Crushes

[Dorothy Wood]

I feel bad for my partner too...this situation has lead to some very serious discussions though, and we've addressed some issues that maybe needed to be talked about. I admitted to feeling like I'm wandering away mentally. And I considered ending things, but the idea made me so depressed I was on the verge of crying all the time. And I truly love my dude. So we are working on things.

There is something mystical about this other kid though, we are very connected, still are getting along so well it's weird. I think we are managing to be friends, with respect to our significant others...or at least trying to be respectful. Definitely shady* though, no way around that unfortunately. I think the initial puppy love chemicals are wearing off at least.

*shady in that we are attempting friendship, when I guess if I were to take the moral high ground, I would just stay away?

Also, we have not discussed anything at all relating to any kind of feelings. I said "I feel like I've known you forever" at a work party when we had some drinks and were chatting for a long long time, and he said "yeah". That's it. It's more just a thing hanging in the air.

[Adam]

Your crush sounds more intense than mine. There is a connection but nothing mystical. I just know we get on and she it totally the type of person I dig. It's fantasy for me.

My partner & I are solid though. We have moments but never anything serious that would bring an end.

[Dorothy Wood]

Haha, yeah, it's the worst thing that's ever happened!

I'm solid with my dude but there are some differences that won't change. Basically I am a scrappy practical DIY person with a working class upbringing, he is the child of academics. This other guy has a similar background to me, and he drives trucks and stuff. I dunno. Time will tell. I'm trying not to be a jerk. Relationships involve a lot more than sharing skills and hobbies, obviously.

[Dorothy Wood]

I give up. This is a stupid situation and I hate that it happened. I don't know what I was thinking, I feel like I was under a spell and now I'm not.

[zippo]

Originally Posted by Dorothy Wood

I give up. This is a stupid situation and I hate that it happened. I don't know what I was thinking, I feel like I was under a spell and now I'm not.

2 weeks seem like very little time for your feelings to have changed so extremely about the situation. if you could do whatever you wanted, how would you like the situation to be?

[Dorothy Wood]

Originally Posted by zippo

2 weeks seem like very little time for your feelings to have changed so extremely about the situation. if you could do whatever you wanted, how would you like the situation to be?

Well I've been thinking about it for four months. And I do feel like there was an extreme drop off in the intensity of my infatuation. Maybe because work got more challenging, and before I had too much headspace for obsessing. Plus he has been advancing and withdrawing to an irritating degree. Bringing up hanging out, but never confirming. Putting all the impetus on me.

Practically, I would like to not have involuntary physical reactions to the kid's voice and presence, and to be able to have a normal friendship like I do with other men.

If I could do whatever I wanted...there is no good answer. He probably loves his girlfriend and has a good relationship, just like I love my boyfriend and have a good relationship. It's confusing.

[Adam]

Recognise it for what it is - an attraction to have a wank over now and then.

There is probably good reason he isn't committing to hanging out as it'll be confusing and territory that could muck up four peoples lives rather than two.

Like lets say you hung out and he thought an advance was OK when it wasn't and that made it back to each others other halves. Then you'd have to explain to your other half why you hang out alone together when you knew the attraction was there - same for him. And also you will both be awkward around each other.

Nobody wants that level of confusion in life after 25 years old. It's never been a fun scenario to be in.