"Oh you're just jealous"

[Medellia]

Why is it that when one girl dislikes another girl for whatever reason people say "you're just jealous"? Is it not at all possible that I might dislike someone because she's a bit of a bitch or kinda on the dumb side? No, I'm automatically jealous of her.

[TurdBerglar]

bitchy?

dumb?

she's probably hot

[Tzar]

don't hate me because i'm beautiful.

[hitmonlee]

maybe you are not clearly pointing out the reasons why you dislike her and it comes across as jealousy to others?

[zorra_chiflada]

Originally Posted by Medellia

Why is it that when one girl dislikes another girl for whatever reason people say "you're just jealous"? Is it not at all possible that I might dislike someone because she's a bit of a bitch or kinda on the dumb side? No, I'm automatically jealous of her.

i hate that too

i also hate when girls say "oh, other girls hate me because i'm beautiful, and they're intimidated by me"
no, you suck.

[jackrock]

ahahahahaha turd, thakns you, i needed that laugh

[GetYourWarOn]

it's a common phrase. i hear it all the time and i'm a dude.





me: "i hate that fucking guy. all he does is drive around in a BMW and bang models."

friend: "dude, ur jealous."

me: "yeah, so what. fuck off."

[Mcmac]

its because your just jealous

[hitmonlee]

Originally Posted by zorra_chiflada

i hate that too

i also hate when girls say "oh, other girls hate me because i'm beautiful, and they're intimidated by me"
no, you suck.

add to that "well girls don't seem to like me much, i get along with guys better"

yeah because you flirt with their bf's, and guys like you because you flirt with them, they don't actually wanna be your friend,

[ms.peachy]

Originally Posted by Medellia

Why is it that when one girl dislikes another girl for whatever reason people say "you're just jealous"? Is it not at all possible that I might dislike someone because she's a bit of a bitch or kinda on the dumb side? No, I'm automatically jealous of her.

It's a weird thing, isn't it? It's as though no woman has a legitimate criticism of another, or something - must be jealousy!

Fortunately it happens less as you get older. I don't know if it's just because people take you more seriously then or what.

[guerillaGardner]

I think women have each other sussed whereas men are more gullible when it comes to women.

But on the other hand I think women are nasty towards women as much as if not more than men. It's just that whereas guys may call a woman a 'dog' if they consider her unattractive, women do it in different way - they pinpoint what they disapprove of - clothes, hair, make-up, figure.

My boss is reluctant to employ females because of the cattiness, bitchiness, in-fighting, power struggles, moodiness that goes on. I do have to admit that at times I've found being in an office full of women is like being in an series of Big Brother.

[ms.peachy]

Originally Posted by guerillaGardner

My boss is reluctant to employ females because of the cattiness, bitchiness, in-fighting, power struggles, moodiness that goes on. I do have to admit that at times I've found being in an office full of women is like being in an series of Big Brother.

If that's been your experience, then I can't deny it. But frankly I can't say I've seen things that way. I've always considered myself fortunate that most places I've worked have had a preponderance of women - smart, strong, educated, ambitious women, who are great and encouraging to be around. Not that I've anything against working with men - I worked with lots of great guys as well; it's just that in my professional life I've always been around a solid network of women. And I've seen very little of what you describe.

If I compare my office (which is 6 women) to mr.peachy's (which is 15 men and 3 women), from what I gather form him, there's a hell of a lot more infighting, power-playing and politicking going on in his office.

[enree erzweglle]

I work with all kinds of women. There are the jealous types--there's no doubt about that and ms.peachy is right that it gets worse as you get older. You can hear it in their voices--there's a little tone there and you can see it in their actions too. Very high-schoolish. The women that I work with who are <35 are much more friendly and open, encouraging; I rarely, if ever, have seen resentment from them. The jealous stuff that I notice seems to come from women who are >35. I don't understand that.

And it's not like they're jealous when someone has something that they want and don't have. They'll be jealous of people no matter what. It's a strange dynamic. Fortunately, they're in the minority where I work (but they're vocal and when they're all together, you can feel them).

I also work with strong women who are very competitive and don't know how they come across (so they're overbearing). They're guarded and poised for attack, but not jealous. I work with strong, overly competitive women who know they're that way and try to curb it. You can see them struggling to contain themselves.

Fortunately, the majority of the women that I work with are all-around nice--they're smart and motivated, they encourage people, are genuinely happy when other people excel, and they're kind, supportive, caring.

Women in this last group have made the best managers.

[JBernas]

Jealousy comes from insecurity...I've seen it in men as well (not so much toward other men but jealous in the sense of insecure with their relationship with their girlfriend/wife).

My brother is married to one of those girls....she's so insecure about herself that she automatically sabotages relationships from the get-go and makes assumptions about girls she doesn't even know. This is why I don't hang out with her.

I have some very good girlfriends that I've had since I was a kid....it's hard for some reason to make good girlfriends like that as I get older. I've always said to my husband that it's a good thing I wasn't born a guy b/c I couldn't handle most women's bitchiness, cattiness and all around high maintenance...I'm way too laid back for that shit.

[ms.peachy]

Originally Posted by enree erzweglle

ms.peachy is right that it gets worse as you get older.

LOL erm... actually I was saying the opposite

It's interesting to me that so many women here seem to experience such negative working relations with other women. Maybe I've just been really lucky in always having worked with groups of women who didn't seem to engage in all of that petty behaviour, at least not on professional time.

[enree erzweglle]

Originally Posted by ms.peachy

LOL erm... actually I was saying the opposite

ms.peachy was wrong. It gets worse as you get older.

It's interesting to me that so many women here seem to experience such negative working relations with other women. Maybe I've just been really lucky in always having worked with groups of women who didn't seem to engage in all of that petty behaviour, at least not on professional time.

There are about 500 employees in my branch of the university (and a lot more beyond this building). I have a wide mix of the good and the bad.

[Rancid_Beasties]

The people that say "you're just jealous" are usually just suck ups who themselves are jealous and hope that if they hang around this person enough some of their ummm.... coolness will rub off on them.

Shuttup its been a long day

[Documad]

I can't remember the last time that someone told me I was just jealous. I don't complain about other people very often. When I do, I tend to say concrete things to the person with the problem. When I complain about someone behind his/her back, it's usually to a close friend who wouldn't dare brush it aside.

I think that it gets better as you get older, but it very much depends upon who you surround yourself with. I'm usually surrounded by people who take my concerns seriously. (They also appropriately call me on my shit if I am just being jealous, but I usually self report even that -- "I'm glad that Bill can take every Friday off, but it pisses me off that I'm the only one here.")

[enree erzweglle]

Originally Posted by Documad

I think that it gets better as you get older, but it very much depends upon who you surround yourself with.

I run across that older/bitter clique of women when I venture outside of my immediate group. They're in the administrative portion of things so I don't have to deal with them often. Which is probably good because I'm patient, but I couldn't be patient like that every day all day.

[Documad]

enree, in any big office, there will be the group you describe. Whenever people have worked together for a long time, and whenever they don't have real things to worry about, they will talk about silly things. Like how long someone's lunch break was or what time they got in that morning.

enree, if you worked with me, every morning, the receptionist would ask how far you ran that morning or when's the last time you ate something unhealthy. Every morning, it would be "do you eat pancakes?" "what about ice cream?" "Do you really exercise every day?" "what if you're sick?" And all with a tone. I'm guessing that you push particular buttons on some older women. If you were not careful--if you got too schoolmarmish--you could become the example of what we know we should be doing but we're not doing. And no one likes that.

I have a very good friend who's a total sweetheart, but she has this jealous streak that's saved for good looking young women. When we hire a new one, she'll talk about how they're dumb and say that they're not that good looking anyway -- "she has bad legs." It's tough, but I just say "she's new, but she seems motivated and she's asking good questions and put down the crack pipe, you wish you had her legs." Eventually, my friend always comes around and becomes the woman's biggest supporter, but her first instinct is jealousy.

EDIT: enree, I didn't see your last post before I responded. I think Medellia was talking about friends who don't support her valid criticism and now we're talking about people who are actually jealous. Which is a little different, but related. So we can all be right on this one. Medellia's friends should support her valid cricitism and there should be less petty jealousy. That makes even less sense than before I started but damn, if I'm late to work the receptionist is going to ask me a snide question about why!

[Rancid_Beasties]

Are you two like soul mates or sisters or something? You seem to have a connection going on there Everything you guys say is very similar, as are your writing styles, beliefs, both of you are really intelligent, both of you are similar in age (i think).

By the way, like Documad, I think that for a large percentage of people jealousy is a natural instinct. Its just the way we are wired, I mean there wouldnt be religious laws against coveting the possessions of others if there wasnt a natural tendancy to do so. Everybody wants what we in Australia call "a fair go", and if they see themselves as not getting as much chances, or even just as many natural gifts as what other people are getting, they tend to be jealous. Its a really serious flaw in Australian society. Tall poppy syndrome, especially towards the uber rich, often means that Australians are happy to see people they believe to be their economic betters take falls. It crosses over to the social world, but like I said its a natural instinct so I dont think people should be criticised too much for feeling jealous.

[enree erzweglle]

^^I think you're right on the money with that. Those women are the types to complain that their diets don't work but they're always eating and they don't exercise. Most of the comments that they make that I overhear are about stuff related to that--eating and exercise and what they say always sounds tinged with jealousy.

BTW, I don't talk about exercise at work except with my one close co-worker friend. Those women see me exercising, though. And if we're at a work function and it's all desserts or empty food, they always comment that I'm not eating their stuff. God help me when I tuck a shirt into jeans.

And I loved this about that woman in your office: "she's new, but she seems motivated and she's asking good questions and put down the crack pipe, you wish you had her legs." So funny and nice of you to stick up for that woman.

I'm fortunate that I don't have friends who are the jealous types. But that's probably by design--maybe I've weeded them all out.

[Documad]

Originally Posted by Rancid_Beasties

Are you two like soul mates or sisters or something? You seem to have a connection going on there Everything you guys say is very similar, as are your writing styles, beliefs, both of you are really intelligent, both of you are similar in age (i think).

Thanks, you're very sweet. Perhaps there is a type of older woman who is more inclined to be a Beastie Boys fan?

We're very different too. I wish I had more of enree's qualities. She's much less judgmental of others for one thing. I'm all about judging others.

[ms.peachy]

Originally Posted by Documad

I wish I had more of enree's qualities. She's much less judgmental of others for one thing. I'm all about judging others.

Oh, so you're my soulmate/sister then.

[Nuzzolese]

Medellia people who say that possibly aren't even listening to you or trying to understand your point. They're being insensitive and also maybe just trying to add something to the conversation without putting a lot of thought into it.

I've noticed some men who say that when I criticize a girl who happens to be attractive - as if they have blinders on to her faults because they're so physically attracted to her they can't find anything terribly wrong with her.

[Rancid_Beasties]

Originally Posted by Documad

Thanks, you're very sweet. Perhaps there is a type of older woman who is more inclined to be a Beastie Boys fan?

We're very different too. I wish I had more of enree's qualities. She's much less judgmental of others for one thing. I'm all about judging others.

Would you really want to be less judgemental? I think it comes with being a good lawyer.

[enree erzweglle]

Originally Posted by Documad

Thanks, you're very sweet. Perhaps there is a type of older woman who is more inclined to be a Beastie Boys fan?

We're very different too. I wish I had more of enree's qualities. She's much less judgmental of others for one thing. I'm all about judging others.

I don't know how you'd do the job you do and not think that way at least part of the time. I'm sheltered from a lot of roughness in the job that I have, so it's easier for me to be all pollyanna.

[Documad]

enree, you're going to have to live with being talked about. You don't have to talk about your lifestyle for it to be obvious. If I'm eating a cinnabon and you're eating a pear in a meeting, there are going to be times when I'll be pissed off at you. It's got nothing to do with you. I know I should be eating the pear, and every time I look at you I'm reminded of why I should be eating the pear. Sometimes I don't want to be reminded of why I should be eating the pear. Sometimes I'd rather eat my cinnabon with a bunch of fat old ladies.

People apparently talk about my travel behind my back. I told three people I'm close to about where I went last time but it spread everywhere. I can't help that some people have never been further than Wisconsin. (I also choose to live in a shitty house because I don't want to be house poor.) There is another woman in my office in her 50s who has been gone all over the world by herself. She goes to more exotic places that I do. People have started to compare me to her. They don't mean it in a good way, but it's enormously flattering because she's amazing.

[Documad]

Originally Posted by ms.peachy

Oh, so you're my soulmate/sister then.

I wish! You're much cooler than me.

[enree erzweglle]

Originally Posted by Documad

enree, you're going to have to live with being talked about. You don't have to talk about your lifestyle for it to be obvious. If I'm eating a cinnabon and you're eating a pear in a meeting, there are going to be times when I'll be pissed off at you. It's got nothing to do with you. I know I should be eating the pear, and every time I look at you I'm reminded of why I should be eating the pear. Sometimes I don't want to be reminded of why I should be eating the pear. Sometimes I'd rather eat my cinnabon with a bunch of fat old ladies.

The smell of Cinnabon stores makes me nauseated (like the way Cold Stone Creameries or Gloria Jeans Coffees do).

I hear what you're saying. I get that. I have a brown-bag lunch today. I packed a sammich and a peach. Maybe I should dip one of them into chocolate just to keep the clique women on their toes.

I am using so many emoticons these days.