Seriously..

[Guy Incognito]

Sorry to buck the trend of threads about BLT's and peeing in the sink and bring a downer on proceedings but I have a serious question for you all:

Have any of you been to see a bereavement counsellor or had group bereavement counselling?

Just wondered if it helped or hindered you - I have to go tomorrow to be assessed for group counselling and i am really not feeling the idea of talking or listening to complete randommers about this but i shouldnt really dismiss it like that so was just wondering if you any of you guys had any thoughts about this?

My dad died over a year ago but i am still coming to terms with it and thought this would be a good idea but now its approaching i am not sure i should even go.

[HEIRESS]

I'd say do the group couselling for a couple sessions (even if you are dreading it), just to get into the actual act and habit of going for counselling. then maybe start seeing someone one-on-one and you'll probably appreciate that environment alot more and what it can offer you (post group stuff) and get more out of it.

[Loppfessor]

I'd say go for it man....I'm all about talking and communicating. It may not be a cure all but I think it will definitely help more than it hurts

[funk63]

counseling or whatever has been a joke in my experience.

[ms.peachy]

I think if you are feeling like you "shouldn't" go, then that is pretty much a sign that you should. I am guessing (totally guessing, I may be wrong, but let me hypothesize) that maybe it's not actually like you feel like you shouldn't, but that you are afraid of what will happen if you do. And, that what you are afraid of is breaking down or losing control of your emotions in some way, in front of another person/other people. Which is understandable, but the thing is, if that does happen, it will be totally OK, and actually might help. So go.

[Guy Incognito]

Originally Posted by ms.peachy

I think if you are feeling like you "shouldn't" go, then that is pretty much a sign that you should. I am guessing (totally guessing, I may be wrong, but let me hypothesize) that maybe it's not actually like you feel like you shouldn't, but that you are afraid of what will happen if you do. And, that what you are afraid of is breaking down or losing control of your emotions in some way, in front of another person/other people. Which is understandable, but the thing is, if that does happen, it will be totally OK, and actually might help. So go.

Thats definitely part of it although i probably didnt realise that until you just said it! That was remarkarbly astute of you and that was some damn good advice so thanks for that, peachy. I am going to go but i hope i get referred to an individual counsellor
But its also the group thing that bothers me - it bothers me:
a) because i feel i need some experienced counselling as opposed to sharing with others with similar experiences
b) I feel like i would be wasting their time as all the others would be wanting to sort their issues out. My situation isnt as simple as a relative dying there is a bit more to it and although i'm sure i wont be the only one who says that but I dont wanna hog the limelight or take too much time in explaining the situation, i would rather have one persons undivided attention.
c) I think once i start talking there will be other (non bereavement related) issues that are going to come out.
d) i dont think i will be much cop asking the right questions or listening when other people are talking.

Am i being unreasonable?

[Kid Presentable]

Guy, when my Dad died I did myself shitloads of harm. Although I came out of it, I don't really advise going through that. So if counselling will help you deal, then go for it. Drop us a PM if you want, though.

[Lex Diamonds]

I've had some counselling and "shrink" type things. I would say that the group thing is probably not a good idea, as it will prevent you from opening up totally and therefore make the thing useless.

In my personal opinion, counselling and psychiatry are quite negative practises and only build delusion and unhealthy dependance on constructed routines or mindframes. Maybe this is why it didn't work for me (because I don't believe in the practise) but I believe, perhaps anachronistically, that it is much healthier to deal with these things on your own, regardless of any temporary damage or depression. I just think that counselling is more of a short term solution whereas if you manage to settle yourself independently the problem will be more permanently resolved.

If you want to give it a try though then do, and do it individually not as a group- it might work for you. I have spoken to a few people who have gone through it and come out happier/more carefree, so it could do you some good.

[Kid Presentable]

Originally Posted by The Padster

In my personal opinion, counselling and psychiatry are quite negative practises and only build delusion and unhealthy dependance on constructed routines or mindframes. Maybe this is why it didn't work for me, because I don't believe in the practise, but in my personal opinion it is much healthier to deal with these things on your own, regardless of any temporary damage or depression. I just think that counselling is more of a short term solution whereas if you manage to settle yourself independently the problem will be more permanently resolved.

Agree completely.

[ms.peachy]

I can't say I entirely agree. Obviously counseling isn't the be all and end all, but I think it can be tremendously, tremendously helpful in helping a person reframe whatever issue it is they are struggling with, and get 'unstuck' - a change of persepective if you will, the ability to see the forest and not just the trees. I also don't know that group counseling should be so readily discounted, as it can be quite enlightening to sit in a group and see how others are handling (or not, as the case my be) their struggle with a similar issue.

[Kid Presentable]

I suppose, but only because you can't rely on people having the epiphany "Shit, other people feel like shit sometimes, too" all on their own.