance of her having a child due to her health issues, so it's all the worse for her. When we first met up and discussed the options, abortion came up, but when I thought about it, there was no way I could have ever asked her to do that. I guess some guys would have tried to force that choice on someone, but I couldn't. I really started to enjoy the fact I might have a son.

I guess that's it then. I feel bad because initially I said I couldn't do it, and now I don't have to, almost like I subconsciously willed for this to happen. She's still got a lot to go through and me, well that's it, no change and back to normal.

Anyway, thanks for all your help, you've been really nice to me!

[Adam]

Missed this thread until now, reading through it I had a reply in mind but Hel's issues kinda trumps it all. Sorry to hear about the baby, sucks although you're not prepared for it. Obvious conflicting feelings as even though you're ex's you still liked each other enough to let your genitals touch.

Anyway. Good luck with all that, I wouldn't know how to handle it.

But for back on trackness:

making boomerangs? you have to show us!

I have one actually! It's even hanging on a hook in the room I'm sat in right now. Abbott threw it and it didn't come back... Or not. Was one of the Secret Santa things. I have a confession and only used it once, threw it towards the sea but it didn't come back so swam out to get it. Think I was doing it wrong as I didn't have the instructions Ab drew for me.

[Waus]

I guess that's it then. I feel bad because initially I said I couldn't do it, and now I don't have to, almost like I subconsciously willed for this to happen. She's still got a lot to go through and me, well that's it, no change and back to normal.

I'm really sorry this happened to the two of you. I admire your willingness to assume fatherhood, and I hope that will be a strength you can take with you to when you are actually ready and it actually happens.

[cosmo105]

Good lord, what a rollercoaster of a thread. That poor gal. Good of you to aim to do the right thing, Helvete.

-I can be very messy and leave my clothes in a pile on my side of the bedroom, but I've gotten way better about that and only occasionally do that.
-I'm not great with money. I mean, I'm not terrible about it, I have good credit and all, but I've just never been good at reigning in my desires to have cute clothes that I feel good in or expensive boutique food ingredients. I have to remind myself that I live on student loan money right now.
-I can be laaaaazy. I've gotten better about it, but man, I used to take a sick day and do NOTHING all day at the drop of a hat. I can't really afford to do that what with school now, but I used to relish that shit. Now it doesn't really appeal to me much, but when I do get a day completely off of everything I live it UP on the couch.
-I can't really hold my liquor. I'm a total lightweight and always end up with a hangover if I've had more than two drinks, because I always forget my tolerance level is so low and think I can keep drinking. I always wake up terrified that I've said something embarrassing or acted annoying. I'm almost always just being paranoid, but I hate that feeling so much.


I will say that one thing that I am enjoying the most about getting older is giving less and less of a fuck what people think about me. I remember being 23 and having a 27-year-old boyfriend that was way more confident than I, and him saying that he really didn't care about others' opinion of him at all and that blew my MIND. I thought, wow, I'll never be that confident. He swore that I would as I got older and he was totally right. And I'm so much happier!

[Waus]

I always wake up terrified that I've said something embarrassing or acted annoying. I'm almost always just being paranoid, but I hate that feeling so much.


Hah, oh geez that's me too. After 2 drinks I start to think "man, these aren't doing anything for me - better just keep drinking." Not to mention that I generally just drink liquids all day (you know, water, tea, whatever) so it feels natural to just keep on getting more. In my head I'm still articulate and witty and so I keep talking to friends about increasingly personal topics and by the next morning I wake up and I'm suddenly really scared that I said things I might not have meant to - or that to more sober minds I was actually a rambling drunk.

Then recently I was at a big group camping thing where we didn't have anything to drink, and I realized I woke up 65% as scared just because I'd sort of opened up and talked without being self-conscious. So maybe it's not alcohol at all.