So I may wind up killing myself later...

[adam_f]

Probably not though.

I was reading Dorothy's thread on shyness and I can relate because I'm just as awkward in real life, but since I've known most of you for four years on here, I don't really feel out of place on the board. What sucks about it is that I've seem to have developed a habit of falling for girl friends who I'd like to become more than friends with, but I'm too awkward and shy to tell them and I wind up beating myself up for it. If it's a girl I've never met, I'm awkward, yes, but at least if she says know I can just talk bad about her behind her back anonymously.

But now, there's this girl, Alyssa, with whom I've become really close with over the summer and I've kinda developed feelings for, especially since she left to go on vacation for three weeks and I barely even talked to her. We both start school today, the same school, and I figure today I'm going to take the monumental step of telling her I like her like her. She was telling me about this Ben kid she likes and all that, and I think she recognized the fact I didn't care because when I'm depressed or upset I use one word answers and avoid eye contact. I make it completely obvious in other words.

I'm scared to lose her as a friend, but with school starting and maybe meeting new people, I don't see us as being as close anymore (plus, Goddammit, she doesn't have texting on her phone anymore because of a high bill, so I gotta call and shit...fuck) and I figure I'll wind up pissed off and upset I didn't at least tell her. It's quite a big step for me since usually I talk myself out of losing someone I care about, but hey, might as well go for gold this time. I like this girl too much to not try.

And I'm aware this all sounded very High School Musical and juvenile, but whatever. I just had to tell somebody.