A week ago...

[eieio]

Where were you when and how are you now?
It was Boy's day here in Japan... May 5th on this side of the world. Late Friday May 4th my restless 3 year old son laying by my wife's and my side said, 'I don't want to sleep here. I want to sleep with papa over there'.(meaning in the living room) A first for hin... so off we went, pulled out a futon and told him the story of the Three Little Pigs. And we finally nodded off. It must have been 11:30 or so...
At 3:00 am I woke with like a shot of espresso to my brain. No explanation. I didn't even attempt to try to fall asleep. I grabbed the iPad and checked my news feed... And felt my gut swell with emptiness as I read tmz headline... Scrolled down to see a video posting of 'Shadrach'. Felt assured that the worst imagineable did in fact happen. Didn't know what to do, what to say.
I didn't sleep.
I've had, we've had, a week to remember Adam, MCA, but I've spent the majority of my life living with the Beasties. And call me selfish, not shellfish, but I don't want the weave, the energy, the lyrcis, the beats, the science, the music and the love to stop.
But what helps me cope and get by is the music, that we've grown with... it is Adam, Adam and Mike and us. I am so grateful that there is this wonderful library of Beastie tracks that will forever live on. Dark is not the opposite of light, it's the absence of light... And I thought to myself, man... And for a moment I knew what it was all about.

[birdfloatindown]

When I first heard, I was shattered and a basketcase for the next two days. And ever since then, it's been on and off. I'll have a day where I feel good and I accept that he's gone and am grateful for what he gave to us. But then the next day, I'll feel miserable and angry that such a wonderful, talented, brave man is gone, while so many a-holes who should have gone first are still around, spewing their nonsense. That's the grieving process, I guess.

[eieio]

Originally Posted by birdfloatindown

When I first heard, I was shattered and a basketcase for the next two days. And ever since then, it's been on and off. I'll have a day where I feel good and I accept that he's gone and am grateful for what he gave to us. But then the next day, I'll feel miserable and angry that such a wonderful, talented, brave man is gone, while so many a-holes who should have gone first are still around, spewing their nonsense. That's the grieving process, I guess.

I feel ya. For me too, days where I accept it, then days where I don't want to believe it. For the ones out there spewing garbage, because Yauch spent the better part of his life spreading good it makes it easier to accept that he IS gone. Kinda fkd up but he created a wealth of music, film, ideas for us to ponder then, now and into the future. Whereas, you got these ass leeches that will never reach, even attempt, his feat or status. If they never change, won't ruffle my feathers... No time like the present to work shit out... though.
I am proud to call myself a Beasties fan and am happy that I fell in with them early and will forever be a lifer.

[destructo]

I was at work when I received a text from wife with the bad news. I just stared at the text for a while. I was kind of numb, it was one of those weird moments when all of the background sounds are drowned out by your own thought. I resurfaced and text my wife this message "it's a sad for the world." I sat down at my desk to see what I could find on the net and found a story to confirm it. I guess I thought MCA was going to get through it, get better and come back swinging on a new album and tour. I had these fantasies of the guys growing old together and putting out a new album when they were like 60. I had hoped they would still be around for my son to enjoy them with me. I never thought MCA would pass away and the Beasties would be no more.. After awhile I sent a text to my friend Kevin and dropped the bad news on him.

I've been trying to put into words how I feel about MCA passing as well as the end of the Beasties.. probably more than I should for never having met them or even witness them perform live (I tried twice, once with Rage and in 2009, both cancelled.) However, their music and lyrics have been in my life for well over 20 years. Most of us have witnessed how they started and how they transitioned into a positive influence on the world. I guess at some point they became my heroes. I was proud to a fan of a band/group who made kick ass, boundary smashing music, but also gave a damn about the world around them. I was proud of them. The Beasties are the Beatles of my generation, not just for their musical experimentation and style, but also for their compassion, acceptance, charity work, non-profit organizations and spreading political awareness. I probably would never have voted with out their influence. Thinking about all of that, plus the loss has been a bit tough, but if there is one word I can use to describe how I feel about the Beasties, it's gratitude. Thanks for everything.

[kll]

I was also at work. I was in a training class for a computer program and I was bored and clicked on msn.com. The very first headline/picture was Yauch's. I gasped. All in the class turned around. I had to hold it together while my hand shook moving the mouse. About an hour later, I got to my desk to find my phone with - no exaggeration - 109 missed calls from my bf (whom I met on this board.)

I am brand new to this job, so I had to hold it together, while freaking out, several more hours. By the time I got home and saw my bf in the state he was in, we spent the rest of the night crying and playing DJ on all kinds of songs, talking about all kinds of memories and probably driving the neighbors nuts.

Like so many others said, the first two days were numb mixed with anger/denial. Then Monday came and it slowly was sinking in. The rest of this week was random moments of massive sorrow, mixed with lovely moments of great memories and lots of photos from various sources that either I have never seen or maybe forgot I have seen.

I have had an overwhelming urge to get a tattoo, which, at 38-years-old, seems funny and so bizarre to care.

This week truly had all kinds of people (including a 65+ year old co-worker from 8 years ago emailing me to ask if I was ok) coming out of the woodwork, as well as reconnecting with some wonderful bbmb'ers from way back and hopefully meeting up with several over the next few weeks.

When I met my bf from the board in March 2003, and we met up for the first time in a bar on the Upper East Side - the first song that randomly came on the jukebox was 'No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn'... when I see all of you discussing meeting up in August (ugh, August in NYC!), I hope that magic happens... not just planned stuff, but true coincidence and fate.

One day at a time...

[destructo]

Originally Posted by kll

I have had an overwhelming urge to get a tattoo, which, at 38-years-old, seems funny and so bizarre to care.

Same here. I've never wanted a tattoo in my life, because I figure I would get bored with it. Now, all of a sudden, I want some kind of Beastie mark on my body. Weird.

[Kid Presentable]

Destructo, good to see you posting again.

I've recommended the words 'A Year and a Day' so many times to people wanting Beastie tattoo suggestions, I'm just going to go and get it myself.

I was at a mate's place, had a massive night the night before. Waking up early the next morning, I looked on my phone at facebook, to see a boardmember's status update conveying the news. Honestly, at first, I tried to play it off. But then I got home, and checked in here, and it became unfeasibly real. I put on Time for Livin and cried.

Since this all happened in the middle of the night down here (AU) I briefly felt a bit stink about partying while the dude breathed his last. But over the subsequent days, I figured I was living life, learning lessons and shaping who I am to become. Those things I think he would have been cool with.

[destructo]

Originally Posted by Kid Presentable

Since this all happened in the middle of the night down here (AU) I briefly felt a bit stink about partying while the dude breathed his last. But over the subsequent days, I figured I was living life, learning lessons and shaping who I am to become. Those things I think he would have been cool with.

[JoLovesMCA]

Wow guys. I feel for you all. :/ These stories are moving.

A week ago today I got a promotion. I mean the day started off great. I work in the mortgage industry and even though it’s stressful, I love my job... so you can imagine when my manager called me in for the news I was so happy. Right after that I head out and I check my phone and I see loads of messages coming my way saying “is it true, is Adam dead?” I was like what the fuck is this. And then my immediate thought afterward was what I had been fearing these past few months.

All I remember is my hands shaking as the news finally registered to be true.... And as Mike D put it, the rest of the day was a blur. All I remembr is grabbing my purse and literally walking out the door. I know I told some people that I had to go now. I had to explain it to my manager on Monday. She wasn't mad but really concerned and asked. "Oh so were you related to him?" And I said no, this is personal I can't explain it. She looked at me like I was insane. :/ I didn't have any support except for one friend who is a mutual fan. We've been talking about it all evening and right now I think I will try and just shut it out for a little bit and breathe.

I decided on what tattoo I will be getting. Can't wait to share it. Like many of you I never had much of a desire but I think it will bring a lot of closure and comfort so I am really looking forward to this.

[Avalanche]

I just had my last exams, sitting on Skype on 5th May (the day after), disconnected from the world, when a really close friend of mine wrote me "You there? MCA passed away. Shit, man."

At first I couldn't figure out who was he speaking about. I mean, it really didn't come to me as "MCA the legend passed away". Seconds later I was stunned, and a minute later I was already blasting Paul's Boutique. I mean, I still couldn't believe it. I just wrote "MCA" in Google, and a shitload of articles on his passing showed. I was terrified.

I called him and we talked about the Beastie Boys, and how great they were. I mean, I guess we both needed some support from each other in that moment. I called him some days later to rhyme him the whole Intergalactic over the net - just cause I needed to share this with somebody who'll understand.

It has been pretty sad indeed. To be honest, within an hour I was thinking not that much of MCA, but of Mike D and AdRock and the support they'd need in that moment.

[Late-Night Lion]

I was on lunch when I saw cj hood's "OH MY GOD" post. I clicked it hoping for good news. Then it was vague info, but I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

I went back to work and checked Twitter before starting work. 1077 the End tweeted they had unconfirmed reports of MCA's passing. I literally felt my heart drop. I desperately wanted it to be nothing more than a dumb rumor. Then TMZ reported it...again, I didn't want to believe, since I don't consider that a reliable source.

But then, Rolling Stone reported it. Then Pitchfork. I work at a school, and luckily it was an early dismissal day. I still have to stay a full day, but the kids had left at this point. I walked into an empty room in the library and started bawling. I couldn't contain it. Then friends and family started calling and texting (seems to be a common thing among us fans). Still seems unreal. I still can't really listen to all their music.

[silence7]

Was at work. People at work know about my website. Girl I rarely talk to called me in my office and said.. "Did you hear, one of your guys died?" She didn't have to say anything else I knew immediately who it was. I didn't want to hear it or believe it, but it was, as they say, what it was... Bad news. Rest of the day I was numb, and the weekend wasn't much better.

[DthatsME]

I really miss that guy.

[eieio]

One rough day... One tough week. Hard to exchange pleasantries with co-workers after catching the news at work... And on top of that coping for the rest of the day. I too was numb and felt disorientated for the entire day.
In retrospect tho, hearing the news alone at 3am allowed for me some time to mull Yauch's passing over. Full of tears, angst and denial, and gratitude. I too found solace in the hope that Adam was no longer in pain... For me, knowing that makes accepting his death all the more palatable. Heck, it's extremely hard for us but must be unbearable for those close to him.
What I love, admire and respect is the outpouring of positive words and actions by you guys. It's an honour to know that Beasties fans are not only so dang passionate, but respectable and damn decent people. If any of you folks are in Okinawa come on by for a barley pop and we shall shoot the shit over the Beasties.

[dust monkey]

Wife fw'ed the yahoo alert, was sitting at my desk and I had just finished a sales meeting. I opened my browser to come here, this board was down, and I see my brother walk in through the front door in his full uniform. He is a police officer and he had just dropped someone off at the county jail which is 2 blocks down from my office, he heard when dropping this guy off and came right down to chek on me. He walked in and I lost it....he stayed for about 45 min, not saying much to each other, then he had to get back to work, we said bye, thanked him, looked at the picture on my wall and I came home and went off the grid for about 2 1/2 hous. Sat alone, cried a lot and made a playlist very similar to Scooby's.

This is where I was sitting... http://www.flickr.com/photos/dsavage/6303531992/

[Randetica]

i was at home and been reading some status updates on fb.. then dandy fop wrote about his death and i first thought it was some weak joke cause i couldnt find anything about it online at first but a few minutes later it turned out that this sadly was no joke

i knew it made no sense that a beastie fan would make such a joke but at that moment i was in a wtf shock


in my mind im a lot with the beasties (all 3)

[DthatsME]

It's starting to get to the point where I'll focus on something else, put on the tunes like I always have, then...shit... I remember. Ugh.

Doesn't seem real.

[lauryn24]

I had just came back from a Victorian Lit exam which I bombed so was already feeling shitty then my sis text saying he'd died. I thought it was a joke cause she can be evil like that!! I ran solid for about ten minutes to get home then my mum flippantly mentioned it like I knew.

The weirdest thing for me is going through real mourning for someone I didn't know! I've never in my life been affected from a famous figures passing, never cried at a film but shit this destroyed me which freaked me out more!! But I've never felt such a debt to a band like I have to the Beasties and the tributes that followed weirdly reassured me that how I feel is justified. I still cant listen to the Beastie Boys really it makes me too sad although I dont know if this makes it worse cause I miss how happy their music makes me!

Needless to say the exam I had the next day did not go well but I did carve PWR2MCA into my desk so I left some form of impression!!

[Headgotchecked]

I was at work, on lunch break, looking up stuff on my droid when Adam's picture came up while surfing over to cnn.com. I just made an audible gasp, and then sat there in a stunned silence. And 8 days later, it still hurts.

I can't listen to anything other than Beastie Boys, because I feel like they are slipping away from me. Yauch's gone, and who knows where AdRock and Mike D's head and heart is at right now. The Beasties have been a major part of my music-listening life, and I fear that it's over now. I hope I'm wrong... though I don't know how I'd feel to hear a Beasties record with no MCA. Maybe it's for the best.

But whatever. Adam H and Mike need us, the fans, now more than ever. They've worked their ASSES off for years and years to entertain us, and I feel that we owe it to them to be supportive and respectful in whatever decision they make, no matter how sorrowful it may end up being. Our grief, as strangers to these guys and Yauch or maybe we've met them once or twice, or used to know them way back in the day, whatever... our grief is NOTHING compared to theirs. This is their hour of need and they deserve us to rise to the occasion.

I understand why people want to get inked up. The Beastie Boys' body of work is a lot like life, in that it is sometimes hilarious, sometimes sad, sometimes care-free, sometimes serious, sometimes scathing, sometimes filled with love... the Beastie Boys were as real as it got. I want to get inked up too man... 34 years old, virgin skin but Adam Yauch is one of my modern-day heroes and my love of the Beastie Boys is proof that I've got taste, a good personality, and that my eyes scan not only my backyard but the world, just like Adam's did in The Update and other world-conscious songs. How could they not? This is what Adam and the band for that matter gave me, among the many other things. I have no problem wearing my heroes on my sleeve.

Welp, see you in that other tattoo thread going right now...

[DthatsME]

I had been playing their stuff non stop for a solid month (not that that's much different than usual). For my birthday my girlfriend agreed to watch and listen to them with me as I explained how much they mean to me. I was telling some friends the night before it happened how I owe everything to them and how inconsolable I'd be if Yauch didn't make it. I made a few tweets quoting their lyrics and went to bed.

Woke up, got on facebook, was putting on a record, in the corner of my eye I saw something in my newsfeed. All I saw was that it was from turntablelab.com and that it said "MCA". I knew. I sat there with my head down and tears in my eyes terrified to actually read the words.

When I finally read it I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. The tears started pouring and my hands shaking. I texted those friends with "he's gone" and they got it. Had several people checking on me.

I thought I had prepared myself for it but I was wrong. I can't believe how
bad it hurts grieving like this for a man I've never met. But here we are.

They were there through all of the darkest times of my life and my world is different knowing that chapter of my life with them is gone. Watching them grow helped me grow. It's going to be a very different world not having more of his humor, kindness, and smiles to look forward to.

[beasties#1fan]

Yeah i know im a day late, but even yesterday, just thinking "a week ago, this fuckin thing happened" and i was down in the dumps even worse....i still cant listen to their music...i cant watch videos without bawling....just...it wont be the same...it will never be the same being a fan without him...

[laurie_hammy]

4am an read Q-Tip's facebook post. Didnt get any sleep, worst night ever.

[DrunkenMantis]

Saw the news on CNN of all places, on tv in the waiting room of my office. The person I was with said the way I reacted to the tv reminded her of peoples reaction that other sad day in NY.....in 2001

[benchillin]

Originally Posted by beasties#1fan

Yeah i know im a day late, but even yesterday, just thinking "a week ago, this fuckin thing happened" and i was down in the dumps even worse....i still cant listen to their music...i cant watch videos without bawling....just...it wont be the same...it will never be the same being a fan without him...

today was extra hard for some reason

[beasties#1fan]

Originally Posted by benchillin

today was extra hard for some reason

a day since last friday has been hard..
Am i the only one still in a funk? i just cant get over it.

[benchillin]

Originally Posted by beasties#1fan

a day since last friday has been hard..
Am i the only one still in a funk? i just cant get over it.

no, you are not.

[JoLovesMCA]

Well as many others have stated, it is like losing a family member, so it's not gonna be something you can easily shake off. It's so hard. I have tried all weekend to enjoy it, especially Mother's Day today. Had a nice time with family, but then when I was alone again with my thoughts the pain and sorrow came rushing back. Plus just knowing how permanent it is and how an inspiration of mine is gone and my band is gone just like that... forever. It's like suddenly being hit by a moving truck. No it's so so difficult.

[Swooziemoonshoe]

Originally Posted by JoLovesMCA

it's not gonna be something you can easily shake off. It's so hard.

AAARGH I'm feeling you, Jo. There are so many implications to losing MCA and I keep cycling through them and feeling miserable.

You know, I work for the Red Cross and a week before MCA's passing we heard that a colleague who had been kidnapped in January in Pakistan, while working on a project to bring healthcare to needy people in the region, had been murdered by his captors. Then today I heard that my boss's brother-in-law was killed on Friday in a car accident in Washington.

I keep thinking of a line from the end of an MCA obit... "Universe, you are awful sometimes."

[SpacemanSpliff]

i was in the car, turned on the radio only to check for traffic information when "Sabotage" was being played ... i thought "cool, Beastie Boys in the radio ... does not happen a lot" ... the next song was "Intergalactic" ... i was little confused ... 2 Beastie Boys in a row never happened on radio before ... the next and 3rd Beastie Song in a row song was "Hey Ladies" ... my brain said "WTF is wrong here?!" ... traffic information was next, then i turned off the radio and entered our rehearsal room ... i was setting up my instrument and amplifier and we were just about ready to jam a little ... then i got a text message from a friend with a link to RollingStone magazine "MCA dead" ... i was really shocked because some days before i was really sure that this year the Beasties would hit the road again for the tour 2012 ... R.I.P. MCA

[Swooziemoonshoe]

Thought I had managed to get through yesterday without shedding a tear over this.... but then Tom Waits's 'Ol' 55' came on my ipod as I was catching the bus home from the pub

It's been so nice to come here and see all the tributes. Lots of people, like me, were taken by surprise by the news and how hard it hit them. Thanks to the regulars for having us on here, it's the best place I can find to hang out.