How long do you think people should wait before getting married?

[Dorothy Wood]

I'm not talking for myself really, just wondering. A friend of mine is on the marriage track, but he knew he wanted to marry his girlfriend after only hanging out with her once, and it wasn't even a date. They moved in together after dating for 6 months or so. it's now 2 months later, and they are still pretty tight.

another friend of mine dated a dude for 5 years, and then he dumped her.

I know there aren't any answers really, but I don't think I'm super into the idea of dating someone for years and years without being married. But, I think it's hard to actually know someone in a short period of time. I used to think dating for a year would tell you...but that's not long at all.

I'm just feeling a little odd about my life. I think I just need to put down some roots or something. I should probably just "accidentally" get pregnant.

[Bob]

you shouldn't get married until you're ugly and boring and have nothing to talk about. if you can still stand each other, go for it, if you can't, you wasted your chance to find true love but hey at least you don't have to go through a divorce

[MC Moot]

After 2 years of cohabitation...at least...

[Dorothy Wood]

Originally Posted by Bob

you shouldn't get married until you're ugly and boring and have nothing to talk about. if you can still stand each other, go for it, if you can't, you wasted your chance to find true love but hey at least you don't have to go through a divorce

is that a quote from a television show, bob?


well, if that's true, I guess I'll never get married!

a month or so before I got dumped by my last boyfriend, I said something like, "I don't want you to think I'm boring or annoying." and he said, "well, you're not boring."

my current boyfriend thinks I'm annoying too, but he didn't wait 10 months to tell me. and it's a problem we're working through, together.

[Bob]

i think people should just embrace boringness because it's going to happen eventually

[MC Moot]

Originally Posted by Bob

i think people should just embrace boringness because it's going to happen eventually

that would be great on a t-shirt or tombstone...

[Dorothy Wood]

I don't know, I guess it depends on your definition of boring.

Obviously you can't be super excited all the time, but there's always something to do that's interesting if you want it.

although, me and dude do crosswords and puzzle games, and we watch movies and t.v. shows on DVD. I find that stuff pretty fun, and we can still do that shit when we're old farts. *shrugs* we also play music because he's got a house full of instruments, and that's always fun.

[Bob]

to me, boringness is having nothing to talk about but being cool with it

can't believe i'm single

[cosmo105]

My guy said "marry me" after we had been dating for about 3 months. I think we pretty much both knew that this was it after a month or two. Some of my married friends have told me the same about their relationships - they knew pretty early on. But just because you know it's going to happen doesn't mean it should happen right away.

We've been together for a year and a month, and living together for a month. We've talked about marriage and it's definitely where we're headed, but not for at least another year or so. And that's fine. I don't want to wait too long though. I'll get antsy and I want to still look cute in my wedding photos

[Echewta]

When its right and never sooner.

[Dorothy Wood]

Originally Posted by Bob

to me, boringness is having nothing to talk about but being cool with it

can't believe i'm single

there's always something to talk about, bob! you just need to marry a lady who likes to think.

Originally Posted by cosmo105

My guy said "marry me" after we had been dating for about 3 months. I think we pretty much both knew that this was it after a month or two. Some of my married friends have told me the same about their relationships - they knew pretty early on. But just because you know it's going to happen doesn't mean it should happen right away.

We've been together for a year and a month, and living together for a month. We've talked about marriage and it's definitely where we're headed, but not for at least another year or so. And that's fine. I don't want to wait too long though. I'll get antsy and I want to still look cute in my wedding photos

yeah, I keep hearing that about happily married couples. I had forever feelings for my dude right away, but I think part of that is hormones. I mean, I guess it could be magic or something. He's too much of a nervous nelly to say something like, "marry me", but he alludes to our future together sometimes...like 45 years into the future. ha.

bleh, I think I'm just tired of living in two places. oh yeah, and I like love the guy and stuff.

[Bob]

i think i'll just marry a deaf girl. or pretend to be mute. when i was a kid i always used to wish i was mute so i didn't have to worry about not talking to people. at some point i stopped wishing that but i'm not sure why, it still sounds pretty sweet

[cosmo105]

I think it's good to live apart for a while. We talked about moving in together after 6 months or so because my apartment was getting to be impractical, but decided to wait a while longer because we just weren't ready for it. Commuting 45 minutes to see each other was a pain but it was good for the development of the relationship and helped us stay independent after being together for a while. I've lived with two other boyfriends, and it's totally different this time around because we had that "dating" experience beforehand. Living in two places is annoying, but it's good for you. Moving in too fast is dangerous. Don't do it until you absolutely can't stand being apart anymore. I'm glad we waited. It made it that much more awesome when we finally made the step.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

Originally Posted by Bob

to me, boringness is having nothing to talk about but being cool with it

I totally agree with this. Part of why I am so happy in my relationship is because although we do talk, there are definitely times when we don't. When we are tired from the work day and are just at home relaxing with each other watching a movie or even doing seperate things, like reading a book, we do so in silence. Talking isn't necessary. It's pleasant and we enjoy just being physically in proximity of each other.

I also think my boyfriend and I have the types of personalities that sometimes need silence.

As we age together I think this is going to be a really important element to have.

I also am a big believer in living with someone for a few years first. Living with someone can really show you sides of them you have never seen or experienced before.

Also, I think one has to make sure it feels right. Not only in their hearts but in their heads too. Too many people rush during the "honeymoon" stage of their relationship to get married, which means they are only thinking with the heart. I think it's important to be logical about it as well.

[Dorothy Wood]

Originally Posted by Bob

i think i'll just marry a deaf girl. or pretend to be mute. when i was a kid i always used to wish i was mute so i didn't have to worry about not talking to people. at some point i stopped wishing that but i'm not sure why, it still sounds pretty sweet

You'd still have to communicate with a deaf girl, dude. Do you really want to learn sign language?

I used to wish I was mute too, I faked losing my voice occasionally. I always felt like saying "hi" to people was akin to coughing out my own spleen on command.

luckily, talking gets easier as you get older (in my opinion). once you start realizing that nobody's paying much attention to anyone and it doesn't really matter what you say or don't say. (unless you're getting reviewed on yelp, hahh).

Originally Posted by cosmo105

I think it's good to live apart for a while. We talked about moving in together after 6 months or so because my apartment was getting to be impractical, but decided to wait a while longer because we just weren't ready for it. Commuting 45 minutes to see each other was a pain but it was good for the development of the relationship and helped us stay independent after being together for a while. I've lived with two other boyfriends, and it's totally different this time around because we had that "dating" experience beforehand. Living in two places is annoying, but it's good for you. Moving in too fast is dangerous. Don't do it until you absolutely can't stand being apart anymore. I'm glad we waited. It made it that much more awesome when we finally made the step.

Oh, I totally agree with this. I'm pretty independent, and even if I did live with boyo, I'd need my own personal space to hang out in. It's just that as it is now, I feel more comfortable at his house than my own. He's a creature of habit, his domestic life is methodical and consistent. Everything he does makes sense. This is the opposite of my current roommate's living style. I still don't know why she threw out the door mat. it wasn't even dirty. and it was mine.

Anyway, I just want my own house I think. But it would be nice if he lived there too.

[Dorothy Wood]

Originally Posted by nodanaonlyzuul

I totally agree with this. Part of why I am so happy in my relationship is because although we do talk, there are definitely times when we don't. When we are tired from the work day and are just at home relaxing with each other watching a movie or even doing seperate things, like reading a book, we do so in silence. Talking isn't necessary. It's pleasant and we enjoy just being physically in proximity of each other.

I also think my boyfriend and I have the types of personalities that sometimes need silence.

As we age together I think this is going to be a really important element to have.

I also am a big believer in living with someone for a few years first. Living with someone can really show you sides of them you have never seen or experienced before.

Also, I think one has to make sure it feels right. Not only in their hearts but in their heads too. Too many people rush during the "honeymoon" stage of their relationship to get married, which means they are only thinking with the heart. I think it's important to be logical about it as well.

this is very sensible. I don't know if I'd count that as boring though, I think that's just easy living. The ability to attend to your own needs, while still being comforted by the presence of a partner. I think I'm more on that page than the boy is. Sometimes it seems like he feels like he needs to entertain me constantly. Last weekend we woke up saturday morning and spent the entire day talking, at one point I had to be like, "can we just be quiet for a minute?" We were having fun and stuff, I'm just not used to so much talking.

and I'm not complaining or anything, he is an awesome dude.

[cosmo105]

I lived pretty much alone for a couple of years so cohabitating is a big adjustment for me anyway. Alone and/or quiet time together is essential.

[yeahwho]

Originally Posted by Bob

you shouldn't get married until you're ugly and boring and have nothing to talk about. if you can still stand each other, go for it, if you can't, you wasted your chance to find true love but hey at least you don't have to go through a divorce

That is probably the most honest advice (and wisdom) I've read anywhere.

[Burnout18]

id say two years

[Lyman Zerga]

i heard the mad crushie butterfly feelings last about one year then they either disappear or you will step up onto another level of love, deep love

so defintely not under a year

[yeahwho]

Remember


the three rings


of marriage,



The engagement ring,



The wedding ring



and



The suffering

[saz]

yep

common law all the way

[ms.peachy]

Originally Posted by yeahwho

Remember
the three rings
of marriage,
The engagement ring,
The wedding ring
and
The suffering

I am married and have none of those three.

Guess I'm not so good at this marriage thing, eh?

[yeahwho]

Originally Posted by ms.peachy

I am married and have none of those three.

Guess I'm not so good at this marriage thing, eh?

Dude never gave you a ring?

[ms.peachy]

Originally Posted by yeahwho

Dude never gave you a ring?

Nah, we didn't want them. We'd just bought our house the year before and didn't see the point in racking up extra debt, and for what? I know for some people it seems to matter a great deal, but I just don't see 'the ring' as any particularly significant thing. We decided we'd wait and get rings at some time in the future, like for our 25th anniversary or something. So, 10 years down, 15 to go.

[Documad]

The Peachys are so fucking cool.

[yeahwho]

Peachy is awesome!

Most woman I've met unmarried, married, (is there any other kind?) really buy into the "ring". Yet most dudes I've met are really not into the "ring'. It's such an odd awkward beginning for having to make a life together, spending thousands of dollars on ceremony.

Your family is a glimmer of hope amidst the guilt driven Marriage industry.

[TurdBerglar]

there's no reason to get married. i don't understand why people care so much about this dumb shit. it just causes headaches and stress and puts a lot of unneeded pressure in a situation that's already dominated by pressure. marriage makes people crazy. i feel the same way about people purposely having kids.

my parents were together for like 20 some odd years until they got married. they only did it because one of them had better insurance. and that to me seems like the only logical situation to get married.

it's so fucking unneeded and useless for what it does to people. married couples are so unnatural. they're all like... well, we're married now so i guess we need to act "married". and that just pisses and irretates themselves eventually.

[Bob]

you're like an angry spock

[TurdBerglar]

i don't know what that means so fuck you, bob