[beasties#1fan]

I just got enough strength to post something on here. As I'm shaking writing this, i don't expect anyone to read my thoughts, and what I'm about to write, i say this because there is over 100 comments on here already, but i feel like i need to get this off my chest.
Numb, isn't a strong enough word of how i felt today.
Devastated, isn't a strong enough word of what i went through today.
The list can go on and on, but to be brutally honest, I HAVE NEVER felt the way i did today. I was in complete and utter shock, i mean words cant even describe. I cried so much i threw up, i went insane, and i still think its a nightmare. I KNOW he's not in pain anymore, which is wonderful. It hurts me to know that he was suffering, i didnt know he's condition was THAT bad, i heard rumors, but to tell you the truth, i never though anything negative about the beasties, i always just had positive vibes.. But i was (and will be) emotionally and physically in pain from today. It came out of NOWHERE, i heard about it in my 3rd period class, and i nearly fainted. i was a WRECK. and i didnt care, i was BAWLING, i feel to the floor, and i could give two fucks of who was watching me and what they thought. I've never felt so weak. So many things were rushing through my head, and i could have done something today....but I'm not going to get in to that.
I cant imagine what Yauchs parents, daughter, wife, and 2 brothers/best friends are going through, i truly cant.
Today marked the most tragic experience in my life. I lost someone that i truly loved with all my heart. Nobody will understand what i went through today. Adam Nathanial Yauch was not only my idol, but someone that i respected and he honestly CHANGED MY LIFE. As many said the same thing, it means more to me. I'm still and will be for a while emotionally and physically in pain, but as much as it has broken my heart, i still want to have positive thoughts, as he had a wonderful life. I don't care what anyone thinks, i am and always will be Beastie Boys #1fan.
He's not in pain anymore.


im in loss of words, im completely shocked. i could go on and on, but all i know is that he meant the world to me.