Kids & online privacy

[russhie]

It's my nephew's second birthday today and I was just flicking through his mother's FB page reading the happy birthday messages to him. His grandad (jokingly, I hope) wrote that he couldn't find my nephew's FB page which got me thinking about a generation of kids who will have lives documented entirely online - literally from conception to whenever they get old/wise enough to filter their online identity.

In this particular case, there are ultrasounds, hospital pics, studio shots, first steps/words/playtime at the park/pool and beyond - this person even posted a picture (made more attractive with filters) of her son using his asthma puffer (!!). It's all documented on FB, available to hundreds of followers and her page (to my knowledge) includes a phone number and has lax privacy settings.

FB is a great place to share exciting things with an audience beyond immediate friends and family, and keep in touch with far flung relatives, but...aside from the newsfeed irritation it causes "friends" who don't think your little peanut is as precious as you do, I think the whole privacy/security thing is a little concerning. We used to be able to hide those embarrassing photo albums and most of us never knew what our parents really thought of us in all our tantrum throwing toddler glory - now all that is searchable, downloadable and forever stored somewhere on the web. I guess I just hate the overexposure of kids who don't have a choice, especially in a society which is increasingly more image conscious and sexualised. Also, bad people!

[TurdBerglar]

facebook is horrible. or at least it's used horribly a lot of the times. desperate attention seekers exposing their "lives" for everyone to see. it's really strange especially if you're using your kids for attention seeking. I think it's become a way for people to feel slightly famous and to feel superficially wanted and to show off.

[ms.peachy]

I don't think there is any one way that people use Faceboook (or any other social media.) Absolutely there are over-sharers out there, whether that means in terms of talking about their kids, or updating Twitter every time they take a dump, or whatever. But most people I'm connected to seem to use these things fairly judiciously. I have one friend who is a bit of a drama queen and I do roll my eyes sometimes at the ridiculous stuff she goes on about, but the fact is she'd be a drama queen even without this platform so, so what. She's also funny and silly and I like her, so when she's on about something dumb, I can just scroll past it.

I really don't understand statements like this:
"aside from the newsfeed irritation it causes "friends" who don't think your little peanut is as precious as you do, "
No one is forced to be 'friends' with anyone else, so if you don't like these people and their kids, why are you 'friends' with them? I honestly can't get enough of seeing my friends' families, and hearing about what they are up to. It's pretty much the main reason I am on it really, to keep up with everyone I know in all these different parts of the world and see the Halloween costumes, the Christmas mornings, the snippets of the class play, photos from the holiday in the mountain cabin, etc etc. Why complain about what other people choose to post? You don't have to stay 'friends' with anyone if you don't like what they post, and you don't even have to read it or respond to it if you do keep them on.What's the big deal?

[Dorothy Wood]

I love pictures of people so I don't care about a million pics. I only get annoyed if they're shitty/grainy and you can't tell what's going on. Especially shitty fuzzy pics of chicks that are followed by "you're so beautiful!!!!" type comments. It's like what is there Vaseline on the lens I can't see shit!

As for kids, I think in the future it'll just be normal to have your life online. I know a mom who is an oversharer, but she doesn't post pics of her kids at all, on principle. I find myself actually wishing I could see what they look like (she moved across the country 2 years ago, so I only ever met the first baby and now she's 3).

As for attention seeking, I feel it's dissipated somewhat. I don't see nearly as many mindless posts or self portraits as I used to...but maybe I've just got classy friends. And like I said I like pictures anyway so even selfies don't really bother me. The older I get, the more hesitant I am to post anything about myself so I just try to be funny or weird. And sometimes when I post a pic of myself I get self conscious about enjoying any positive attention. The embarrassment makes me avoid posting pics. But not of my cat! :D

[russhie]

Ms Peachy, I think you may have misunderstood what I was trying to say - by "friends" I meant people who are an FB friend only, not someone you'd normally catch up with or keep updated with family goings on. I just meant it in a "why would you choose to share pictures of your kid with someone who isn't actually a friend" kind of way. It bothers me to have this particular person as a friend on FB, however it's not worth the problems it will cause me to completely remove her from my friends list (I blocked her from my newsfeed a while ago for reasons unrelated to photo sharing).

Beyond that, I wasn't trying to bitch about oversharing or attention seeking - put what you like on there, the block function is mighty handy! I was simply wondering about how people feel about the online privacy of their kids, and used this person's family as an example. Most people wouldn't sit on their front porch showing strangers pictures of their child, telling them about the time that they...! I personally find it strange that some people wouldn't think twice about putting pictures of their kids on a page that included contact details and was accessible beyond the person's "friends" list. As adults, we choose to share our lives online, but children don't, and there's no simple way to erase things later.

That's all I was curious about, if this is a consideration for people when they share their kids' lives digitally - as I don't have children, the perspective of someone who is a parent is interesting.

DW - I love seeing people's pictures and hate the shitty fuzzy pic comments too, though I do get a tad embarrassed about sharing cat pics sometimes as my friends might think I'm weird, ha.

[Waus]

The older I get, the more hesitant I am to post anything about myself so I just try to be funny or weird. And sometimes when I post a pic of myself I get self conscious about enjoying any positive attention. The embarrassment makes me avoid posting pics. But not of my cat! :D

Yeah. I looked back at pictures I used to post to this or that and blushed. It wasn't consciously vain, but definitely subconsciously. I scrolled through some old folders - even pictures I took just playing with my camera, I was like "why did I take all these?"

[ms.peachy]

Ms Peachy, I think you may have misunderstood what I was trying to say - by "friends" I meant people who are an FB friend only, not someone you'd normally catch up with or keep updated with family goings on. I just meant it in a "why would you choose to share pictures of your kid with someone who isn't actually a friend" kind of way.

I guess I don't understand why anyone would have someone as a "FB friend only" who isn't someone you would want to hang out with in the meat world. I mean I may not be able to hang out physically with all the people I am friends with on FB for whatever reason (geography, mainly), but I'm not 'FB friends' with anyone I wouldn't want to, like, sit down and have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine with and chat about life and talk about everyday stuff with from time to time. What would be the point? My FB friends are, you know, my friends. For example, the people from here who I am linked to whom I've never met face to face are people I'd totally be happy to sit down and chill with and have a good old fashioned chat.

I do understand your larger point about sharing too much personal info and I am judicious about what I choose to post. For instance, when my daughter was very little, I might have posted something along the lines of "Yay, finally, a poop!" when she was potty training. Because I don't think that's something that would be mortally embarrassing when she's older, or is a big invasion of her privacy - it's just sharing a sentiment that I promise you, most parents will understand feels very victorious, but isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. (I would not, however, post a photo of said poop - because that's just nasty. Although I am sure there are parents who would.) Now that kiddo is much older, I would certainly not post something like "She has been constipated for 4 days and just made a turd the side of Rhode Island!" because for sure, that is something that should be private and it wouldn't be right to put that out there for other people to know. The boundaries do shift and change.

[abbott]

i am probably rated as liberal on this, but I draw some lines with my kids.

my 5 and 10 year old both have I phones that only work with wi-fi. My 10 year old has a facebook account.

Anyway I posted a photo on facebook over christmas. One of my wife's cousins tags my 10 year old in it so her younger girls will see it, because her younger girls also have hi tech toys and fb friends with my daughter. Anyway once Ava was tagged in it, people who I did not want seeing this started commenting and liking. It is fucking tricky. But I say you can beat it or join it. We made some account setting changes and deleted a few friends and we're good till the next episode.

[Bob]

the presidents that come from my generation and beyond are going to be the boringest people. i know that my chances of public office evaporated about a thousand dirty jokes on facebook ago

assuming we survive this obama guy, am i right?

[Kid Presentable]

I love it all. The people I love, the cats, clueless herbs, people who complain incessantly, interesting folks I've met through BBMB, jocks, meth heads, people I went to school with, girls I've slept with, vain people, older relatives who are over earnest in their use of the medium, bands. It's all good. Aside from the meaningful connections, how could anyone with even a hint of a voyeuristic streak not enjoy it on some level?

[fonky pizza]

facebook is horrible. or at least it's used horribly a lot of the times. desperate attention seekers exposing their "lives" for everyone to see. it's really strange especially if you're using your kids for attention seeking. I think it's become a way for people to feel slightly famous and to feel superficially wanted and to show off.

LIKE(y)

[checkyourprez]

the presidents that come from my generation and beyond are going to be the boringest people. i know that my chances of public office evaporated about a thousand dirty jokes on facebook ago

assuming we survive this obama guy, am i right?

thats racist dog.

[Bob]

you're funny you should do standup

[checkyourprez]

you know, sometimes i think, i think this bob guy does stand up, and if he can do it, i can do it.

(y)