A week ago...

[eieio]

Where were you when and how are you now?
It was Boy's day here in Japan... May 5th on this side of the world. Late Friday May 4th my restless 3 year old son laying by my wife's and my side said, 'I don't want to sleep here. I want to sleep with papa over there'.(meaning in the living room) A first for hin... so off we went, pulled out a futon and told him the story of the Three Little Pigs. And we finally nodded off. It must have been 11:30 or so...
At 3:00 am I woke with like a shot of espresso to my brain. No explanation. I didn't even attempt to try to fall asleep. I grabbed the iPad and checked my news feed... And felt my gut swell with emptiness as I read tmz headline... Scrolled down to see a video posting of 'Shadrach'. Felt assured that the worst imagineable did in fact happen. Didn't know what to do, what to say.
I didn't sleep.
I've had, we've had, a week to remember Adam, MCA, but I've spent the majority of my life living with the Beasties. And call me selfish, not shellfish, but I don't want the weave, the energy, the lyrcis, the beats, the science, the music and the love to stop.
But what helps me cope and get by is the music, that we've grown with... it is Adam, Adam and Mike and us. I am so grateful that there is this wonderful library of Beastie tracks that will forever live on. Dark is not the opposite of light, it's the absence of light... And I thought to myself, man... And for a moment I knew what it was all about.

[birdfloatindown]

When I first heard, I was shattered and a basketcase for the next two days. And ever since then, it's been on and off. I'll have a day where I feel good and I accept that he's gone and am grateful for what he gave to us. But then the next day, I'll feel miserable and angry that such a wonderful, talented, brave man is gone, while so many a-holes who should have gone first are still around, spewing their nonsense. That's the grieving process, I guess.

[eieio]

Originally Posted by birdfloatindown

When I first heard, I was shattered and a basketcase for the next two days. And ever since then, it's been on and off. I'll have a day where I feel good and I accept that he's gone and am grateful for what he gave to us. But then the next day, I'll feel miserable and angry that such a wonderful, talented, brave man is gone, while so many a-holes who should have gone first are still around, spewing their nonsense. That's the grieving process, I guess.

I feel ya. For me too, days where I accept it, then days where I don't want to believe it. For the ones out there spewing garbage, because Yauch spent the better part of his life spreading good it makes it easier to accept that he IS gone. Kinda fkd up but he created a wealth of music, film, ideas for us to ponder then, now and into the future. Whereas, you got these ass leeches that will never reach, even attempt, his feat or status. If they never change, won't ruffle my feathers... No time like the present to work shit out... though.
I am proud to call myself a Beasties fan and am happy that I fell in with them early and will forever be a lifer.

[destructo]

I was at work when I received a text from wife with the bad news. I just stared at the text for a while. I was kind of numb, it was one of those weird moments when all of the background sounds are drowned out by your own thought. I resurfaced and text my wife this message "it's a sad for the world." I sat down at my desk to see what I could find on the net and found a story to confirm it. I guess I thought MCA was going to get through it, get better and come back swinging on a new album and tour. I had these fantasies of the guys growing old together and putting out a new album when they were like 60. I had hoped they would still be around for my son to enjoy them with me. I never thought MCA would pass away and the Beasties would be no more.. After awhile I sent a text to my friend Kevin and dropped the bad news on him.

I've been trying to put into words how I feel about MCA passing as well as the end of the Beasties.. probably more than I should for never having met them or even witness them perform live (I tried twice, once with Rage and in 2009, both cancelled.) However, their music and lyrics have been in my life for well over 20 years. Most of us have witnessed how they started and how they transitioned into a positive influence on the world. I guess at some point they became my heroes. I was proud to a fan of a band/group who made kick ass, boundary smashing music, but also gave a damn about the world around them. I was proud of them. The Beasties are the Beatles of my generation, not just for their musical experimentation and style, but also for their compassion, acceptance, charity work, non-profit organizations and spreading political awareness. I probably would never have voted with out their influence. Thinking about all of that, plus the loss has been a bit tough, but if there is one word I can use to describe how I feel about the Beasties, it's gratitude. Thanks for everything.

[kll]

I was also at work. I was in a training class for a computer program and I was bored and clicked on msn.com. The very first headline/picture was Yauch's. I gasped. All in the class turned around. I had to hold it together while my hand shook moving the mouse. About an hour later, I got to my desk to find my phone with - no exaggeration - 109 missed calls from my bf (whom I met on this board.)

I am brand new to this job, so I had to hold it together, while freaking out, several more hours. By the time I got home and saw my bf in the state he was in, we spent the rest of the night crying and playing DJ on all kinds of songs, talking about all kinds of memories and probably driving the neighbors nuts.

Like so many others said, the first two days were numb mixed with anger/denial. Then Monday came and it slowly was sinking in. The rest of this week was random moments of massive sorrow, mixed with lovely moments of great memories and lots of photos from various sources that either I have never seen or maybe forgot I have seen.

I have had an overwhelming urge to get a tattoo, which, at 38-years-old, seems funny and so bizarre to care.

This week truly had all kinds of people (including a 65+ year old co-worker from 8 years ago emailing me to ask if I was ok) coming out of the woodwork, as well as reconnecting with some wonderful bbmb'ers from way back and hopefully meeting up with several over the next few weeks.

When I met my bf from the board in March 2003, and we met up for the first time in a bar on the Upper East Side - the first song that randomly came on the jukebox was 'No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn'... when I see all of you discussing meeting up in August (ugh, August in NYC!), I hope that magic happens... not just planned stuff, but true coincidence and fate.

One day at a time...

[destructo]

Originally Posted by kll

I have had an overwhelming urge to get a tattoo, which, at 38-years-old, seems funny and so bizarre to care.

Same here. I've never wanted a tattoo in my life, because I figure I would get bored with it. Now, all of a sudden, I want some kind of Beastie mark on my body. Weird.