I wish we could still use this forum to ask for advice

[Dorothy Wood]

I got my dream job almost exactly a year ago. And it’s become a nightmare. I was really proud and on my way to financial security, but I may have to quit for my mental health. The technical, intellectual, and physical aspects are challenging and I am performing at a high level...but a lot of people don’t like my personality because I don’t talk enough, I’m not outgoing, but I’ve offended people by asserting my opinion on how standards should be raised. I hired 3 people in the last year and they are high performers and nice people who respect me. Many people outside my department who have the ear of the ceo are talking shit about me and are trying to gaslight me into thinking I suck and it’s kinda ruining my life. I don’t really know what to do about it. I have such bad social anxiety, I try to talk and stick up for myself and end up having a mini panic attack and crying. Which is interpreted as me not having my shit together.

Also, someone was shot behind my house the other day by a group of teens who got away, then a day later I was driving home from work rounded a corner and heard gunshots. I missed being in the middle of a gun fight by about 2 minutes. I was more calm and measured during all that than at work when I got an email from someone that questioned how I was spending my time.

Anyway thanks for listening old message board. I’ll be 40 in July, fuck.

[NicRN77]

So sorry you’ve been having a rough go lately. These boards used to be a great site to vent and get advice. Sending hugs.

[Dorothy Wood]

Originally Posted by NicRN77

So sorry you’ve been having a rough go lately. These boards used to be a great site to vent and get advice. Sending hugs.

Thanks, appreciate the response. Since posting this, I found out a lot more about what’s behind all the drama, and I understand a lot more about everyone’s behavior now. Resolved some conflicts, but basically coming to terms with the fact I should probably move on to a healthier environment because the drama is ingrained in the culture and I don’t have the power to change other people’s perspectives. Now I know it’s nothing I did, I’m literally being judged based on problems I didn’t create, other people’s past behavior, and straight up imaginary problems.

Anyway jobs suck, I dunno why it’s so hard to find a workplace where people aren’t dicks. Prob gonna have to start my own biz.

[NicRN77]

Originally Posted by Dorothy Wood

Anyway jobs suck, I dunno why it’s so hard to find a workplace where people aren’t dicks. Prob gonna have to start my own biz.

They sure do. I’ve been dealing with a narcissistic woman at my job. It isn’t so easy to ignore her. Plus, we are nurses so her actions affect human beings. She is a terrible person.

[TurdBerglar]

I don't have any advice, but listen to this fucking song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqdPsHbPY1E

[Dorothy Wood]

Originally Posted by NicRN77

They sure do. I’ve been dealing with a narcissistic woman at my job. It isn’t so easy to ignore her. Plus, we are nurses so her actions affect human beings. She is a terrible person.

That sucks. Some people get so wrapped up in their personal identities at work. I’m just like can we please just do our jobs? This one woman was a friend and I knew she talked mad shit about other people, so I should’ve known she’d do the same to me eventually. But she’s “popular”, and kinda curates social activities, and I’ve been excluded since I got promoted, which is sad. But I just have to get over it. I pissed her off at some point probably because I took away some of her duties because her work was too inaccurate, it was just unacceptable to me and the previous supervisor hated it too but never did anything about it. She just doesn’t think any of her mistakes are a big deal, one or two ok, but it was like 40% of the time. That’s too many mistakes! Geez! I’m not mean because I wanted clerical errors to stop happening so often.

Originally Posted by TurdBerglar

I don't have any advice, but listen to this fucking song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqdPsHbPY1E

Heyyy, nice! Didn’t know they were coming out with new stuff

[abbott]

fuck the haters, they will be wherever you go so no need to leave

a good CEO will see the truth and all you need to do is worry about yourself and do your job

47 for me this month, fuck!

[Dorothy Wood]

Originally Posted by abbott

fuck the haters, they will be wherever you go so no need to leave

a good CEO will see the truth and all you need to do is worry about yourself and do your job

47 for me this month, fuck!

I’ve never met this many haters in my life, I’m over it. Already got a job interview on Monday somewhere else.

[bigblu89]

For the most part, people are the worst.

[abbott]

weill there is a time when a new job is best.

[Dorothy Wood]

Quit yesterday, it was weird as fuck. I gave two weeks, but got paid out because I’m kinda disgruntled and was honest about it. So now I have 3 weeks off before I start my new job. Learning a new trade, so the pay is low, but there are benefits and more time off, it should be interesting and after 90 days I’ll get a pay bump if I do good. Cheaper than going back to school at least

[NicRN77]

Originally Posted by Dorothy Wood

Quit yesterday, it was weird as fuck. I gave two weeks, but got paid out because I’m kinda disgruntled and was honest about it. So now I have 3 weeks off before I start my new job. Learning a new trade, so the pay is low, but there are benefits and more time off, it should be interesting and after 90 days I’ll get a pay bump if I do good. Cheaper than going back to school at least

Sounds like you made the right move for you. Hope it all works out! 🤗

[mikizee]

Congrats! Here's to better mental health. I think you did the right thing, for what it's worth.

[Dorothy Wood]

Haha, how frivolous all that drama last year feels now that we live in a dystopian nightmare!

6 months after I quit that job, 10 people got laid off, and the company already knew they would need to lay people off...for, you guessed it, 6 months. So they were absolutely trying to lay the groundwork for my dismissal because I had one of the higher salaries. Hence the gaslighting and questioning after stellar performance reviews and a huge raise at the beginning of the year. Everyone talking about me behind my back, trying and failing to blame me for things, driving me insane, was not imagined after all. Crazy shit!

Anyway, I did really well and learned a lot at the next job but I just didn’t like it very much. The commute was too long, the physical labor was too much, too many chemicals and too much physical risk. Quitting was like a break up, the owner was apparently hoping to hand the business over to me eventually which was news to me...ya gotta tell someone these things. I was put in supervisory positions and site lead when I didn’t really deserve it (others had seniority).

I got offered a job at a competitor to the first place I quit, after a panel interview. They said they were looking at other candidates and they’d decide in a couple weeks, but the owner called me at 7 pm the same day to offer a position. I started 3 weeks before the shutdown, it was stressful to say the least. No PTO, still on probation, not even officially an employee, yikes. But they kept me on after things were allowed open, waived probation, put me on the books, put me on the healthcare plan. And so far no ones been a dick to me!

The world might be explode again in 6 months, but I’m ok for now.

P.s. there should be universal healthcare! Why the fuck do I have to change plans four times just to maintain my coverage while I decide what workplace is best for me? It’s stupid. Why did my new boss basically have to be a father to all his employees through this and have everybody relying on him to take care of them financially? He’s just a businessman, I don’t think most business people go into business to be caretakers of the people they employee. America is ridiculous!

[abbott]

Originally Posted by Dorothy Wood

Haha, how frivolous all that drama last year feels now that we live in a dystopian nightmare!

P.s. there should be universal healthcare! Why the fuck do I have to change plans four times just to maintain my coverage while I decide what workplace is best for me? It’s stupid. Why did my new boss basically have to be a father to all his employees through this and have everybody relying on him to take care of them financially? He’s just a businessman, I don’t think most business people go into business to be caretakers of the people they employee. America is ridiculous!

I hate to think of this healthcare system being named after me. that would suck

[mikizee]

Looks like everything came up Milhouse for you. Awesome.

And yeah, its quite the year. Everything just feels like every year is more bananas than the year before. I worry for my kids' future.

[zippo]

Aww, work environments can always be difficult. I think it's nearly impossible to find one where there's no drama, it's like something inherent to it- in a large group of people there's many similarities but also differences. and I also think it's about how one handles it, and essentially, learns to handle it because experience with this kind of crap can help you a lot. I'm sure whichever job you're in right now it might be better in part because you've learned how to handle certain difficulties, and if not, make sure to remember your past experiences because many patterns repeat: jealousy, gossip, gaslighting, bitchiness, two-facing and the list goes on and on! But these things are always going to exist. It's about how one matures and finds ways to deal with them better.
I would also say that self-reflecting helps a lot as well. You mentioned you like to say what you think and be straight with your opinions about improvements for the company. Getting your points across is also about communication skills and part of that is fine tuning the way you say things and making sure it's assertive and respectful to others.
All in all, sometimes it can be difficult but reminding yourself about your abilities and trying to care less about what others think is helpful as well.
Ughh...work environments

[Miho]

People should stfu and wear a damn mask.

Also hi zippo.

[Dorothy Wood]

Originally Posted by zippo

Aww, work environments can always be difficult. I think it's nearly impossible to find one where there's no drama, it's like something inherent to it- in a large group of people there's many similarities but also differences. and I also think it's about how one handles it, and essentially, learns to handle it because experience with this kind of crap can help you a lot. I'm sure whichever job you're in right now it might be better in part because you've learned how to handle certain difficulties, and if not, make sure to remember your past experiences because many patterns repeat: jealousy, gossip, gaslighting, bitchiness, two-facing and the list goes on and on! But these things are always going to exist. It's about how one matures and finds ways to deal with them better.
I would also say that self-reflecting helps a lot as well. You mentioned you like to say what you think and be straight with your opinions about improvements for the company. Getting your points across is also about communication skills and part of that is fine tuning the way you say things and making sure it's assertive and respectful to others.
All in all, sometimes it can be difficult but reminding yourself about your abilities and trying to care less about what others think is helpful as well.
Ughh...work environments

I think a lot of this is spot on, but I also think that in retrospect, I was in a particularly weird situation. I’m still friends with people I worked with at the first job mentioned, and we’re all kind of traumatized.

One thing I learned from my therapist friend ( who graciously sat down and listened to the whole story without charging me anything) is that some people thrive on chaos. She said I’m always trying to be pragmatic and fix things and improve things and not everyone is like that, some people love mess.

Anyway, accepting that has helped me calm down and realize I can’t control other people and if I want to run a business my way, I have to create my own..which, maybe I’ll try to do one day. My partner has started a business so I’m helping him for now at least.

It’s been a tough two years for me but now I’m in a place where I don’t have a ton of stress at work for the first time since high school, honestly. I work in a department with 7 men in their 40s, 50s and 60s. The first time in a long time that I’ve worked with people with more experience than me, and they know I know my shit and ironically it’s the least sexist and most respectful workspace I’ve been in. Would be cool if it paid more! Lol

[ToucanSpam]

Did you end up finding resolution to this? Tough situation to be in.

[Dorothy Wood]

Originally Posted by ToucanSpam

Did you end up finding resolution to this? Tough situation to be in.

No actually the “better” job environment has degraded significantly. I started therapy to handle the stress and depression that my workplaces have caused. I know that life isn’t fair but I don’t think what I’ve gone through is normal at all. Basically what I’ve learned is that chatty liars are more successful at work than quiet honest people. And I should have trained myself to be manipulative and obnoxious if I wanted to make money. Basically the same shit is happening again. A really loud person with no experience and a ton of bravado is running the company into the ground and if you speak up you’re labeled a “complainer”.

Anyway, looking for another job. Looking to leave my industry because it’s full of assholes.

[abbott]

Originally Posted by Dorothy Wood

No actually the “better”

Anyway, looking for another job. Looking to leave my industry because it’s full of assholes.

so I hated my field because it was so fucked. the sad thing is the truth is there and I know 1/1,000,000,000 of it. but I signed a bunch of non disclosure forms and so you cant know

Non-disclosure + public servant getting paid = you looking for work

dont hate the player, hate the game