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Old 11-23-2006, 08:52 AM
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Exclamation CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
My girlfriend has been away all this week, and what with the lack of sex and abundance of free time, I've just spent all my time drinking beer and eating too much. Now she's gonna come back tomorrow and be like "OMG FATTY!"

So my question is: all you fat people, how do you make yourself attractive to the opposite sex?


I'm going off, getting paid and I don't ask why

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  #2  
Old 11-23-2006, 08:55 AM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
do her from behind, then she wont have to see your fat ass
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  #3  
Old 11-23-2006, 08:56 AM
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Pfft, that goes without saying. I just wanna know how all the fatties of the board get their game on.


I'm going off, getting paid and I don't ask why

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  #4  
Old 11-23-2006, 08:58 AM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Padster
Pfft,
Lay off the grease, man. You're already breathing heavy and puffin...


Chaotic neutral means never having to say you're sorry.

The two hobbies of the Palatinate are drinking and women. Most of them die on top of a woman, drunk.

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  #5  
Old 11-23-2006, 08:59 AM
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i think fat people have sex just like normal people.

i don't see my boyfriend for months at a time, but normally it's him who puts on weight and me who loses it - we're going in two different directions. i don't mind. he is cuddly.


she's a pearl of a girl, i guess that's what you might say

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  #6  
Old 11-23-2006, 08:59 AM
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Arrow Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by Otis Driftwood
Lay off the grease, man. You're already breathing heavy and puffin...
I've actually got a throat infection too. I've decided I'm just not gonna tell her about it and let her have it too.


I'm going off, getting paid and I don't ask why

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  #7  
Old 11-23-2006, 09:00 AM
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Arrow Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
This thread seems to have less comic potential than I had wished. I wanted stories of obese guys taping their huge bellies between their legs and shit.


I'm going off, getting paid and I don't ask why

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  #8  
Old 11-23-2006, 09:01 AM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Padster
Pfft, that goes without saying. I just wanna know how all the fatties of the board get their game on.
switch from the puff puff give to ciggies, that way you wont get the munchies and the nicotine will suppress your hunger
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  #9  
Old 11-23-2006, 09:04 AM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Get a mine, I mean Cat-a-mean, know whudimsain?


Chaotic neutral means never having to say you're sorry.

The two hobbies of the Palatinate are drinking and women. Most of them die on top of a woman, drunk.

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  #10  
Old 11-23-2006, 09:05 AM
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Arrow Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by icy manipulator
switch from the puff puff give to ciggies, that way you wont get the munchies and the nicotine will suppress your hunger
I quit blazing about 2 months ago and I've been smoking for around 3 years.


I'm going off, getting paid and I don't ask why

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  #11  
Old 11-23-2006, 09:11 AM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Padster
quit
quitttttttttt


Laurence Wells Music

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  #12  
Old 11-23-2006, 09:17 AM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
you're fat, sucked in


i drink to drown my sorrows but the sons of bitches have learned to swim

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  #13  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:15 AM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Padster
I quit blazing about 2 months ago and I've been smoking for around 3 years.
People put on weight when they stop smoking so either eat healthy or go back to the cigarettes.
Maybe your girlfriend has put on weight so speak to her about your weight.
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  #14  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:17 AM
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Arrow Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by amelie hart
People put on weight when they stop smoking so either eat healthy or go back to the cigarettes.
Maybe your girlfriend has put on weight so speak to her about your weight.
Woah woah woah... let's get this straight.

I still smoke cigarettes, around 20 a day so that aint the problem. And it's not like I've become a real lard-ass, I've just built a lil beer belly thing over this week.

I'm not looking for serious weight loss tips, I just wanted to hear funny stories about fat people.


I'm going off, getting paid and I don't ask why

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  #15  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:18 AM
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WELL MAYBE BEING FAT ISN'T FUNNY, TUBSTER! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, JACK BLACK?


she's a pearl of a girl, i guess that's what you might say

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  #16  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:21 AM
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I'm going off, getting paid and I don't ask why

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  #17  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:22 AM
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Lightbulb LOLZ my own joke made me laugh, lame!


she's a pearl of a girl, i guess that's what you might say

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  #18  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:22 AM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Padster
Woah woah woah... let's get this straight.

I still smoke cigarettes, around 20 a day so that aint the problem. And it's not like I've become a real lard-ass, I've just built a lil beer belly thing over this week.

I'm not looking for serious weight loss tips, I just wanted to hear funny stories about fat people.
ask toucan
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  #19  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:23 AM
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Arrow Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Being fat IS funny!


I'm going off, getting paid and I don't ask why

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  #20  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Padster
naw son, this is where it's at.


she's a pearl of a girl, i guess that's what you might say

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  #21  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:26 AM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
So this fat guy walks in a bar....
Hope you find this funny:
http://www.comics101.com/guestlectur.../35/5flash.jpg
http://www.dialbforblog.com/archives...swanderson.gif
http://www.dialbforblog.com/archives/72/jo59.gif
http://www.dialbforblog.com/archives...5swan_kaye.gif


Chaotic neutral means never having to say you're sorry.

The two hobbies of the Palatinate are drinking and women. Most of them die on top of a woman, drunk.

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  #22  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:32 AM
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Arrow Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by na§tee
HAHA what a fat bastard!


I'm going off, getting paid and I don't ask why

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  #23  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:50 AM
amelie hart amelie hart is offline
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Padster
Woah woah woah... let's get this straight.

I still smoke cigarettes, around 20 a day so that aint the problem. And it's not like I've become a real lard-ass, I've just built a lil beer belly thing over this week.

I'm not looking for serious weight loss tips, I just wanted to hear funny stories about fat people.
Why don't you like fat people?, the way that your going you're going to end up fat and lonely.
Are your parents fat ?.
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  #24  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:58 AM
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Haha those are all quality.


I'm going off, getting paid and I don't ask why

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  #25  
Old 11-23-2006, 12:01 PM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
I knew this kid who was pretty fat but he always had a girl. Not like chubby fat, like actual "shop at the big and tall store" fat. He just was very confident. Wasnt pushy or over the line but stood his ground on stuff and was outspoken. Women appreciated it, I think.


http://www.facebook.com/pages/Uninte...v=wall&ref=sgm

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  #26  
Old 11-23-2006, 12:08 PM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
I have a 'mummy tummy' and so like darkness and nighties.
If I were a fat bloke, I'd bonk in a t-shirt, or some kind of costume.

Plus, it's getting cold, so unless Marks and Spencers come up with crotchless PJ's, I see no reason or sense in nakedness.
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  #27  
Old 11-23-2006, 10:36 PM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
im fat and i never had sex


fuck it all makes sense now!


-------------------------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Gus
The friendship ended when I wiped my arse on his pillow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pres Zount
I don't really love you! Lyman zerga is on my ignore list, but you don't deserve it, you swine!
-------------------------------------

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  #28  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:09 PM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
I heard fat people drug the people they are about to have sex with

but making fun of fat people is mean, so fuck on fat people!


Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to be one

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  #29  
Old 11-23-2006, 11:11 PM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
to answer the question - with the light off. and make sure you don't capture a glimpse of yourself in the mirror or you'll end up crying.


i drink to drown my sorrows but the sons of bitches have learned to swim

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  #30  
Old 11-24-2006, 03:40 AM
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Default Re: CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN'
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randetica
im fat and i never had sex


fuck it all makes sense now!
I think this post will make me laugh for the rest of the day.
Actually I had the impression that most porn features FAT women. Sucks for fat men...


Chaotic neutral means never having to say you're sorry.

The two hobbies of the Palatinate are drinking and women. Most of them die on top of a woman, drunk.

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