Living Single

[DandyFop]

People make a lot of jokes about dating in LA but it truly is miserable. Everybody's so busy and caught up in their own shit. I'm starting to get really sad about it I just want someone who can be my special someone! I'm sick of being single in the bars and trying to meet dudes and casual sex and just all of it! And of course it's harder for a gal like me with some meat on her bones cause all the girls out here are gorgeous with perfect bodies.

I guess this is mostly a complainy thread more than anything else.

Has anybody ever had a relationship that doesnt work right now but ended up working in the future? Me and my ex have INSANE chemistry, sexually and otherwise, but he's too immature for me to be with. I'm really hoping it changes in a few years and we can be together but it's really frustrating to not be able to have it now.

You know one thing I hate is how people say like, you can't look for it, just stop thinking about it and it will happen - love is the ONLY thing anybody says that about. Everything else, they said, if you want something you gotta go out and GRAB IT! Why is love the exception? I think it's just so you don't have to listen to your single friends complain anymore.

BOO FUCKING HOO and I'm still super sad about MCA AHHHHh

[gbsuey]

This might not help, but it should....from everything i've read and seen of you here over the years, you are awesome. And totally beautiful, screw it if you're not super-skinny, i don't and according to those polls they do, neither do a large percentage of guys, think that's such a great look anyway.

Never been in a relationship that didn't work, then did, so no useful advice there i'm afraid.

And i would say things are more likely to happen if you do look for it, at least a bit anyway. it's easy to get down about this though, i'm doubting i'll ever have a relationship again! And this week in particular....

[little j]

i tihnk thats true about 'love finding you and blah blah blah' but at the same time... if i were single today and looking for somethign worthwhile and not just fun, i'd most likely be trying out the whole online dating thing. because if you dont put yourself out there how will it find you?

a lot of my coworkers have had such success finding longterm meaningful relationships through match.com.

have you tried that?

[Bob]

Originally Posted by DandyFop

You know one thing I hate is how people say like, you can't look for it, just stop thinking about it and it will happen - love is the ONLY thing anybody says that about. Everything else, they said, if you want something you gotta go out and GRAB IT! Why is love the exception? I think it's just so you don't have to listen to your single friends complain anymore.

right????

sure, i'll totally spend my 20's, the years when i'm probably literally going to be the best-looking i'll ever be in my life, not trying to get with women, that sounds like a great idea

[abbott]

my poor wife, she puts up with me. Can you imagine?

I am so immature. I got lucky that my wife was looking for the non-violent type and she forgot to think about me being immature.

I've been immature now for 15 years of marriage, and I still do alot of stupid shit, but I am so thankful my wife has stuck it through with me. Now, I can tell you I actually try to act like an adult and be a good husband, and I really have just started doing that after 15 years. No shit, my wife spends at least 15% of her life pissed because I am doing something immature. She always knows the story, so hiding shit aint part of our equation.

FYI, my personal goal was to get married, have kids before I loose my hair. Now that I have kids, who cares what my hair looks like?

Good luck finding a mature guy who is not violent.

[NicRN77]

I totally feel your pain!! Being single truly sucks. I'm 35 and was just sick and tired of the dating scene. SO tired of the online dating crap. I hadn't had a serious relationship in years....then in February I met the perfect guy for me. Online date and I wasn't too excited about it. We went to dinner, saw Jim Gaffigan then went out to see some live music. An EIGHT hour date. Oh my. We connected instantly and have been super happy since....I feel this may be for real.

The point is, just don't give up. Things happen for a reason and you deserve good things! As for hoping things work out with the ex....has never worked for me.

[HEIRESS]

You need to source your husband from the bbmb, it's the only proven way.

[Pres Zount]

Originally Posted by DandyFop

You know one thing I hate is how people say like, you can't look for it, just stop thinking about it and it will happen - love is the ONLY thing anybody says that about. Everything else, they said, if you want something you gotta go out and GRAB IT! Why is love the exception? I think it's just so you don't have to listen to your single friends complain anymore.

It seems to work for me, to be honest. Maybe not 'love', but I find that if you show absolutely no interest in women, they seem to flock to you, as if trying to prove a point.

Maybe it wont work for you though, because men are lazy.

[Bob]

it's hard to consciously do that though

normally the advice i hear is like "devote yourself to your other interests, spend your time wrapped up in doing the things you love, and then something'll happen naturally"

but if i've ever met anyone who devotes a ton of her time to something she loves, it's barb, so i dunno what to make of that


i swear that was going to be helpful when i started writing it but instead you go that. sorry

[Echewta]

Bowl more. Quality men and women at the bowling lanes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaN_23J9wWo

[Randetica]

for a year or longer i was glad being single but since a few weeks i been feeling the need for a guy on my side again, hope that feeling fucks off soon!

[paul jones]

Anyone want to come for a big mac ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maYUQyC3jo4

[Caribou]

I've been single for over 6 years now. Doing absolutely fine on my own, couldn't even imagine ever being in a relationship. I find that I have to explain myself a lot to friends and acquaintances, because they seem to think this is some kind of self-esteem issue, but it really isn't. The reason I'm alone is not because I can't find anyone or think I'm not worthy (because I'm actually pretty awesome), but because I'm genuinely not interested.
That's just one of the things I found out about myself, I belong to some kind of minority with a community of people who all lurk on tumblr and fap over Sherlock and Dr. Who. Ugh.

[M|X|Y]

the title of this thread got me excited for a second

http://youtu.be/oWXRvfdbv6I?t=4s

still, good luck dandy

[DIGI]

Originally Posted by DandyFop

Me and my ex have INSANE chemistry, sexually and otherwise, but he's too immature for me to be with. I'm really hoping it changes in a few years and we can be together but it's really frustrating to not be able to have it now.

This is interesting. How old of a dude are we talking about? Secondly, what type of immaturity? Where does he sit on the scale of 4? 1) Still pees the bed. 2) Unrelenting dick and farts jokes. 3) As in bangs 3 chicks while you're at work. 4) Shares needles.

Chemistry is key.

[DandyFop]

Originally Posted by DIGI

This is interesting. How old of a dude are we talking about? Secondly, what type of immaturity? Where does he sit on the scale of 4? 1) Still pees the bed. 2) Unrelenting dick and farts jokes. 3) As in bangs 3 chicks while you're at work. 4) Shares needles.

Chemistry is key.

He's 25 and I'm 28. He was 23 when we dated...and unemployed and living on his dad's couch. Haha. All these things got to me too much.

He just knows no life of hardship or responsibility. Not that I REALLY do, but I have to have a full time job and deal with my shit, and he just pretty much parties all the time. Grew up in a rich family and now just got an inheritance and doesn't need to do anything. And he doesn't even work hard on his career with all this free time, just kind of parties. But he is 25, and I think that's acceptable for now. I don't want to be a bummer on his good time. We've talked about it but he also just got out of a long thing and wants to be alone, and I know that I would get fed up with him if we tried to date again right now.

So I'm hoping that maybe in a few years he will mature and become a little more responsible and less of a partier. But I really don't know. He is a great guy, but also kind of naive with a bit of a delusional outlook on things.

[HEIRESS]

Join a co-ed adult sports & social club, go out once a week and play soccer baseball or dogeball or frisbee etc and you will probably meet a huge amount of new dudes.
Plus you will be getting excises at the same time.

I would say at this point in your life getting in shape is key, it will make you feel better physically and mentally and can be an extra bonus if you think losing a few pounds will attract more bees to your honey.

It's been said here a million times, but there are lots of men who enjoy women with more meat on their bones. At around 165lbs (give or take 10 over the years) I have outweighed every guy I've ever dated by atleast 10-30 pounds (except one dude who was 6'5).

I am married to a man who has a Master's in human nutrition/Registered Dietitian and he is in ridiculous shape and he adores my body (even if my bmi tells me that I'm overweight), so don't lose hope just yet.

If anyone can look at your current facebook profile pic and not want to date you then I don't know what their goddamn problem is.

[na§tee]

awh, dandy. i want to buy you a pint! i'm sorry you feel this way.

i don't know if things will work out with your ex unless he makes some significant changes to his life (the things you pointed out: doing shit all with his life and being irresponsible etc) and it might be easy for you to say at 25 you figure this is okay (personally i would think quite the opposite), but soon that will be pushed to 27, then 29, then 31, and you could be saying the same thing.

it is important to be with someone who takes responsibility for their future and has some pride. i think the only way this relationship will work out in the future is if he gets off his backside. and you shouldn't be hanging around waiting for this, because it might never happen.

you're a hot piece of ass; you won't be single for long. i don't know how to meet people... these things sort of HAPPEN when you least expect it, but i'm sure it will turn around soon. someone needs to show these LA boys what they're missing.

[RobMoney$]

I couldn't be attracted to someone who isn't goal oriented.

Thankfully I've never been completely "single".
My kids have always lived with me, so when I've been "single" I've always had them.

I don't think I could live completely alone.

[Bitchamachacha]

People tell me, "Just get out to the bar!" or "Go to church. You'll find a great guy in church."

I've decided someone needs to put a bar in a church. And wala! True loooooooove. Communion does not count.

Dandy- damn, gal. You are gorgeous. And hilarious. Have you ever tried to embrace being single? I find it awesome. I can go where I want when I want, flirt with whoever, have my bed allll to myself (and the cat).... etc..etc..

I miss relationships, too. But I will be damned if I'm miserable without a man. Just have fun while you can. It will happen when it's going to happen. Life's crazy like that.

[Kid Presentable]

Originally Posted by RobMoney$

I don't think I could live completely alone.

I do it, and it's really good.

[Bob]

you get horny after a while though

[Kid Presentable]

Yeah, but I allow visitors.

[abbott]

every time I dated a girl, I was thinking if I could spend my life with her. If I knew I could not, I would never date her are break up. This started when I was 15.

The first time I meet my wife, I wanted to be with her, she had a man. I waited 2 years before they broke up and our first date. We dated for 2 years, then I moved away to Washington DC. I never stopped thinking of her or never stopped thinking I wanted to merry her.

Now I was in a position to take a new long term job in DC, or go to Germany and work on the Air Force Base, or Go work in the Virgin Islands for the National Guard. I told them all, See you later I am going to go and find out if I found the girl I should merry, so I moved back with an agenda to date this girl for 6 months to see if we felt the same. On the day of those 6 months, I broke out the ring and we got married 6 months later.

Anyway, I could of had some great international travel stories, some great parties ... but instead I got married and had kids.

My point is the job in Germany was being a Bar tender at the Air Force Base hotel and it would of been sweet. Looking back I never regret missing out on that but people I know who went often try to make me feel like I missed something ... like the private party with Willie Nelson or what.

So, work in DC for big time politicians, Party In Germany or in the Virgin Islands ..... Well I took the open shot and 15 years later I feel like it was one of the few things I did right. I imagine in most cases the marriage would never happen and most people would be gone.

I think my point is ... it may just happen, but in my case it was very calculated with several sacrifices. Not to mention the multiple Sacrifices my wife has made just to make it last. I don't think it is easy, but if you can have a life with kids I cant imagine you will ever regret it. I feel blessed to have my own, but many couples I know adopt and they seem just as blessed with their family.

Wish you nothing but what you want...

[jennyb]

awwh Dandy, as someone who has also had time being single in LA I can certainly empathize... it's a city surrounded by models and actresses and all the eye candy any man could ever dream of. I think only the very special guys living in LA can separate fact from fiction on the female front. But really, as trite as it sounds, really embrace it as there will be a day when you look back fondly on this chapter of your life. The only constant in life is change and this too shall pass.

[Dorothy Wood]

I would say to keep things light with the ex, because it sounds like it's not quite right and there's no way to tell if it will ever be right. So just maintain a friendship, maybe bang some if you think it won't make things too weird. (I am in favor of friends with benefits during single times.)

Man, but there really aren't any answers, I know plenty of single people who are so awesome...yet just can't seem to find a partner. I think part of the problem is high standards though, I'm sure there are plenty of men you've rejected because of their looks and personalities...because you're looking for something just right for you...or you don't know what or who you want. So just make sure you don't get down on yourself too much, you have a lot more to offer than the average schmuck, and it takes time to find a worthy match when you live in a town with so many people.

I guess my only real advice is to keep an open mind. My boyfriend is not my ideal match, and I'm sure I'm not his...but it works. It's almost like because we don't quite match up, we help each other grow. The day we fell for each other started out with a long walk to transport some equipment for a group we belong(ed) to, and me saying (half-jokingly), "oh man, it's just us making this walk? this is going to be so boring and awkward". Because we just didn't get along naturally. He spent the rest of the day trying to entertain me, he did, and the rest is history. I had no idea being a crabby brat would land me a man.

Moral of the story, do and say whatever you want, so you can find the person who likes you for the whole you, not just the ideal version of yourself.

[Helvete]

Shit happens when you least expect. I was friends with my girlfriend for a year before we finally realised our feelings for each other, we tried to deny it due to various factors (our jobs, distance etc) but that soon got pushed aside and now I can't imagine anyone but her.

You might feel a bit bad about things now, but that's not going to be like that forever. You will meet someone eventually, next week or next year, but you will. It helps that you are a lovely girl, so you don't need to change anything about you, maybe how you go about meeting people though!

[DIGI]

Originally Posted by DandyFop

He just knows no life of hardship or responsibility. Not that I REALLY do, but I have to have a full time job and deal with my shit, and he just pretty much parties all the time. Grew up in a rich family and now just got an inheritance and doesn't need to do anything. And he doesn't even work hard on his career with all this free time, just kind of parties. But he is 25, and I think that's acceptable for now. I don't want to be a bummer on his good time. We've talked about it but he also just got out of a long thing and wants to be alone, and I know that I would get fed up with him if we tried to date again right now.

So I'm hoping that maybe in a few years he will mature and become a little more responsible and less of a partier. But I really don't know. He is a great guy, but also kind of naive with a bit of a delusional outlook on things.

Jesus Christ, is he Batman!? Are you giving up on fucking Batman??

ANYWAY.

I was kind of a late bloomer with regards to maturity (attitude, not pubes). It's not like a few decades ago where guys were married by 18 and their kids were in school by the time he's 25. I partied pretty hard through my mid to late 20's, but then there was a switch that kicked on that made me realize I haven't really done anything of substance. I'd at least give him that opportunity if you like him that much. After all, he still is only in his mid 20s. I'd be kind of weirded out if he wasn't tearing the shit down every night.

But again, that's for you to measure the worth. Definitely don't wait on him as the situation seems to be pretty draining on you, but I wouldn't necessarily give up either.

OHHHHH IN A 90s KINDA WOOOOORLD, I'M GLAD I GOT MY GUURLS!!

[Freebasser]

Originally Posted by DIGI

Jesus Christ, is he Batman!? Are you giving up on fucking Batman??

I was kind of a late bloomer with regards to maturity (attitude, not pubes).

Bringin' the LOLs

[skinnybutphat]

Man, I wish I was living single at least once per week. Enjoy your freedom before you get married and LOCKED THE FUCK DOWN WITH A NAGGING ASS WIFE AND ROTTEN ASS LITTLE KIDS THAT DRIP FUDGE SICKLE DRIPPLINGS ALL OVER YOUR WHITE T SHIRT WHILE THEY WHINE & COMPLAIN ALL THE TIME WHILE YOU STRUGGLE TO GET THEM DRESSED AND OUT THE DOOR EVERY MORNING TO GO HARASS CHILD CARE PROVIDERS THAT COST TOO MUCH DAMN MONEY THAT YOU COULD BE USING ON AWESOME STUFF LIKE REMOTE CONTROL FLYING FUCKING SHARKS