Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

I am going to Chicago this weekend to visit some friends of mine I've known since high school. They are both dudes, one of whom I've had sexual tension with literally since we've known eachother. We used to make out at parties and stuff back in the day, but nothing ever progressed beyond a little grabassing. Now that we're both single, and since we don't live in the same place / have to see eachother regularly (unless we choose to), I'm probably going to do him.

Rebound fling with a good friend - what are your thoughts?

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

Just as bad - do you want to possibly alienate yourself from another person you are close with?

My friend and I came so close to the edge (literally - use your imagination), and we opted not to. We had the chance to burn off some sexual tension (also did the same when I visited her during a crazy weekend in NYC)....and it is nice to know each other naked, in a way it made us closer without all the fuss sex brings.

We are both very thankful we didn't make that mistake, it can make you think you are entitled to more than a friendship when all you need is the friendship.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

Hmmmm...

I know something is going to happen. Perhaps not the p in v.

So ks, you guys hooked up but didn't have sex, is that correct?

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

If you call getting naked and doing everything other than intercourse hooking up - then yes

Like I said we were on the edge - things touched and just a little shift and wiggle would have been kapow!

We don't reminisce on the experience out of respect for our significant others. But it definitely has made us closer in the sense of being open about things which does not include expressing our feelings for each other on an intimate level. We know we are just friends and we love each other as such.

Beware - you might be enticed to brag about this to your ex (either directly or indirectly) as a way to show you're new found (and semi-superficial) independence as a way to generate jealousy.

Have fun, but keep in mind - you just broke up with someone you really loved and yearn for that kind of connection and it won't be there.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

I am absolutely never going to tell the ex anything about my encounters that are to follow our relationship. That's not my style, and it's not his, either.

I appreciate hearing about your experience. I have thought about going the sexy-time-but-no-sex route. I've been telling myself that if we are going to do some things, we might as well do it all, but I know that actual sex is a lot different than the rest of it. So I don't know...we'll see what happens.

We're both fragile little lambs right now and we care about eachother a lot, so I don't think feelings will get hurt. You're right about it not being a replacement for what I had with my ex...I know it could never be.

So yeah, thanks for your advice.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

I say forget about men in general. They are too complicated. You are looking for trouble, little girl!:D

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

No doubt, and trouble has a penis.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

i don't think guys make pure friendships with females, anyways. i mean it happens but very rarely. if a guy is a "friend" with a female, nine times out of ten it's because he would like to fuck said female. and apparently mr grabass wouldn't mind getting something from you that's not within the friendship zone. just something to think about.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

Oh I know he wants to get in it. He has for years and he is aware that the feeling is mutual. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I do want to do him. We've talked about it and are on the same page. Our highest mutual priority is seeing eachother and having fun and not doing things that will jeopardize our friendship, so I think in the end, whatever happens will turn out okay.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

what im saying is, are you two friends because of the sexual tension? or are you genuine friends? would you two still be friends if there were no strong attractions from either side?

would this guy still be interesting enough to you to be friends with without the sexual tension? if not then have at him. if you're genuine friends with just a dusting of mutual horniness then stay pure friends.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

I think we would be friends regardless of the attraction, but probably wouldn't talk as often as we do now. The sexual tension has definitely contributed to the longevity of our friendship.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

so how much of a real/pure friendship is this?

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

Dang, I don't think you've ever grilled me like this!

I'd honestly say it's 50% genuine friendliness, 50% sexual attraction. We've lived in different states and still kept in contact for the last 9 years, so there's no way that could have happened if we didn't care for eacthother as friends first and foremost. But, that being said, I think part of the reason we've both made the effort to stay in touch is because we've both always wanted something a little more.

It's hard to explain...:o

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

yeah this is a toughie.

i was thinking if this was a relationship that happened because you were just both keeping each other on the back burner for some possible ass then go ahead and have at him.

but keeping in touch for nine years seems a long time to keep something simmering on the back burner. so it's probably more than just a back burner friendship.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

I hate when people say this! I have several guy friends whom I've known for years and years and I've never been attracted to any of them.

on that note, this guy I have been friends with over the last few months asked me to go for a run on Friday and then dinner afterwards. do you think he wants to bang?

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

I agree - honestly some of my strongest friendships were with females. I've always found my female friends easier to talk with....very different dynamic between the two sexes when it comes to relating with them.

There were many times we hung out in what some would consider potentially intimate situations -had a friend do the couch brigade at my place for 3 months, in our pajamas, showering while I hung out with a cup of coffee and cigarette, and even skinny dipping. Many opportunities arose and nothing happened.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

Disagree with turd. Most of my friends are female. I've been attracted to some of them because they are attractive people but I wouldn't want to lose their friendship over something I know will be a bit of fun then loads of awkwardness for years to come. But that is cus it's just I have an attraction to women in general.

BUT

If it is genuine sexual tension and you're both single and you think it might lead somewhere you wanna be, then go for it. And I'm sure if you're friends you can sorta discuss this before going too far.

You know you're state of mind - if it's just a rebound that you want them some dude in a bar would be best. If this is a possible relationship you've thought about before and he has then it really could work. Also, it could be the thing you're looking for. Someone living not too close so no choice but to take it slow while you get over the other dude. You don't have to do the dirty this weekend; you could just dry hump or something and then agree to meet up another time and then do him.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

Women who can't get envolved with men no matter what they do are heroes.:p

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

(y)

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

imo, rebound sex is great, but rebound sex with a friend could get complicated. i assume he knows you're rebounding and if he's a good friend as you've mentioned, then he's probably not out to hurt you in any way and he's probably going to be more gentle (emotionally, not sexually) than a random rebound. this makes me think that it wouldn't be the most terrible idea. BUT, the other peoples here have a point. if you can wait to get sexual, you might want to try that.

i feel like in these situations, ive always made mistakes, no matter what path i've taken, so i honestly don't know if it's a good idea or not. you're a pretty and smart lady, so i think that through all these hard times, you'll do fine.

hehe "hard" times. :o im 12.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

I want sex, it's been far too long.

I don't think I'm bad looking, a little too fat for most people maybe but I'm pretty fit atm, decent enough in bed and will always provide cab fare.

Maybe I will send a few inappropiate texts to my friends, see if they bite. :o

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

dip,

this ain't gonna sound nice, but i've been there--

you sound like someone who feels like shit and wants to do something drastic and crazy just for the drama and craziness that will distract you from obsessed thinking about your ex AND self-pitifulness. yeah, you can screw your pal, prob not a good idea, or it can end up no big deal.

but it sure ain't gonna help or make you feel any better. you have to move forward, but NOT impatiently. what, you need a guy to make you feel better? slapping a new sex partner/romance on like a band-aid is just desperate.

again, ain't sayin don't do it. just don't ya think it's gonna do ya any good. and after all your recent heartache, i'd love to see ya focus on doing some good for yourself.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

wow, ddd is really craving the cock.

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

but why isn't getting some good for her? i would think that satisfying a sexual craving is perfectly healthy, especially if she's fully aware that that's all that it is. i don't think every time a person goes through a breakup and then has a rebound that it's because you're trying to slap a bandaid on your heartbreak. it's about getting off. maybe im missing something?

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

I agree with Tejana. However, if you don't mind about the consequences, then do it. Hihi.:p

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

Nah, I'm not like that. I really feel my feelings (too intensely sometimes) and try to understand what they mean.

The distraction part may be true, but it's just about sex, not causing drama.

Still, I see your point.

ALSO, p, thanks for the sweet words. :o

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

;) then i say

1. good luck
2. don't try to force it to happen ( cuz that IS drama)-- it might be a good weekend without the sexage
3. BYOC = bring your own condoms!!! his will be old and crunchy from his wallet, eww!:p

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

I say don't do the intercourse part, but feel free to do everything else.


but, I did it with a friend once, because we were both sad about our respective heartbreaks...I cried, he held me and almost cried, and we talked about our feelings for the other people. then we laughed. we hooked up a few times over 2 years, and have remained friends.

I've hooked up/made out with quite a few of my guy friends, I think it's better than finding a random. it's totally possible to do it and move on and be friends if you're both on the same page and honest about your feelings (or lack thereof).

I've started to think it's perfectly fine to have sexual tension...in my case, it's only ever developed into a kind of deep mutual respect. honestly it seems like circumstance and intent shapes a romantic relationship, and that you can have sexual chemistry with just about anyone really...it just isn't always right to act on it.

but sometimes it IS right, so go on and get it, gurl! (if you want, but don't get pregnant).

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

Yay to everything except babies!

Re: Kind of the opposite of being friends with an ex: doing a friend.
 

Yay to herpes!!

wha?