Re: Crushes
 

2 weeks seem like very little time for your feelings to have changed so extremely about the situation. if you could do whatever you wanted, how would you like the situation to be?

Re: Crushes
 

Well I've been thinking about it for four months. And I do feel like there was an extreme drop off in the intensity of my infatuation. Maybe because work got more challenging, and before I had too much headspace for obsessing. Plus he has been advancing and withdrawing to an irritating degree. Bringing up hanging out, but never confirming. Putting all the impetus on me.

Practically, I would like to not have involuntary physical reactions to the kid's voice and presence, and to be able to have a normal friendship like I do with other men.

If I could do whatever I wanted...there is no good answer. He probably loves his girlfriend and has a good relationship, just like I love my boyfriend and have a good relationship. It's confusing.

Re: Crushes
 

Recognise it for what it is - an attraction to have a wank over now and then.

There is probably good reason he isn't committing to hanging out as it'll be confusing and territory that could muck up four peoples lives rather than two.

Like lets say you hung out and he thought an advance was OK when it wasn't and that made it back to each others other halves. Then you'd have to explain to your other half why you hang out alone together when you knew the attraction was there - same for him. And also you will both be awkward around each other.

Nobody wants that level of confusion in life after 25 years old. It's never been a fun scenario to be in.

Re: Crushes
 

Hmm, I feel like wanking over it is rude. But yeah, of course if he does like me (which isn't confirmed, but suspected), it's not a great idea to hang out...that's why I said I give up on friendship. I guess I thought I could make it work.

I may sound like a silly jerk, but honestly I need to seriously evaluate where my future is headed, because it's unclear.

Also maybe there's a better partner for my boyfriend than me out there...I don't know

Re: Crushes
 

Anyway I will stop posting about it. I always think it will make me feel better but it doesn't. I can't fully explain what I am going through without sounding like a asshole.

Re: Crushes
 

vagina.

My crush has one.

Re: Crushes
 

sounds like fun

Re: Crushes
 

I suppose I don't know this for sure but I highly suspect.

Sorry for the immature post.

Re: Crushes
 

you don´t sound so convinced about your current boyfriend, i´m thinking if you guys have been distanced or in a bad cycle, thinking that is normal and will probably soon go away. but if everything is somewhat normal between you two and you´re like this, then maybe it´s something more serious to consider.

as corny as it may sound, sometimes you know deep inside you´re not where you should be and it´s never healthy to ignore that feeling, if this is the situation. it might not even be about this crush but more about what you´re feeling (or not) for your boyfriend.

all i know is relationships are never easy, it´s admitting that when things start to get better.

Re: Crushes
 

Well, I was/am not unhappy with the relationship, but I do think there were issues going unaddressed, and we had a big talk about things. Mainly, my bf and I are independent and coexisting, rather than building an adult partnership. We are loving and supportive of each other, and have been together 7.5 yrs. I have never sought anyone else because I was honestly never attracted to anyone else, and thought I was pretty lucky to find such a nice and handsome man who loves me so much. He's just not a practical person. I don't know, we're just different people. We're working on things though. I mentioned he might have a better match out there because there are women who would probably share his interests more than I do. I told him as much, he says he doesn't care if I don't like the same things. We usually have a good time together though.

Are you supposed to be with your twin? Probably not? The crush is more similar to me, we are on the same wavelength, which is appealing, but ultimately I don't know what that means.

I think this will continue to torment me for years. :p

Re: Crushes
 

imo, the way you describe him and the relationship is so...blah. like "yea, it´s ok". Maybe you´re just in a bad moment and bored though (7.5 yrs is a lot), cuz i agree, you definitely do not have to have all of the same interests, just share a few here and there and find something you can do together though, cuz if you start living two different lives it´s where he´ll probably take your advice and find his "better match". the good thing is, i´m guessing you won´t really mind.

in my experience, i think the best thing you can do is never stay quiet and say what you´re feeling, don´t wait for things to resolve on their own cuz they´ll just get worse. like the big talk you guys had, yet you don´t really seem very satisfied with the outcome.

well, that´s the feel i get from your comment!

Re: Crushes
 

Ha, well...I don't think I know anyone who is completely satisfied by their partner. I love my boyfriend, he is an awesome and talented person and we are very physically attracted to each other. We're still working on the issues from the big talk, I'm giving things a chance, he's trying, and things have been better.

It's a weird situation, I wasn't bored or looking. I changed jobs and met a human I never knew could exist. There is a natural comradery that is hard to ignore. It feels good to be understood, in a world where I feel like I'm constantly trying to explain things to people. But I don't think that feeling is enough to warrant turning everyone's life upside down.

Re: Crushes
 

i agree, definitely there is no such thing as being 100% satisfied with your partner. you listed a lot of appealing things there between the both of you, good luck! :)

Re: Crushes
 

Haha, this stupid crush fucked with my head so much, but I can’t really even remember the feelings anymore. He quit last October, haven’t seen him since. Still connected via social media, so I can see recently he completely changed his hair and clothes and kinda seems like he got a whole new group of friends. So weird.

Really glad I didn’t act on my feelings, because they faded away and it seems like he spends a lot of time on things that I couldn’t give less of a shit about. On different wavelengths now, I guess.

Still no work husbands! Just work buds. Happy the drama subsided.

Re: Crushes
 

Ha! My crush quit about a year ago too. Not thought about it since - but it seemed something bigger back then :rolleyes:

I'm married now!

Re: Crushes
 

congrats!

Re: Crushes
 

I’m on my way too