How long do you think people should wait before getting married?

[Dorothy Wood]

I'm not talking for myself really, just wondering. A friend of mine is on the marriage track, but he knew he wanted to marry his girlfriend after only hanging out with her once, and it wasn't even a date. They moved in together after dating for 6 months or so. it's now 2 months later, and they are still pretty tight.

another friend of mine dated a dude for 5 years, and then he dumped her.

I know there aren't any answers really, but I don't think I'm super into the idea of dating someone for years and years without being married. But, I think it's hard to actually know someone in a short period of time. I used to think dating for a year would tell you...but that's not long at all.

I'm just feeling a little odd about my life. I think I just need to put down some roots or something. I should probably just "accidentally" get pregnant.

[Bob]

you shouldn't get married until you're ugly and boring and have nothing to talk about. if you can still stand each other, go for it, if you can't, you wasted your chance to find true love but hey at least you don't have to go through a divorce

[MC Moot]

After 2 years of cohabitation...at least...

[Dorothy Wood]

you shouldn't get married until you're ugly and boring and have nothing to talk about. if you can still stand each other, go for it, if you can't, you wasted your chance to find true love but hey at least you don't have to go through a divorce

is that a quote from a television show, bob?


well, if that's true, I guess I'll never get married! :cool:

a month or so before I got dumped by my last boyfriend, I said something like, "I don't want you to think I'm boring or annoying." and he said, "well, you're not boring."

my current boyfriend thinks I'm annoying too, but he didn't wait 10 months to tell me. and it's a problem we're working through, together. :o

[Bob]

i think people should just embrace boringness because it's going to happen eventually

[MC Moot]

i think people should just embrace boringness because it's going to happen eventually

that would be great on a t-shirt or tombstone...(y)

[Dorothy Wood]

I don't know, I guess it depends on your definition of boring.

Obviously you can't be super excited all the time, but there's always something to do that's interesting if you want it.

although, me and dude do crosswords and puzzle games, and we watch movies and t.v. shows on DVD. I find that stuff pretty fun, and we can still do that shit when we're old farts. *shrugs* we also play music because he's got a house full of instruments, and that's always fun.

[Bob]

to me, boringness is having nothing to talk about but being cool with it

can't believe i'm single

[cosmo105]

My guy said "marry me" after we had been dating for about 3 months. I think we pretty much both knew that this was it after a month or two. Some of my married friends have told me the same about their relationships - they knew pretty early on. But just because you know it's going to happen doesn't mean it should happen right away.

We've been together for a year and a month, and living together for a month. We've talked about marriage and it's definitely where we're headed, but not for at least another year or so. And that's fine. I don't want to wait too long though. I'll get antsy and I want to still look cute in my wedding photos :cool:

[Echewta]

When its right and never sooner.

[Dorothy Wood]

to me, boringness is having nothing to talk about but being cool with it

can't believe i'm single

there's always something to talk about, bob! you just need to marry a lady who likes to think.


My guy said "marry me" after we had been dating for about 3 months. I think we pretty much both knew that this was it after a month or two. Some of my married friends have told me the same about their relationships - they knew pretty early on. But just because you know it's going to happen doesn't mean it should happen right away.

We've been together for a year and a month, and living together for a month. We've talked about marriage and it's definitely where we're headed, but not for at least another year or so. And that's fine. I don't want to wait too long though. I'll get antsy and I want to still look cute in my wedding photos :cool:


yeah, I keep hearing that about happily married couples. I had forever feelings for my dude right away, but I think part of that is hormones. I mean, I guess it could be magic or something. He's too much of a nervous nelly to say something like, "marry me", but he alludes to our future together sometimes...like 45 years into the future. ha.

bleh, I think I'm just tired of living in two places. oh yeah, and I like love the guy and stuff.

[Bob]

i think i'll just marry a deaf girl. or pretend to be mute. when i was a kid i always used to wish i was mute so i didn't have to worry about not talking to people. at some point i stopped wishing that but i'm not sure why, it still sounds pretty sweet

[cosmo105]

I think it's good to live apart for a while. We talked about moving in together after 6 months or so because my apartment was getting to be impractical, but decided to wait a while longer because we just weren't ready for it. Commuting 45 minutes to see each other was a pain but it was good for the development of the relationship and helped us stay independent after being together for a while. I've lived with two other boyfriends, and it's totally different this time around because we had that "dating" experience beforehand. Living in two places is annoying, but it's good for you. Moving in too fast is dangerous. Don't do it until you absolutely can't stand being apart anymore. I'm glad we waited. It made it that much more awesome when we finally made the step.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

to me, boringness is having nothing to talk about but being cool with it


I totally agree with this. Part of why I am so happy in my relationship is because although we do talk, there are definitely times when we don't. When we are tired from the work day and are just at home relaxing with each other watching a movie or even doing seperate things, like reading a book, we do so in silence. Talking isn't necessary. It's pleasant and we enjoy just being physically in proximity of each other.

I also think my boyfriend and I have the types of personalities that sometimes need silence.

As we age together I think this is going to be a really important element to have.

I also am a big believer in living with someone for a few years first. Living with someone can really show you sides of them you have never seen or experienced before.

Also, I think one has to make sure it feels right. Not only in their hearts but in their heads too. Too many people rush during the "honeymoon" stage of their relationship to get married, which means they are only thinking with the heart. I think it's important to be logical about it as well.

[Dorothy Wood]

i think i'll just marry a deaf girl. or pretend to be mute. when i was a kid i always used to wish i was mute so i didn't have to worry about not talking to people. at some point i stopped wishing that but i'm not sure why, it still sounds pretty sweet

You'd still have to communicate with a deaf girl, dude. Do you really want to learn sign language?

I used to wish I was mute too, I faked losing my voice occasionally. I always felt like saying "hi" to people was akin to coughing out my own spleen on command.

luckily, talking gets easier as you get older (in my opinion). once you start realizing that nobody's paying much attention to anyone and it doesn't really matter what you say or don't say. (unless you're getting reviewed on yelp, hahh).

I think it's good to live apart for a while. We talked about moving in together after 6 months or so because my apartment was getting to be impractical, but decided to wait a while longer because we just weren't ready for it. Commuting 45 minutes to see each other was a pain but it was good for the development of the relationship and helped us stay independent after being together for a while. I've lived with two other boyfriends, and it's totally different this time around because we had that "dating" experience beforehand. Living in two places is annoying, but it's good for you. Moving in too fast is dangerous. Don't do it until you absolutely can't stand being apart anymore. I'm glad we waited. It made it that much more awesome when we finally made the step.

Oh, I totally agree with this. I'm pretty independent, and even if I did live with boyo, I'd need my own personal space to hang out in. It's just that as it is now, I feel more comfortable at his house than my own. He's a creature of habit, his domestic life is methodical and consistent. Everything he does makes sense. This is the opposite of my current roommate's living style. I still don't know why she threw out the door mat. :confused: it wasn't even dirty. and it was mine.

Anyway, I just want my own house I think. But it would be nice if he lived there too.

[Dorothy Wood]

I totally agree with this. Part of why I am so happy in my relationship is because although we do talk, there are definitely times when we don't. When we are tired from the work day and are just at home relaxing with each other watching a movie or even doing seperate things, like reading a book, we do so in silence. Talking isn't necessary. It's pleasant and we enjoy just being physically in proximity of each other.

I also think my boyfriend and I have the types of personalities that sometimes need silence.

As we age together I think this is going to be a really important element to have.

I also am a big believer in living with someone for a few years first. Living with someone can really show you sides of them you have never seen or experienced before.

Also, I think one has to make sure it feels right. Not only in their hearts but in their heads too. Too many people rush during the "honeymoon" stage of their relationship to get married, which means they are only thinking with the heart. I think it's important to be logical about it as well.


this is very sensible. I don't know if I'd count that as boring though, I think that's just easy living. The ability to attend to your own needs, while still being comforted by the presence of a partner. I think I'm more on that page than the boy is. Sometimes it seems like he feels like he needs to entertain me constantly. Last weekend we woke up saturday morning and spent the entire day talking, at one point I had to be like, "can we just be quiet for a minute?" We were having fun and stuff, I'm just not used to so much talking.

and I'm not complaining or anything, he is an awesome dude. :)

[cosmo105]

I lived pretty much alone for a couple of years so cohabitating is a big adjustment for me anyway. Alone and/or quiet time together is essential.

[yeahwho]

you shouldn't get married until you're ugly and boring and have nothing to talk about. if you can still stand each other, go for it, if you can't, you wasted your chance to find true love but hey at least you don't have to go through a divorce

That is probably the most honest advice (and wisdom) I've read anywhere.

[Burnout18]

id say two years

[Lyman Zerga]

i heard the mad crushie butterfly feelings last about one year then they either disappear or you will step up onto another level of love, deep love

so defintely not under a year

[yeahwho]

Remember


the three rings


of marriage,



The engagement ring,



The wedding ring



and



The suffering

[saz]

yep

common law all the way

[ms.peachy]

Remember
the three rings
of marriage,
The engagement ring,
The wedding ring
and
The suffering

I am married and have none of those three.

Guess I'm not so good at this marriage thing, eh?

[yeahwho]

I am married and have none of those three.

Guess I'm not so good at this marriage thing, eh?

Dude never gave you a ring?

[ms.peachy]

Dude never gave you a ring?

Nah, we didn't want them. We'd just bought our house the year before and didn't see the point in racking up extra debt, and for what? I know for some people it seems to matter a great deal, but I just don't see 'the ring' as any particularly significant thing. We decided we'd wait and get rings at some time in the future, like for our 25th anniversary or something. So, 10 years down, 15 to go.

[Documad]

The Peachys are so fucking cool.

[yeahwho]

Peachy is awesome!

Most woman I've met unmarried, married, (is there any other kind?) really buy into the "ring". Yet most dudes I've met are really not into the "ring'. It's such an odd awkward beginning for having to make a life together, spending thousands of dollars on ceremony.

Your family is a glimmer of hope amidst the guilt driven Marriage industry. (y)

[TurdBerglar]

there's no reason to get married. i don't understand why people care so much about this dumb shit. it just causes headaches and stress and puts a lot of unneeded pressure in a situation that's already dominated by pressure. marriage makes people crazy. i feel the same way about people purposely having kids.

my parents were together for like 20 some odd years until they got married. they only did it because one of them had better insurance. and that to me seems like the only logical situation to get married.

it's so fucking unneeded and useless for what it does to people. married couples are so unnatural. they're all like... well, we're married now so i guess we need to act "married". and that just pisses and irretates themselves eventually.

[Bob]

you're like an angry spock

[TurdBerglar]

i don't know what that means so fuck you, bob

[paul jones]

after doing anal

[ms.peachy]

there's no reason to get married.

Having spent much of yesterday in the visa office, I beg to differ.

[TurdBerglar]

there's no reason to follow your spouse to china

[Miho]

there's no reason to get married. i don't understand why people care so much about this dumb shit. it just causes headaches and stress and puts a lot of unneeded pressure in a situation that's already dominated by pressure. marriage makes people crazy. i feel the same way about people purposely having kids.

my parents were together for like 20 some odd years until they got married. they only did it because one of them had better insurance. and that to me seems like the only logical situation to get married.

it's so fucking unneeded and useless for what it does to people. married couples are so unnatural. they're all like... well, we're married now so i guess we need to act "married". and that just pisses and irretates themselves eventually.

(y)

I agree with this entirely.

It's a silly tradition, IMO. But for those who value it, more power to them.

[ms.peachy]

there's no reason to follow your spouse to china

The hell there isn't. In China I can have a housekeeper/nanny, be a 'lady who lunches' and buy knock of designer handbags cheap as chips. It ain't half bad being me sometimes, if I do say so myself.

[TurdBerglar]

yeah china beats the shit out of england or jersey

[paul jones]

yeah china beats the shit out of england or jersey

at table tennis?

[TurdBerglar]

that and killing daughters

[ms.peachy]

yeah china beats the shit out of england or jersey

Well you know, they're all dirty, crowded, noisy and expensive. That's just the kind of girl I am I guess.

[TurdBerglar]

you hate china

[ms.peachy]

you hate china

LOL some days.

But not today.

[TurdBerglar]

you absolutely hate china and dream of it sinking uder the weight of all its god damn people

[ms.peachy]

LOL thanks for that, next time I am having a 'bad China day', that will definitely be my mental image.(y)

[Adam]

A true test of any relationship I think is going on holiday/vacation together.

You spend so much time together in a place where the only other person you know is the chump you're with - if you don't want to hurt each other at any point during it then its probably safe to get married.

[paul jones]

A true test of any relationship I think is going on holiday/vacation together.

.


blackpool?

[ms.peachy]

blackpool?

I don't think anyone could go on holiday to Blackpool without wanting to hurt somebody before it's over.

[paul jones]

I don't think anyone could go on holiday to Blackpool without wanting to hurt somebody before it's over.

I went there once to see a gig.I don't think I'll go again.....EVER.

[Adam]

I used to like Blackpool, but before I was 18 which for my birthday was the last time I went. I don't want to go again.

But I was more talking about a take a plane holiday where the people there don't speak your language.

[Bob]

A true test of any relationship I think is going on holiday/vacation together.

You spend so much time together in a place where the only other person you know is the chump you're with - if you don't want to hurt each other at any point during it then its probably safe to get married.

i couldn't imagine

[skra75]

after doing anal

I was supposed to marry them :eek:

[Kid Presentable]

I mean, the short answer is as long as you want. It's one decision you have to live with for the forseeable future, so the people involved should be the ones deciding. That often leads to its own series of differing opinions within some relationships, though.

Bottom line, you choose.

[TAL]

My parents have been together for over 40 years and are still happily unmarried

[Lyman Zerga]

my parents are married for 27 years now but they stopped living togther 13 years ago

[QueenAdrock]

yep

common law all the way

I just found out Brett and I are officially common law. I guess that means we get the same tax benefits as married people without the whole marriage part. Since I'm not religious, there's no BIG MEANING behind marriage for me either. We're both devoted to each other and know it, so getting married would simply be symbolic.

But I guess it would make immigration crap easier, so that's one reason to do it.

[DipDipDive]

I'm starting to not believe in marriage. I adore the idea of lifelong companionship but it's totally impractical to promise maintenance of a certain emotion until the end of your life. People change. I'm 26. I'm madly in love with my boyfriend and I want to be with him forever...but that's how I feel right now. It's entirely possible that my sentiments may be different 2, 10, 20 years from now, and it wouldn't be fair to him to make a promise that I may not be able to keep.

I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

I don't know about timeframes for other people. Alls I know is it's way stupid to marry someone without living with him or her first...Classic fuckup that never ends well from what I've seen/heard.

[Dorothy Wood]

yeah yeah, pee wee, I get your meaning.


I've actually never been the kind of girl who fantasized about getting married...I guess I just figure if you do get married, there's always divorce, right?

it's not like you're physically locked in to anything. My mom's on her 4th marriage. This one seems like forever though *fingers crossed*

times change, people change. I thought I wanted to be with my last boyfriend forever, but he didn't feel the same way. I probably could've stayed with him forever; even though looking back, I wasn't even all the way in it.

I guess I just think with my current dude, we're both honest with each other and communicate well. and I've never been more sexually attracted to anyone I've dated (this could have something to do with my biological clock, granted). I kinda just wanna lock that shit down, you know?


I think I'm just getting old and there are lots of people getting married in my social circle. A lot of the marrieds are people that have dated for years and years anyway, so they've practically been married anyway.


balls, I don't want to get married tomorrow or anything (or maybe I do?), just think it's a weird thing and I don't know why I crave it and push it away at the same time. I guess it's nice to think about having a life partner, even though logic says it's only about a 50/50 chance that the relationship will last your whole life.

I'm pretty sickly right now, been drinking some irish cough medicine (whiskey), so I'm rambling. I just know that this boy accepts me for the fucked up asshole I am, and that is pretty rare. what more could I ask?

[DipDipDive]

My manfriend and I are both very pragmatic. Everyone with whom I've been in a serious relationship has been, for that matter. I wouldn't take a proposal as a romantic gesture. In fact, I would see at as a placation of what my partner assumes to be my feminine needs and instincts.

Isn't that why marriage exists in modern society? To placate women? Because that's what it seems to me.

[Dorothy Wood]

I wouldn't say that. I think that a lot of men crave stability and partnership as much as women. I was talking to my male BFF the other day about monogamy, and he got upset with me because I said that I might consider an open relationship down the road. I said it because he was saying that men want to "spread their seed", and that he's still attracted to other women even though he's committed to his girl.

He said that even though he might be attracted to others, the committed relationship he has is more important than the thrill of hooking up with someone else. Which, frankly, is adorable...but his view is constantly being stomped on by men, and women everywhere.

Maybe it's just because I'm 30, and I want to be settled down...but the thought of having one dude for the rest of my life is extremely appealing. I recently spent some time looking at singles profiles because my roommate found my old boyfriend on a singles site and I wanted to check out his profile. I found myself looking at other guys in his age range to get a gauge of what he was up against...and about 90% of them just seemed like douches. Then I spent some time looking for a girl for him, and about 90% of the girls were douches. (this was a very surreal experience, btw). There was one that seemed pretty cool, but then she said something about height being a "deal breaker", and I was like, dang, fuck you bitch. (my ex is a shorty).


I'm just saying, morons are running thick and deep out there, if you find someone who's not awful that you also connect with...what's the harm in committing?

[DipDipDive]

I'm just saying, morons are running thick and deep out there, if you find someone who's not awful that you also connect with...what's the harm in committing?

None whatsoever.

What's the harm in committing without marriage?

Make no mistake, I am definitely a relationship person. My skepticism about marriage has nothing to do with the desire to sleep around, or my concern that my partner has/may have a desire to sleep around, because I don't date people like that. I truly appreciate the depth and intimacy that a loving, committed relationship offers. But I'm also realistic about the intrinsic nature of human beings, myself in particular. I'm constantly evaluating the quality of my relationships, weighing out their positive and negative effects on me...with my partner, my friends, my family, everyone. I've never been one to stick around merely out of obligation. If people aren't making my life better, or, more importantly, if they're making my life worse, I don't see the need in continuing a relationship with them. For example, my grandpa is a dick...it took many years for my mom, my brother, and I to realize how miserable he made us all. But we did, and now we don't talk to him anymore. People who I thought were my friends have wronged me in the past, and though it hurt, I eliminated them from my life. All of these scenarios are just as possible to occur with a significant other as they are with a friend or a family member. My life partner is a person, too, and our emotions and intellects have the potential to develop in opposing directions as years pass.

That's just life, and I think promising that you'll stay committed to someone who may not be the same person to you that he was earlier in life isn't worth the pain it could cause.

[Dorothy Wood]

none. I'm still trying to figure out my own thoughts on the matter. It seems to me that it really doesn't have much to do with the success of a relationship in the long run.

I guess I just think the idea is nice.

[DipDipDive]

I should make clear that my attitude is more than likely the result of being the product of a "broken home," but I think it's an attitude that would decrease the divorce rate if more people had it...so it's gotta be worth something.

[Dorothy Wood]

well, my home was broken twice before I was 18, and I still believe in marriage...so maybe that just makes me a sucker.

I dunno, I have witnessed happy marriages, happy families, people who partner up and respect each other, consider each other best friends and want the relationship to last forever.

I don't think that it's about placation in every case, I think it's more about wanting to declare your commitment legally to someone you intend on sharing your life with.


I'm pretty much a big sap, is what I'm saying.

[TurdBerglar]

why is the legal part so important about the commitment

[DipDipDive]

I'm pretty much a big sap, is what I'm saying.

Yeah. Stereotypically romantic things make me uncomfortable, so I guess that's just the difference.

My idea of romance is my boyfriend leaving me a reminder to bring my leftovers for lunch when he leaves for work in the morning.

:o

[Dorothy Wood]

why is the legal part so important about the commitment

I don't know. why is it not important?

Yeah. Stereotypically romantic things make me uncomfortable, so I guess that's just the difference.

My idea of romance is my boyfriend leaving me a reminder to bring my leftovers for lunch when he leaves for work in the morning.

:o


hmm, I wouldn't say I'm a sappy typical romantic type. if I were to get married, I'd like a cheap antique ring and a courthouse ceremony. then a big pizza party.

I don't expect romance out of my dude, I just think he's a good person and he likes me and tells me so all the time, and that's plenty for me. He gave me some roses around christmas time and I was excited to see them, but then accidentally ruined them because I sorta forgot to put them in water. oops. so, stuff like that seems pointless to me. I did tell him he has to give me a valentine though, or I'm going to call the police.

[TurdBerglar]

I don't know. why is it not important?

it just seems it's a overt waste of time and stress for it to be worth anything. it just adds one more thing to your life that could fuck up and that stays in the back of your mind. stress kills relationships.

you're doing the exact same shit the week before you get married(watching tv together,eating together, fucking, you know the same shit) as you do the week after you get married.

there's just no good reason for it. unless there actually is for some odd reason. which happens. but not usually.

sharing of assest? you don't need to get fucking married for that.

i don't know. i just don't beleive in family i guess. i beleive in just hanging out with some chick watching tv together, eating together, and fucking, etc. all that other family shit just gets in the way of that. and that marriage stuff just gives you more shit to worry about and to get your mind all twisted up.

my aunt and ucle got married when i was like 13. they don't have any kids. they pretty much act like how any couple in their twenties would act and they're in their early 40's. they're successful and happy. they have a better life because they don't have a family. if they hadn't got married shit wouldn't be any different. so they wasted a shitload of money and time and stress on the something that was utterly useless.

i just don't see the benefits.

[TurdBerglar]

i think most people want to get married is so they don't look l ike losers

[Mr. Boomin'Granny]

You don't need to wait. You'll know fairly soon.

[Dorothy Wood]

it just seems it's a overt waste of time and stress for it to be worth anything. it just adds one more thing to your life that could fuck up and that stays in the back of your mind. stress kills relationships.

you're doing the exact same shit the week before you get married(watching tv together,eating together, fucking, you know the same shit) as you do the week after you get married.

there's just no good reason for it. unless there actually is for some odd reason. which happens. but not usually.

sharing of assest? you don't need to get fucking married for that.

i don't know. i just don't beleive in family i guess. i beleive in just hanging out with some chick watching tv together, eating together, and fucking, etc. all that other family shit just gets in the way of that. and that marriage stuff just gives you more shit to worry about and to get your mind all twisted up.

my aunt and ucle got married when i was like 13. they don't have any kids. they pretty much act like how any couple in their twenties would act and they're in their early 40's. they're successful and happy. they have a better life because they don't have a family. if they hadn't got married shit wouldn't be any different. so they wasted a shitload of money and time and stress on the something that was utterly useless.

i just don't see the benefits.


hmm. no interest in survival of the species I see. that's cool. I don't agree with spending a load of money on a wedding for one day, but every wedding I've been to in the past 5 years has been a joyous occasion, so I can see why people do it.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

My boyfriend and I don't want children but one day when it makes more sense, i.e. when it's not going to hurt my chances for financial help when taking classes again which will probably be when I'm done taking classes, we still want to get married.

For the legal part of I imagine if there is ever an emergency, there may be certain limitations since we would not be husband and wife. I haven't really explored that much though and the legal part isn't what I care about.

It's just nice to have a small ceremony. I don't see that as stressful or a waste of money. Certainly not if it's kept small and everyone is casual about it. And even if it means we never sign a paper with the government, I would like to take a day to celebrate each other and share our happiness with the people closest to us.

[Kid Presentable]

Happily married people don't need to justify their position as vehemently as people who oppose marriage. It's interesting.

[DipDipDive]

Maybe my position has something to do with it just not being the right time for me. My staunch realism (maybe cynicism...whatever you want to call it) might subside when the time IS right.

I just hope that the "right time" for me aligns with that of my dude. Because I know a bunch of chicks who are all like "FUCK I WANNA GET MARRIED I WANNA GET MARRIED I WANNA GET MARRIED" and their dudes are kinda like "meh" and that all seems like a bunch of bullshit.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I just hope that the "right time" for me aligns with that of my dude. Because I know a bunch of chicks who are all like "FUCK I WANNA GET MARRIED I WANNA GET MARRIED I WANNA GET MARRIED" and their dudes are kinda like "meh" and that all seems like a bunch of bullshit.

I totally agree on this. It happens a lot, I've noticed.

Besides, why would you ever want to marry someone that doesn't want or isn't ready to marry you? Shoot. Bitches need to chill out or bounce if it's that big of a deal.

Or maybe I'm a prideful bitch. I dunno.

[Dorothy Wood]

hmm. I really don't know anybody who's like, FUCKK, I WANNA GET MARRIED!

everyone I know is either perpetually single, or in a committed long-term relationship (most of them married and/or living together).

one girl I know was dating a friend of mine for a couple of years, then left him because he wouldn't commit to marrying her. she started dating another friend of mine from a different circle of friends, and they got married a year and a half after they started dating. which was a little bit of a shock considering that guy was a pretty big partier and was always hooking up with different girls. He actually had a sort of girlfriend that he just brushed aside when he started hanging out with his now wife.

And thennn, the ex that she dumped married one of his lady friends when she was visiting on vacation during the summer. They hung out for a few days, things turned romantic I guess, he proposed, a week later they were married. I was at the reception, it was a little weird, but also kind of awesome.


My point is, I don't know any women or men who got married because they were pressured by a partner.

[cosmo105]

I used to be totally "meh" about marriage and never thought about it in any good light, and just saw it as a sort of inevitable thing. I've kind of always wanted a family, but it's never been the end-all, be-all definition of my existence. It was just sort of something I saw myself having. Babies etc. But I didn't see it happening for real, 100% totally this-is-going-to-be-it until my current boyfriend. And I think I understand it now.

My grandparents were married for 63 years, had a family and were deeply in love up until the very end when my grandma passed away a few years ago. I know they're products of a different generation and all, but damnit, that's beautiful.

My parents were on their second and third marriages with each other. My mom has said she'd probably never get married again, and I don't blame her. She's perfectly happy with what she's got.


In any case, I see getting married not as something I've been programmed to do - because, as I said, I really never put all that much thought into it (and was even a little apprehensive about the whole thing) - but as something that people do as kind of the ultimate PDA. You wear a ring, to say to people, I am married and I carry this person and thus the commitment with me wherever I go. You enter a legal contract that the government recognizes and you are tied to that person. You choose to do this, and it's selfless and scary and awesome. It's something that connects you on a deep level to tradition, and just...I don't know. I see marriage totally differently these days.

I think in the past I probably would have been okay with never getting married. I probably would now, too, really. I thought about past relationships, "this person would be a nice one to marry, if I were going to do that." But now, I want to marry my boyfriend. I want to. He said it best, a long time ago: "Now I see why people get married and have babies."

I dunno, I'm not married and I'm not going to be married anytime soon. But for the first time in my life I'm thinking about it and it makes sense.

[b-grrrlie]

When its right and never sooner.
Totally.

Last summer two friends of mine were supposed to go and see New York Dolls, but W was too busy to freeze her newly picked raspberries so she couldn't make it and V was really angry and thought she'd get blastered in the bar. There she met P, another old friend of mine, and they knew of each other through music. They started drinking together and went crazy at the front at the gig. Two weeks later I found out through their Facebook comments that they'd gotten engaged and a month later they bought a flat and moved in together.
They both have a couple of failed marriages behind and teenage kids. They plan to get married in the summer. We celebrated New Years together and they were so totally in love, and it felt like they'd always been together and they totally suit each other.
And they're both my age......

Funnily three of my friend couples got married after being together for 19 years a few years ago. They're all still together, but for one of the couples the marriage feels not right. I don't know if they were trying to save a cracking relationship, but they're still sticking together.

[HEIRESS]

On Feb 14th I will have been officially engaged for 1 year.

If there is a wedding within the next 2 years I will be surprised.

I would just like to live less than 4,000 km from the one I love sometime in the next year. I could give two fucks about everything else.

Although I am excited to take on his last name instead of my own. It'll flow better having a fucked up first name combined with an equally unusual last one.

[sjp]

A true test of any relationship I think is going on holiday/vacation together.

You spend so much time together in a place where the only other person you know is the chump you're with - if you don't want to hurt each other at any point during it then its probably safe to get married.

yup the girlie is coming with me to jamaica for my sisters wedding in april