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Adam 12-02-2016 04:11 AM

So I have a crush on someone at work and reminded me of this place because I pretty much pined through my teens and early twenties here as if having a crush on someone was the hardest thing in life.

I'm not acting on this one. I'm in a relationship of nearly six years, very happyy and my crush is very similar to my partner.

Who'd funk that you'd still get crushes in your late 30s.

TAL 12-03-2016 11:53 AM

Re: Crushes
I'm in my 40s, still happens.

Fern 12-09-2016 04:25 PM

Re: Crushes
Was it me who they reminded you of?

Dorothy Wood 12-09-2016 04:31 PM

Re: Crushes
Haaaa, funny to see this. I feel summoned here! Came here for similar reasons, though I feel like this place isn't anonymous enough anymore for details.

Are you going to tell your partner? I was reading a bit about whether or not it's good to discuss crushes when they come up. I think it's pretty common...well, according to the thousands of results when googling the issue.

The current situation just cropped'll probably pass. Lord knows I've had plenty of crushes. I realize they kinda never go away either, a lot of the dudes I've talked about over the years are still in my life as good friends. The new one is also in a committed relationship. Very unexpected connection that I think surprised us both, we got along so well on a business trip that by the end I think we both were embarrassed by it. And he just kept smiling at me and laughing at all my jokes, I felt why is this happening, I don't want this feeling! I think it may have just been an isolated situation where you are with the same people for days and nature takes over and you bond with the most viable mate. At the last lunch, we were flirting accidentally like junior high style and caught ourselves and stopped. I think it'll turn out that we just become good friends. My boyfriend is great, I don't want to ruin shit.

Adam 12-30-2016 01:43 PM

Re: Crushes
I'm over mine now. Turns out just a passing thing.

And no, didn't tell my partner. It's probably common but probably best unspoken.

ericg 12-31-2016 08:17 AM

Re: Crushes
that funky cold medina ... watch out!

Bob 12-31-2016 01:42 PM

Re: Crushes

Originally Posted by Adam (Post 1819306)
I'm over mine now. Turns out just a passing thing.

And no, didn't tell my partner. It's probably common but probably best unspoken.

almost definitely

celebrity crushes are fine

crushes on people you see every day and could conceivably actually act on are a bit different

Dorothy Wood 01-02-2017 01:22 PM

Re: Crushes
I'm wondering why celebrity crushes are fine? Because it could never really happen?

My crush thing was very terrible for a week or so, emotionally draining, guilt-inducing. It felt very involuntary, I did not want to feel gooey feelings, but I did. I haven't seen the guy in a couple weeks due to holiday and business travel, and I pretty much just forgot about him (or at least the looping thoughts of him disappeared) so I think everything will be fine.

Life is weird. I just read through a bunch of my old crush threads, and there is one that I talked about a lot that is still somehow around. NYE, I went out alone (bf had to work, bffs out of town), I saw him at a local bar, I stayed away until I was ready to leave, then approached him...he was basically like "the timing of life sucks", acknowledging our ships passing in the night situation, and told me "I'm friends with your boyfriend now, he's a nice guy", I said "I know, that's pretty fucking weird, man". Anyway, that's a little bit of closure on that front, at least, after 11 years, for us both to be like "hey we coulda, but we didn't, life goes on".

These guys probably snore anyway.

Bob 01-05-2017 07:21 PM

Re: Crushes

Originally Posted by Dorothy Wood (Post 1819317)
I'm wondering why celebrity crushes are fine? Because it could never really happen?

basically. i think that for most people, if your partner for real went out and slept with a celebrity you'd actually be pretty mad


Originally Posted by Adam (Post 1819259)
because I pretty much pined through my teens and early twenties here as if having a crush on someone was the hardest thing in life.

same. feels pretty dumb now lol

TurdBerglar 01-05-2017 09:09 PM

Re: Crushes
If a SO was able to fuck her celebrity crush I don't think i'd be mad. Like how the fuck could you hold someone back from that? I think I'd be high fiving her if she got to fuck whoever the current male celebrity stud is.

If katy perry wanted to fuck me how the hell am I suppose to say no to that!

Adam 01-10-2017 09:52 AM

Re: Crushes
In a turn of events, I will now be partnered up with the person at work. Still over her though.

Dorothy Wood 01-10-2017 10:04 PM

Re: Crushes
I don't think I'd want to sleep with a celebrity. If my dude fucked a celebrity, I'd kinda be impressed that I'm dating someone who's charming enough to bang celebs.

I told my mom about all my crush problems and she was like "yeah, that's normal", so I'm not that freaked out anymore.

Adam, maybe she can be your "work wife"? I just heard about "work spouses" on the Internet fairly recently, not sure I fully get it. But it's a thing I guess.

Adam 01-11-2017 06:00 AM

Re: Crushes
I already have a work wife which is platonic and safer.

Dorothy Wood 01-11-2017 12:20 PM

Re: Crushes
Oh, I thought I read there might be an element of sexual tension with work spouses. I guess I don't really know what it means. I thought maybe my crush could be a work husband instead...though he is in a role that assists mine, so maybe that doesn't work. Oh well, I don't know. Life is hard.

In other crush news, I feel like another dude at work has one on me based on how he's been kinda rude to me, like he's mad. But we have been getting along...I'm like ok 6th grade much? I'm not used to being around so many heterosexual males.

Documad 01-11-2017 08:10 PM

Re: Crushes
I've had two consecutive work husbands. Definitely platonic. No interest in either direction beyond that.

A few of us were talking about this last night. I think one of my female work friends has a work son now. That's not something I put a name to before last night.

Adam 01-12-2017 03:28 AM

Re: Crushes
Look at me logging on two days in a row to check this thread - it's like 2003 again :)

Not my current work but in previous roles we've gone as far as work-siblings, work-cousins... it got kinda ridiculous. We was very bored though (which was the Civil Service for ya).

My work-wife is platonic for sure. Always have been.

I'm probably not over the crush either now that we're working together. I'm seeing no harm in it though. I feel like I have a pretty strong moral compass and she is way more moral than me so nothing could ever happen.

Dorothy Wood 01-12-2017 07:20 PM

Re: Crushes
Hmm, I think I definitely had work sisters (or wives?) at my last job, and I think I fired a person who was my work son...he kinda treated me like his mother.

I don't know what's going to happen at my new workplace, it's much larger, more competitive, and ambiguous. I am developing work bros, which is good, because for a couple months there I felt like I could die of a heart attack in the middle of the work day and nobody would notice.

It's interesting how things play out. Maybe one dude could turn out to be my platonic work husband. We have been communicating pretty well and expediting a big project this week while everyone else is like "what do we do?" He's in charge, and I'm new, but I'm used to being in charge, so it's working out. Pretty much not attracted to eachother though, as far as I can tell. Just numbers nerds.

I am keeping my moral compass as well, I don't even know that I even want to do anything at all when it comes down to physical matters. I don't really want to get to know another body, or have another person get to know mine. I have a good thing going at home in that regard. I really wish my hormones would just shut up.

Dorothy Wood 02-08-2017 07:22 PM

Re: Crushes
Oh of course I'm the last poster. God damn it! Talk about your crushes and work husbands and work wives and work children! :p

abbott 02-09-2017 03:21 PM

Re: Crushes
Go for him.

abbott 02-09-2017 03:24 PM

Re: Crushes
Worst case you hang out with a guy that you work well with that you realize he needs you more than you need him.

Best case you realize you need each other

Dorothy Wood 02-11-2017 02:21 PM

Re: Crushes
Very mysterious advice, thank you abbott.

I am not going for him at this time.

Things are weird, it turns out we have several mutual friends, and things in common that are uncommon. Also, turns out he dated a friend of mine for a few years, and before that she had dated a suitor I had previously rejected. And our exes are friends who play music together. Adds a very dense layer to the acquaintanceship.

Long story short, I now believe this man is my son, sent back from the future to kill me. So I'm going to try to work harder on developing my current relationship instead. :p

Manticore 02-12-2017 05:39 PM

Re: Crushes

Originally Posted by TAL (Post 1819270)
I'm in my 40s, still happens.

You right

Myu-to 02-16-2017 06:06 PM

Re: Crushes
I miss this place, and the wonderful people.

Crushes? I use to crush on the girls, the ladies, with the sweet asses or what have you, but now I get cruses on a comfy beds, snugly warm up pants, and people not talking to me during my tv shows.

Dorothy Wood 03-29-2017 11:04 AM

Re: Crushes
lol this crush is destroying my mental health. I'm getting through it though. It's hard to understand what is going on.
How's yours, Adam?

Dorothy Wood 03-29-2017 11:39 AM

Re: Crushes
I mean like does free will exist? What is love? Is there a god? Is there fate? Are there psychic forces at work or is everything a choice?

Adam 03-30-2017 03:15 AM

Re: Crushes
I'm not over my crush - I did declare I was but I wasn't. Now that we are working together I've learned we have even more in common. But she is leaving work in a couple of months she told me (not handed in notice yet but will). So it will be sad to see her go.

Our job includes overnight stays in other cities and the last one it was just me and her, I decided to go out for a walk and I nearly text to say do you fancy it but then I felt weird about doing that so I went alone.

Last night I had a dream that she was staying at our house and she was walking around mostly naked. I feel bad for my partner that I have this crush.
  • I think free will does exist - I won't act on this crush unless in the very unlikely event I become single
  • Nope, no god
  • Fate is just what humans make up coincidence when actually the world is just random
  • We have choice but so many things stop is being impulsive (morals, anxiety) it seems restrictive to the point we don't anymore

Dorothy Wood 03-30-2017 02:32 PM

Re: Crushes
I feel bad for my partner too...this situation has lead to some very serious discussions though, and we've addressed some issues that maybe needed to be talked about. I admitted to feeling like I'm wandering away mentally. And I considered ending things, but the idea made me so depressed I was on the verge of crying all the time. And I truly love my dude. So we are working on things.

There is something mystical about this other kid though, we are very connected, still are getting along so well it's weird. I think we are managing to be friends, with respect to our significant others...or at least trying to be respectful. Definitely shady* though, no way around that unfortunately. I think the initial puppy love chemicals are wearing off at least.

*shady in that we are attempting friendship, when I guess if I were to take the moral high ground, I would just stay away?

Also, we have not discussed anything at all relating to any kind of feelings. I said "I feel like I've known you forever" at a work party when we had some drinks and were chatting for a long long time, and he said "yeah". That's it. It's more just a thing hanging in the air.

Adam 03-31-2017 02:18 PM

Re: Crushes
Your crush sounds more intense than mine. There is a connection but nothing mystical. I just know we get on and she it totally the type of person I dig. It's fantasy for me.

My partner & I are solid though. We have moments but never anything serious that would bring an end.

Dorothy Wood 03-31-2017 02:48 PM

Re: Crushes
Haha, yeah, it's the worst thing that's ever happened!

I'm solid with my dude but there are some differences that won't change. Basically I am a scrappy practical DIY person with a working class upbringing, he is the child of academics. This other guy has a similar background to me, and he drives trucks and stuff. I dunno. Time will tell. I'm trying not to be a jerk. Relationships involve a lot more than sharing skills and hobbies, obviously.

Dorothy Wood 04-14-2017 04:08 PM

Re: Crushes
I give up. This is a stupid situation and I hate that it happened. I don't know what I was thinking, I feel like I was under a spell and now I'm not.

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