Just read all the responses on here and there is some really good advice and experience on here and although some of it is conflicting it has all helped so thank you all. I think its shown me that every case will be different and in that sharing with others is a reasonable option.
I think if i am being honest i am putting obstacles in my way because i am bit afraid of the unknown and afraid of my feelings and like peachy says if thats the case then i need to go.
If i am not really feeling the group thing i can always opt out - i dont think it will do me any harm to try. Its gotta be better than bottling all up, i might not even need to tell anyone anything, i might just hear somebody elses experience and take heed of that and that might help put my mind at rest.
Mr Presentable, i may take you up on your offer at some point so thanks for that, much appreciated.
The fact is that its really not the fact that my died that is upsetting me and thats why i dont think a group chat will help in this particular circumstance but I will speak to the woman today and see what see suggests and will let you know how it goes
Thanks again all