attn guys who have girlfriends yet continue to fool around/flirt with other girls

[Yetra Flam]

i know there are some of you out there that are guilty of this. girls too, but at the moment i'm focussing on the guys

seriously why would you do this?
what is your reasoning for it?
and how can you possibly justify this to yourself?

i just recently gave a cussing out to a male who behaved in this very fashion, and those were the kind of questions i asked. but basically yeah, how can someone justify this to themselves, knowingly screwing around behind someone's back?

[Drederick Tatum]

I personally don't really do any of the things you're referring to, but if I did I'd hardly feel like justifying myself to some angry stranger on the internet.

[russhie]

Some people are just arseholes, maybe.

Flirting's not that bad. Watching your partner be flirted with and having them come back to you with a bounce in their step is pretty worth it. I'm highly insecure but if a girl is being flirty with my boyfriend, it always makes me smile - everyone wants to know they're attractive. Provided she doesn't take it too far. Der.

Sometimes it's down to personality? I've known guys who are real charmers, can't help but make you laugh, and I don't think it occurs to them that making pretty girls laugh could constitute possible arsehole behaviour.

[Yetra Flam]

well hey, i'm just wondering whyyyyy that's all. just a tiny insight, that's all.

[Yetra Flam]

okok in this circumstance, the guy involved has a serious partner, yet he is arranging to meet up and have sex with other girls. (plural, girlS) he has also told other girls that he "loves them." why stay with your girlfriend if you're going to do that? you know what i'm saying here?

[russhie]

How come she doesn't know?

[Yetra Flam]

oh she does, she told me. still staying with him for some reason.

[Waus]

The easy answer is that we just want variety.

I was reading one of Chuck Klosterman's books, I think it was IV, and he was reliving a conversation he had with a friend who was dating an "ideal" girl. The guy said he still didn't think things would work out, and when asked why it's because the thing she didn't have was "the ability to be 9 other women."

The hard answer is that we just aren't willing to put forth the effort it takes to really maintain a relationship that requires responsibility and commitment on our part.

From an article I read by R. Albert Mohler (if you really want to know, IM me).

Going from girl to girl and simply getting gratification is much more attractive since it requires no ongoing effort, no working towards earning love. If we can flirt or fool around with other girls and get that same satisfaction outside our relationship, we do it. It takes real commitment and understanding of what a relationship really means to ignore that urge.


(no one will read something this long and pretentious)

[russhie]

Sorry, but she's an idiot too.

Why on earth would you let someone do that to you? pssh.

[Loppfessor]

I still flirt with a lot of other girls....but I don't cheat on my girlfriend. I learned that lesson the hard way. But back in my days when I was still that kinda dude I guess it was an ego thing. Like knowing I could get with these other girls like I was still in demand made me feel good or whatever. The difference between then and now is that I used to actually hook up with them these days I"m just content to know I could if I wanted to.

The biggest difference is respect. When I was younger or just in my past I guess I just didn't respect my partner enough to not cheat on her. I'm not sure exactly why. It wasn't that I didn't love her I guess the respect was just missing. I can't really explain why though.

[Yetra Flam]

no man, i know what you mean. i can understand that reasoning.
but they have to realise that you CAN'T have everything you want. you can't have the comfort of a relationship, and still have the fun of jumping from bed to bed. you have to make sacrifices and comprimises. you just CAN'T have everything. it's incredibly immature to think that you can.

russhie, i don't know if she's an idiot, a lot of girls feel like they can't do any better, and that they have no right to be so picky. also this guy is a real piece of shit, apparently he's like "no, you're the ONLY one, those others mean nothing." that kind of thing.

[Yetra Flam]

Originally Posted by Loppfessor

I still flirt with a lot of other girls....but I don't cheat on my girlfriend. I learned that lesson the hard way. But back in my days when I was still that kinda dude I guess it was an ego thing. Like knowing I could get with these other girls like I was still in demand made me feel good or whatever. The difference between then and now is that I used to actually hook up with them these days I"m just content to know I could if I wanted to.

The biggest difference is respect. When I was younger or just in my past I guess I just didn't respect my partner enough to not cheat on her. I'm not sure exactly why. It wasn't that I didn't love her I guess the respect was just missing. I can't really explain why though.

yeah, i figured it was a kind of ego boosting exercise. at least you grew out of it.

[russhie]

Originally Posted by Waus

From an article I read by R. Albert Mohler (if you really want to know, IM me).

Going from girl to girl and simply getting gratification is much more attractive since it requires no ongoing effort, no working towards earning love. If we can flirt or fool around with other girls and get that same satisfaction outside our relationship, we do it. It takes real commitment and understanding of what a relationship really means to ignore that urge.


(no one will read something this long and pretentious)

I think girls already know that, on some level. It's not like it's a completely foreign concept to us, there have been several occasions when I've almost decided to chuck in a serious relationship and fuck around because it's easier.

It seems more like a way of expressing insecurity. Girls can bitch and moan about appearance and weight and receive reassurance from others that they're good looking. Guys don't really have that outlet. It's like maintaining a "serious" relationship while simultaneously banging other girls (or attempting to do so) is more about reassurance - "yeah girls want to fuck me I'm so hot"

Maybe?

[Loppfessor]

^well yeah that was a lot of it, on top of the whole...not having to commit etc. stuff but I also have to admit that when you're a young guy out in the world it's a lot of fun to have sex with a lot of different girls. You learn a LOT and have a good time while doing it. That's all well and good but you just shouldn't have a steady girlfriend if that's what you're into

[Yetra Flam]

yeah, but it's such a selfish and hurtful way to go about making yourself feel better. like, you're actually, knowingly hurting someone else - someone you claim to love. why would you have a girlfriend if you wanted to do that? someone to do your laundry?

[Waus]

Originally Posted by Yetra Flam

you just CAN'T have everything. it's incredibly immature to think that you can.

That's just it though, people don't really think they can - it's just that it requires so much effort to really make an actual relationship work they just take the easier route to gratification. It's not a maturity issue, it's the simple choice of lust over love that applies to any person.

[russhie]

Originally Posted by Yetra Flam

russhie, i don't know if she's an idiot, a lot of girls feel like they can't do any better, and that they have no right to be so picky. also this guy is a real piece of shit, apparently he's like "no, you're the ONLY one, those others mean nothing." that kind of thing.

Sorry. I just have such little sympathy for girls who hang around and get treated badly. If you're willing to swallow the bullshit he tells you, then you can reasonably expect to be hurt.

Like I said, I'm highly insecure, unattractive & have low self esteem, but I'm the only person that can make me feel that way. No one else has the right to do or say things that will make me believe I can't do better. I guess I just can't understand girls who let people treat them that way.

[Loppfessor]

Originally Posted by Yetra Flam

yeah, but it's such a selfish and hurtful way to go about making yourself feel better. like, you're actually, knowingly hurting someone else - someone you claim to love. why would you have a girlfriend if you wanted to do that? someone to do your laundry?

Hey man there is no justification I"m just giving you the reasoning behind it based on my own personal experiences. Obviously I never wanted to hurt anyone but we all do dumb shit sometimes and hopefully we're smart enough to learn from it.

[Yetra Flam]

Originally Posted by russhie

Sorry. I just have such little sympathy for girls who hang around and get treated badly. If you're willing to swallow the bullshit he tells you, then you're going to get hurt.

Like I said, I'm highly insecure, unattractive and have low self esteem, but I'm the only person that can make me feel that way. No one else has the right to do or say things that will make me believe I can't do better. I guess I just can't understand girls like that.

i know where you're coming from, but i think she really believes that she's the "special one" or the "only one." i think that's what she really wants to believe. and she lives with this guy, and has a kid with him, you know? i think she feels like she doesn't have the right to be picky.

[Yetra Flam]

Originally Posted by Loppfessor

Hey man there is no justification I"m just giving you the reasoning behind it based on my own personal experiences. Obviously I never wanted to hurt anyone but we all do dumb shit sometimes and hopefully we're smart enough to learn from it.

yeah man, i know. At least you know and are not like that anymore. That's the important thing.

[russhie]

Originally Posted by Yetra Flam

i know where you're coming from, but i think she really believes that she's the "special one" or the "only one." i think that's what she really wants to believe. and she lives with this guy, and has a kid with him, you know? i think she feels like she doesn't have the right to be picky.

Yeah, I hear ya. But it's still difficult for me to understand someone who doesn't have that level of respect for themselves, you know?

The "can't do better/have no right to be picky" mentality is rife amongst people I grew up with - I'll never get it.

[Loppfessor]

Love makes you do some stupid shit.....I cheated on my ex all the time and she kept takin me back. She wasn't stupid or blind but she just loved me that much which makes me so sick now to think I was that much of an asshole. That is what kind of keeps me in check now, the fact that I don't ever want to do that to someone again

[russhie]

^See, I don't think it's love that makes you do that. I think that there are things people just don't want to admit to themselves. Maybe accepting the fact that you cheated on her and this being the catalyst for breaking up is admitting to herself that she isn't attractive. That you didn't love her back. That she'd failed. I honestly don't think love is that blind, y'know?

Also, it's good you've changed. Knowing that someone has cheated in the past is usually a big black mark, but at least you've learned something. I don't personally know of many guys at the moment who would admit to it being a shitty thing to do.

[Yetra Flam]

Partly the reason i'm so pissy about this was that i thought that this guy was a somewhat decent person. i feel deceived myself, like that my judgement was poor, and yeah that makes me feel kind of stupid.

[Loppfessor]

Dude....it's fucking tough being a guy. I dunno what it is about us that makes us want to fuck every woman we come across but it aint easy.

[russhie]

Don't sweat it. People are constantly changing and shit, you can't help that you only saw one part of him up until now. If we were all openly ourselves 100% of the time we'd probably have no friends.

[Yetra Flam]

Originally Posted by russhie

Like I said, I'm highly insecure, unattractive & have low self esteem, but I'm the only person that can make me feel that way. No one else has the right to do or say things that will make me believe I can't do better. I guess I just can't understand girls who let people treat them that way.

also, reading this again has made me think about something. i'm generally the opposite to you in terms of causation of low self esteem. it is usually other people that make me feel bad about myself - stupid comments, assholish actions, etc. in my head, i think, "hey i can't be that bad," but there seems to always be someone to come and shit on that.

[g-mile7]

Originally Posted by Yetra Flam

Partly the reason i'm so pissy about this was that i thought that this guy was a somewhat decent person. i feel deceived myself, like that my judgement was poor, and yeah that makes me feel kind of stupid.

that makes two of us.

[russhie]

Originally Posted by Loppfessor

Dude....it's fucking tough being a guy. I dunno what it is about us that makes us want to fuck every woman we come across but it aint easy.

That made me smile for some reason.

Girls are just naturally sexier, I don't envy guys at all.

[Yetra Flam]

oh god, i do. i often wish that i was a guy. i would be a lot more chilled out, and wouldn't have this shitty attitude.