Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

I made a short playlist of songs that I think represent our relationship. I wouldn't play them for him, of course. He doesn't like music with lyrics. It's just for me, so I can have something to listen to while hanging out in the crabapple tree in his backyard.

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

You could just fall from the tree then.

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

I don't want to look stupid, mike!

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

And I suppose walking around with scissors in your mouth accentuates your vast brainpower!

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

It shows that I'm sharp.

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

Does he have a pool? If you pretend to drown, you might just be able to squeeze a little CPR action out of this. That's like 2nd base.

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

I'll think of something this weekend and let you know how it turns out.

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

no one liked my haiku :(

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

we do doubt it!

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

I'm not sure why that tickled me so much, but it did.(y)

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

I have a feeling the Vulcan has taken her away.

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

they were gonna go on a date with her boyfriend. i bet they all did sex

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

This situation has gotten complicated. If you're interested, Vulkan and I have grown close and I don't know what's going on there. He seems to want more from me but I feel ripped in two and neither half of me seems like enough to give anyone.

My boyfriend and I are going through some problems. He has a chronic disease, we found out. It's ruining his life and I feel sorry for him but I am having trouble feeling stronger feelings for him than that. But I can't leave him now he has a disease! How horrible would that be? He can't work and he's depressed and has no money, and depends on me. He's says we'll be together forever and claims to be good for me. I know that's probably true but I'm so unhappy. He met Vulkan but has forgotten about him now that he has bigger issues to deal with. He talks about suicide but aaahhh I don't think he's serious! But I can't tell how deep his depression goes, he shuts me out so rudely!

Vulkan has suggested that he wouldn't have allowed himself to get so close to me if he didn't mean it, and that's flattering. But I'm not sure what more he wants from me. I think he imagines that this is how dating starts. I feel so peaceful with him. It's not romantic but it's liberating in a way.

This is Friday. I hate Fridays because the weekend is coming and I'll have to be home for extended periods of time.

I think I want to run away from my life, be alone. I don't think I'm good enough to be with anyone. I should live alone for the rest of my life and stay out of other people's lives.

Merry Christmas!!

:D

Honestly, though, I'm doing okay. I'm happy at work. I'm happy when I have my free time to do what I want.

I've taken up a new hobby. I make tiny sculptures out of found metal junk that I solder together. I might start selling them.

I'm teaching a little girls' ballet class. I choreographed their winter recital and dudes, it was SO CUTE!

I'm writing more stories and actually finishing them. Most of them have some kind of fantasy element to them, which is odd because I've never been a fan of fantasy writing. I guess I just get bored with the usual stuff about real life, I end up adding a supernatural element.

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

unicorns?

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

we should all run away together. the bbmb misfits of society. im thiiiiiiiis close to becoming a hobo myself. i get kinda sick of fighting and struggling. life would be great on a farm or something. i want to live close to nature. i want to ride a tractor. this place better have central heating.

in all serousness, the "I think I want to run away from my life, be alone. I don't think I'm good enough to be with anyone. I should live alone for the rest of my life and stay out of other people's lives" thing... thats bs. ive heard that and ive said that. that feeling comes from the guilt of staying with someone that you know deep down you probably shouldnt be with even though you have love for them.

i dont think you'd be any happier with vulkan. he's interesting to you and all that but really, subconsciously he's just an escape.

ive been in a very similar situation and i ended up spending the best year of my life "alone". but there will come the time when you yearn to be part of a team again, once the past has melted away a bit /obvious

ps: keep writing and doing things that are you... you're on the right path. /pastor bionic

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

whoa.

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

Me too on the nature thing! I would love to live surrounded by beautiful scenery. Mountains, evergreens, snow, and maybe live in a large but cozy log cabin. But see, I wouldn't want to be alone there because I'd want someone else to chop wood for the fireplace. My hands are delicate, I blister.

No matter how hard things get in my relationship, I just don't ever want to deal with breaking up. The division of things, finding a new place to live, worrying about how he'll manage without me, feeling like the bad guy. I don't want to feel like the bad guy or have his family hate me. I felt like that before and I don't ever want to do it again.

Vulkan gave me a Christmas present and I was so shocked I thought I was going to pass out. I actually felt dizzy, and blackness was tunnelling my vision for a few seconds. I think it was a bit of that flush of doing something wrong where you feel terrified, but also I was so touched and excited, it was thrilling.
And then I opened it and it was just a gift card, which was so impersonal I was almost embarrassed. A jewelry store. I wonder if he actually went in there with the intention of buying me jewelry and then gave up. I have no idea. He seems like the kind of person who would just give cash anyway, so I don't know. Plus, I sort of work for him in a way and all the doctors give me gifts around this time but usually it's like some cookies their wives made, or an ornament.

I got him some sunglasses, but it was kind of a joke gift and now I don't know if it's a good idea anymore. They look like ray ban way farers, and I thought it would make him smile on the inside, which is usually the only way he smiles. I guess he's like Tyra Banks, he smiles with his eyes. Ha! He's like Tyra Banks!

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

In my opinion, someone is setting themselves up for a world of hurt for a long time, based on what they are sharing.

Re: I work with a Vulkan
 

i know, thats rough.. but they're gonna be mad or not eventually anyway. i might be more mad at someone staying with someone i care about when they know there's no future. maybe you should just make your boyfriend dump you.. stop flushing toilets, leave used tampons around, start farting 'accidentally' around him, don't brush your teeth when you're around him, get really naggy...

whoa man, that jewelry store gift certificate is kinda heavy.. i dunno. i dont think id buy anything for a woman at a jewelry store unless something was up. couldnt he have just bought you a bed bath and beyond gift cert or someshit?

i have this fantasy of moving somewhere out in the middle of nowhere and being one of those guys who hunts and fishes (maybe just fishing) for food all the time, have a vegetable garden, burn wood for heat, smash up my modems and live off the grid. fuck chopping wood though... chainsaws!